Do i confess an eating disorder in confession? how will it be recieved?

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bells

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I am in the RCIA course and will be joining the church fully at easter which is possibly the best thing i’ve ever done in my life. actually it is.
i’ve had bulimia nervosa for 5 years, it carries a HUGE stigma of shame and self-disgust. its only been since i enrolled in the RCIA that i’ve had the urge to start the recovery process, because i realised simply that i am here for a purpose, and i can’t fulfil god’s wishes and work if i’m, well, dead.
it hasn’t been easy, its an increidbly hard addiction to overcome. let me clarify it is NOT about size, beauty, models, vanity though certainly that contributes to the anxiety.
my entire life i’ve been told i’m never good enough and that generally my appearance is of uptmost importance and no one would ever love me if i was fat. this is a hard thought pattern to break, but i realise how WRONG it is that we judge eachother, let alone judge eachother on bodies we’re blessed to have. i realise this now, though i see how ignorant i’ve been in the past and how much i’ve hurt god.
i had my first confession today and i found it absolutely terrifying. the priest was very stern (i’m sure most are meant to be) and i was overcome with anxiety. for someone who’s protestant converting to catholicism, the idea of telling another human your darkest secrets is a but daunting. i read st therese wasn’t nervous because tlaking in a confessional is talking to god, through a priest and that they dont judge but still… it wasnt a walk in the park. anyway i was so anxious i almost started crying in the confessional because i was so humiliated to be telling him things. i think a lot of it comes down to the fact i don’t want a priest to dislike (?) me or being disgusted with me.
i confessed to certain behaviours to do with the ED, i don’t think its appropriate i say them here. but i didnt actually say i was bulimic/in recovery. i have a week before recieving holy communion so i can go again.
i felt so uncomfortable in the confession! am i meant to feel so awful??? i didnt feel relieved afterwards i just feel so ashamed. he didnt say anything mean or anything but he wasnt … pleased. not htat i expct him to be (i’m rambling) happy but it didnt make me feel forgiven at all, or that i was worthy of it. he gave me absolution but it still feels so… undeserving!
is it normal to be anxious?
do priests remember your confessions?
i dont know the catholic churchs stance on EDs and i havent told my RCIA leader. how will my confession be recieved?
sorry this is such a long thread for such a simple question but i’m feeling very anxious posting about this online let alone talking about it
 
Hi Bells,

I’m a new Catholic also - I joined last year. One of my favorite sacraments is Reconciliation. I have had very good experiences with it - the Priests that have heard my confessions have been very understanding and HELPFUL - and ABSOLUTELY NOT judgmental. They do this with the best of intentions - to help you live a more holy (and happy!) life.

God’s grace (through my Priest) helped me this last year to overcome an addiction that I was a slave to for over 25 years. The sacrament of Reconciliation really works! I’m thrilled with it.

Absolutely, definitely tell your priest about your eating disorder. You have nothing to be anxious about… he’s going to be very understanding and kind.
 
Bells -

God Bless you and welcome home! You are in a wonderful time in your faith journey, and I think you already sense that!

First off, having an eating disorder is not a sin. Just like having a condition such as diabetes, or high-blood pressure, it’s a neurological and psychological condition of the mind that for some reason God has graced you with and allowed you to have. So technically, it does not need to be confessed to a priest. Having said that, though, it may be a good idea to let the priest know about the eating disorder. Priests have been given the responsibility to care for us spiritually and it would be helpful for them to understand where you are coming from in order to help you out.

Pope John Paul II has written the following: “Whoever suffers from mental illness ‘always’ bears God’s image and likeness in themselves, as does every human being. In addition, they
‘always’ have the inalienable right not only to be considered as an image of God and therefore a person, but also to be treated as such.” I am assuming you are in treatment for this disorder and it’s good that you are taking steps in recognizing the issues that contribute to the manifestations of your situation. Please know that because we as a faith community recognize as a whole that as someone with this condition, you are still a child of God and bears His image. Ideally, people of faith who know of your ED should be receiving you with acceptance and dignity. Do not let the world bring upon you shame because of your suffering.

Because you now have knowledge of your disease, and are taking steps towards recovery, you have more clarity now of behaviors that can be morally objectionable. In other words, the clarity you have will help you recognize right behaviors from wrong behaviors, and rightfully so, those wrong behaviors should be confessed if they are of grave matter. But don’t fret - the Lord wants what’s best for you. He wants you to continue to preservere, to make progress, to continue to strive towards closeness to Him. This is where the Sacrament of Reconciliation can be the catalyst as one of the factors that can help you with your healing process.

