Disaffected Mormon Looking for Answers

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NewSeeker: sounds like you’re on the right track! I’m happy to hear of your experience with mass. I, for a short time, was able to attend a very small daily mass with nuns in very spartan setting: extremely powerful spirituality: they pray like they mean it!!!🙂 Just gives you a good healthy feeling.

Daily mass is a great thing, since it really pulls out the most sincerely faithful.

I DO think we’re coming to a day when it’s either faith or unbelief. That won’t necessarily mean all the religious denominations will consolidate-I wouldn’t expect that! I just mean the weight and momentum of the unbelief/secular masses is so huge. … I mean, it’s still stunning to me that the European Union will not recognize it’s own history of Christianity.

And of course, ongoing mockery of all faiths by TV and media.

With respect to Mary, take it one day at a time. There are a lot of big Marian folks for whom Mary means quite a lot. For better or worse, I’m not one of them—the co-redemptrix concept is stretching a good thing a bit too far in my book. This said, the Anunciation is the most powerful human moment in history: the sheer grace (and power) of Mary’s acceptance is awesome.
 
NewSeeker said:
…Like many protestans, Mormons consider all of this to be vestiges of paganism and contrary to the command not to create any graven images…
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This made me snicker as the Mormon Stake near our home hosts a display of Manger Scenes every Thanksgiving weekend. Mormons (and protestants for that matter) must not consider an image of Jesus as a baby to be a graven image.
 
KCtheMommy said:
Welcome and God Bless,

Wow, what a quagmire you have. I can tell in your post that you are truely suffering over this, and I am praying for you that you find some peace. However, I agree, I think your ONLY peace is going to be in attending RCIA as well as Catholic Mass. I take it you do feel God’s presence when you attend our church and speak with our Priests? Hence the drawing attraction that you feel will satisfy this spritual and Holy need in you. It’s wonderful that you feel that, I am a FIRM believer in attending church where one feel’s God’s PRESENCE. If you don’t feel it, and you are forced to a church where there is no feeling of God’s presence in you, do you feel like you are in betrayel, it’s hard to breath and you need to leave? I have.

I have to agree with the above poster’s: you should join RCIA, you should NOT force your wife: not nag, cajole, manipulate, use anger, threats, or hurtful attacks to get “your way.” NOBODY can be forced to believe in any way. But I do have a good story and positive outcome to share with you…

While my husband was not of any denomination, in fact he was raised by two atheists, yet he claimed agnostic, he really mistrusted any kind of “organized religion.” Obviously we went into this knowing I am catholic, and although we were not married in the church (to start with, that’s since been rectified) he respected my beliefs, I respected his lack there-of. I prayed mightily for him, and I even told him that I pray for him, because as Catholics we can pray very hard for a spouse who is a non-believer and have prayers answered. (See the story of St. Monica) That is until we had kids. I needed my children to be baptized. World War III errupted in our home and my atheist father in law even thought he had the bones to argue with me about it as well. So my father in law sent my husband a set of philosophy CD’s so that my husband may have a argument ground to stand on vs. my theological beliefs. (I am a heck of a debater, and it looks like you are too!) Anyway, my husband being Navy, had an all night duty section watch. I get a phone call from him - out of the blue mind you - and he says “I have decided I want to be Catholic.” :eek:

I fell off my chair.

So not wanting to rock the boat or question his choice I helped him get in with the priest, learn about the faith, enrolled him in RCIA, and he really went into it heart and soul. Our children were baptized, we were “re-married” in the church so I could keep taking communion, my in laws were furious…😉 but I was thrilled. A couple years later I finally asked him what had changed his mind – it was those CD’s, specifically the one’s by St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Augustine! Of course my happiness and satisfaction in coming full circle back into the church and taking care of my sacraments finally helped, but that’s a different story.

I think that you need to “let go and let God” in dealing with your wife for now. You take care of YOUR spiritual needs as God is calling to you. Pray for your wife, pray for your own happiness, strength to come through this, and some patience. Who knows, she just might see your happiness, or your renewed spirituality as a beacon in the night and join you. If not, you are being called, and God has a specific purpose for you, so keep doing what you are doing. Don’t turn your back on God. Obviously the struggle right now is really disrupting your life. Turn to HIM and you will feel a lot more at peace, inside and even at home.

