There is no ambiguity in the Church’s teaching, only in those choosing to feel that way.
There is no “matrimonial act” outside of marriage – there is only fornication and adultery as De Margerie comments:
De Margerie observes that "every matrimonial act should be ‘intrinsically’ ordered to life, to the transmission of life, even if in actual fact, owing to an accidental and extrinsic reason, it must remain barren."10 A conjugal act that respects the gift of fertility, of procreativity, is one that is intrinsically open to the transmission of life, even if conception, as a physical event, does not take place or cannot take place because of sterility resulting from “natural rhythms” or age or disease.
Pope Paul VI and the Church teach firmly that the contraceptive choice is intrinsically disordered. To choose to act in this way is to choose to act against something really good, and good not merely in an instrumental way but personally and humanly good. The procreative meaning of our sexuality and of the marital act is not a good of the biological order, subhuman and subpersonal in character, but is rather a good of the human person, a good participating in the goodness of the human person and of God, the author of our procreativity. The contraceptive choice is a choice to reject this good of the human person, of human sexuality, and of marriage.
Notes:
10. Bertrand de Margerie, S.J., “Reflections on Some Aspects of Humanae vitae To Which Less Consideration Has Been Given,” “Osservatore Romano;” English Edition May 25, 1978. See also Elisabeth Anscombe, *Contraception and Chastity *(London: Catholic Truth Society, 1976), pp. 20-23.
Both *Casti Connubii *(1930) and
Humanae Vitae (1968) condemn contraception infallibly.
Here, I think the following by Dr Jeff Mirus of Catholic Culture is helpful:
He states that while “many moralists have argued (I believe correctly) that contraception is morally neutral in itself when considered outside of marriage” he asserts that “even morally neutral acts can have good or bad consequences and should be selected or avoided accordingly.”
Dr Mirus explains that the bad consequences of contraception outside of marriage are:
“
First, it engenders a casual attitude toward sexual relations. This clearly contributes to the rise of casual sex, and the rise of casual sex has enormous implications for psychological and emotional well-being, personal and public health, and social cohesion.
“
Second, it shifts the emphasis in sexual relations from fruitfulness to pleasure. By eliminating the possibility of new life and the permanent bonding it demands, contraception reduces the meaning of human sexuality to pleasure and, at best, a truncated or wounded sort of commitment. Moreover, if the meaning of human sexuality is primarily a meaning of pleasure, then any sexual act which brings pleasure is of equal value. It is no surprise that pornography and homosexuality have mushroomed, while marriage has declined, since the rise of the “contraceptive mentality”. Abortion too has skyrocketed as a backup procedure based on the expectation that contraception should render sex child-free. All of this, too, is psychologically, emotionally and physically damaging, as well as destructive of the social order.
“Outside of marriage, contraception is to be avoided for its consequences (consequences surely made worse by the difficulty of psychologically separating contraception from its marital meaning). But within marriage, the context changes and the act of contraception itself becomes intrinsically disordered.”
“The point to remember is that contraception is intrinsically evil only within marriage.
Outside of marriage, sexual intercourse itself is intrinsically evil; outside of marriage, there is no marital act that must be kept open to life and love; outside of marriage, the morality of contraception must be determined on other grounds, namely extrinsic grounds.”
catholicculture.org/commentary/articles.cfm?id=179
The simple and loving way is to learn Natural Birth Regulation (NBR) usually called Natural Family Planning. We know also that this is moral for serious reasons, so anyone who supports condomistic intercourse is:
- Unfaithful to Christ and His Church
- Unreasonable and unfaithful to their spouse
- Needs real help in understanding and the meaning of real love.