Dismissed From Deacon Formation Program

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Benedictine

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I was admitted to my diocese’s deacon formation program and was doing very well. I received excellent grades in the course work, was very active in my parish’s ministries, attended and participated in daily mass, and even did things outside the parish such as visiting the needy and teaching the faith outside the parish (all approved). The parish pastor completely supported me and told me frequently that he looked forward to the day that I was ordained! My program reviews were all excellent and there was absolutely no indication of a problem at all.

Then about halfway through the program we got a new formation director and something seriously changed. He took this instant disliking towards me, which I could not understand at all. Everything I did was wrong to him and he became very critical. My course work continued to excel and I had the admiration and support of all the guys in the program, but this new director seemed to be really out to “get me”. There may have been two possible reasons for this: 1. My support for the Tridentine Latin Mass as per Pope Benedict’s Summorum Pontificum motu proprio, though of course I complete support and promote the modern Mass as well as Vatican II, and 2. My weight. I have been seriously overweight, but have since trimmed down. The director is a serious health nut, always talking about his workouts and nutrition.

Then on my first review with him, I was brought into a room with another priest there (I had no idea why he was there) and told that there was “recently discovered discrepancy” in my initial psychological evaluation at the beginning of the program! He then suggested I “get counseling” and dismissed me from the program! I was horribly shocked! And the worst part is that my neither my pastor or bishop (who is very liberal) would hear me, ignoring my requests to talk to them about this. I was then treated like a pariah by the parish staff and the diocesan chancery, and have been the laughingstock of my parish and diocese ever since.

I have no idea what happened to me and have been completely numb ever since. It has been months now and I have tried to move on, but cannot. I am so wounded by what happened that I have been seriously considering to finally leave the Catholic Church all together. I am sick and tired of the patronizing statement “Well, you can still be a GREAT layperson!” I have always believed that I am called to clerical ministry, but if the church rejects me for no reason given or no chance to work out whatever is the problem, then how can I go on? Was it my support of the Latin Mass? And why was my initial psychological evaluation brought up when there was nothing wrong with it beforehand? I was admitted to the program with this evaluation reviewed and approved, was I not? If there was a problem, then why was I admitted to the program? I cannot talk to my pastor about this, and the other guys in the program, who were so supportive and loving, now avoid me like the plague, for fear of being associated with me and finding themselves kicked out so close to ordination.

I just don’t know what to do or say. Has anyone else had this experience, and if so how did you move on? I just do not understand what happened. I really want to leave the Roman Catholic Church, but only stay for my wife and family. I have no love for the church any more.
 
I am so sorry for what you are going through, which sounds so unjust.

The only thing I can think of to say is that it is not the Lord who treated you badly, but some people in the Church. I hope you can get a better explanation of what happened - it just seems so cold and calculated.

God bless you and your family…
 
hello,

You must exchange your will for God’s will. God allowed this horrible thing to happen and you must not let this thing get in the way of your love for the God and his church. Many saints were bullied by the church and humbly accepted what the church gave them. You must be the grown up in this situation and dont allow some guy to get in the way of you and your faith.

God bless
 
Benedictine, my heart goes out to you! 😦

I don’t know why they wouldn’t sit down with you and be honest with you about what is going on, or give you a chance to solve whatever the problem may be.

Surely we have a need for good Deacons who are strong in their faith, and faithful to the Magisterium. Latin is making a come-back, and we need to be ready for a new generation who loves the Latin.

It’s good that you are working on your health, of course, since you want to live a long and happy life, but I have no idea how it would be an issue with regard to the Diaconate - it seems to me that Deacons come in all shapes, colours, and sizes. 🤷
 
Benedictine said:
I was admitted to my diocese’s deacon formation program and was doing very well. I received excellent grades in the course work, was very active in my parish’s ministries, attended and participated in daily mass, and even did things outside the parish such as visiting the needy and teaching the faith outside the parish (all approved). The parish pastor completely supported me and told me frequently that he looked forward to the day that I was ordained! My program reviews were all excellent and there was absolutely no indication of a problem at all.