I wish you the best, you can email me at any time, or my husband for that matter! We’ll help answer any questions, and be some new Catholic friends. I commend you on what you are doing. I am praying you can take this journey in peace.

God Bless,
KC
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It’s great to hear stories like yours. Thank you for sharing this!

New Seeker, I agree with the other posters and move slowly. Get involved in RCIA and apply what you learn. Let your wife see by your example what it means to be a sincere Catholic. My guess is that she will come around in time. I will keep your family in our prayers. If you need to bounce any thoughts or questions off a couple new Catholics, feel free to contact me.
 
I HIGHLY recommend the books Beyond Mormonism and Have Yuo Witnessed to a Mormon Lately? by James Spencer. He is a former member who, although he did not convert to Catholicism, converted to Christianity before his wife and tells of his story in a very encouraging way. He also offers adcvice for those leaving the church and how to deal with the difficult family issues that accompany doing so. I have read the books several times…they are a bit dated but very easy reading and well worth it! Good luck, and my prayers are with you!!!
 
Hello again, I’m doing fine. I’m continuing to read up on Catholicism as I wait for RCIA to begin in a couple of months. I finished “From Rome to Home”, have purchased “Catholicism for Dummies” and am reading it, and am also about 1/3 of the way through F.J. Sheed’s “Theology and Sanity”. Deep stuff, but so rich. I want to make sure I’m as prepared as I can be before the RCIA starts by continuing to feed my brain with whatever I can get my hands on about the Church (and have time to consume given family duties, work, etc.). I’ve also started attending Mass as I can.

I’ll keep you updated as I go along or I’ll ask a question as they arise.
 
NewSeeker said:
Hello again, I’m doing fine. I’m continuing to read up on Catholicism as I wait for RCIA to begin in a couple of months. I finished “From Rome to Home”, have purchased “Catholicism for Dummies” and am reading it, and am also about 1/3 of the way through F.J. Sheed’s “Theology and Sanity”. Deep stuff, but so rich. I want to make sure I’m as prepared as I can be before the RCIA starts by continuing to feed my brain with whatever I can get my hands on about the Church (and have time to consume given family duties, work, etc.). I’ve also started attending Mass as I can.

I’ll keep you updated as I go along or I’ll ask a question as they arise.
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Sounds like you’re on the right track! Reading the Catechism is a good idea, too, but it’s a little daunting. If you want to read it along with a group online, drop me a note. We are two years into it, but our group is moving along slowly. (We have a Yahoo page setup, so people outside of the area can join us “remotely”.)
 
Welcome!!!
I empathize with your plight. Though I realize your situation is much more difficult than my own. I married a Southern Baptist. She was very religious but I made it clear from the begining what my thoughts were and what our children were going to be raised.(Keep in mind, my situation being vastly different.) She saw my enthusiasm and eventually converted to Catholicism. Thus ending any possible strife in the marriage. Now some of her family’s friends had some objections to this, (they were kind enough to not bring this up to my wife personally) but in the end my wife’s original pastor said to them, “if we have raised her to be a good Baptist, then she would recognize the husband as being the head of thier spiritual family.” I owe this man a debt of gratitude. I am not familar with Mormonism at all but hopefully there are enough similarities for you wife to eventually come to this conclusion. I would go to RCIA and invite your wife along. Use honey not vinegar when approaching this subject. We’ll be praying for your success. Good Luck!
 
Last night I went for a walk with my wife and we discussed various things including my unhappiness at home and the effect it’s had on the family I told her that I’ll be doing two things to make changes for the better, including working out twice a week and attending Mass. I said that I’ll work my mass attendance around her schedule and she responded with - “well I’ll go with you. We’ll get a babysitter.” I was speechless, though I tried not to show too much excitement. So, we’ll see what happens. I’m very encouraged by this and it confirms what I’ve suspected all along - if I just have the courage to lead, my wife will eventually follow. Please pray for my continued ability to stay on this path!
 