Try not to be anxious about this. The Lord already knows you have this disorder and will always be there to help you through this. I’ll be praying for you through the intercession of Our Blessed Mother Mary and through the intercession of St. Dympha, the patron saint of mental illness.

God Bless you once again - and again, welcome home!
 
I cry during and after every confession. Sometimes I only have to confess my impatience, but I cry anyway and I’m a cradle Catholic who’s been doing it since 4th grade. :o It’s hard, you are right. It is extremely humbling to say “I’m not perfect” outloud. That’s the point: to face your imperfections. And priests expect us to come in and confess! They would much rather have people to reconcile to God than the masses of Catholics not coming in and admitting their faults! It’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to feel whatever you feel. Confession is meant to be a deeply spiritual experience. Sounds like you had one! I think you should tell the priest about the Bulimia. You could tell him your story and ask if it needed to be confessed and he could offer you counsel.
Good luck, and welcome!
 
Not to be nervous at all. God already knows your sins. He’s just waiting for your heart to be contrite, and to openly confess it, which is absolute acknowledgment of the sin. Then, the Divine assistance will come. Remember that God speaks through the priest, so He cannot help you if you hold back. Imagine confessing to sexual sin, prostitution, robbery, adultery, or even murder. Many priests have heard all of that. Unless he is straight out of seminary, it will not surprise.

There is always some anxiety, but a good confession cleans the chalkboard of every sin. You are as pure as the moment of baptism. The point of reconciliation is that it is one of the two Sacraments to be received regularly. It must be received regularly in order to be in spiritual condition for the Eucharist.

Now, as to ED (something entirely different in the states, I might say), your body, as your life, is a gift from God. It becomes the temple of the Holy Spirit. Thus, you needn’t offend the Lord by abusing it. He wants you to conquer the difficulty, and will send the most amazing forms of assistance once you beg for help.

So, just step into the confessional, let the priest know that you failed to confess it last time, and ask for the Lord’s mercy. Some astounding advice will come your way. If you desire, seek out an older, or retired priest, as they have absolved nearly everything on earth and the years of experience have given them a great compassion.

I would suggest that you begin a prayer intention thread, and lay it out as you have here (perhaps edited slightly!). Many, including me, will be praying for you from all round the world.

May Christ’s peace be with you, and accompany you throughout your life. Have a blessed Holy Week, and welcome home where you will be loved no matter what.
 
bells ,
my heart goes out to you. I promise you that God can and will Shine through your wounds.

I did my first Confession this past Monday.One of the things I wasn’t sure of confessing was my past alcoholism and drug addiction because I know it as an illness,of sorts,and was not sure what to say. I asked for guidance from the Holy Spirit. It was on my heart to confess it so I did. I will always be a recovering alcholic/addict. In regards to my actions being sins? Well, I had to look at the hurt I caused people even after it reached the stages where I had no,or little control over my actions. I know my story is not quite the same as yours but with guidance from the Holy Spirit we have to believe that there is a greater purpose for us to admit certain things about our lives when we open up and share our life with a Priest.

I really mean it when I say that God will Shine through your wounds. When you open up these wounds a scab will form. slowly this scab will heal. during this time have Faith that you are free. If anything else should come into your mind feel free to go back before Easter Vigil. I know I am going to.

Don’t worry about the stern Priest.May that not be the total reflection of what truly happened in that moment when he absolved you from your sins. Jesus Christ was there at that very moment. He was right there with you.That is all that really matters my friend.

God bless you and my Christ continue to Light your path. :signofcross:
 
bells ,
my heart goes out to you. I promise you that God can and will Shine through your wounds.

I did my first Confession this past Monday.One of the things I wasn’t sure of confessing was my past alcoholism and drug addiction because I know it as an illness,of sorts,and was not sure what to say. I asked for guidance from the Holy Spirit. It was on my heart to confess it so I did. I will always be a recovering alcholic/addict. In regards to my actions being sins? Well, I had to look at the hurt I caused people even after it reached the stages where I had no,or little control over my actions. I know my story is not quite the same as yours but with guidance from the Holy Spirit we have to believe that there is a greater purpose for us to admit certain things about our lives when we open up and share our life with a Priest.

I really mean it when I say that God will Shine through your wounds. When you open up these wounds a scab will form. slowly this scab will heal. during this time have Faith that you are free. If anything else should come into your mind feel free to go back before Easter Vigil. I know I am going to.

Don’t worry about how the stern Priest.May that not be the total reflection of what truly happened in that moment when he absolved you from your sins. Jesus Christ was there at that very moment. He was right there with you.That is all that really matters my friend.

God bless you and my Christ continue to Light your path. :signofcross:
 
bells ,
my heart goes out to you. I promise you that God can and will Shine through your wounds.

