Disrespectful Mother.... and Veeery frustrated daughter!

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faithfully said:
Hi Marybeloved,

Interesting how we assume you’re in the same country as us! Sorry about that. In the US, this man’s behavior would absolutely put him at risk for some legal action.

Is this man’s behavior consistant with your culture? If so, I imagine your mom THINKS she’s doing you some good. And I can at least understand why she’s trying to keep your options open. This must be very hard to deal with. As you have cultural issues to stand up against as well. .
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No, it’s not normal in my culture for him to do that. Certainly where I’ve grown up, if a guy persisted the way he has, my father would have “hired” a policeman to put some fear of God into him. My brothers would have paid him a visit, to have a “chat” about what part of NO he had trouble understanding. To be honest, my mother is just out of line- But I’m not in a position to do much about it until I get a job. I’m only wondering if her desperation to avoid the shame of having “an old maid” for a daughter could be what drives her bad behavior? (And there is no doubt in my mind that her behavior is horrible in this regard).

I’m thinking of telling my older siblings and their spouses who I know would tell her she’s out of line. She does care about not embarrassing herself, so the prospect of bing seen to encourage this nasty harrassment might do something. I was avoiding that because they had problems and I don’t want to drive them further apart, but my options are getting limited :(.
 
promethius said:
That’s a good first step.

Her receiving a private text message and responding on a holiday, which you only found out about because you went through her phone, is hardly her intruding on your life. Sue her in court and you’ll quickly find out that when it comes to private communications that I am correct in stating you have no legal right to limit your mother’s communications.
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Who asked about “legal rights” here? Are those the only rights you recognize? My parents have no “legal right” to require me to talk to them when I’m not living with them. Does it mean I have no obligation to make sure I do?
That is not at all what I have said. What I have said is that while parents have a duty to respect their children,
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And inserting themselves into their children’s affairs especially when it’s matter of the family member keeping someone away from their lives is very disrespectful
they have no duty to respect the illigitimate wishes of those children… illigitimate wishes such as trying to control or limit private communications between two consenting adults.
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Your language sounds like what people use to argue for gay marriage. Two adults “consenting” to do something does not confer a moral right to do that thing.
If you were taught that children are allowed to use a verse of the bible out of context to seize control of the family under the pretense that parents are never allowed to do anything that could upset their children, then you were taught incorrectly.
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Neither are parents given a pass for inappropriate intrusion into their adult children’s affairs by the fourth commandment.
 
Marybeloved said:
No, it’s not normal in my culture for him to do that. Certainly where I’ve grown up, if a guy persisted the way he has, my father would have “hired” a policeman to put some fear of God into him. My brothers would have paid him a visit, to have a “chat” about what part of NO he had trouble understanding. To be honest, my mother is just out of line- But I’m not in a position to do much about it until I get a job. I’m only wondering if her desperation to avoid the shame of having “an old maid” for a daughter could be what drives her bad behavior? (And there is no doubt in my mind that her behavior is horrible in this regard).

I’m thinking of telling my older siblings and their spouses who I know would tell her she’s out of line. She does care about not embarrassing herself, so the prospect of bing seen to encourage this nasty harrassment might do something. I was avoiding that because they had problems and I don’t want to drive them further apart, but my options are getting limited :(.
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Your mother may not understand that the age of first marriage is on the rise in our country, such that prospective spouses do not consider a woman of 28 to be past her prime. Also, it is unfortunately true that people who marry at a younger age in our country have a higher rate of divorce. You may want to say what I used to say when asked about one of my brothers, who did not marry until after he was 30: “It seems a good idea to skip the rashly-chosen starter marriage that will end in divorce, and to choose carefully enough so as to go directly to the one that is going to work!”

A spouse may abandon or divorce you, after all, but an ex is forever. That fellow your mother is trying to get for you would be a bad husband, but an even worse ex.
 
Marybeloved said:
I’m thinking of telling my older siblings and their spouses who I know would tell her she’s out of line. She does care about not embarrassing herself, so the prospect of bing seen to encourage this nasty harrassment might do something. I was avoiding that because they had problems and I don’t want to drive them further apart, but my options are getting limited :(.
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This sounds like a good idea. Hopefully your mother will listen to them and stop with stupid behaviour.
 
Marybeloved, Peace be to you, and to your family.

Firstly, God bless you, and bless your family. Now, stalkers are obsessed people. I had a stalker too in my past, and I know how difficult is to let other understand that it is so hard to deal with an individual that seeks romantic interest with you and won’t take no for an answer. An individual who will use any information of you, and constantly search for more to try to connect to you. It is scary, and it can turn into hateful situations, and situations that may cost your very own life. I am glad that you understand this terrible situation. Unfortunately, your mother does not, and also some of the posters here. Even a restraining order can get you killed. A restraining order is not a shield. The situation with a stalker must be handled with care, and one of the most important steps to find relief is to CUT ALL CONTACT. As long as He or She has contact, He or She will still be pursuing you.

Secondly, your mother needs to understand the situation. Please pray to God for understanding. Pray to God to help you explain, and let your mother understand how terrible the situation is. Please talk to your mother with respect, and try to keep a cool head while you explain to her that you are in DANGER. Appeal to her instincts as a mother that protects a child.

Thirdly, Pray to God for deliverance from this evil man. This man does not know or may not care, but he is inflicting so much pain to you. Pray to God for guidance to handle this difficult situation, peace to endure it, and talk to God about how you can overcome it.

Remember that in these tribulations, we must find God, and we find refuge in Him. Please God, bow down Thy ear to Marybeloved. Let her know that You are always there for her.

[BIBLEDRB]Psalm 30:2-6[/BIBLEDRB]

Also to other posters, remember that You are CHRISTIAN. You are an example of God’s work here. Be lovingly, and correct others lovingly. Remember your call to Charity.
 