NewSeeker said:
I said that I’ll work my mass attendance around her schedule and she responded with - “well I’ll go with you. We’ll get a babysitter.” I was speechless, though I tried not to show too much excitement. So, we’ll see what happens. I’m very encouraged by this and it confirms what I’ve suspected all along - if I just have the courage to lead, my wife will eventually follow. Please pray for my continued ability to stay on this path!
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Is God Great or what!! The Holy Spirit stirs in your wife, but first in you to give you the courage to lead. With my personality, I’d have started doing cartwheels. 😃

The Holy Spirit will convert both you and your wife to Christ thru the Church. Just remember to allow your wife to do this at her (actually His) speed, not yours.
 
I understand why the Church requires potential converts to particpated in an extended period of learning and testing, but sometimes I long for a more speedy resolution to my faith needs. Like today. Today was a BAD day. It was one of those days that resulted from the effects of my ongoing spiritual crisis and tension at home (which result from my ongoing spiritual crisis). Work is affected, home life is affected, my family is affected. But especially, I screwed up at work and in part it’s because I"m DISTRACTED, not happy in general (though I’m happier with my new direction, a new found HOPE that I will one day be able to experience God more fully). If there’s a day when I need the healing Christ promises in the scriptures, it’s today. I long to commune with Christ and I have faith that that communing can be found in the Catholic Church. But I’m not there yet. I’m just at the start of this process. So I’m sharing this with you all to let you know that I’m looking forward to the culmination of my journey next Easter (which I know is just the beginning). I just wish it didn’t take so long.
 
Hi NewSeeker, I’ve been following your thread, your journey is inspriring. I converted only a few years ago, my husband and I were confirmed together on Easter Vigil.

I’m posting to simply reply to your bad day, I’m sorry to hear of it.

Take consolation in the fact that the Lord trusts your strength enough to test you so soon in your personal “way of the cross”.

Those whose steps are guided by the LORD;
whose way God approves,
May stumble, but they will never fall,
for the LORD holds their hand.

Psalm 37
:bible1:
 
Hey, NewSeeker,

Just checking in… Are you taking DW to the chapel mass or the parish near your house? I would take her to the one you feel most comfortable with. If you have not been to where you are going let her know that. I have attended wonderful uplifting ones and some that I would not want to return to. Mostly they are all pretty good.

Remember you can always PM me. I’ll be gone to Boy Scout camp all next week, though…

To speak to someone “quickly”… just go over to the back fence and post on the "longest Converstion Part (whatever part we’re on). There are lots of great folks just chating over there and many are converts! You can ask anything there.

Did you get assigned a sponsor yet? Probably too soon. When will your RCIA Start ? Sorry you have to wait. But it’s SO worth it!
 
I understand why the Church requires potential converts to particpated in an extended period of learning and testing, but sometimes I long for a more speedy resolution to my faith needs.
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Yup. We were the same way. Try to be patient, pray a lot, and offer up your suffering. God’s timing is perfect, even when it seems all wrong to us.

Congratulations on your wife joining you at Mass. Still praying for you.
 
After procastinating for a year and a half after my Baptism and Confirmation into the Catholic Church I am sending in my letter to the LDS Church to remove my name from their records. I will pray for you every day, whether you convert or not. All I can tell you from my own faith journey is that everything we were led to believe all our lives about Catholics is WRONG!!!
The Catholic Church is “THE” Church, not the Restored Church, not the Reformed Church, not a New Covenant or Commandment. Welcome to your personal Faith Journey. I Know that no matter where else it takes you, the RICA course will lead you to a deeper understanding of Christ and that is something that will bless you for all time.
Peace be with you!!
 
Thank you for your prayers and the post! It’s encouraging to hear from someone who was once in my shoes. Here’s an update of what’s been happening lately. I’m still determined to enroll in RCIA and my wife is ok with it. She also says she’ll go with me, if nothing more than to learn about Catholics and their beliefs. For now, she seems very willing to do this with me. I encouraged her to go and ask a million questions and be completely honest with any doubts she may have. I’ll be doing the same. I got an email from the RCIA coordinator the other day. The meet and greet is on 8/14, so it’s coming soon! I must admit I still have periods of doubt from time to time. I’m sure all of you went through that (or even still do). But I know the importance of faith. I keep going back to the feeling of being incessantly pulled in this direction by an external force.

