Dismissed...Where to go?

[CKNICKERBOCKER]

Recently I wrote a letter to the Pastor regarding a guest speaker at our Parish that gave incorrect catechesis. I cited the CCC and asked for a public correction. There was no correction or response from the guest speaker or the pastor, therefore I requested a follow-up and response from the Bishops office. This person from the Bishops office referred me back to the Pastor. In turn, the pastor became angry at me for contacting the Bishops office and dismissed me from serving on the Pastoral Council and said the he “didn’t trust me” because of the "trouble " he go into. Needless to say I was very hurt and dismayed as my original intention was to help protect the parishioners from being misled. Where should I go from here? I’ve though about leaving the church, but I 'm wondering if there is a better solution.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Recently I wrote a letter to the Pastor regarding a guest speaker at our Parish that gave incorrect catechesis. I cited the CCC and asked for a public correction. There was no correction or response from the guest speaker or the pastor, therefore I requested a follow-up and response from the Bishops office. This person from the Bishops office referred me back to the Pastor. In turn, the pastor became angry at me for contacting the Bishops office and dismissed me from serving on the Pastoral Council and said the he “didn’t trust me” because of the "trouble " he go into. Needless to say I was very hurt and dismayed as my original intention was to help protect the parishioners from being misled. Where should I go from here? I’ve though about leaving the church, but I 'm wondering if there is a better solution.

I don’t have an answer for you, but if you are as committed to the truth as your actions above indicate, why would you even consider leaving the Church? I don’t get it.

 

[stuart12]

today is the feast day of Saint Athanasius, ‘the Father of Orthodoxy’, imitate him, dont give in to a little discouragement.

We need people who actually care about the Faith, please dont leave the Church over modernists/liberalists/whatever.

 

[Jay53]

I don’t have an answer for you, but if you are as committed to the truth as your actions above indicate, why would you even consider leaving the Church? I don’t get it.

I thought he meant just find another parish.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Recently I wrote a letter to the Pastor regarding a guest speaker at our Parish that gave incorrect catechesis. I cited the CCC and asked for a public correction. There was no correction or response from the guest speaker or the pastor, therefore I requested a follow-up and response from the Bishops office. This person from the Bishops office referred me back to the Pastor. In turn, the pastor became angry at me for contacting the Bishops office and dismissed me from serving on the Pastoral Council and said the he “didn’t trust me” because of the "trouble " he go into. Needless to say I was very hurt and dismayed as my original intention was to help protect the parishioners from being misled. Where should I go from here? I’ve though about leaving the church, but I 'm wondering if there is a better solution.

Another parish might be the best thing for a little while. When people close doors God opens others.

 

[CKNICKERBOCKER]

Because, I’m hurt. His actions have affected my sense of peace and trust. Frankly, I feel that if I took it further, following up with the Bishops office again, the priest could lose his job. This is the only time I’ve observed where he has been blatantly morally and ethically questionable.

 

[dnomyaR]

Perhaps you should attempt to explain how you feel to the priest?

I think it would be best to find another parish. I have to attend Mass at different churches all the time because of I travel a lot and I really like the experience.

 

[jmcrae]

Recently I wrote a letter to the Pastor regarding a guest speaker at our Parish that gave incorrect catechesis. I cited the CCC and asked for a public correction. There was no correction or response from the guest speaker or the pastor, therefore I requested a follow-up and response from the Bishops office. This person from the Bishops office referred me back to the Pastor. In turn, the pastor became angry at me for contacting the Bishops office and dismissed me from serving on the Pastoral Council and said the he “didn’t trust me” because of the "trouble " he go into. Needless to say I was very hurt and dismayed as my original intention was to help protect the parishioners from being misled. Where should I go from here? I’ve though about leaving the church, but I 'm wondering if there is a better solution.

There are more subtle ways of handling this sort of thing, rather than getting your Pastor in trouble with the Bishop. First, simply mention to your friends and other acquaintances of yours that you don’t think the material presented was accurate, and mention your reading of the Catechism and how you yourself understand the issue. This gets around fairly quickly.

Second, a letter to the presenter himself (or herself) raising the question in an inquiring tone of voice (rather than accusatory) asking, “I heard you say this, but in my reading of the Catechism, I find the other - can you please explain further?” - most of the time I find that an approach like that has a good effect - they are able to correct their teaching without losing face, by saying something like, “Oh, thanks for correcting my phrasing, that is, actually, what I had intended to say,” and in their future presentations, the information is presented accurately.

The only time this doesn’t work is if the person is actually in opposition to the teaching of the Church, and means to be. But this is quite rare - most people are horrified to find that they are opposing the Church on some issue, and correct themselves when given a face-saving opportunity to do so.

But if they don’t, then that’s when you go to the Bishop - not to accuse your Pastor, but simply to mention to the Bishop that this particular presenter does not seem suitable for that particular subject, and should not be recommended to other parishes in the future. (Leave your pastor out of it.)

Calls for public shaming rarely get any kind of results at all - as you’ve already discovered, you only get your own head stomped on.

 

[CKNICKERBOCKER]

Another parish might be the best thing for a little while. When people close doors God opens others.

This Pastor has been at this parish for 10 years. He will be up for re-assignment soon. It may not be the healthiest response for the pastor if I leave, as this may be what he wants. If that is the case, he isn’t in the job of saving souls if he doesn’t care about mine.
Besides, he has mentioned his dislike about people who church shop/ parish hop, as many have left our parish. His preferential attitude of parishioners is There IS no where else to go. Am I wrong to think the Bishops office will be too hard on him, and to not trust they will handle this responsibly and professionally?

