Someone further up the chain (Tim I believe?) said something about trying to appreciate human relationships. This is important!
First of all, you must certainly make sure you don’t objectify other people - and this extends beyond sexual sin, but is particularly relavent to sexual sin. Whether we are looking at pictures of people or at people themselves, we must always see them as children of God. If you have a little sister or a niece of nephew, you could think about how people do (or one day will, when they grow up) objectify these loved ones of yours. Consider how that would make you feel, and realize that’s how God feels when we objectify one of His dear children - yet He loves them far more than we could
ever hope to loved our dear ones.
Another potential issue is the fact many young men who aren’t dating tend to not communicate well with women and tend to not having meaningful relationships with women - and when they do can tend to err on the side of being too much “one of the girls” or too goofy - if you will excuse the phraseology. We don’t have enough real men in our generation (being raised by a single mom for most of my life, I can certainly see this in myself and have tried to man-up and become more independent in a responsible way as I’ve grown…but I digress). My point is, going along with the first point, we must interact with people in a meaningful way and learn to see all people as God’s children. If he have more meaningful relationships with people of the opposite gender, it can help to change our perception of that gender in general (young men or women who don’t interact much with the opposite gender, like the stereotypical geek, tend to have unnaturally good or poor ideas about the opposite gender and tend to have difficulty in genuinely valuing its members - in my experience geeks have at least as much a masturbation problem as anyone else from other social groupings, and I believe this may be part of why that is).
Most importantly, give yourself up to Our Blessed Lady and to Saint Joseph, approaching Our Lord through them for the sake of purity and chastity. Our Lady is the paramount example within creation for those who struggle with sins of the flesh - she lights the way and if we abandon ourselves to her love, she will
never lead us astray or let us down. Saint Joseph, as Our Lady’s most chaste spouse, is also a great help in struggles against impurity. A particularly efficacious prayer reads:
Oh Guardian of Virgins and holy Father Saint Joseph, into who faithful keeping were entrusted Christ Jesus, Innocence itself, and Mary, Virgin of virgins, I pray and beseech thee by these dear pledges, Jesus and Mary, that, being preserved from all uncleanness, I may with spotless mind, pure heart, and caste body ever serve Jesus and Mary most chastely all the days of my life. Amen.
I found this prayer in “Favorite Prayers to St. Joseph,” a little 73-page booklet I found at a local parish. It is published by Tan and I would strongly recommend it - I use that and a couple of other prayers from the booklet on a daily basis. It also has a number of litanies - really it has at least one thing for about every occasion, please check it out if you can find one at your parish (the parish where I found it have it on their book rack with a suggested $3.00 donation, though the book will pay for itself the first time you use it!)
I would also suggest you read “True Devotion to Mary” by Saint Louis de Montfort. A proper devotion to the Holy Mother of God is not something we can afford to dismiss, not worry about, or treat as trimming to our spiritual/prayer life. I recently read this book and it has increased my piety and strengthened me greatly - it has made my contrition for my sins and for my failings much more meaningful and since I have begun to strengthen my relationship with the Mother of God I have found myself able to better offer myself to Him in prayer and especially while assisting at Mass. Even if you do not read this book, be certain to improve your relationship with the Mother of Our Lord - next to God she is the greatest help or aid we can ever hope to find with regards to our salvation.
For this reason, as well as for its own particular efficaciousness, be certain to pray the Rosary regularly, daily if possible - and take it slow. If you finish your Rosary in 10-15 minutes, while you may gain something it is possible you are rushing past graces on the way to that final Sign of the Cross - allow yourself to pray slowly, confidently, and thoughtfully; allow yourself to offer through Mary yourself to Our Lord with the fullness of your capacity as a human. The Rosary isn’t a race, it is a loving contemplation of what Our Lord has done for us - it can be difficult, especially at first, but work to not rush through the Rosary when you pray it.
Continued next post…
so even in marriage, managing one’s appetites is still on the itinerary as it were.