Divorced; Interracial and Inter-faith

[montanaman]

The only reason I feel like this, I started this day thinking that I finally finded a great guy who I can TALK to about religion, our families & friends, the exes, life and us.

Thank you all who are not supportive of a non-abusive relationship for the both of us. I hate to inform the masses but everyone deserves one person to be happy with friendship or marriage.

We hadn’t even had a true date, with no kids, family or friends. You have us annulling our previous spouses just so that we can date, never mind a future marriage.

We have alright talked to his Pastor about this and still need to talk to a Priest. To tell you the truth, I’m more worried about Lord Jesus than the Catholic Church at this moment with this decision.

I’m sorry for whatever pain or trials you had when you were married to your husband. I really am. Spouses not “in sync” with each other can make each other’s lives a living hell.

However, I have to wonder what your point in posting here is. It doesn’t seem to be looking for advice or prayers for a difficult situation. Rather, it comes off as a manifesto: “I don’t believe in what the Church teaches and I’m going to do whatever I want because what I want trumps everything!”

Maybe you misunderstand or don’t know what the Church is. If you did, you wouldn’t be separating Christ from the Church as you’re apparently doing.

I don’t doubt that you’re in a difficult situation. Just make sure that you use reason in harmony with your emotions. Failure to do so could lead to a new living hell, and possibly (depending on a few things), the real Hell. For the former, take a look at some of the threads on this board. This board is filled with examples of people who divorced, left the faith, came back, and then found themselves trapped in marriages with spouses either apathetic or outright hostile to Catholicism. Very often people leave the Faith with absolutely no intention of ever coming back, but they do, and they find themselves in worse situations than before.

It takes prayer, quiet contemplation, and no small bit of humility. There are a lot of good people here (sometimes I count myself among them, but in all honesty, I try not to post here too much because I’m a bit too “blunt.”) But if your point is simply to declare that, even as a Catholic, the Church has no bearing on your life, you won’t find a lot of sympathy. This is a Catholic board for Catholics to help each other along in their struggles to live true Christian lives. If you reject Catholicism in favor of something else like your own will, well, what’s the point?

 

[puzzleannie]

Thank you all who are not supportive of a non-abusive relationship for the both of us. I hate to inform the masses but everyone deserves one person to be happy with friendship or marriage.

telling the truth is the kindest, least abusive thing someone who loves you can do for you. Lying is the cruelest.

of course we support a non-abusive relationship for every couple. Happiness in friendship and marriage is a gift from God, not an ordained right, and NEVER achieved by violating God’s laws.

 

[rpp]

I’m sorry for whatever pain or trials you had when you were married to your husband. I really am. Spouses not “in sync” with each other can make each other’s lives a living hell.

However, I have to wonder what your point in posting here is. It doesn’t seem to be looking for advice or prayers for a difficult situation. Rather, it comes off as a manifesto: “I don’t believe in what the Church teaches and I’m going to do whatever I want because what I want trumps everything!”

Maybe you misunderstand or don’t know what the Church is. If you did, you wouldn’t be separating Christ from the Church as you’re apparently doing.

I don’t doubt that you’re in a difficult situation. Just make sure that you use reason in harmony with your emotions. Failure to do so could lead to a new living hell, and possibly (depending on a few things), the real Hell. For the former, take a look at some of the threads on this board. This board is filled with examples of people who divorced, left the faith, came back, and then found themselves trapped in marriages with spouses either apathetic or outright hostile to Catholicism. Very often people leave the Faith with absolutely no intention of ever coming back, but they do, and they find themselves in worse situations than before.

It takes prayer, quiet contemplation, and no small bit of humility. There are a lot of good people here (sometimes I count myself among them, but in all honesty, I try not to post here too much because I’m a bit too “blunt.”) But if your point is simply to declare that, even as a Catholic, the Church has no bearing on your life, you won’t find a lot of sympathy. This is a Catholic board for Catholics to help each other along in their struggles to live true Christian lives. If you reject Catholicism in favor of something else like your own will, well, what’s the point?

What he said!

 

[rayne89]

We hadn’t even had a true date, with no kids, family or friends. You have us annulling our previous spouses just so that we can date, never mind a future marriage.

We have alright talked to his Pastor about this and still need to talk to a Priest. To tell you the truth, I’m more worried about Lord Jesus than the Catholic Church at this moment with this decision.

