Divorce or Annulment?

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Retrouvaille won’t turn away people based on inability to pay. And johndoe, not only are your posts littered with grammatical and doctrinal errors, but they’re also filled with terrible advice. This is not a personal attack, this is reality.

As for “performance rating” her husband, first off that’s not even a term. Second, we’re talking about a guy who has basically given up on life. Too old to work at 40? Can’t or won’t hold down a job? That’s his responsibility. He has abdicated any claim to leadership in that household and become another dependent. That’s not marriage. That’s not even going into the whole refusing physical intimacy thing which as a man myself seems quite literally insane. Or the product of a destructive habit of self-abuse.

I’m not advocating for divorce. But I might advocate for separation or at the very least an individual kick in the rear end to this guy. She seems to have her act together. He doesn’t need marriage counseling. He needs counseling on how to be an adult.
 
My Bucket,

The information that I posted here came straight out of the “Weekend to Remember” booklet that my wife and I just paid $600 for. What you have posted is nothing more than your opinion, and will only cause the OP to fall into sin and neglect their little boy in the process.
 
The_Bucket said:
Retrouvaille won’t turn away people based on inability to pay. And johndoe, not only are your posts littered with grammatical and doctrinal errors, but they’re also filled with terrible advice. This is not a personal attack, this is reality.

As for “performance rating” her husband, first off that’s not even a term. Second, we’re talking about a guy who has basically given up on life. Too old to work at 40? Can’t or won’t hold down a job? That’s his responsibility. He has abdicated any claim to leadership in that household and become another dependent. That’s not marriage. That’s not even going into the whole refusing physical intimacy thing which as a man myself seems quite literally insane. Or the product of a destructive habit of self-abuse.

I’m not advocating for divorce. But I might advocate for separation or at the very least an individual kick in the rear end to this guy. She seems to have her act together. He doesn’t need marriage counseling. He needs counseling on how to be an adult.
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Well said! 👍 👍 👍
 
johndoe100 said:
My Bucket,

The information that I posted here came straight out of the “Weekend to Remember” booklet that my wife and I just paid $600 for. What you have posted is nothing more than your opinion, and will only cause the OP to fall into sin and neglect their little boy in the process.
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And my point was that there are weekend retreats that don’t cost that kind of money. I fully concede that what I posted is only my opinion but what you’re telling the OP is to just give up much in the same way that her husband has. Just live in a terrible marriage with a husband who is doing nothing for her or their child. That in and of itself is neglect my friend.

Should the OP ask for peace and for God’s will to be done? Yeah. But should she just give up and accept a marriage where she does all the work on every level and he does nothing? No way.
 
I talked it over with my wife first, and we decided to stop helping Cathloic Women.

SOLVE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS!

bye
 
Sorry Johndoe but again you are not looking at the completeness of the Biblical teaching - you are cherry picking and applying a Fundamentalist interpretation which is cautioned against in Dei Verbum This is what you posted;
When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:6-12 NIV84)
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This is also what Christ explains as well which is further explanation:
Teaching about Divorce. 31* “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce.’t 32But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
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(Mt 5:31-32)

The unless the marriage is unlawful comes from the translation of the Greek work porneia which is often mistranslated in Protestant Bibles.

Regardless you are teaching from a point of view that states annulments go against God. This is not the view of the Catholic Church. Are you arguing against the Church or are you arguing that this is what the Church believes?
 
thanks everyone for your advice and concerns! i seriously have no idea what to do. the priests that i know, unfortunately not so helpful…it’s sad to say that i’ve come across several priests who are tired/burned out (totally don’t have with them the Holy Spirit) and aren’t much help or are too busy to help. i may try another one, who comes to mind.

my main concern is that my husband can’t/won’t work and i have to work to support everyone - taking the time away from raising our son. that is what concerns me most. is this God’s Will or what?

whatever the case is, i’m going to start a novena today, to help my husband get a job (and keep it). if i could ask, would anyone be interested in praying for us?

thanks!
 
"Bless, 0 Lord of the centuries and the millennia, the daily work by which men and women provide bread for themselves and their loved ones. We also offer to your fatherly hands the toil and sacrifices associated with work, in union with your Son Jesus Christ, who redeemed human work from the yoke of sin and restored it to its original dignity. - Pope John Paul II
 
johndoe100 said:
"Bless, 0 Lord of the centuries and the millennia, the daily work by which men and women provide bread for themselves and their loved ones. We also offer to your fatherly hands the toil and sacrifices associated with work, in union with your Son Jesus Christ, who redeemed human work from the yoke of sin and restored it to its original dignity. - Pope John Paul II
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LOVE IT!!! Thanks for the prayer… 🙂
 
SonCatcher said:
A rather unfortunate statement. Anyone feels called to a work should be willing to accept formation in order to improve their work.
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Oh! It’s nothing personal against Catholic Women, The material that I have been posting is from, “A Weekend to Remember” by Family Life. They are on Christian Radio. As Protestants they believe that the Holy Spirit reveals the Bible Verses privately to individual believers. Catholics are supposed to rely on the church to do that, and I got plenty of static in this thread and another recent thread by a young Mexican gal who was having bad luck with online dating.

My wife and I (she is Protestant) thought that we should stop causing friction. If you read back through those two threads, you will find that I was bringing out the ungodliness in people.
 
johndoe100 said:
Oh! It’s nothing personal against Catholic Women, The material that I have been posting is from, “A Weekend to Remember” by Family Life. They are on Christian Radio. As Protestants they believe that the Holy Spirit reveals the Bible Verses privately to individual believers. Catholics are supposed to rely on the church to do that, and I got plenty of static in this thread and another recent thread by a young Mexican gal who was having bad luck with online dating.

