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jmcrae
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I love that metaphor - it certainly fits!
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jmcrae
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I love going to my Catholic friends’ parties, because we play Karaoke, and we eat Filipino and Korean food, and we watch Catholic Conference or EWTN videos, and we dance to Praise and Worship style of music, and people talk about the amazing miracles that have been happening to them.
I always think, if you would feel uncomfortable inviting your priest, then you probably shouldn’t go, either. You don’t have to commit sin, to avoid boredom.
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jwashu
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I don’t really see any issue with anything you described, all seems pretty normal to me. None of those things you mentioned were really sexual but were jokes and the lady in the cage dancing… well wasn’t the focus the music? Sounds to me like you are just being too uptight and looking for some kind of possible sexual sin around every corner… As you said most of these people were married, thus they have been living a sexual life for some time. Over time I believe some of the things that might seem a little shocking are probably normal to them because they can all relate to issues in their marriages.
Now the guy continually hitting on you… that’s a little strange. I’m sure he was probably a little curious… Regardless of his “reasons” though he should have backed off immediately when you said you weren’t interested. If I said anything I to someone I would mention that this person creeped you out. If I were the host I would definitely take that into serious consideration and say something to the person that their behavior was inappropriate.
However if you mentioned the other I would just say what I said on the post, you are over reacting.
Depending on the person, if you tell them both, they might blow off the important part (the dude) because they think you are overrating on the first part.
That is just MY opinion though… I definitely could be wrong.
Joe
Now the guy continually hitting on you… that’s a little strange. I’m sure he was probably a little curious… Regardless of his “reasons” though he should have backed off immediately when you said you weren’t interested. If I said anything I to someone I would mention that this person creeped you out. If I were the host I would definitely take that into serious consideration and say something to the person that their behavior was inappropriate.
However if you mentioned the other I would just say what I said on the post, you are over reacting.
Depending on the person, if you tell them both, they might blow off the important part (the dude) because they think you are overrating on the first part.
That is just MY opinion though… I definitely could be wrong.
Joe
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jmcrae
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You and I run in totally different circles.
I can’t think of a single person I know, other than some teenagers I’m working with who’ve been exposed to pornography at too young an age, who would consider a lady in a cage, regardless of what she was doing, to be a form of entertainment. Even they might find an image like that to be disturbing. I certainly don’t know anyone who would consider that to be “normal.”
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SarahR
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I’d have to say I’m more in this sort of camp. The way I read the OP, it was one of those situations where people were trying to be “funny” and they weren’t really doing these things seriously. Could be wrong, I wasn’t there.
I assume these people are decent folks and just had a bout of “wow, let’s loosen our ties a little”…just my opinion, I tend to be not easily offended.
That type of lowbrow humor can get crude (which disgusts me and in that case I would’ve left) but to me there’s a line…and from the sound of a lot of the responses, my line is a bit farther past others’. Sometimes people act silly/goofy/what some may call stupid, but it’s not necessarily sinful, just a little immature, kwim?
If someone was overtly flirting with another person’s spouse that would cross the line for me. If the men were obviously seriously lusting after the women that would cross the line for me.
That being said, I think the kids shouldn’t be around that type of situation.
I wouldn’t say dump these friends because of this, just don’t go to any more house parties.
Also, I suppose if they were joking about violence instead of “woohoo cute singer!”, that would bother me more than what the OP described.
Personally, I’m able to have friendships with folks who don’t match up with me exactly, and still enjoy myself rather well.
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SarahR
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Rephrasing my rather wordy previous post.
I would have been offended if a married person was seriously, intentionally flirting with someone other than their spouse, or if there was actual lusting going on. My take on the original post was that these folks are genuinely decent people who were partaking in a little lowbrow humor. My advice is not to cut them off, but just don’t go to any more house parties. I have good friendships with people who aren’t exactly the same as the way I choose to live, so I keep them as friends, avoid specific situations that would make me uncomfortable, and enjoy them very much on neutral territory.
I would have been offended if a married person was seriously, intentionally flirting with someone other than their spouse, or if there was actual lusting going on. My take on the original post was that these folks are genuinely decent people who were partaking in a little lowbrow humor. My advice is not to cut them off, but just don’t go to any more house parties. I have good friendships with people who aren’t exactly the same as the way I choose to live, so I keep them as friends, avoid specific situations that would make me uncomfortable, and enjoy them very much on neutral territory.
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Jay82
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This ‘party’ doesn’t seem like one I would enjoy too much. It just seems like everyone was a bit too immature for my liking, but I don’t think most things that happened were all that bad.
As to the guy dancing, well that seems like he was just joking around, but like you said, I would not have found it amusing and would have been surprised by the reaction of the women there.
I don’t see anything wrong with a few beers and this probably should be expected at any party. Watching videos on youtube seems kind of childish to me and not really something I would expect from people with kids and such. I don’t think a husband would be hurt by this unless he is really insecure.
As to the guy dancing, well that seems like he was just joking around, but like you said, I would not have found it amusing and would have been surprised by the reaction of the women there.
Definitely not something I would watch or put on at a party, but I suppose there are worse things out there. I probably would have suggested doing something else like playing a trivia game to get the group focused on something else.
Yeah, that is definitely not the best parenting in my opinion. I don’t think kids that age would be embarassed. If the child was 13+, they would never want to be seen with their parent again. It also sets a bad example to the kids on how to act.
He definitely crossed the line. He may have thought he was being innocent or didn’t have bad intentions, but he definitely should have respected you and not asked such a personal question in that environment. I would have simply told them it is none of their business or that is a personal question and I don’t feel that it is appropriate for you to ask or me to discuss.
