Divorce/Remarriage question for evangelicals

[graceandglory]

This is really bothering me.
I was Sola Scriptura for so long. I am a Catholic now.
I know that I was divorced by my X, a pentecostal for no good biblical reason, other than he didn’t love me anymore.

I caught him this week spending the night with a woman. (His Cell phone accidentally rang me at 6 in the morning, I asked him about it and it’s true)

We have children together that I’m trying to raise in the Lord, as Catholics. Catholics absolutely may not divorce and remarry.
As an evangelical, I knew that since there was no adultery, I was to remain celibate and not remarry according to the Bible.

It doesn’t seem any other “sola Scriptura” types actually follow scripture in this area.
**
This is absolutely tearing me up inside, and I can’t sleep at night. Will someone please share your interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7 with me about your take on divorce and remarriage?**

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

 

[J_C]

dear Graceandglory,

I’ve been of an evangelical mindset in the past but like you am Catholic. I in process of applying for an annulment for a marriage that broke apart ten years ago.

based on what you wrote, it is doubtful that your marriage is sacramental, or that it was undertaken without serious impediment. Of course, a marriage tribunal would judge the facts, I am just saying that based on the inforjation you’ve given it appears that you have a case. you are correct that a valid sacramental marriage can not be “dissovled” but if the marriage was undertaken under bad circumstances then it isn’t really a marriage to begin with. in the annulment process the Tribunal examines the marriage in detail to make a determination.

i would strongly urge you to seek out the advice of your pastor on this matter. I waited for years before talking to anyone about my own case. I wish I had earlier.

it may be that you have no plans to remarry, and given that you have children that is probably the best way to go for now. however an annulment can take upwards of 18 months of process and who knows where you will be in 18 months? Also, facts and witnesses memories grow faint with time. the sooner you get going the better.

May God bless and keep you in this time of pain.

 

[graceandglory]

dear Graceandglory,
.

Thank you so much for your kind words, JC.
I have had my marriage annulled for several years now. It was clearly not sacramental. My X is an evangelical pastors’ kid and each of his siblings is a pastor. His dad “married us.”

My X told me that what he’s doing is neither right or wrong, it just is.

My concern is that since my kids are in attendance at his protestant church on the weekends they are with him, what is he (and the rest of the sola scriptural (private interpretation) world teaching my children about divorce and remarriage.

I am asking for sola scriptural evangelical types to give their answers here, because I am at a total loss.

Either my X is living a hypocritical life, or he’s not.

Wh****at is the sola scriptural view of divorce and remarriage?

 

[Hisalone]

This is really bothering me.
I was Sola Scriptura for so long. I am a Catholic now.
I know that I was divorced by my X, a pentecostal for no good biblical reason, other than he didn’t love me anymore.

I caught him this week spending the night with a woman. (His Cell phone accidentally rang me at 6 in the morning, I asked him about it and it’s true)

We have children together that I’m trying to raise in the Lord, as Catholics. Catholics absolutely may not divorce and remarry.
As an evangelical, I knew that since there was no adultery, I was to remain celibate and not remarry according to the Bible.

It doesn’t seem any other “sola Scriptura” types actually follow scripture in this area.
**
This is absolutely tearing me up inside, and I can’t sleep at night. Will someone please share your interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7 with me about your take on divorce and remarriage?**

I was married by a priest and recieved an annulment after 6 years of marriage.
At the time I married I was not a practicing Catholic at the time of my annulement I was not a practicing Catholic.
Your ex who is having sex outside marriage is is outside the will of God and unacceptible in any of the Evangelical churches Ive been a part of.

 

[Hisalone]

A valid reason for divorce in the church and outside the church is adultry.
It sounds like your marriage was not within the Catholic Church you must ask if it was recognized by the CC if it was not no worries if it was talk to a priest and see about getting an annulment on the grounds of your exs sexual infidelity.

 

[LutheranDK]

This is really bothering me.
I was Sola Scriptura for so long. I am a Catholic now.
I know that I was divorced by my X, a pentecostal for no good biblical reason, other than he didn’t love me anymore.

I caught him this week spending the night with a woman. (His Cell phone accidentally rang me at 6 in the morning, I asked him about it and it’s true)

We have children together that I’m trying to raise in the Lord, as Catholics. Catholics absolutely may not divorce and remarry.
As an evangelical, I knew that since there was no adultery, I was to remain celibate and not remarry according to the Bible.

It doesn’t seem any other “sola Scriptura” types actually follow scripture in this area.
**
This is absolutely tearing me up inside, and I can’t sleep at night. Will someone please share your interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7 with me about your take on divorce and remarriage?**

I don’t know if I, as a Lutheran, can be classified as “evangelical” in the way that word is most often used (I mean: I WOULD say that I am evangelical, but I do NOT want to be compared to pentecostals, etc), but I DO adhere to the sola scriptura.
And it appears that your X doesn’t…
But do not judge all by his standard.

