C
chevalier
Guest
News, I don’t think there’s much point discussing your girlfriend’s demerits. If she really pulled “your friends are liars” out of thin air, that’s indeed insane talk and little is needed further. Basically, a disturbed person, possibly someone afflicted with issues reducing her accountability. That, or it may be one of psychopathic traits (in which case the level of disturbance and accountability is a bit of an unknown). Passive-aggressive rudeness coming with open lies (relying on she says it so it outranks reality?) does point towards a psychopathic tendency. I’m no psychologist, but it does look a bit like a sado-masochistic relationship or something of that sort. To her merit, she worked hard, so maybe she was a very unhappy person who couldn’t act otherwise due to compulsions she wasn’t prepared to defeat, which might have been the reason why you stayed with her for so long.
The getting drunk etc. but not seeing you routine clearly showed the priorities, although it shows that she was disturbed to a great extent, so it’s debatable to what extent one could attribute her actions to anything like a real choice. Anyway, that kind of choice of priorities is not acceptable. Generally, at this point I’m prepared to let a woman go if this happens at least once after my bringing it up (which I will) and I’m not talking about necessarily getting plastered (which is a different kind of problem too).
Looks like horrible experience. You might do well to find a Catholic therapist to talk about it. Just so that you’re more sure that you’re ready when the right girl turns up.
The problem with psychopaths is that often logical inconsistencies are the only clue apart from the (not always so) obvious (especially to you) wrongness of their behaviour. They won’t always seem to be bad people. They won’t always be bad people. People with personality issues or psychic defects will often be suffering people and it’s hard to say bad things of them, while an attempt at a romantic relationship might prove disastrous and land you in the same place.
For comparison, my experience tends to involve unilateral decisions on timings without ill will and perhaps without a disturbed air, but generally always her timing, her decision, impotence of my arguments, lack of meaning of my concerns, no consideration of my feelings with regard to it, some internal opposition to taking my feelings into consideration let alone involving me in the timing decisions. Now I clearly see it as a red flag and something that basically shows someone doesn’t really need you as much. A girl who is in love with you needs to see you and doesn’t ration it.
Obviously, logical inconsistencies are a red flag too. No one will be perfectly consistent at all times, but some things indicate carelessness or lack of meaning of what one says. Some people are generally careless like that, so they will end up inconsistent in literal terms (e.g. this happens to me, so I have natural empathy for women with this problem), in other cases being in love will make people act that way (it distorts your logic) but when coupled with signs of disregard or low respect or low need for companionship, it probably means limited attachment and not very serious treatment. And therefore, red flag. Just note that even gross cases sometimes result from internal conflict, which is a problem of itself but doesn’t indicate dishonesty or disrespect (both of which are red flags, by the way).
Note: pick well. A Church Tribunal investigating cases won’t bail you out of a marriage with someone who does not have a diagnosed grave disorder affecting an essential property/element of marriage.
Eh, maybe one more note: Women will often be more collected, organised and focused on education, work etc. in terms of duties and chores, than men, which may result in sticking to a healthy lifestyle and cautious scheduling more so than in the case of men, so if it *really *concerns some duties or chores or a healthy lifestyle (meaning sleep hours etc.), then it doesn’t mean you’re low on the list of priorities, it means she’s responsible. Obviously, getting plastered with friends is not a duty and has little to do with healthy lifestyle.
But you may meet a studious girl yet, so just so you know (which obviously doesn’t oblige you to be happy to accept a priority list position after a long list of extracurriculars, which basically shows the person in question isn’t really ready for a relationship).
The getting drunk etc. but not seeing you routine clearly showed the priorities, although it shows that she was disturbed to a great extent, so it’s debatable to what extent one could attribute her actions to anything like a real choice. Anyway, that kind of choice of priorities is not acceptable. Generally, at this point I’m prepared to let a woman go if this happens at least once after my bringing it up (which I will) and I’m not talking about necessarily getting plastered (which is a different kind of problem too).
Looks like horrible experience. You might do well to find a Catholic therapist to talk about it. Just so that you’re more sure that you’re ready when the right girl turns up.
The problem with psychopaths is that often logical inconsistencies are the only clue apart from the (not always so) obvious (especially to you) wrongness of their behaviour. They won’t always seem to be bad people. They won’t always be bad people. People with personality issues or psychic defects will often be suffering people and it’s hard to say bad things of them, while an attempt at a romantic relationship might prove disastrous and land you in the same place.
For comparison, my experience tends to involve unilateral decisions on timings without ill will and perhaps without a disturbed air, but generally always her timing, her decision, impotence of my arguments, lack of meaning of my concerns, no consideration of my feelings with regard to it, some internal opposition to taking my feelings into consideration let alone involving me in the timing decisions. Now I clearly see it as a red flag and something that basically shows someone doesn’t really need you as much. A girl who is in love with you needs to see you and doesn’t ration it.
Obviously, logical inconsistencies are a red flag too. No one will be perfectly consistent at all times, but some things indicate carelessness or lack of meaning of what one says. Some people are generally careless like that, so they will end up inconsistent in literal terms (e.g. this happens to me, so I have natural empathy for women with this problem), in other cases being in love will make people act that way (it distorts your logic) but when coupled with signs of disregard or low respect or low need for companionship, it probably means limited attachment and not very serious treatment. And therefore, red flag. Just note that even gross cases sometimes result from internal conflict, which is a problem of itself but doesn’t indicate dishonesty or disrespect (both of which are red flags, by the way).
Note: pick well. A Church Tribunal investigating cases won’t bail you out of a marriage with someone who does not have a diagnosed grave disorder affecting an essential property/element of marriage.
Eh, maybe one more note: Women will often be more collected, organised and focused on education, work etc. in terms of duties and chores, than men, which may result in sticking to a healthy lifestyle and cautious scheduling more so than in the case of men, so if it *really *concerns some duties or chores or a healthy lifestyle (meaning sleep hours etc.), then it doesn’t mean you’re low on the list of priorities, it means she’s responsible. Obviously, getting plastered with friends is not a duty and has little to do with healthy lifestyle.
But you may meet a studious girl yet, so just so you know (which obviously doesn’t oblige you to be happy to accept a priority list position after a long list of extracurriculars, which basically shows the person in question isn’t really ready for a relationship).
)
I have a slightly skewed view on most women now sadly, as if they’re all just there to bring me grief 
Put it this way…***we don’t need to eat a ton of junkfood to know it’s bad for us, right? ***Same with women who might not have YOUR best interests at heart…you don’t need to keep dating them to know the relationship is bad for you. It’s trusting your gut, and going with that, sometimes, that makes the difference. I know…a girl might be very pretty, so a guy tolerates just one more day of her shenanigans. A guy might be charming, so a girl will tolerate just one more indiscretion. I have been there…but as you continue on…again, you don’t need to experience something bad, to know it’s bad.