Discerning marriage to a non-Catholic Christian

[NovusFidem]

Sooo… this is actually my first relationship ever :extrahappy:

I am 27yo, and so far I have always ended “budding” relationships if I had an inkling they wouldn’t go anywhere. I am that picky.

This time, the man I’m seeing was actually straightfoward in saying we would be dating for marriage; it either would work out, or it wouldn’t and we would remain friends. It’s been 5 months and so far so good.

He is a kind man, loving, courteous, and a true gentleman. We share our workplace, and he is loved by his patients, he’s ethical, and he doesn’t complain much. My parents and family adore him, and the few friends who are neutral towards him are of the ‘worldly’ kind (they are bothered that he doesn’t drink, or party, or cuss, that sort of thing). Regarding his character I have no complaints so far!

We have discussed married life, having children, living arrangements (his parents passed away, and he has one brother he shares the house with), he is ok with me working (he loves it that I am a nurse), but wouldn’t mind if I decided to stay at home (me neither ) and he respects my religious practice.

His relationship with his brother is weird, but his brother is a bit weird (they are both quiet men, so communication between them is seriously lacking), and since he doesn’t have parents or more siblings, it is difficult to see how he acts in family… but his aunts and cousins love him dearly.

My only complaint is just that he isn’t Catholic.

He is very respectful, and goes to Mass with me (doesn’t do the sign of the Cross, doesn’t kneel, doesn’t pray - but he IS there), and he asks a lot about the practice. He converted to Christianism into the Christian Congregation some 8 years ago, so he’s in more trouble for dating me than I am for dating him.

His views of his own religion are that God is in every religion, and the teachings are more of a guidance so people don’t end up messing too badly, but are not set in stone. That bothers me because chastity is a must to me, while he thinks that as long as we don’t have sex, all’s fair.

I’ve been unchaste (virgin, but still unchaste :dts for a good part of the first 4 months due to my own weakness and his reasoning. Now that I set my own rules (no meeting at his house, for example), he is trying to spend more time at my home with my family, but whenever we get alone, he struggles with adhering to my limits (he doesn’t force anything, but keeps asking for more like a child).

I feel that I hit the jackpot.

Still, I am a very cautious person; things are going so well that we are considering marriage already (he asked, I agreed), and plan to get officially engaged when we hit 1 year mark. I’m not THAT young, and I want more than one child, so we want to hurry, but I have a NEED to be cautious, and it is driving me nuts :bounce:

What do I have to look out for during courtship? For people in mixed marriages, what are the biggest challenges in your marriage, that I should be discussing now before deciding anything?

 

[1ke]

What do I have to look out for during courtship?

A man who, from the beginning, has pushed your boundaries and failed to respect them.
A man who shows petulant, child like behavior when he doesn’t get his way.
A man who has rushed to talk marriage to you after a very short period.
A man who has a “weird” relationship with his brother.
A man whose religion would classify him as “in trouble” for dating you and whose personal beliefs are fluid and not compatible with Catholicism.

You have not hit the jackpot, dear. And I am afraid your vision is clouded. Step back, set baoundaries, and let actions speak louder than words. And put the breaks on the marriage talk.

 

[NovusFidem]

A man who, from the beginning, has pushed your boundaries and failed to respect them.
A man who has rushed to talk marriage to you after a very short period.
A man who has a “weird” relationship with his brother.
A man whose religion would classify him as “in trouble” for dating you and whose personal beliefs are fluid and not compatible with Catholicism.

You have not hit the jackpot, dear. And I am afraid your vision is clouded. Step back, set baoundaries, and let actions speak louder than words. And put the breaks on the marriage talk.

All very valid points

The marriage talk was started by both of us, as I don’t really see a point to date if not to prepare for engagement. But I agree, I usually think that I should postpone the engagement to a later date, but then I worry that I’m just being overcautious, or worry that I might get too old or start too many projects before having children…

I can’t say much on the “weird” part. They are just boys, who don’t know how to talk. They don’t fight, they treat each-other well… they just share different interests, and don’t seem to be able to find anything to talk about for a reasonable period of time. My definition of weird is just that my family is very talkative; we talk about anything, just for the sake of talking, I guess…

He respects my boundaries; he doesn’t force me into his house. But whenever we get alone together, things rush in the wrong direction, but that is also my part. In the heat of the moment, sanity flies me by (which is why “avoid near occasion of sin” is my favorite rule now).