My wife and I (she is Protestant) thought that we should stop causing friction. If you read back through those two threads, you will find that I was bringing out the ungodliness in people.
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I don’t think it was that you were bringing unGodliness. I think it is that you were being told where in Scripture doctrine came from. The issue is that you are basing your doctrinal beliefs on Protestant teachings. Protestant beliefs come from Protesting the Catholic Church - hence the name Protestant.

One of the protests that Martin Luther made was that marriage was not a Sacrament but should be handled only by government authorities and not ecclesial ones. Only the most devout of believers should seek the guidance of the Church. This is the Protestant belief. Do you believe this?

The reason I ask this is that this is the foundation of all Protestant teachings on marriage.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
I don’t think it was that you were bringing unGodliness. I think it is that you were being told where in Scripture doctrine came from. The issue is that you are basing your doctrinal beliefs on Protestant teachings. Protestant beliefs come from Protesting the Catholic Church - hence the name Protestant.

One of the protests that Martin Luther made was that marriage was not a Sacrament but should be handled only by government authorities and not ecclesial ones. Only the most devout of believers should seek the guidance of the Church. This is the Protestant belief. Do you believe this?

The reason I ask this is that this is the foundation of all Protestant teachings on marriage.
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Yes, that is why when I was widowed from my first Catholic marriage I married a nice Protestsnt gal. Later we had our Protestant marriage Convalidated in the Cathloic Church to get me back in Communion so I can go to Mass.

My experience with my first Catholic marriage, single Catholic women I dated after her death, and now Catholic women on this forum, has shown me that secular women and Catholic women have the same feminist ideas and practices.

I thank God for my Protestant wife. I have really been blessed!
 
Joan,

I see that you are involved with a divorce group. Well, I was widowed from a less than perfect Catholic marriage and was not willing to drink the coolaid twice. After my wife died I was faced with two options:

Remarry or stay single, and I choice to remarry.

Then, I was faced with another option whether to marry another Cathloic Woman which would undoubtedly have ended in divorce.

If divorced from a Carholic wife I would have been presented with two horrible options: Live without sex the rest of my life, or remarry and be permanently excommunicated.

Marring a nice Protestant gal was the best option, because I would only be excommunicated a short while until we got our marriage Convalidated in the Catholic Church. Now I have a beautiful young wife (21 years younger) who is biblically submissive, and will never divorce me. Praise God!
 
johndoe100 said:
My experience with my first Catholic marriage, single Catholic women I dated after her death, and now Catholic women on this forum, has shown me that secular women and Catholic women have the same feminist ideas and practices.
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Only a minority of the women on CAF are feminists of the secular mold and I don’t think any participants in this thread fit that description (indeed, most who are are non-Catholic, anyway). Your assessment is rather unfair.
 
johndoe100 said:
Joan,

I see that you are involved with a divorce group. Well, I was widowed from a less than perfect Catholic marriage and was not willing to drink the coolaid twice. After my wife died I was faced with two options:

Remarry or stay single, and I choice to remarry.

Then, I was faced with another option whether to marry another Cathloic Woman which would undoubtedly have ended in divorce.

If divorced from a Carholic wife I would have been presented with two horrible options: Live without sex the rest of my life, or remarry and be permanently excommunicated.

Marring a nice Protestant gal was the best option, because I would only be excommunicated a short while until we got our marriage Convalidated in the Catholic Church. Now I have a beautiful young wife (21 years younger) who is biblically submissive, and will never divorce me. Praise God!
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Friend, I’m afraid your issues are as serious as the OP’s. :sad_yes:
 
SonCatcher said:
Friend, I’m afraid your issues are as serious as the OP’s. :sad_yes:
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Except that the information given on this thread directly contradicts information from other threads. They are completely contradictory.

See here where the OP states his current wife is a lifelong practicing Catholic:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9450353&postcount=35

See here where he states he had the “perfect Catholic family” with his first wife, not a “less than perfect Catholic marriage” as he characterizes it here:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9451788&postcount=52

So, actually, it is difficult to know what to believe.
 
uh, can we stop this bickering? this is rather sad…this discussion is not helping my issue.

johndoe. i understand that Christ/God hates divorce. i should have said, “Separation or Annulment”, which in the Church is allowed for good reason if the spouse is detrimental to the remaining family members (namely abuse).

i - am COMPLETELY not a feminist. i DO believe in “submitting” to my husband, however, your reference to “submitting” to my husband pertains to what? that i bring home the only income, run the household and raise our child by myself without ANY involvement from his end?

you need to also remember what Ephesians has to say 5:25 - that husbands have to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. this marriage is supposed to be 50/50 - each being EQUAL but with different responsibilities. it is scriptural that my husband assume leadership in the home - NOT I.

we have already rambled on about 1 Timothy 5:8 that a man MUST work because "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

the Scriptures is quite clear about the roles of husbands and wives in the family. the husband MUST assume leadership in the home: 1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23. furthermore, Ephesians 5:28-29 says that husbands love their wives as they love their own bodies.

so what am i supposed to submit to? my dear johndoe, you don’t understand the scriptures well enough, i’m afraid about the roles of husbands and wives. it’s ok for wives to suppliment their husbands income - that’s not an issue. i understand helping out - however having EVERYTHING fall on my shoulders because of his sheer laziness, is not biblical.

so, separation or annulment?
 
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