 

[CB_Catholic]

I thought he meant just find another parish.

I guess I was reading it wrong, thank goodness.

 

[jmcrae]

This Pastor has been at this parish for 10 years. He will be up for re-assignment soon. It may not be the healthiest response for the pastor if I leave, as this may be what he wants. If that is the case, he isn’t in the job of saving souls if he doesn’t care about mine.

Sorry, but that’s just being whiny. He doesn’t do things your way, so it means he doesn’t care about your soul? And what about you - how much care and concern do you have for him?

The first thing you did when you disagreed with something, was call for a public shaming, and when he refused to oblige you, you tattled on him to the Bishop.

What’s he supposed to think of you?

 

[CKNICKERBOCKER]

There are more subtle ways of handling this sort of thing, rather than getting your Pastor in trouble with the Bishop. First, simply mention to your friends and other acquaintances of yours that you don’t think the material presented was accurate, and mention your reading of the Catechism and how you yourself understand the issue. This gets around fairly quickly.

Second, a letter to the presenter himself (or herself) raising the question in an inquiring tone of voice (rather than accusatory) asking, “I heard you say this, but in my reading of the Catechism, I find the other - can you please explain further?” - most of the time I find that an approach like that has a good effect - they are able to correct their teaching without losing face, by saying something like, “Oh, thanks for correcting my phrasing, that is, actually, what I had intended to say,” and in their future presentations, the information is presented accurately.

The only time this doesn’t work is if the person is actually in opposition to the teaching of the Church, and means to be. But this is quite rare - most people are horrified to find that they are opposing the Church on some issue, and correct themselves when given a face-saving opportunity to do so.

But if they don’t, then that’s when you go to the Bishop - not to accuse your Pastor, but simply to mention to the Bishop that this particular presenter does not seem suitable for that particular subject, and should not be recommended to other parishes in the future. (Leave your pastor out of it.)

Calls for public shaming rarely get any kind of results at all - as you’ve already discovered, you only get your own head stomped on.

 

[stuart12]

what was actually said in the presentation which you believe to be contrary to the Church’s teachings?

 

[CKNICKERBOCKER]

Not true, I asked for him to ask fhe speaker to clarify/correct the mistake-no response.
The only time I would go to the Bishop is if I felt others were in danger of being misled, and I was not getting an approprate response from the Pastor. Not only did he fail to respond, but he called me in to dismiss me from the Council. How do you compute whiny?

Sorry, but that’s just being whiny. He doesn’t do things your way, so it means he doesn’t care about your soul? And what about you - how much care and concern do you have for him?

The first thing you did when you disagreed with something, was call for a public shaming, and when he refused to oblige you, you tattled on him to the Bishop.

What’s he supposed to think of you?

 

[Newbie2]

I don’t know about your parish by-laws, but our parish council meetings are open to all parishioners and the pastor cannot dismiss anyone from the council.

If your meetings are open, just show up and keep quiet. If he makes a scene, the other council members will have the opportunity to see what’s really going on. It may lead to a “come to Jesus” meeting (pun intended ) so you can explain that by not responding to your initial inquiry, he didn’t leave you many options.

That being said, I would have asked him again before going to the bishop, letting him know that you would rather discuss it with him. Many matters the bishops are unwilling to get involved in.

 

[CKNICKERBOCKER]

The speaker said that masturbation within marriage is not a sin. He said nothing within the marital bed is a sin. The ccc states that it is a gravely disordered action, along with pornography etc.

what was actually said in the presentation which you believe to be contrary to the church’s teachings?

 

[jmcrae]

The speaker said that masturbation within marriage is not a sin. He said nothing within the marital bed is a sin. The ccc states that it is a gravely disordered action, along with pornography etc.

Well, technically, everything in the marriage bed that leads to and ends in sex is “okay” - it’s only when it doesn’t end in sex between a man and woman who are married to each other, that it’s considered a sin. So, it’s quite possible that he was actually right.

 

[puzzleannie]

Recently I wrote a letter to the Pastor regarding a guest speaker at our Parish that gave incorrect catechesis. I cited the CCC and asked for a public correction. There was no correction or response from the guest speaker or the pastor, therefore I requested a follow-up and response from the Bishops office. This person from the Bishops office referred me back to the Pastor. In turn, the pastor became angry at me for contacting the Bishops office and dismissed me from serving on the Pastoral Council and said the he “didn’t trust me” because of the "trouble " he go into. Needless to say I was very hurt and dismayed as my original intention was to help protect the parishioners from being misled. Where should I go from here? I’ve though about leaving the church, but I 'm wondering if there is a better solution.

without in any way criticizing your method of proceeding, I suggest anyone in a similar situation first check out the updated Lay Witness Protocol from the Catholics’ United for the Faith website
cuf.org/FaithFacts/protocol.asp
to find out the right and wrong way to go about it. what is known in the army as going through channels.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

Well, technically, everything in the marriage bed that leads to and ends in sex is “okay” - it’s only when it doesn’t end in sex between a man and woman who are married to each other, that it’s considered a sin. So, it’s quite possible that he was actually right.

That is quite possible. If the act was taking place outside the marriage bed in order to avoid intercourse it would be wrong. As I understand it, it would be permissible if done in order to facilitate intercourse or to bring the woman to orgasm immediately following intercourse.

 

[CKNICKERBOCKER]

THE CCC is quite clear. it is a gravely disordered action. You can twist, and bend the interpretations any way you like but it doesn’t change the fact that it is a gravely disordered action. The CCC is is not confusing, but when we try to explain away all the possibilities, it becomes confused and muddied.