Divorce from my second wife

[Richardmawn]

Hello i was raised in the Salvation Army. I eventually at age 20 became Anglican. Spent 20 years in the Anglican Church. In 2019 I was received into the Roman Catholic Church after taking RCIA for 8 months. I was divorice from my first marriage as she cheated on me and took off with her best friends husband. I ended up with sole custody of our daughter and my step children. Eventually I remarried. I had to have my first marriage annulled by the Anglican Church through the Diocese and the Bishop. My current wife and I are separated. I love her a lot but she wants a divorice. If I grant this and sign the papers. Am I committing a sin? I will no longer be with anybody in my mind we will always be married.

 

[AlmaRedemptorisMater]

Speak with your priest.

 

[CRV]

Welcome to the forums!

First off, I think you and your wife from whom you are separated should go to marriage counseling (hopefully all is not lost). I think this’d be the first step you’d be recommended anyway.

Congratulations on joining the Catholic Church. And kudos for taking on the responsibility of your daughter and step children - no easy task as a sole parent.

Secondly, based on what you wrote it would seem your wife has instigated divorce proceedings.

Whilst the Catholic Church does not believe in divorce (until death do we part) and thus the marriage bond remains. You might be interested in reading this article from Catholic Encyclopedia see → Divorce

And with this in mind I strongly advise you to go and speak with your parish priest.

 

[otjm]

The issue of sin is a matter for your confessor.

Some wag a long time ago made the comment that there is never a fight but that there are at least two people. It is not for anyone here to determine if what brings you to the possible point of a divorce is the result of sin on your part, her part, or both your parts; that is what the sacrament of Reconciliation is for.

In and of itself, getting a divorce (in other words, filing for a divorce) may or may not be a sin depending on any number of issues on the part of the person filing. And the same goes for the defendant in the case. As noted, you need to take up any issue concertinaing sin in the sacrament.

And if the matter is not beyond the point of any reconsideration, you may wish to both engage in counseling and/or Retrouvaille, a retreat for couples who are struggling in their marriage.

 

[Richardmawn]

Thankyou. Marriage counselling would be great however She is living in British Columbia and I’m now living in the Northwest Territories Canada. So that would be a challenge. Thankyou so much for your help.

 

[FiveLinden]

From a lot of threads on CA I have learned that the Church does not proscribe civil divorce in the case of separation but does not believe a valid marriage can be ended except by death. So the issue always is: is the marriage valid? The Church has arrangements to determine this if you wish.

 

[CRV]

Well that would make counselling together in person rather difficult. All avenues to reconciliation should be exhausted first. But if the other party had already moved on, and is adamant against reconciliation, it makes everything very difficult to say the least.

Speak to your priest and be guided by him.
Unless you apply for an annulment and one is granted, then one lives life on their own. Many Catholics do.

 

[Ammi]

The Catholic Church would not receive the Angican annulment, but would need to make it’s own investigation of your first marriage.

That seems like a starting place.

 

[Ammi]

All avenues to reconciliation should be exhausted first. But if the other party had already moved on, and is adamant against reconciliation, it makes everything very difficult to say the least.

Only death makes reconciliation fully exhausted. Permanent separation while a spouse has “moved on” certainly is difficult. But there is still much to gain by remaining single and honoring that bond.

 

[CRV]

Whilst I guess one could say there is always hope, and sometimes some couple may reconcile many years later - I think for a lot of couples, sadly that doesn’t happen. The civil divorce is the end of that marriage in one spouses’ eyes, and it isn’t uncommon for one or even both parties to marry again, or co-habit (including the Catholic party if lapsed in the Faith for example).

Yes, I agree there are a lot of couples whose marriage have failed and they are separated from bed and board, though the marriage bond remains - with the Catholic party (one or both) remaining on their own and living chastely. (Edited to add - assuming no annulment has been sought and obtained.)

 

[Ammi]

Yes, I agree there are a lot of couples whose marriage have failed and they are separated from bed and board, though the marriage bond remains - with the Catholic party (one or both) remaining on their own and living chastely.

I’d be interested to meet one of these Catholics! But I cannot help wonder if you arent assuming there are alot because it would be nice to believe.

I happen to believe if there were many, it would make a great impact on the rest of the Church.

 

[CRV]

Shame I can’t introduce you to various family members, or some people at my parish.

I think the Divorce statistics (including basing on my family relatives) speak for themselves. Catholics do get civilly divorced, and the Catholic party does remarry (sometimes without an annulment) or remain chaste honoring the marriage bond.

Peace.

 

[Poet]

Some wag a long time ago made the comment that there is never a fight but that there are at least two people.

I used to believe it took two to fight. I no longer do. An old lady being mugged for instance–it didn’t take two for that ‘fight’ to happen. And sometimes in marriage one party does make it impossible, despite every effort on the part of the other, to remain married. It’s not so much a ‘fight’ as a mugging.

I agree with your point, of course, that the question of sin might be better left to a priest than to a forum.

 

[Ammi]

I used to believe it took two to fight. I no longer do. An old lady being mugged for instance–it didn’t take two for that ‘fight’ to happen. And sometimes in marriage one party does make it impossible, despite every effort on the part of the other, to remain married. It’s not so much a ‘fight’ as a mugging.

Neither party can avoid remaining married. Despite infidelity, leaving the Church, divorce, remarriage, etc.

 

[Ammi]

I’m sure it happens. I just dont see evidence it happens alot. Divorce happens alot. Annulments happen alot. But remaining single after divorce?

 

[CRV]

But remaining single after divorce?

It happens.

Perhaps the Catholic party believes in the marriage bond, did not wish to be divorced by their spouse and chooses to remain alone as they know their marriage is valid - a member of my family is in this situation and has remained alone for around 30yrs.

It is possible - just because you personally do not know someone in this situation does not mean people are not choosing to remain single - whilst this persons spouse has since remarried twice.

Am leaving the thread now.

 

[Ammi]

I said I’m sure it happens. Of course it’s possible. That doesnt mean it happens very often at all. I dont know anyone doing that, and no one I know has told me they do. Just sayin’.

Furthermore, I’ve never even been encouraged to do that myself, by any clergy or Catholic (save one lay woman).

 

[otjm]

well, when a husband is beating the snit out of his wife, there are two people; I will leave it to confessors to decide where responsibility may lay; but after the first swing the wife needs to exit. Sadly there are dynamics present which all too often prevent that.

As to your old lady being mugged - that is not a fight within the sense of the conversation herein.

 

[otjm]

Actually, annulments occur infrequently given the number of divorces there are. Given the overall statistics on marriage, first marriages are significantly at risk of divorce.

In 2001 the CDC came out with a study that in first marriages, 1 out of three women were divorced within 10 years and 43% were divorced within 15 years. And while 75% of those groups of women remarried, 47% of those marriages were dissolved within 10 years.

Just in that, 25% remain single.

 

[JulianN]

Divorce happens alot. Annulments happen alot.

Well, divorce happens fairly often, but decrees of nullity do not. The vast majority of Catholics who divorce don’t even attempt an investigation into their marriages. Of those who do, a fair number don’t even make it to the Tribunal.