Now, as for your question:
The Bible speaks very plainly.
I hope to become a pastor one day, if that is where God wants me, and for me the matter is clear: If someone comes to me and wants me to wed him/her to their new partner, my answer will be a resounding “No.” Because Scripture is clear: Divorce is not allowed, and I would also say that remarriage, even in the one case where Jesus allows divorce, is a sin. What God has joined together, NO man may seperate. Not even the parties involved.

So for me, the matter is relatively simple.

 

[vocatio]

Solo Scriptura:

I left a congregation that I discovered had a divorced and remairried elder…That is HERESY!!! in the church we came from. The following ecclesisal communities see divorce as your Pentecostal faith taught you formerly.

Church of Christ
Disciples of Christ

Scriptural divorce and remarriage is only acceptable:

Only by adultery or death is anyone allowed to divorce and/or remarry. You are expected to remain single the rest of your life. No exceptions…it’s what attracted me to that faith and my wife. Now we’re all Catholic. The problem with Catholicism is not the faith [teaching] it’s all the crazy people doing whatever they want to do and the clergy that play along with it. I know a deacon from my youth that was having an affair with his secretary while he was in formation to be ordained a deacon. I know worse stories about priests, one that married my father and stepmother without him or her ever undergoing an annulment… the list goes on and on. It’s important to know that many people are not practicing the faith orthodox. There are a lots of heretically and risking their souls. Sorry ,but it’s true.

Going to see Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Praying for you guys. …Always. used to be in many of your shoes.

 

[SteveLy]

I would first ask what about the situation is “tearing you up”? That he has been with another woman? That you were treated unfairly being divorced? That you cannot remarry? That your children are with him on weekends and you are concerned about what he is telling them? Or that you finally “qualify” on Biblical grounds to remarry but because you chose to become Catholic you feel you cannot?

There are several areas here which are painful to work through. The area which is most disturbing you would be the one to focus on. What the “Sola Scriptura” churches teach is somewhat immaterial in that your are Catholic now. If you are still having trouble talk with your Pastor, friends or a counselor.

From your second post it appears that your concern lies with what the evangelicals are teachining or telling your children. I would suggest raising them to the best of your ability in the faith tradition you have chosen and acting within the confines of that to the best of your ability. Children learn far more from their parents actions than words and at some point they will choose their religious path on what they have learned.

Good Luck and God Bless You.

 

[justinthemartyr]

If God has brought the two together in marriage(ie. valid marriage)
then nothing and no one can put it asunder, there is no divorce possible in the sight of God.

If one of the persons has been cheated on, they can get a civil divorce, but that does not make it a divorce in the sight of God, it is still valid if it was valid to begin with. Married til death in the sight of God.
If one of the persons or children are in danger(physical, metal emotional abuse, financial devastation) because of one of the parents being present in the home/marriage, then a civil divorce is okay, but the marriage is still valid in the sight of God. You can not date/have relations, marry anyone else until the spouse dies.

An annulment only proves that the marriage was not valid to begin with, it is not a divorce in the sight of God, it is a civil divorce because the marriage was never valid in the sight of God.

Whatever God has put together, let no man put asunder. No divorce in the sght of God in a valid marriage.

The divorce Jesus speaks of is civil divorce , especially for those who were in invalid marriages in the old covenant, including polygamous, mixed marriages etc… They had to be divorced in the civil aspect because they were living in sin in an invalid marriage to begin with(immorality).

 

[BlestOne]

hahahaha… that is the exact verses I quoted to my kids about why I was divorcing their father!!! I am a cradle Catholic and so was he… until he decided to become a high priest in the pagan worshiping community… He walked out on me and I was grateful!!! and now he has 400 and some Gods to worship…

 

[vocatio]

graceandglory

I understand how you can be hurt even though your marriage was issued a “declaration of nullity” [just to get the terms straight for non-Catholics]. There is no reason that you should feel bad about feeling bad. It’s understandable… Just because you were in love and feel betrayed doesn’t mean you won’t have pain involved. After all, you have blessings form God from that marriage that was understood by the church to not exsist. That was either one of your faults or no fault of either of you.

I understand your question, and I have issues with people, especially in America, abusing the Annulment process. The Holy Father even criticize America for it. American life is unique compared to the rest of the world. We’re part of the wild and free new world. FREEDOM. We want freedom in everything. Even many Protestants drill in the idea of FREEDOM…without realizing how far they are leading people away from orthodox Christianity as in Catholicism.

Are you really asking others to share what they believe from their faiths, but do not really have an issue with it yourself?

 

[graceandglory]

I would first ask what about the situation is “tearing you up”? That he has been with another woman? That you were treated unfairly being divorced? That you cannot remarry? That your children are with him on weekends and you are concerned about what he is telling them? Or that you finally “qualify” on Biblical grounds to remarry but because you chose to become Catholic you feel you cannot? .

Hi SteveLy,

Thanks for picking through my post to figure out what was my main concern. Part of my conversion story is the orthodox, Catholic, and historical teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage.
**
What is tearing me up the most is my X’s “witness.”
Yes, what is he “telling” them by his choices?**
Because I WAS sola scripture for so many years, I think the way he is living is NOT right.
**
I thought for all the years that we’ve been separated and divorced that he would remain single until death because I thought that was the only biblical choice in his situation. **

I have never in all these years thought I would have to consider sending my children to be with another woman. Scripture is pretty clear that if he were to marry her it would be adultery.

