Read the reviews on Amazon - the 4th one down from the top of “Most Helpful” is very enlightening. Says the book is written from the leaver’s perspective and not the wronged party, says it encourages divorce (not surprising considering the culture we live in).My parents are getting a divorce, and I would like to give my mother some solidly Catholic books on the subject so she doesn’t get erroneous information and guidance.
Also, does anyone know if Crazy Time by Abigail Trafford is problematic or not? That’s the one she’s currently reading.
She has tried every possible way not to divorce. Also, I’m 22, and I’m the youngest.Read the reviews on Amazon - the 4th one down from the top of “Most Helpful” is very enlightening. Says the book is written from the leaver’s perspective and not the wronged party, says it encourages divorce (not surprising considering the culture we live in).
She’s not going to get Catholic books off the shelf in a bookstore or on line. Has she been through every possible way NOT to divorce? If not, “Divorce-Busting” by Michelle Weiner-Davis is a good book although not specifically Catholic. She’s anti-divorce because divorce hurts everyone AND society in general.
I know sometimes it can’t be helped. And I am genuinely sorry for your parents.
Why does she want to then? I’m confused. It sounds like the problem is with the father.She has tried every possible way not to divorce.
The problem is with both of them.Why does she want to then? I’m confused. It sounds like the problem is with the father.
I know sometimes there’s no other way. Does anyone have any recommendations that would help her through the process?brgregmack,
That’s awfully nice of you to worry about your Mom. Divorce at any age is a shame, but sometimes there is no other way.
I know. I had one that chased skirts.
How about the Nike philosophy . . . just do it! In this case, just DON’T do it!!!She has tried every possible way not to divorce.
If you are concerned about her immortal soul, recommend these books . . .I’m looking for something that can help her get through it without feeding her false information that sounds good but isn’t true and will do more harm than good in the long run.
Both the CCC and the Bible also recognize that there are times when divorce is valid as the marriage is not.How about the Nike philosophy . . . just do it! In this case, just DON’T do it!!!
If you are concerned about her immortal soul, recommend these books . . .
The Bible–the book of Matthew Chapter 19.
The Catechism–the sections on the sacrament of marriage and the 6th and 9th commandments. Especially:
2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:
If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.177
2385 Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.
You have an obligation as a Catholic trying to live a holy life to love your mother. Love isn’t a feeling. If it was then how could I possibly love people who I dislike? No, love is an act of the will. A CHOICE. No matter how much you don’t want to tell your mother that divorce is a mortal sin, that is the most loving thing you can do for her. This is not my opinion . . . it is the commandment of the church.
I will pray for you and your mother and anyone else who she affects by her decision.
May the Holy Spirit be with you always.
Please do not get me wrong. I am not necessarily advocating trying to save THIS marriage if it is past the point of being safe to do so. The only people that should be helping the OP’s mother to make those decisions are the people with the training to do this such as clergy and trained counselors. Too often it is too easy to latch on to hopeful words of some and that hope can be not what God wills for us. It is sometimes when our Will runs counter to the Will of God even when we think we our basing our will on Sacred Scripture that we can get in to trouble. This is why intense spiritual direction during times of crisis is so important. Yes, Christ can do these things for us but only if it is in His plan and He chooses to. Sometimes He has other plans but when we impose our will we do not open ourselves fully to His teachings.I have to say I agree totally with Razor and Joanofarc.
You have an obligation as a Catholic trying to live a holy life to love your mother. Love isn’t a feeling. If it was then how could I possibly love people who I dislike? No, love is an act of the will. A CHOICE. LOVE IS A DECISION. No matter how much you don’t want to tell your mother that divorce is a mortal sin, that is the most loving thing you can do for her. This is not my opinion . . . it is the commandment of the church.
read the 6th and 9th commandments,
read what the Catechism of our church says about marriage and Divorce.
too many in our church are quick to support the ripping apart of the marital bond.
families, the clergy, the community need instead to support those in difficult situations to persevere and honor those vows made in holy matrimony.
vows which not only are promised to the spouse but even more to God himself.
it is that persons salvation which is at stake.
You seem like a loving son to be care about your mother so much.
If God has risen Jesus from the dead, then why can we not believe that he can ressurrect nearly “dead” marriages?
Divorce is an intrinsic evil. Like abortion, it is NEVER okay. If there TRULY is GRAVE abuse or threat of it then separation is allowed by church law. However, permission from your bishop is required as soon as reasonably possible after the separation. In addition, the spouse who chooses to separate must do everything in their power to reconcile if/when the reason for separation no longer exists. This may sound crazy to many folks because our priests do not teach this but this IS church law. It is there to protect marriages from abandoning spouses–those folks that are simply no longer “happy” and “want to move on”. Of course, this usually means someone other than their spouse has paid attention to them and they’ve allowed themselves to become emotionally attached (also known as adultery).mommabear,
I would’ve been right with you not all that long ago. This marriage is an extreme case, one with addiction issues, and abuse issues. I still would rather not have them divorce, but this is the consequence of my father’s seeming unwillingness to get help. She still loves him, and that is why she’s doing this. In fact she’s very much open to getting back together with him if he changes.
I’ve also told her, and continue to tell her, that divorce is NEVER a good thing, even when it can’t be avoided. In this case, it is the charitable thing to do, for it ends enabling his behaviours.