It won’t be long now. Just a couple of weeks. Now I have to contend with pulls in the opposite direction, like the two emails my wife received this morning from her Mormon friends (aka Visiting Teachers for those who know MormonSpeak). They want to set a time up to visit with her some afternoon in the near future. The good thing (for me at least) is that my wife’s now employed full time for the City of Austin! She loves her new job and that means the visiting teachers can’t visit with her except in the evening or on weekends - when I’m home. I’ve never known visiting teachers to ever visit during those times. I’m perfectly fine with my wife continuing in her faith but I must admit that in this case I’m glad the countervailing Mormon pressure will be somewhat lessened by the fact of my wife’s new work schedule.

I’ll give you all another update once the RCIA begins in August.
 
Hang in there. There will more trials to come. When I started my classes my cradle Catholic husband stopped going to church. I was told by one priest that my calling in life was to raise my children in Christ, easier with the help of a husband, but “my” calling none the less.

I really had to pray a lot to keep from being angry with him. It seemed like he led me to the church doorway and then abandoned me. I was able, with many prayers, to stick with it and this last year he regained his faith, joined the Knights of Columbus and we had our vows blessed in February.

I think that by staying firm in your resolve and just being a quiet example to her, your faith will compel her to do her own investigation into the Church. At the very least she will be able to undestand that what she has been led to believe about the Church is not true.

Peace be with you!
 
Hi NewSeeker,

You have received lots of great advice here. I wish you the
best, have you ever seen “The Journey Home” on EWTN?
It is a show where converts from all different faith tell their
story. I know they have had some former Mormons on there.

Please keep us posted and God Bless You! 🙂
 
newseeker,

I am former LDS and now Catholic. I was baptized LDS in austin back when it was only a single ward in the san antonio stake. I had a similar journey to yours and would be happy to help with any questions you might have. God bless you.
 
nowacatholic, it sounds like my wife views me how you viewed your husband when he went inactive (do catholics use that word?). My wife has told me that when she married me in the temple she didn’t bargain on me losing a testimony (not that I ever had one). That’s something I need to always keep in mind - that my journey is challenging for her. It’s NOT all about me.

I haven’t seen “The Journey Home” on EWTN. I’ll see if I can find out when it airs locally. Majik, as I’ve said to a few other former LDS who’ve posted on thread, it’s so encouraging to talk with others who were once in my shoes. If you care to chat, send me a PM. I’d love to hear about your experiences. I’m sure I can learn from them.

Update - I’ve attended more masses this past week. I attended Saturday vigil at a parish where it turns out one of my eldest son’s best friend’s family attends (this friend just received his first communion). I mentioned the name of this parish to my wife after getting home and she said, “hey, i think that’s where so and so goes”. I’m attending the RCIA info session at this parish tonight at 7pm. Maybe this is the parish I should go to given the connection with the other family, who my life loves and wants to get to know better. I also attended a teen mass at another parish yesterday afternoon with a friend I met through this forum. It was great attending with someone to help show me the ropes. At the end we concluded with the fact that I now have a choice to make - where to attend RCIA classes since I’ll likely be forming lifelong friendships with people. I think part of that decision is made for me. The parish I attended yesterday, beautiful grounds and very close to my house, offers RCIA classes Sunday mornings only. I can’t attend those unless I forego supporting my wife and helping her with the kids at LDS services, which are also in the morning. So I think that nixes RCIA there. RCIA classes at the other parish I mentioned are on Monday nights, so that’s a possibility. But I’ll be expected to attend Sun morning mass, which also occurs at the same time as the LDS services. I’m still on the RCIA list at another parish (the first one I ever visited here in Austin), but I suspect it will be the same there - despite where I attend, I need to go to mass in the morning and that will conflict with my wife’s LDS committment. Aaaaargh. I MUST attend RCIA and go to mass. I NEED this. But how do I do this and support my wife? Suggestions anyone?
 
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