Do I HAVE to tell my dad?

  • Thread starter Thread starter damooster
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

damooster

Guest
I’m a 30 year old, single man who lives alone. My mom lives about 40 minutes away, and my father lives about an hour and a half away.

I see my mom all the time; she and I are closer (than I am with my father) since I stayed with her during my parents divorce when I was a young child. My father and I talk on the phone every few months, and I visit him about one or twice a year. I wouldn’t say we are distant, but we’re not really close.

Anyways, my father is a staunch Protestant (he goes to a Church of Christ). I rarely attended any church services up until I started RCIA in November and he assumes that I just don’t go to church. He has no idea that I’m becoming a Catholic, and if he did, he would not like it all. I attempted to gauge his reaction a few months ago during a phone conversation, but as soon as I said “Catholic Church” he started going off on this little spiel about all the things he hates about the Church.

If it ever comes up in a conversation…for example, if he ever finds out, or if he ever asks me to visit on the weekend and I go to Mass while I’m visiting, then I’ll tell him. My question is, do I have to tell him now as part of honoring him? I was hoping that I could just not bring it up (some people tell me it’s my business as a grown man) but I feel like every phone conversation we have, I’m hiding something from him. I don’t know if this is how God intended for me to honor my father, but it may get to the point that he will disown me if he ever found out. Since we aren’t close anyways, I was just hoping I could skate on by for a while before a situation arose where I might have to tell him. 🙂

Thanks in advance.
 
Personally, I think you should tell him. He IS your father and he deserves to hear it from you instead of through the grape vine. I’m struggling with telling my mom. I’ll pray for you.

Bryan
 
I see no moral problem with keeping quiet about it until the subject comes up.
As a practical matter though, I would say tell him and get it over.
 
“Dad, I’ll be Catholic by Easter, I know that is not something you like, but it is what it is, please don’t give me a hard time, I am still your son on earth, but He is my Father in heaven, and this is what I need to do. It is my hope this will not affect our relationship.” That’s what I’d say.
 
I agree that you should tell him. I assume that the topic of religion comes up in your conversations often? Perhaps you could approach it from the standpoint that you have struggled over the years finding a church home (if that is the case), and now you have found the faith you believe is right for you and provides you with the answers your heart has been searching for. Be prepared to defend your decision, as well as the Catholic Church as best you can. I’m sure the questions will be plenty, and most of the time they come from not knowing what the Church really teaches. You are probably right that he won’t like it, but ultimately it is your decision, and you can’t let that influence you. He doesn’t have to like your answers, but I would hope he would respect your decision.

On another note, how does your mom feel? Or have you told her?
 
Have you asked your pastor for some spiritual guidance about this?

I’ve heard of cases where people kept their conversion secret from their parents on the advice of their priest.
 
If you had a son and he was considering a huge life change like this, would you want to be left in the dark because he thought you wouldn’t approve? Would you, in essence, want to go through your life believing untruths about your son because your son didn’t choose to give you the truth?
 
BamaRider said:
“Dad, I’ll be Catholic by Easter, I know that is not something you like, but it is what it is, please don’t give me a hard time, I am still your son on earth, but He is my Father in heaven, and this is what I need to do. It is my hope this will not affect our relationship.” That’s what I’d say.
Click to expand...
I think that is perfect! It lays it all out there. It is respectful, but lets him know that your mind (and heart) are made up and no matter how he feels about the Church you are becoming Catholic. I’d copy this and read it to him over the phone:thumbsup:
 
Was it Bishop Fulton Sheen who said “There isn’t a single person who hates the Catholic Church. There are [many people] who hate what they mistakenly believe about the Catholic Church.”

I think regardless of what you decide (I say tell him since you are not in danger of harm from doing so), you should be prepared to represent the truth about the Church and dispel his misconceptions.
 
You may tell him if you want to, but know that you are under no obligation, moral or otherwise, to tell him anything about your spiritual life. You are an adult and can do as you please. Honoring your father doesn’t mean having to reveal everything you decide to do to him. Just as you need never tell him any mortal sin (or any sin at all), you need not tell him about becoming a Catholic.