Then about halfway through the program we got a new formation director and something seriously changed. He took this instant disliking towards me, which I could not understand at all. Everything I did was wrong to him and he became very critical. My course work continued to excel and I had the admiration and support of all the guys in the program, but this new director seemed to be really out to “get me”. There may have been two possible reasons for this: 1. My support for the Tridentine Latin Mass as per Pope Benedict’s Summorum Pontificum motu proprio, though of course I complete support and promote the modern Mass as well as Vatican II, and 2. My weight. I have been seriously overweight, but have since trimmed down. The director is a serious health nut, always talking about his workouts and nutrition.

Then on my first review with him, I was brought into a room with another priest there (I had no idea why he was there) and told that there was “recently discovered discrepancy” in my initial psychological evaluation at the beginning of the program! He then suggested I “get counseling” and dismissed me from the program! I was horribly shocked! And the worst part is that my neither my pastor or bishop (who is very liberal) would hear me, ignoring my requests to talk to them about this. I was then treated like a pariah by the parish staff and the diocesan chancery, and have been the laughingstock of my parish and diocese ever since.

I have no idea what happened to me and have been completely numb ever since. It has been months now and I have tried to move on, but cannot. I am so wounded by what happened that I have been seriously considering to finally leave the Catholic Church all together. I am sick and tired of the patronizing statement “Well, you can still be a GREAT layperson!” I have always believed that I am called to clerical ministry, but if the church rejects me for no reason given or no chance to work out whatever is the problem, then how can I go on? Was it my support of the Latin Mass? And why was my initial psychological evaluation brought up when there was nothing wrong with it beforehand? I was admitted to the program with this evaluation reviewed and approved, was I not? If there was a problem, then why was I admitted to the program? I cannot talk to my pastor about this, and the other guys in the program, who were so supportive and loving, now avoid me like the plague, for fear of being associated with me and finding themselves kicked out so close to ordination.

I just don’t know what to do or say. Has anyone else had this experience, and if so how did you move on? I just do not understand what happened. I really want to leave the Roman Catholic Church, but only stay for my wife and family. I have no love for the church any more.
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Benedictine, I know this won’t be very consoling, but you are not alone. There have been cases where good, faithful priests have been dismissed! Faculties removed, fired, no salary, no benefits. Done! Hit the road, Jack! Their “crime?” Being too faithful to Church teaching. Doing things like encouraging folks to pray the Rosary. Fr. John Corapi was giving a mission in one parish and a group of priests went to the bishop and demanded he be fired or they would “go on strike.” Luckily, the bishop ran the diocese like he had a backbone and backed them down. He said if they could prove that what he was teaching was not in line with Church teaching, he’d fire Fr. Corapi. Clearly, that wasn’t the case, so they shuffled off. Fr. Corapi told him he missed his chance. He said had he been bishop, he’d have lined 'em up and said, “Okay, boys. Who’s first? Step across the line here.” He said the first one that did would have had his faculties removed! 🙂 Fr. Corapi also shared that he had been dismissed from a Franciscan monastery for complaining that they weren’t treating the Eucharist properly. They’d say Mass, then not clean the chalice, etc. Instead, they’d stick 'em in a broom closet! Jesus in a broom closet! They gave him one hour to clear out! He found a faithful order to join and that’s the group to which he belongs now. (SOTL)

You are a casualty, through no fault of your own. We forget, sometimes, that we are all in the midst of a tremendous battle between the powers of darkness and the powers of light. Between principalities and powers and the God’s faithful. The best thing you can do is offer it up to Jesus and continue doing whatever you can to build the kingdom of God. That takes a lot of humility, which is necessary for the spiritual life, anyway. I would just tell Jesus, “Okay. I accept Your will that I not be a deacon. Your will, not mine, be done. I offer You the humility and embarrassment this has caused me. I forgive all who have hurt me and ask that You forgive me if I have hurt anyone else. Your will be done.”
 