On the religion I have nothing. My family is full of non-practicing Catholics, and we live well together, even with their loose morals. We clash here and there, but they are agreeable people. He is more rigid on his moral stances than my family (virgin too), just comes with a different set of beliefs. I know that for that reason only it will be a challenge, which is why I am asking the opinion of those with mixed marriages…

I really wish I had met a practicing Catholic, but I’m trying to work with I was given

let actions speak louder than words. And put the breaks on the marriage talk.

Let actions speak is a good one, loved it! But other than the physical aspect of the relationship (he has his urges, but I won’t deny that I started a part of those situations), he has yet to wrong me… but I want to keep the marriage talk; if I find anything neither of us is willing to compromise if family life, I’d rather end things while dating than while engaged or married…

 

[JK61]

As someone who has been married almost 32 years to a non-Catholic, I thought I’d give my opinion.

I had planned on marrying a Catholic my entire life. I didn’t date much at all, so I was pretty inept. My husband wasn’t raised with a religious faith and found Christ in high school. He attended a Four Square church regularly when we met. He was kind, generous and a Christian. When we got engaged within about 4 months I said there were two things. First I would not use birth control and any children would be raised Catholic. He agreed and those two things have not been an issue.

During our marriage, his Christian beliefs have diminished and my Catholic faith has increased. Catholic radio has helped strengthen my belief. As I have listened to Catholic radio I realized how hostile other Christian faiths are to the Catholic faith. All three of my children are currently not practicing their faith, but I’m the only one of my siblings practicing the faith(1 of 7.)

Our relationship is pretty strained by many other things as well but I wish I had found a good, kind, Catholic man. My parents who were both Catholic divorced after 35 years, so I know that is no guarantee either. I know mixed marriages can work great. Just be strong in your faith and realize it may be another burden to carry in your marriage.

I wish you well.

 

[NovusFidem]

As someone who has been married almost 32 years to a non-Catholic, I thought I’d give my opinion.

I had planned on marrying a Catholic my entire life. I didn’t date much at all, so I was pretty inept. My husband wasn’t raised with a religious faith and found Christ in high school. He attended a Four Square church regularly when we met. He was kind, generous and a Christian. When we got engaged within about 4 months I said there were two things. First I would not use birth control and any children would be raised Catholic. He agreed and those two things have not been an issue.

During our marriage, his Christian beliefs have diminished and my Catholic faith has increased. Catholic radio has helped strengthen my belief. As I have listened to Catholic radio I realized how hostile other Christian faiths are to the Catholic faith. All three of my children are currently not practicing their faith, but I’m the only one of my siblings practicing the faith(1 of 7.)

Our relationship is pretty strained by many other things as well but I wish I had found a good, kind, Catholic man. My parents who were both Catholic divorced after 35 years, so I know that is no guarantee either. I know mixed marriages can work great. Just be strong in your faith and realize it may be another burden to carry in your marriage.

I wish you well.

Thank you very much, JK! This is the sort of thing I want to know…

I know nothing is set in stone. He could convert, I could convert, our children could become hippies, I dunno.

On my side, I told him that I could never be anything but a Catholic. If, by chance, I was convinced the Catholic Church was wrong, I’d go straight into Orthodox Catholic. If that one failed, then probably agnosticism. Either way, probably would never convert; there are teachings I struggle with understanding (but no problem agreeing with), but I know the one who has to change is me…

And children would have to be raised Catholic, that is non-negotiable - he is fine with both. I have more issues with him being non-Catholic than he has with me being Catholic… (the issue being: it would be easier with a Catholic - praying together, the Rosary, Nuptial Mass :bighanky

I told him about contraception, but I feel that is a point we might have some difficulty dealing with (like many Catholics do, in fact!) :doh2: Thank you for bringing it up again!!

I know it all could change, people change after all, but still…

Despite the heavier burden, is it worth it?

To those of you using NFP, how does the non-Catholic side deals with this decision? From what I understand of sex, it is a mutual decision , but how do they cope? Do they actually believe that contraception is wrong so that’s why they agree with it, or do they just compromise?

 

[NovusFidem]

I worry about being too eager, or clouded as 1ke pointed out. But I often wonder if dating for longer would help with anything. Some date for years and divorce soon after marriage, while my grandparents didn’t date at all, and were married their whole lives…

My parents had me and my sister out of wedlock, knowing eachother for not that long, and their marriage is one of the best I’ve ever seen… come to think of it, I might ask my mom what she did right (thought she often jokes “Don’t you ever get married, it’s not worth it!”)