If telling him will only upset him and do no good, then don’t tell him. Let him live in his own happy world and you live in yours, if that is what will keep your relationship ongoing. People have lost family and friends after revealing their new found faith and it has done none of them any good. It’s entirely up to you, but you do not need to tell him if you feel it would be better not to.

This doesn’t mean you can’t be there for him if he should ever show any interest in truly knowing what the Church teaches, nor does it mean you can’t pray for him. It just means you are not obligated to tell him anything you believe will hurt your relationship. And only you can be the judge of that.
 
What Della and SMHW said.

But if you’re gonna tell him, I’d print Bama’s little spiel on a 3x5 card and carry it with me- just in case.
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
What Della and SMHW said.

But if you’re gonna tell him, I’d print Bama’s little spiel on a 3x5 card and carry it with me- just in case.
Click to expand...
And when your father starts in with the inevitable questions, invite him to join CA Forums! We’d love to speak with him about what you’re doing…

You’re in our prayers (as is he).
 
It’s your journey, and not his. Maybe (hopefully) it will be his some day.

My mother never cared either way. My life is my life, and it always has been. My parents always just let me do my thing and questioned very little. She expected something like my conversion to Catholicism. Practically everything else I’ve done has been completely the opposite of what they’d expect me to do - and it’s fine.

Another family member said, “That’s not Christian, is it? Or is it? I know they have that confessional or whatever?” I simply asked her if she has been into a Catholic church and had noticed the huge crucifix at the altar. She said she had. Then, “Oh… I got it!”

And that was the end of it.

If he has a problem, that’s his issue. You know your relationship with him the best. Choose to tell him (or not tell him), as you feel appropriate. I never have cared what my parents opinions were in a matter. Disagreement on something is NOT equivalent to dishonoring. It is disagreement. If you tell him that he’s just a stupid Protestant who doesn’t understand the truth, and is HARDLY a Christian at all… Now THAT is dishonoring him!

As he judges and criticizes you for your decision, understand that by doing that – he is doing something very anti-Christian – so really, his opinion on the matter wouldn’t matter! You’re not dishonoring your father, you are honoring God!

God Bless!
 
STOP

All of you who said…tell you Dad stop. Damooster is a 30 year old man. If he were a teenager then I would agree.

As the only Catholic, converted from a family of Evangelicals, I understand what he is going through. It took about 5 years AFTER I converted for them to stop harassing me at family gatherings.

If you dad asks, tell him the truth but don’t volunteer any information.

Bama, nice speech. But it sounds like dad doesn’t care. I’d try something like this (if asked):
“Dad, God is calling me into the Catholic Church. I know you don’t like Catholics, so I hope you will still like me after I convert.”
 
dhgray said:
STOP

All of you who said…tell you Dad stop. Damooster is a 30 year old man. If he were a teenager then I would agree.

As the only Catholic, converted from a family of Evangelicals, I understand what he is going through. It took about 5 years AFTER I converted for them to stop harassing me at family gatherings.

If you dad asks, tell him the truth but don’t volunteer any information.

Bama, nice speech. But it sounds like dad doesn’t care. I’d try something like this (if asked):
“Dad, God is calling me into the Catholic Church. I know you don’t like Catholics, so I hope you will still like me after I convert.”
Click to expand...
I too am the only one in my family who is Catholic, was raised Presbyterian. But I respected my family enough to let them know what I was doing. Did they like it, NO. Did they, and do they, still joke about it and sometimes give me a hard time? YES. But he is 30 years old. He is a grown man and has the right to join the Church. He is not asking permission, he is informing his father of his plans. He’s not asking for a blessing, just stating facts. It will hurt his father more and cause more problems if he waits until after he has joined the church. He should be upfront and honest. Why keep it a big secret. He will be a member of the Church, that is not something you should keep secret or lie about, just to make someone else feel better or so you don’t have to have a difficult conversation. My mother was very upset with the idea of me joining the church. It took her awhile to come around. But she was there at the Easter Vigil and celebrated with me. Her problems with the Church were based on ignorance, she didn’t know. When she took the time to understand, then she was able to respect my choice. We shouldn’t underestimate his dad. Nothing my mother knew about the Church was correct, she was given mis-information, like a lot of people. He might be able to set a good example for his father. His dad might learn from this. He might not, it might ruin their relationship. But then he will have to decide which is more important. His Heavenly Father or his earthly father.
I don’t think pointing out the fact that dad doesn’t like Catholics is going to help anyone. "Dad, God is calling me into the Catholic Church. "I know you don’t like Catholics, so I hope you will still like me after I convert.” That sounds rude.🤷
 