I can understand your pain, but do not leave the Truth just because of how you were treated. Whether or not you are called to the diaconate, God still has plans for your life. That being said, if you are not supposed to become a deacon, you may want to direct your spiritual energy into a third order or secular institute if you have not already (your username suggests that you love the Benedictines; maybe you could become an oblate). Being a part of such a community would be a good idea even if you were to be ordained.
 
I’m sorry that you were released and that they didn’t supply you with reasons for your dismissal.

Dismissals are awkward, but there should be a proper handling of those proceedings (for the benefit of individuals and the Church).

I’m an employer, and by the laws of our state, businesses and employees are “at will” to release themselves from one other - without cause or reason. I imagine that this has been determined by the state so that it limits lawsuits and disagreements.
 
I am so sorry for what happened to you. You certainly deserved a real exit interview with a review of your perceived shortcomings and a plan. There is a vulgarism, “Sh*t happens”–and it happened to you. As others have said, you’re not the only one. One striking example is a former Carthusian, born and raised in the US, who entered in Europe before the current charterhouse was built, then transferred to the Vermont charterhouse, had been fully professed for years, was a priest, who was exclaustrated and eventually laicized. He never did understand why. He had a superior very into psychology and apparently flunked his superior’s assessment. He wrote a book about it–I forget the title. This happened in the 80’s , I think. The other monks thought that the superior had been unduly hard on the man. Imagine–kicked out of the Carthusians and laicized after being a member of the most reclusive order in the church for years! He eventually married.

I think that you could profit from counseling to get over this, preferably from a Catholic counselor. Maybe switch parishes. Is there a university with a Newman Club near you? You could go to mass there and talk to the priest in charge of the group.
 
I can feel your pain Benedictine. If I was in your shoes I would switch dioceses and apply there. That scenario usually works out well. God Bless!
 
Fr. Corapi talked about how he was “booted” from a seminary.
 
I only have two comments.
  1. Due to the personal sensitive nature of this topic and the fact that we can only get one side of the story, this is not to say it is not the truth but the diocese and the diaconate program will not comment on this, this topic should not be discussed.
  2. How would the diaconate program director know of any of your preferences regarding Liturgy? If the information has no bearing on the program why are you volunteering it. Especially given the system we live and work in today?
Lastly, (I know I said two comments but…) no one has a right to ordination.
 
And with that painful, insensitive, dismissive statement, ByzCath, you have pushed me away once and for all from the Roman Catholic Church. I may not have the right to ordination, but I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW THE REAL REASON WHY AND I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD!

I am no longer a Roman Catholic.
 
Benedictine said:
And with that painful, insensitive, dismissive statement, ByzCath, you have pushed me away once and for all from the Roman Catholic Church. I may not have the right to ordination, but I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW THE REAL REASON WHY AND I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD!

I am no longer a Roman Catholic.
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I am a newbie to the site and the faith too. I will say this, that it takes alot to make the decision you did to join the program.

Also if you excelled in the program and did such good work maybe this was your testimony to your true faith in our lord. It wouldn’t be a testimony without a test. I wouldn’t give up on your faith. It seems like you were pretty dedicated.
god bless…
 
ByzCath said:
I only have two comments.
  1. Due to the personal sensitive nature of this topic and the fact that we can only get one side of the story, this is not to say it is not the truth but the diocese and the diaconate program will not comment on this, this topic should not be discussed.
  2. How would the diaconate program director know of any of your preferences regarding Liturgy? If the information has no bearing on the program why are you volunteering it. Especially given the system we live and work in today?
Lastly, (I know I said two comments but…) no one has a right to ordination.
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Boy, you’re zealous, Byz!