Which is why I’d rather learn what to look out for. I know most of it we will need to learn together, but I hope to take out some of the bigger issues before they become a problem. Say, for example, I wouldn’t marry an alcoholic, someone who wasn’t liked by their own family, or an atheist… but I also always thought I’d marry a Catholic

What sort of stuff become issues in married life for people with different faith practices?

 

[JK61]

Thank you very much, JK! This is the sort of thing I want to know…

I know nothing is set in stone. He could convert, I could convert, our children could become hippies, I dunno.

On my side, I told him that I could never be anything but a Catholic. If, by chance, I was convinced the Catholic Church was wrong, I’d go straight into Orthodox Catholic. If that one failed, then probably agnosticism. Either way, probably would never convert; there are teachings I struggle with understanding (but no problem agreeing with), but I know the one who has to change is me…

And children would have to be raised Catholic, that is non-negotiable - he is fine with both. I have more issues with him being non-Catholic than he has with me being Catholic… (the issue being: it would be easier with a Catholic - praying together, the Rosary, Nuptial Mass :bighanky

I told him about contraception, but I feel that is a point we might have some difficulty dealing with (like many Catholics do, in fact!) :doh2: Thank you for bringing it up again!!

I know it all could change, people change after all, but still…

Despite the heavier burden, is it worth it?

To those of you using NFP, how does the non-Catholic side deals with this decision? From what I understand of sex, it is a mutual decision , but how do they cope? Do they actually believe that contraception is wrong so that’s why they agree with it, or do they just compromise?

At this point in my marriage, I wouldn’t marry a non-Catholic without a longer time together. His family’s dislike of me and being a PRACTICING Catholic is a big issue. My husband doesn’t stand up for me the way I think he should…a strong failing of his “faith.” I pretty much broke off my interaction with his family a few years ago. I feel very isolated most of the time…I have no one within my family(husband, children) or my own family (siblings, cousins, etc.) that practice their faith. There are many issues that have lead to all these failings. I just continue as is. I don’t find a lot of fulfilment at our local parish, being in the California Bay Area is tough. Catholic radio keeps me sane. Lucky for me, my mother was a great example of a good Catholic woman.

 

[SAVINGRACE]

Things take time. Pray for him and your relationship. Couple of things:

1. Marriage is based on mutual respect, trust and honesty. Sometimes you give and sometimes your partner gives. Choose your arguments wisely.
2. If he respects and loves you he won’t keep pleading for sex when you have already made the boundaries clear. He needs to learn how to respect that.

I met my husband 8 years ago when I was an atheist in my second year of university. He was cradle Catholic. We married 4 years later. I thank God I found a Catholic man. From what I read and hear “mixed” marriages can be difficult to navigate for the couple, their children and their Priest. That said, the heart wants who the heart wants and many “mixed” couple have overcome the obstacles and made a success of it.

Good luck.

 

[po18guy]

Trouble brewing.

 

[LittleFlower378]

This is just my opinion. I would wait this one out a little longer and make sure he is in this for the right reasons. If you are engaging in acts that “go too far” that is a problem. Also, since this is a mixed marriage ,expect difficulties. Even when marrying someone who is Catholic but who denies aspects of the faith there can be major difficulties.

 

[oldgraymare2]

I worry about being too eager, or clouded as 1ke pointed out. But I often wonder if dating for longer would help with anything. Some date for years and divorce soon after marriage, while my grandparents didn’t date at all, and were married their whole lives…

My parents had me and my sister out of wedlock, knowing eachother for not that long, and their marriage is one of the best I’ve ever seen… come to think of it, I might ask my mom what she did right (thought she often jokes “Don’t you ever get married, it’s not worth it!”)

Which is why I’d rather learn what to look out for. I know most of it we will need to learn together, but I hope to take out some of the bigger issues before they become a problem. Say, for example, I wouldn’t marry an alcoholic, someone who wasn’t liked by their own family, or an atheist… but I also always thought I’d marry a Catholic

What sort of stuff become issues in married life for people with different faith practices?

The only thing that I could think of, would be issues that might come up with other family members, and if there might be issues of acceptance due to differences in faith, with other family members in each other’s families.