Maybe you can host next time and control things a bit more. Or possibly organize a bbq or an outing at a park that will remove most media aspects of the activity (there will be no tv, no youtube, etc - radio is probably all you will have there).
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StJudePray4Me
Guest
If you felt uncomfortable, I would say the most obvious solution is to decline any party invitations from this group in the future. If you want to continue to pursue a friendship with members of the group, if they invite you to a luncheon or Bible study or something, maybe go to that and see how you feel there, but if they are going to “let loose” at an evening party, just politely decline.
That said, I don’t personally think they did anything so egregious as to be labelled as bad Catholics! I mean, they weren’t looking at NUDE photos, the man didn’t ACTUALLY strip, no one was blotto drunk, that man didn’t actually proposition you. If the level of innuendo bothered you, you are most certainly entitled to feel that way and avoid them in the future…but please folks, don’t make these people out to be heathens and sinners because their sense of humor is a bit more risque than yours.
That said, I don’t personally think they did anything so egregious as to be labelled as bad Catholics! I mean, they weren’t looking at NUDE photos, the man didn’t ACTUALLY strip, no one was blotto drunk, that man didn’t actually proposition you. If the level of innuendo bothered you, you are most certainly entitled to feel that way and avoid them in the future…but please folks, don’t make these people out to be heathens and sinners because their sense of humor is a bit more risque than yours.
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phil8888
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Why does everyone have to act like that? I have a good group of friends, but everyone else in my province seems like all they do is get drunk and go to bars. What’s up with that.
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AnthonytheGreat
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I would find some other people to hang out with, seems they need to spend more time at Bible Study and less partying.
There are a million things to do that are not “boring” yet do not invite the opportunity of sin.
I lived the party lifestyle and honestly I find it loathsome and boring. I have much more fun doing something like sports, games, traveling, or whatever. I have been moving steadily away from many friends and becoming more and more happy.
There are a million things to do that are not “boring” yet do not invite the opportunity of sin.
I lived the party lifestyle and honestly I find it loathsome and boring. I have much more fun doing something like sports, games, traveling, or whatever. I have been moving steadily away from many friends and becoming more and more happy.
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LynnNH
Guest
I am wondering if anyone at that party now thinks they went a little too far with things. Perhaps they regret now some of what they did in the excitement of the moment. You cannot know what is in others’ hearts. Just a different side of things.
The video of a woman in a cage does cross a line for me.
I might mention to my friend that the man who continually asked you questions was a bit creepy, just so that she knows her friend wasn’t appropriate and so she can keep an eye on him if a similar occasion arises. I would also be firmly telling them that whether you are pure or not is hardly any of their business. I am surprised they all laughed when this man continually made himself a nuisance. Perhaps they are regretting not putting a stop to this.
Beyond those two instances, I would just be thoughtful of the times you do something other than bible study with them. Ask ahead of time what kinds of things you’ll be doing, and if you are there and feel uncomfortable, then tell your host that you need to leave. You can also pray for them.
Just my two cents.
The video of a woman in a cage does cross a line for me.
I might mention to my friend that the man who continually asked you questions was a bit creepy, just so that she knows her friend wasn’t appropriate and so she can keep an eye on him if a similar occasion arises. I would also be firmly telling them that whether you are pure or not is hardly any of their business. I am surprised they all laughed when this man continually made himself a nuisance. Perhaps they are regretting not putting a stop to this.
Beyond those two instances, I would just be thoughtful of the times you do something other than bible study with them. Ask ahead of time what kinds of things you’ll be doing, and if you are there and feel uncomfortable, then tell your host that you need to leave. You can also pray for them.
Just my two cents.
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DJgang
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I can’t believe it took to page two for someone to figure this out.
Just what I was about to say…
OP - I bet you won’t be invited again. They felt you out. You are not a player.
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Irishmom2
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Whoa! Glad I have no personal knowledge to base this on!I can’t believe it took to page two for someone to figure this out.
Just what I was about to say…
OP - I bet you won’t be invited again. They felt you out. You are not a player.
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DJgang
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Yeah, be glad.Whoa! Glad I have no personal knowledge to base this on!
My DH and I have been approached before …
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jwashu
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Well I would consider that much more entertainment that something with excessive violence like Kill Bill
What I’m saying is that a video with someone dancing in the back ground I have probably seen on commercials on regular TV and at least the news.You are probably right in that I’m a little desensitized to it I’m sure because it seem so prolific. I definitely wouldn’t consider that porn unless it was the main focus of the entire video any moreso than I would the burger porn in the Carl Jr’s commercials. The lady in the cage wasn’t the entertainment, the music was though, that is my point.
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jwashu
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I definitely agree with this statement
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micahmike
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I can’t immagine any man being hurt by his wife talking about the good looks of a celebrity. They’re celebrities, they’re supposed to look good. That my wif thinks other men look good and are physically apealing wouldn’t bother me at all.
Did the hostess have nice carpet? I’m wondering why you didn’t throw a drink on the creepy guy.
Did the hostess have nice carpet? I’m wondering why you didn’t throw a drink on the creepy guy.
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PatriceA
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They weren’t just talking about the celebrities, the OP said they were “screaming”. Sounds like they acted like they were at a Chippendales show, and not only would my husband be hurt, its also disrespectful to our marriage.
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jmcrae
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In a cage, though? I don’t think I see images like that, other than on American police dramas when they are (for whatever reason) interviewing a suspect in a strip club, or some other very unsavoury establishment.Well I would consider that much more entertainment that something with excessive violence like Kill Bill
For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t watch “Kill Bill” with anyone except my father (who happens to be a fan of that sort of thing), and I certainly wouldn’t inflict it on my Church friends.
It’s all part of the same thing, isn’t it?
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