Is he a hypocrite?

Or are there other views of 1 Corinthians that I don’t know about?

It would be helpful to me in dealing with him, and explaining his faith to my kids if I could get an insider’s understanding of divorce and remarriage in the evangelical/pentecostal/protestant world.

 

[graceandglory]

Please consider these verses as well as the 1 Corinthians verses I mentioned in my first post.

Matthew 5:32

---

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress.” ***

Matthew 19:9

---

" ‘I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery’ ***

 

[justinthemartyr]

Please consider these verses as well as the 1 Corinthians verses I mentioned in my first post.

This is a terrible translation, abosolutely protestant in nature and mangled.

The term is actually “sexual immorality” and nothing to do with marital unfaithfulness whatsoever.

It is regarding those many persons in non valid marriages at the time of christ who needed to get out of them in order to be in good standing in their Christian faith. they were living in non valid unions including polygamy, and mixed marriages. They were living in sin, and having sex outside of a valid marriage(marriage that god has bound together that no man can put asunder.)

 

[graceandglory]

A valid reason for divorce in the church and outside the church is adultry.
It sounds like your marriage was not within the Catholic Church you must ask if it was recognized by the CC if it was not no worries if it was talk to a priest and see about getting an annulment on the grounds of your exs sexual infidelity.

Thank you Hisalone. I have had my annulment for a few years now. Mostly I’m concerned with what “faith” he is teaching our children by his example. I have taught my children what the Bible says about marriage and divorce and remarriage. I am now raising them with the full Catholic beliefs and teaching on Sacramental marriage using Theology of the Body materials.

I don’t want my kids to be messed up in this area. Raising teenage boys and a little girl is hard enough as a single mom. If their dad were an atheist, or a unitarian or something that isn’t “sola scriptura” I could explain it to them. But the difficulty I have is that he attends a Calvary Chapel church (the one I picked out many years ago ) and was raised A/G.

Is their dad within his “rights” as an evangelical to be messing around, doing premarital activities with a woman?

 

[graceandglory]

This is a terrible translation, abosolutely protestant in nature and mangled.

The term is actually “sexual immorality” and nothing to do with marital unfaithfulness whatsoever.)

Are you kidding me???
I actually cut and pasted them from a protestant website, as I was checking out other viewpoints. Let me get out my NAB.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

 

[graceandglory]

Matthew 9 And I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that shall marry her that is put away, committeth adultery.

DOUAY-RHEIMS

Matthew
9 I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) and marries another commits adultery." 10 His disciples said to him, “If that is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 He answered, “Not all can accept (this) word, but only those to whom that is granted.”

NAB

 

[graceandglory]

Matthew 5:32
NAB
"But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

DOUAY-RHEIMS
32 But I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, excepting the cause of fornication, maketh her to commit adultery: and he that shall marry her that is put away, committeth adultery.

 

[graceandglory]

graceandglory

Are you really asking others to share what they believe from their faiths, but do not really have an issue with it yourself?

Oh heavens!!! I have a HUGE issue with it!!! I just want to make sure it’s for the right reasons and not because
a) I have an axe to grind, or
b) I am being critical and judgemental

**I am asking protestants what their interpretation of these scriptures is. ** The Catholic Church has only one interpretation. I am Catholic. My children are being raised by me, and by their protestant dad a couple weekends each month.

In order for me to compare/contrast for them, I need to know where their dad (or others like him) is coming from. It would be nice to be able to ask him, I know, but he just told me it’s none of my business. And I guess it isn’t.

There is also the likelihood, that if he were to want to be married again, his dad would be the one marrying him. He “married” us.

In my years of being a protestant evangelical I knew of many people who were divorced and remarried, no questions asked.
**

I am really trying to understand the sola scriptura position on divorce and remarriage.** (which includes personal interpretation)

 

[grandmaM]

Thank you Hisalone. I have had my annulment for a few years now. Mostly I’m concerned with what “faith” he is teaching our children by his example. I have taught my children what the Bible says about marriage and divorce and remarriage. I am now raising them with the full Catholic beliefs and teaching on Sacramental marriage using Theology of the Body materials.

I don’t want my kids to be messed up in this area. Raising teenage boys and a little girl is hard enough as a single mom. If their dad were an atheist, or a unitarian or something that isn’t “sola scriptura” I could explain it to them. But the difficulty I have is that he attends a Calvary Chapel church (the one I picked out many years ago ) and was raised A/G.

Is their dad within his “rights” as an evangelical to be messing around, doing premarital activities with a woman?

Hi, I go to a Calvary Chapel and your husband is doing wrong.He had no grounds for divorce and although I believe unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce I would not feel comfortable to remarry. We study the Bible chapter by chapter verse by verse and sometime topically. So if he listens in church he knows he is doing wrong. If you worry what they are being taught when he takes them to his church you might talk to the pastors to find out. I think kids pay more attention to how we live than what we say. You just keep being the good example for them.