It’s true–no one has a right to ordination, or to stay in the diaconate program, or to marry a certain individual, or to remain in a certain religious institute. But people do have a right to know what happened, in as specific terms as possible. In most training programs and work forces, there are regular performance reviews, face to face, with one’s supervisor. I don’t know if Bene had these, but he should have, and these private reviews should have discussed issues of concern in direct, concrete terms. If there were problems, his supervisors should have addressed them with followup interviews and reviews. And maybe with a probation period. Then, and only then, should they have dismissed him. Anything less is extremely unprofessional.

Bene, I think that the idea of applying to another program(if available) is an interesting one in addition to attending mass in another parish. Of course, the directors of another program will ask you what happened? You should tell your side as dispassionately as possible, with all details, including the liturgical questions.

You obviously are very hurt by all of this, and I don’t blame you. Once again, I suggest that you see a counselor and talk it out.
 
Benedictine said:
And with that painful, insensitive, dismissive statement, ByzCath, you have pushed me away once and for all from the Roman Catholic Church. I may not have the right to ordination, but I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW THE REAL REASON WHY AND I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD!

I am no longer a Roman Catholic.
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I am sorry you read it that way and that you need a scape goat to blame for your choice.

I was not insensitive or dismissive. I stated fact that we only have one side of the story and that we will never get the other side. I even said that what you say might be the truth of the matter but we can in no way know this.

I stated that this, an anonymous internet forum, is not the place for this sort of discussion.

I am sorry if those things are too hard for you to hear but they are neither insensitive nor dismissive.

I never said that you do not have the right to know the reason why you were dismissed, please show me where I said that.

I find it hard to believe that no reason was given. Now the question I have, especially after this outburst was, did you hear and accept the reason given or did you refuse to listen? I know that sometimes it can be “unfair” but fairness has nothing to do with it, no one has a right to ordination. Out of justice you have a right to know the reason you were released but, again, I would find it very odd if you were not given a reason, it just might not be a reason that you accept.

I am sorry for what has happened to you and I will pray for you but I in no way take any responsibility for the choice you have made, you are an adult and it is all on you.

This is why I reported this post. I knew that if anyone in the slightest way disagreed with you this thread would go downhill fast. As I said, this is a personal and sensitive subject that should not be discussed on an anonymous internet forum.

I also believe your post breaks the rules on other matters but I will leave this with what I have said.
 
strgzr99 said:
Boy, you’re zealous, Byz!

It’s true–no one has a right to ordination, or to stay in the diaconate program, or to marry a certain individual, or to remain in a certain religious institute. But people do have a right to know what happened, in as specific terms as possible. .
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We only have one side of the story here. I am not “zealous” in any way.

I know of a handful of people who have been released from programs, they all claim that they do not know why they were released. Every single one did know, or at least was told why, but they refused to listen. They were in denial, they had issues.

I am not, in any way, saying that this is the case here.

Please point in my post where I said that the OP has no right to know. I said that the diocese and diaconate program will not comment, when I said that I was stating that they will make no public comment on this issue. When he was released they should have told him why. We only have his word that they did not. I find that hard to believe from my years in formation. But if it happened then it happened.

My main point is that this is a very personal and sensitive issue and should not be put out for comment on an anonymous internet forum especially since we will only ever get one side of the story.

My favorite SciFi show, Babylon 5 had a line. Made by the Vorlon ambassador to (I believe) Sheridian (commander of the station), it goes, “The truth is a three edge sword, your truth, his truth, and the Truth.”
 
Applying to another program sounds like a really good idea. Maybe that will be the start of your healing.

Is it right to leave the Church because of what someone did to you? Is it right to leave Peter because of Judas?

Blessings
 
ByzCath said:
We only have one side of the story here. I am not “zealous” in any way.

I know of a handful of people who have been released from programs, they all claim that they do not know why they were released. Every single one did know, or at least was told why, but they refused to listen. They were in denial, they had issues.

I am not, in any way, saying that this is the case here.