I did my first Confession this past Monday.One of the things I wasn’t sure of confessing was my past alcoholism and drug addiction because I know it as an illness,of sorts,and was not sure what to say. I asked for guidance from the Holy Spirit. It was on my heart to confess it so I did. I will always be a recovering alcholic/addict. In regards to my actions being sins? Well, I had to look at the hurt I caused people even after it reached the stages where I had no,or little control over my actions. I know my story is not quite the same as yours but with guidance from the Holy Spirit we have to believe that there is a greater purpose for us to admit certain things about our lives when we open up and share our life with a Priest.

I really mean it when I say that God will Shine through your wounds. When you open up these wounds a scab will form. slowly this scab will heal. during this time have Faith that you are free. If anything else should come into your mind feel free to go back before Easter Vigil. I know I am going to.

Don’t worry about how the stern Priest.May that not be the total reflection of what truly happened in that moment when he absolved you from your sins. Jesus Christ was there at that very moment. He was right there with you.That is all that really matters my friend.

God bless you and my Christ continue to Light your path. :signofcross:
 
Oh my. I hardly ever look at these forums but your message immediately caught my attention because I too am a convert who went through RCIA while bulimic. And I never would have thought that I would be able to look back on those days from “the other side” of bulimia - for so long I thought it would be a lifelong struggle and I am so grateful that God has given me so much help.

My bulimia began midway through college and I think it was caused by a combination of anxiety, spiritual hunger (starvation really), low self esteem, and poor nutrition brought on by college food and dieting. That was 1999. At its worst it was once per day, sometimes in the middle of the night! And about 5 years later I entered RCIA. I knew and trusted that God had all the answers. And somehow I thought that once I had all the sacraments my bulimia would just disappear at Easter 🙂 or once I got married, or…Well, it wasn’t that simple for me.

As I have been tought, each time we binge/purge it is a sin, but the gravity is lessoned by the addiction. Like a smoker, that first cigarette might be a mortal sin, the 100th is most probably not. It helped me to confess the binging. It helped me prevent an episode sometimes just imagining that I would surely have to confess it 🙂

Fast forward through a lot of work and prayer, including things like the book “Thin Within” (Christian eating), journaling meals, etc, for me I have found that after daily prayer, what I eat makes all the difference. I have offered up most “normal” food. We are all different but I have been free from binging by eating mainly raw fruits and vegetables, seeds/nuts, eggs, and some clean meats. It took me some trial and error but I can hardly believe the peace that I have now and I want to thank God every day. It has been months since I have even thought about purging, where I used to face the struggle daily. I really think we can get addicted to junk that God never meant us to eat and we are starving for nutrients. Maybe you and I just get addicted more easily than most. What do you binge on? I used to binge mainly on breads, sweets, cheese, milk, ice cream. I have no desire for those now that I haven’t eaten them in so long.

My husband was concerned that maybe I was sinning by avoiding so many foods (namely grains and dairy foods). He thought it would be better to learn to eat even “junk” in moderation. Maybe so but I am just not strong enough to do that - after a few days somehow I cave. I talked to a holy priest about it on retreat last year. He told me that he speaks to SO many women with bulimia and other food issues and that if I had found something that kept me free from that then it was a gift of God! Yea! I will certainly pray for you. Be patient with yourself and persevere. And don’t worry about the priest. Most priests will downplay sin, anyway. One time i a couple years back I confessed eating several donuts and the priest suggested that perhaps my body needed the sugars? haha. Umm, I usually can’t eat more than a few apples in one sitting…
 
thankyou so much for your advice and words of kindness its overwhelming, truly it is. I guess i’ve lived with this in secrecy for so long, boiling in guilt i want to get it off my chest to someone who’ll give me advice, because spirituality and the RCIA course has made a huuuuge difference. like most young people (i’m 20) i’ve been raised in a spiritually devoid environment where the only places that seemed to have answers are the media and i think it goes without saying thats profit orientated and largely damaging…
at the same time my experience with first confession was overshadowed by severe nerves! and i didnt feel comfortable. it was a bit surreal like… lets get this over and done with. i now realise the error in that because i wasnt concentrating and feeling the guilt i should for what i confessed. i guess i want advice from someone i trust, and i trust god. in my mind the way i have it figured is that a priest is like a gateway, an interpreter.
so feeling upset by confession is normal? i felt kind of relieved afterwards… but upset yes. does it get more natural over time?
 
jaya wow our experiences are so similar down to the types of food we’d binge on. thankyou so much for your story it means a huge deal to have someone who’s been through it AND the RCIA process! what are the chances heehee!
an important passage i heard was the one where jesus explains his food is to do the work of his father. thats what i’ve been keeping in mind but its those out of control moments where i just want relief and it all gets too much - thats when the devil i guess finds me.
thankyou thankyou thankyou and god bless!
 