I’ve been married to a non-Christian for a very long time. My husband is Jewish. Issues of faith never been an issue for us personally, in our marriage. We both respect each other’s faith backgrounds.

I grew up in a home where my family faith background was mixed, and where many of my family members were of different Protestant denominations.

My parents were both Protestants, and converted to Catholicism before they married. My sister and I were baptized and raised Catholic. Some of my family members converted to Catholicism.

Most of my family members on my Mom’s side of the family were Lutheran.

My husband and I were not the first ones to marry out of our faith in my husband’s family. One of his cousins had married a woman who was also Catholic, so by the time that the two of us married, it wasn’t really surprising to anyone in his family.

I was made to feel very welcome and accepted in his family.

His faith was not a problem for my family, either.

Then, after we married, another cousin in his family married a woman who was also a Christian, but she is Methodist and not Catholic.

 

[BoomBoomMancini]

What sort of stuff become issues in married life for people with different faith practices?

The biggest issue is children. You need to let him know now that if you were to marry him, you’d want to raise your children as Catholics.

Other than that, I think people overstate how difficult mixed marriages are, once you’ve dealt with the kids aspect. My wife isn’t Catholic, but she completely respects that I am and it hasn’t been a source of problems for us.

 

[Casilda]

I come from a long line of Catholics who stopped practicing in the late 60’s. My criteria for a husband was that he had to love the Lord with all his heart, mind and soul and respect his parents. It was important to marry in the same culture, nationality, to have more in common . My husband met those qualifications. His family did not like that I came from a Catholic family. They were right, he eventually converted and brought me back with him

It has been a bumpy marriage, I think regardless of who you marry, because we are sinful creatures, we must all strive to learn from the Bible, the church, to focus on the important things in life…God. That always has to be in focus. Primary. Your spouse is second your family third, etc. Catholics can learn a lot from evangelicals and more importantly, vice versa

I would have you both meet with your priest, start the marriage counseling. See how that goes. It doesn’t have to end in marriage if neither of you see it moving forward.

We’ve been married over 30 years.

 

[1ke]

He respects my boundaries; he doesn’t force me into his house. But whenever we get alone together, things rush in the wrong direction, but that is also my part. In the heat of the moment, sanity flies me by (which is why “avoid near occasion of sin” is my favorite rule now).
.

he does not respect your boundaries. Someone who respects your boundaries, and moreover the reason for them-- your desire for holiness-- will assist you actively in maintaining them and help you. he is doing the opposite-- pressing your boundaries, pouting and acting childlike, putting all the burden on you to say “no” and also trying to get you into situations where you will give in.

NONE OF THOSE THINGS respects you. None of those things helps you to be holy.

If you think “not forcing you into his house” equates to “respecting you” then I don’t think you should be in a relationship at all-- your expectations are way too low.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

he does not respect your boundaries. Someone who respects your boundaries, and moreover the reason for them-- your desire for holiness-- will assist you actively in maintaining them and help you. he is doing the opposite-- pressing your boundaries, pouting and acting childlike, putting all the burden on you to say “no” and also trying to get you into situations where you will give in.

NONE OF THOSE THINGS respects you. None of those things helps you to be holy.

If you think “not forcing you into his house” equates to “respecting you” then I don’t think you should be in a relationship at all-- your expectations are way too low.

I totally agree. Also, would you want your son treating his girlfriends that way? But if you marry this man and have children, then this is what he would be teaching his sons.

As for sexual acts that are not intercourse, you do know the Church forbids many such acts even for married couples. So you are going to be dealing with this man whining and complaining about not getting his way when it comes to sex, for a very long time. This does not strike me as attractive at all.

I do think you are blinded, both by hormones and by self-induced pressure to marry ASAP. That is one problem with the conservative rejection of “wordly dating”, the idea that if any romantic relationship doesn’t result in marriage, that means you have wasted your time. Or worse, that you now have “soul ties” to this person that will interfere with relating to your spouse later, so you might as well marry the one you are with now.

The problem with here, is that there is not much acknowledgement of the fact that it often takes more than a few casual dates (if you go for “date to marry”) or being “friends” for a few months (if you reject dating and “court” instead) to truly discern if someone is good spouse material.

I’ve also noticed many people who aren’t even from such a tradition, believe the “sunk cost” fallacy that “I’ve already invested so much time and effort here, I’d be wasting all of it I don’t marry this person” and marry people who are not compatible, and wind up divorcing, even if they dated for years before marrying.