The reason for annulment before dating is divorce ends marriage legally but the Bible clearly states one can not remarry without commiting adultary because God states it as such. If the was something lacking at the time the marriage(s) took place then the Church has the authority to declare the marriages null. Without such a declaration one is still married by Biblical standards. And dating while married is a no-no, obviously.

This is not a judgement on you, or your previous husbands or your children. I think somewhere along the way the teachings of the Church were not properly explained to you. The Church did go through a time of providing very poor catechisis. The Lord gave authority to the church as stated in the Bible, so if you truly are worried about what the Lord Jesus thinks stating your not worried about the Church makes no sense. They are not something separate -the Lord gave authority to his church.

What exactly did you want answered on this forum? It doesn’t seem that the Catholic teaching have much importance in regards to your decisions. Did you want advice on how to proceed in this relationship? You were given advice in accord with the teachings of the Church.

 

[petitfleur]

why ask these questions if you are not prepared for the answer???
Sounds like you already made your decision.
I hope it all works out for you
God Bless

 

[duskyjewel]

Thank you all who are not supportive of a non-abusive relationship for the both of us. I hate to inform the masses but everyone deserves one person to be happy with friendship or marriage.

Oh please. Tantrums really are unbecoming of adults.

I beg to differ on what you think anyone deserves. You have young children that need to be raised with your full attention. What you think you deserve does not matter. What they need is the only thing that matters now. They have already had to live through the breaking up of their family, which you claim was abusive and that is an added trauma.

I think you shouldn’t even be dating until your children are raised into adulthood. They deserve your undivided focus to get them through the extremely less-than-ideal family situation they find themselves in. Did you know that having a non-biologically-related male living in the house (as in a stepfather or Mom’s boyfriend) increases children’s chances of physical and sexual abuse by several hundred percent? That is a proven fact, look it up. You should not be dating at all. (caveat: This is NOT Church teaching, it is my very strong opinion.)

The PPs are right. If you insist on dating, you should have your marriage investigated for nullity first. As far as the Church is concerned, you would be a presumptively validly married woman committing adultery if you were dating! And your intended boyfriend would likely be equally regarded, having been married before according to his own church’s standards (or lack thereof… many Protestants have no requirements at all for marriage ceremonies and even accept civil marriages). If your marriage is found to have been null, then you would be free to date. If your marriage is found to have been valid, then you would know up front that you cannot freely give yourself to any man as a girlfriend or potential spouse. So you wouldn’t be leading anyone on…

However, I agree with PPs that Church teaching seems to matter little to you. Your statement about worrying about Jesus Christ and not the Catholic Church makes no sense. The Catholic Church is the Church founded by Christ with St. Peter as its head. Each Pope is the successor of St. Peter. Jesus promised that the Holy Spirit would keep the Church from error (not individual members, mind you, but the Church as an insititution) so her teachings are the teachings of Christ himself. If you repudiate them, you repudiate Him.

 

[kage_ar]

Why would you ask the question at Catholic Answers if you did not want to hear - Catholic answers?

 

[montanaman]

Why would you ask the question at Catholic Answers if you did not want to hear - Catholic answers?

Just remember, sometimes people acting defiant are really seeking help. I know that I said a lot of cavalier things about Catholicism when I was taking my hiatus, but more than anything I wanted back in…somehow.

 

[Catherine_W]

**jbene1866 ** -

What is your definition of marriage? Do you view marriage as a true, lifelong, sacramental bond between man, woman and God?

There is no such thing as divorce in the eyes of the Lord, you are either married or not, and if you are married you are married until one of you dies. This is how God created the sacrament of marriage; it is not the Catholic Church’s creation. You seem to think the Catholic Church shares a view different from Jesus Christ, when it is Christ who leads the Catholic Church. The Church has these “rules”, because they are the commandments of God. I would invite you to learn more about the authority of the church; hopefully this will help you to see that the Catholic Church’s teachings are 100% in line with the teachings of Christ.

If you did not view marriage as God intends, a lifelong commitment, then you likely have grounds for an annulment. Annulments investigate if you ever were really married, and you have to understand what marriage truly is in order to enter into marriage. A big pretty wedding and children do not mean there is a sacramental marriage. If you said “I do” and did not understand that meant till death (and everything else that it means to be married), then you may have never really gotten married.

God bless