Try not to worry about how you feel so much 🙂 I know that is easier said than done but truly your feelings have nothing to do with the efficacy of the sacraments. They are pure gifts. I think part of the personality of those of us that have had ED’s is that we want so very much to please others all the time and are crushed when we think someone might think less of us. In my case, it is my deeply rooted pride that I always thought was humility! But basing your self-esteem on anything but God’s love for you and your relationship with Him is not it…something I work on daily, especially being married now. I tend to be hyper-sensitive.

It is good that you are getting some help with your eating while you are young, especially since you might have a vocation to marriage/motherhood and your body needs to be healthy for that!

I do have a doctor who practices “integrative medicine” meaning he incorporates nutrition, herbs, etc with prescriptions when necessary and he was helpful in balancing my thyroid and other hormones which certainly affected my food behavior (I noticed my resistance was virtually non-existant at ovulation time and a few days before period). In addition he helped me to re-nourish my body with a good multi, some cod liver oil, female herbs, and some extra minerals and he was adamant about eliminating sugar and flour. This helped me tremendously but was still not enough to prevent the bimonthly episodes. But when crying out to God in desperation to show me what to do, I could not get the image of the very first time I ever binged/purged and it was on plain milk leftover from a college dorm event. How weird is that that? But it was very clear to me that it was time to offer up all my beloved dairy products if I really wanted Jesus’ help. I could almost hear him saying “Do you want to be well?” as he did to the lame man waiting by the pool for someone to help him in. I give you this example just to glorify God and to let you know that he will lead you at the right time to whatever will help you.

Adoration is huge! Find time to just BE with our Lord in fron tof the tabernacle, or exposed if you have access. You need some time to praise him, to pray for those you love and for your growth and lots of time to just rest in him. Now that I have a one-year-old and a 2-year-old I miss it so much but I am getting some graces I guess 🙂
 
Bells, I am also a recovered bulimic (still struggling with the desires and the compulsions, though). At one confession, the priest, who was a very kindly man, told me that my penance was to go up to the tabernacle, lay my hands on it and ask Jesus to enter me and give me strength. I found that to be a very powerful experience.

I am not saying to go up to your church’s tabernacle and do this, of course, without a priest telling you to. 😉 But Adoration is a good time to pray for the same thing: “Jesus, enter me and lend me your strength.” Or even just pray this before an icon or image of Jesus. I have found this to be very healing.
 
Go for it. Remember a Priest is not there to judge you he is there to help you. I will pray for you that you get help with this disorder.
 
thankyou all so so much for your feedback. i am going back to confession today to confess all that i didn’t confess yesterday i’m actually writing it all down so i don’t get tongue tied and get so worked up i draw mental blanks. as ignorant as it sounds it does sometimes feel like i must be the only one with an ED and that the priest would be horrified and angry with me.
 
bells said:
thankyou all so so much for your feedback. i am going back to confession today to confess all that i didn’t confess yesterday i’m actually writing it all down so i don’t get tongue tied and get so worked up i draw mental blanks. as ignorant as it sounds it does sometimes feel like i must be the only one with an ED and that the priest would be horrified and angry with me.
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One of our biggest problems is the loss of the sense of sin. None of our frequently encountered addictions was considered a disease in the 1960s. But, the minute various behaviors were re-classified as diseases, BAM! No more sin! The age of victimhood had begun. And the number of the afflicted rose dramatically. Guilt had been removed from the consciousness. No guilt, no need for God to put things right. Each thing we do with our own consent we are answerable for to God. If you were forced under threat of violence to overeat and purge, no sin attaches. If you fed yourself, sin is present. It sounds harsh, but that is essentially the black and white of it.

That is precisely why we need reconciliation. That is why we need our God to forgive us and strengthen us against sin.

Blessings to all in combat against the desires of the evil one. May this Holy Week and Easter be a most Spirit-filled one.
 
bells said:
thankyou all so so much for your feedback. i am going back to confession today to confess all that i didn’t confess yesterday i’m actually writing it all down so i don’t get tongue tied and get so worked up i draw mental blanks. as ignorant as it sounds it does sometimes feel like i must be the only one with an ED and that the priest would be horrified and angry with me.
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Trust me you arent the only one, i have so many things to say, but its a miracle because when i get in there i become so good. ITs amazing i cant think of one sin. Its normal and i have been doing it for 30 some years. Just relax and hope you get a laid back priest. I like to go when there are alot. dont ask me why but i dont like to go to the one i see every Sunday.
 
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