I think it should also be mentioned that while people, say 100 years ago often did marry after short courtships, most of the time, people did not venture out of their immediate community to marry. So they were usually marrying the “girl next door” who they had known for years, or even if they didn’t, someone of the same faith tradition and same ethnic background, and so less room for difference and conflict. That’s very rare today. Though one of my cousins did essentially marry the girl next door, a friend of his sister who had a crush on him for years, already well known to his parents. And they only officially “dated” for a few months before they got engaged. But that’s the only one I can think of.

 

[SuperHappy]

I know you are seeing everything very positively right now, but the future doesn’t seem like it will be smooth sailing to me if you stay the course with this man.

You have been dating 5 months yet you have already “gone farther” than you would like and he pressures you each time you are alone with him. That speaks volumes in comparison to what your stated Catholic Values are.

He is rushing you into deciding to marry when you barely know each other. I understand dating with intention to marry but there’s also something to be said about dating while getting to know a person before worrying about marrying.

He and his brother seem “weird” and “don’t communicate” so how will that translate into your relationship?

There are a lot of factors you need to consider. Don’t settle or put on the rose-colored glasses for this man just because you want to marry and have children quickly. It’s important to choose prayerfully and to consider if this is the man that God sent for you.

Don’t ever trade what you want for a lifetime or eternity for what you want this minute.

 

[PennyinCanada]

My only complaint is just that he isn’t Catholic.

He is very respectful, and goes to Mass with me (doesn’t do the sign of the Cross, doesn’t kneel, doesn’t pray - but he IS there), and he asks a lot about the practice.

When you have a Catholic husband, he will do the sign of the Cross. He will do it at meals, in restaurants, at bedtime, on the foreheads of his children. He will kneel in church, at the bedsides with the kids, and at prayer time at home. He will stand in line for confession and go up reverently to receive our Blessed Lord in the sacrament of love.

Isn’t this the kind of man you want to give your children?

Let’s review our faith.

If you eat this flesh and drink this blood you will have life in you. Eternal Life. Non-Catholics do not believe in this. How can you live with a man who does not believe this and have him model is disbelief to your children? Is this not why Jesus took flesh and died on the Cross?

Going to confession. This is the ordinary means that God has provided for us to be reconciled with Him. It is a tremendous gift that literally opens Heaven for us! Non Catholics do not believe that.

The teachings of the Church. A Catholic man will walk with you through life and your strength will be doubled! The teachings are a lamp unto our feet and a light onto our path. There is Wisdom in the Church’s teaching.

Love of the Blessed Mother. Revisit Fatima again and renew your devotion to the Blessed Mother. I have a husband who rides city transit back and forth to work every day and that time is used to pray the Rosary, read scripture, Divine Mercy chaplet. I will only know in the next life what graces and merit he has earned for us and the world by his years, decades, of faithfulness. Who could not wish for such a life partner? Many times we have said to each other God is in our midst!

God has given us the Church where the gates of hell will not prevail. A husband and father to model this, walk and teach his children, is the pearl of great price.

Sexual sin is no big deal to him. I have a Catholic girlfriend who married a non-believing man. They lived together before marriage, got married in the church, and she raised the kids in the church. He couldn’t help of course. He stayed home on Sundays. She told me recently that her son, still in school, had a sleep over with his girlfriend,* in their house.* He told her “too bad”. No respect for the girlfriend, or his mother! or that he is still at home under her roof having school paid for by her and dad. Their daughter moved out some years back, living with her boyfriend, announced that she has no intention of ever getting married or having children.

I know of others (adult children of Catholics) living with boyfriend/girlfriend, having babies while a teen, and mostly living a life abandoned of the faith.

This is a sober time of discernment. Getting physical before the proper time is going to make seeing things clearly much harder. God made sex to be the super glue of marriage to help couples get through the tough times. Before marriage, it makes things all bleary and hard to discern properly.

Why did I write this?

Want more in your life partner! There is blessing in a Catholic spouse! Your children and grandchildren will be impacted by your choices today. Be smart. Build on the Rock of Christ. Don’t fall for a counterfeit.

 

[NovusFidem]

The only thing that I could think of, would be issues that might come up with other family members, and if there might be issues of acceptance due to differences in faith, with other family members in each other’s families.