Please point in my post where I said that the OP has no right to know. I said that the diocese and diaconate program will not comment, when I said that I was stating that they will make no public comment on this issue. When he was released they should have told him why. We only have his word that they did not. I find that hard to believe from my years in formation. But if it happened then it happened.

My main point is that this is a very personal and sensitive issue and should not be put out for comment on an anonymous internet forum especially since we will only ever get one side of the story.

My favorite SciFi show, Babylon 5 had a line. Made by the Vorlon ambassador to (I believe) Sheridian (commander of the station), it goes, “The truth is a three edge sword, your truth, his truth, and the Truth.”
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There’s a saying in my law office that there are at least three or four sides to every story, and none of them are true.
 
Benedictine said:
I was admitted to my diocese’s deacon formation program and was doing very well. I received excellent grades in the course work, was very active in my parish’s ministries, attended and participated in daily mass, and even did things outside the parish such as visiting the needy and teaching the faith outside the parish (all approved). The parish pastor completely supported me and told me frequently that he looked forward to the day that I was ordained! My program reviews were all excellent and there was absolutely no indication of a problem at all.

Then about halfway through the program we got a new formation director and something seriously changed. He took this instant disliking towards me, which I could not understand at all. Everything I did was wrong to him and he became very critical. My course work continued to excel and I had the admiration and support of all the guys in the program, but this new director seemed to be really out to “get me”. There may have been two possible reasons for this: 1. My support for the Tridentine Latin Mass as per Pope Benedict’s Summorum Pontificum motu proprio, though of course I complete support and promote the modern Mass as well as Vatican II, and 2. My weight. I have been seriously overweight, but have since trimmed down. The director is a serious health nut, always talking about his workouts and nutrition.

Then on my first review with him, I was brought into a room with another priest there (I had no idea why he was there) and told that there was “recently discovered discrepancy” in my initial psychological evaluation at the beginning of the program! He then suggested I “get counseling” and dismissed me from the program! I was horribly shocked! And the worst part is that my neither my pastor or bishop (who is very liberal) would hear me, ignoring my requests to talk to them about this. I was then treated like a pariah by the parish staff and the diocesan chancery, and have been the laughingstock of my parish and diocese ever since.

I have no idea what happened to me and have been completely numb ever since. It has been months now and I have tried to move on, but cannot. I am so wounded by what happened that I have been seriously considering to finally leave the Catholic Church all together. I am sick and tired of the patronizing statement “Well, you can still be a GREAT layperson!” I have always believed that I am called to clerical ministry, but if the church rejects me for no reason given or no chance to work out whatever is the problem, then how can I go on? Was it my support of the Latin Mass? And why was my initial psychological evaluation brought up when there was nothing wrong with it beforehand? I was admitted to the program with this evaluation reviewed and approved, was I not? If there was a problem, then why was I admitted to the program? I cannot talk to my pastor about this, and the other guys in the program, who were so supportive and loving, now avoid me like the plague, for fear of being associated with me and finding themselves kicked out so close to ordination.

I just don’t know what to do or say. Has anyone else had this experience, and if so how did you move on? I just do not understand what happened. I really want to leave the Roman Catholic Church, but only stay for my wife and family. I have no love for the church any more.
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Benedictine,

Im genuinely sorry for the pain you are experiencing at being rejected, esp by the rejection by those we feel should be accepting of us

Our Lord knew rejection, right down to those who were closest to Him (judus).
With that, pick up the cross of rejection of peers, and move forward, knowing He can right and supercede the injustices done to us.

He is more powerful than those who reject us.

Padre Pio is a PERFECT example of this, amongst other saints.

Stay close to Our Lord. Go to Mass. Participate in the Sacraments. Don’t focus on the weakness of the human beings around us, even those who are “above” us in authority.

Keep your eyes on Our Lord, even when the waves around us are turbulant

God Bless. 🙂
 
I don’t know the rules, regulations, and politics involved.

I do know that if something happened to keep me from a life long vocation, I fight. I fight hard. Acceptance comes a loooong way down the road.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
 
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