Patavium said:
Marybeloved, Peace be to you, and to your family.

Firstly, God bless you, and bless your family. Now, stalkers are obsessed people. I had a stalker too in my past, and I know how difficult is to let other understand that it is so hard to deal with an individual that seeks romantic interest with you and won’t take no for an answer. An individual who will use any information of you, and constantly search for more to try to connect to you. It is scary, and it can turn into hateful situations, and situations that may cost your very own life. I am glad that you understand this terrible situation. Unfortunately, your mother does not, and also some of the posters here. Even a restraining order can get you killed. A restraining order is not a shield. The situation with a stalker must be handled with care, and one of the most important steps to find relief is to CUT ALL CONTACT. As long as He or She has contact, He or She will still be pursuing you.

Secondly, your mother needs to understand the situation. Please pray to God for understanding. Pray to God to help you explain, and let your mother understand how terrible the situation is. Please talk to your mother with respect, and try to keep a cool head while you explain to her that you are in DANGER. Appeal to her instincts as a mother that protects a child.

Thirdly, Pray to God for deliverance from this evil man. This man does not know or may not care, but he is inflicting so much pain to you. Pray to God for guidance to handle this difficult situation, peace to endure it, and talk to God about how you can overcome it.

Remember that in these tribulations, we must find God, and we find refuge in Him. Please God, bow down Thy ear to Marybeloved. Let her know that You are always there for her.

[BIBLEDRB]Psalm 30:2-6[/BIBLEDRB]

Also to other posters, remember that You are CHRISTIAN. You are an example of God’s work here. Be lovingly, and correct others lovingly. Remember your call to Charity.
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It may be that if the OP were to call a county or municipal social services agency in her area, someone could be found who could explain to her mother the danger posed by someone showing the behaviors she has described.
 
EasterJoy said:
It may be that if the OP were to call a county or municipal social services agency in her area, someone could be found who could explain to her mother the danger posed by someone showing the behaviors she has described.
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The OP lives in a different country. She explained that earlier.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
The OP lives in Africa, where there are no protection laws.

But that website is shocking.
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I think it’s very sad how I don’t think that website is shocking. I know I haven’t seen the worst by any degree. But have seen such horror in my life… I’m not shocked at all.
 
Patavium said:
Marybeloved, Peace be to you, and to your family.

Firstly, God bless you, and bless your family. Now, stalkers are obsessed people. I had a stalker too in my past, and I know how difficult is to let other understand that it is so hard to deal with an individual that seeks romantic interest with you and won’t take no for an answer. An individual who will use any information of you, and constantly search for more to try to connect to you. It is scary, and it can turn into hateful situations, and situations that may cost your very own life. I am glad that you understand this terrible situation. Unfortunately, your mother does not, and also some of the posters here. Even a restraining order can get you killed. A restraining order is not a shield. The situation with a stalker must be handled with care, and one of the most important steps to find relief is to CUT ALL CONTACT. As long as He or She has contact, He or She will still be pursuing you.

Secondly, your mother needs to understand the situation. Please pray to God for understanding. Pray to God to help you explain, and let your mother understand how terrible the situation is. Please talk to your mother with respect, and try to keep a cool head while you explain to her that you are in DANGER. Appeal to her instincts as a mother that protects a child.

Thirdly, Pray to God for deliverance from this evil man. This man does not know or may not care, but he is inflicting so much pain to you. Pray to God for guidance to handle this difficult situation, peace to endure it, and talk to God about how you can overcome it.

Remember that in these tribulations, we must find God, and we find refuge in Him. Please God, bow down Thy ear to Marybeloved. Let her know that You are always there for her.

[BIBLEDRB]Psalm 30:2-6[/BIBLEDRB]

Also to other posters, remember that You are CHRISTIAN. You are an example of God’s work here. Be lovingly, and correct others lovingly. Remember your call to Charity.
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Patavium said:
There are many resources online such as:

dvmen.org/dv-14.htm

I would consult them, and also talk to your mother with such evidence.
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Thank you so much, Patavium! Your advice is priceless. Will read that site.

Peace!
 
Hey, Everyone,

I spoke to my Mother yesterday- She said that she had not taken the situation all that seriously and that she would not be talking to him again. To be very honest, I don’t believe her. But in a situation such as mine, Jesus alone can help. I’ve let my spiritual life fall to the background due to many things going on, but I’m making a resolution to begin afresh right away. God alone can help me and keep me safe from all sorts of crazies. I’ll also pray for my mom, because I honestly think that she needs conversion for her own sake and soul (not just based on this thing alone, but on others that I have not discussed here, as well). I think I’ll renew my consecration to Our Lady and pray to the Holy Family and St. Joseph as someone suggested.

Thank you all so much for your support and concern, and showing that you understood it from my POV, why I took it so seriously. God Bless you.
 
Hey, Is there any way you could get your mom’s phone and ‘block’ his number from there again? No offence to mom’s but if she’s anything like mine, I had to program her phone for her and she wouldn’t know how to ‘block’ or ‘unblock’ someone if her life depended on it! I’m not trying to be rude or sound like I’m calling your mother unintelligent, just stating the way it is with some and technology. I’m sure you alread have done this, but I would begin keeping a log about all of what is going on - I’m not sure what the stalking laws are in your part of Africa, but certain countries do have some laws written on them. This guy is what my family calls “nutsy squirrel”.
One other thought - is there any way you could speak to the local priest and then bring your mother in to see him or bring him home for dinner or something? I know if I had a priest on my side and I was trying to convince my mom of something, it would help. If nothing else, it might bring you back into the spritual side that it sounds like you want to get closer too.
God Bless and Good Luck -
Rye
 
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