Surprisingly, his family doesn’t seem to be an issue. Other than his deceased parents and his one live grandmother (94yo), who were Buddhists, his family is Catholic. He is the one who found the Lord after becoming an adult.

I was worried with acceptance due to ethnic differences, but other than one distant aunt or uncle, no one is bothered by me. His two main aunts (who kind of took the role of his mother, and actually care about him) are Catholics.

The biggest issue is children. You need to let him know now that if you were to marry him, you’d want to raise your children as Catholics.

Got it

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Surprisingly, his family doesn’t seem to be an issue. Other than his deceased parents and his one live grandmother (94yo), who were Buddhists, his family is Catholic. He is the one who found the Lord after becoming an adult.

A man who’s found the Lord would not find it acceptable to pressure a woman into sexual acts.

I was worried with acceptance due to ethnic differences, but other than one distant aunt or uncle, no one is bothered by me. His two main aunts (who kind of took the role of his mother, and actually care about him) are Catholics.

I think you really are selling yourself short. You seem to think this man is the best you can do. Personally, if this was the best I could do I’d rather stay single.

 

[NovusFidem]

When you have a Catholic husband, he will do the sign of the Cross. He will do it at meals, in restaurants, at bedtime, on the foreheads of his children. He will kneel in church, at the bedsides with the kids, and at prayer time at home. He will stand in line for confession and go up reverently to receive our Blessed Lord in the sacrament of love.

Isn’t this the kind of man you want to give your children?

Let’s review our faith.

If you eat this flesh and drink this blood you will have life in you. Eternal Life. Non-Catholics do not believe in this. How can you live with a man who does not believe this and have him model is disbelief to your children? Is this not why Jesus took flesh and died on the Cross?

Going to confession. This is the ordinary means that God has provided for us to be reconciled with Him. It is a tremendous gift that literally opens Heaven for us! Non Catholics do not believe that.

The teachings of the Church. A Catholic man will walk with you through life and your strength will be doubled! The teachings are a lamp unto our feet and a light onto our path. There is Wisdom in the Church’s teaching.

Love of the Blessed Mother. Revisit Fatima again and renew your devotion to the Blessed Mother. I have a husband who rides city transit back and forth to work every day and that time is used to pray the Rosary, read scripture, Divine Mercy chaplet. I will only know in the next life what graces and merit he has earned for us and the world by his years, decades, of faithfulness. Who could not wish for such a life partner? Many times we have said to each other God is in our midst!

God has given us the Church where the gates of hell will not prevail. A husband and father to model this, walk and teach his children, is the pearl of great price.

Sexual sin is no big deal to him. I have a Catholic girlfriend who married a non-believing man. They lived together before marriage, got married in the church, and she raised the kids in the church. He couldn’t help of course. He stayed home on Sundays. She told me recently that her son, still in school, had a sleep over with his girlfriend,* in their house.* He told her “too bad”. No respect for the girlfriend, or his mother! or that he is still at home under her roof having school paid for by her and dad. Their daughter moved out some years back, living with her boyfriend, announced that she has no intention of ever getting married or having children.

I know of others (adult children of Catholics) living with boyfriend/girlfriend, having babies while a teen, and mostly living a life abandoned of the faith.

This is a sober time of discernment. Getting physical before the proper time is going to make seeing things clearly much harder. God made sex to be the super glue of marriage to help couples get through the tough times. Before marriage, it makes things all bleary and hard to discern properly.

Why did I write this?

Want more in your life partner! There is blessing in a Catholic spouse! Your children and grandchildren will be impacted by your choices today. Be smart. Build on the Rock of Christ. Don’t fall for a counterfeit.

Thank you, Penny, for the heartfelt message…

I was always careful because I really wanted all that you have written here, and more. And not that I believe “There aren’t good Catholics out there anymore”, but they have been very elusive so far. Most my childhood friends are Catholics, but only cultural Catholics, if there is such a thing, and definitely a worse pick than he has been.

I don’t put ALL the blame on his advances because, frankly, I have been at fault as well. He is virgin at 32, and neither of us knew how quickly things went from a kiss to something more. But that is something I will have a more serious talk about to him.

I still hold some hope for his conversion; he found rest in Christianity, and he says that he is in it because of God, for the people there are too gossipy (since he is a convert, and not born into, they have some trust issues or something).

But if I were 100% about it, I wouldn’t be here asking for (name removed by moderator)ut. So thank you all for the help!