[SIGN]
happymommy said:
That sounds rude.🤷
Click to expand...
[/SIGN]
In my family, sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. The conversation actually went something like this:

“I’ve decided to join the Catholic Church and no {wife’s name} had nothing to do with this decision.”

A barrage of insults about bad priests and other mis-information about the Church.

“Well, it’s either Join the Catholic Church or I could continue to drink and hit the bars and live in a spiritually divided house.”

A barrage of how I could chose any church and God is the same everywhere.

OK, Is God in control of everthing?"
“YES”
“Does God makes mistakes?”
“NO”
“So if I am beeing called into the Catholic Church and God is in control, then God is calling me into the Catholic Church.”

eyes rolled…“We’ll pray for you.”

It has been a long up hill battle showing them how they have been mis-informed about the Church. My sister has even gone to mass with us once…it’s a start.
 
Good day and God bless! I agree with those that tell you it’s your business but at the same time you can’t disagree with if you are trying to have a better relationship with your father the best thing is to let him know you are attending church/mass but through a different religion, and that this was your choice and you hope he respects you for it. Let him know that you respect his opinion and beliefs about the Catholic Church but that you have decided this is the path that GOD intended for you and you are more than happy taking it! 😃

I do wish you luck…

When I got divorced my parents hated me, literally hated me, my dad told me and so did my mom, lol, but it was fine after my father almost struck me down from his anger and frustration of hearing that I quit my non-Catholic marriage, that was going nowhere except for my own ruin from mental and emotional abuse and it was causing my daughter more harm than good, we had a long talk, my mom and I didn’t talk after a few weeks she accepted it without any question and was like it’s her life, my father and I spoke for a long time and I spoke with him as an adult not as a child, not as his child but a grown woman that was making her own decisions…He understood and he didn’t like it but he accepted it…

Still to this day he is bugged by it but is very happy I have found a better relationship…

So even if he doesn’t like it as long as you speak with him about it, things should be fine! 👍
 
dhgray said:
[SIGN][/SIGN]
In my family, sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. The conversation actually went something like this:

“I’ve decided to join the Catholic Church and no {wife’s name} had nothing to do with this decision.”

A barrage of insults about bad priests and other mis-information about the Church.

“Well, it’s either Join the Catholic Church or I could continue to drink and hit the bars and live in a spiritually divided house.”

A barrage of how I could chose any church and God is the same everywhere.

OK, Is God in control of everthing?"
“YES”
“Does God makes mistakes?”
“NO”
“So if I am beeing called into the Catholic Church and God is in control, then God is calling me into the Catholic Church.”

eyes rolled…“We’ll pray for you.”

It has been a long up hill battle showing them how they have been mis-informed about the Church. My sister has even gone to mass with us once…it’s a start.
Click to expand...
I got, “you’re going to join THAT church?” insert look of total disgust here…and she didn’t talk to me for a week!
I respected her and showed her that and she came around. Now I still have to defend my faith to most of my family, but I still try to be loving about it. It won’t do any good if they think I’m angry and defensive all the time. I do correct them, I don’t think they believe me, but oh well. I guess we will find out who was right in the end. Since I’m the only one out of the seven kids that goes to church, my dad is very happy that we go, even if it is the Catholic church:)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top