Do I need to confess for a past habit?

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hopeforfaith

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So I’ve started masturbating when I was rather young, about 8-9 years old, if I remember correctly. I didn’t have a clear idea of what that is, I just liked it. Throughout the years that I continued the habit, there are times that I feel this is wrong and I shouldn’t do it, though I’m not sure why. I tried stopping for a year, making a promise to God that I won’t do it again. (At that time I didn’t know we can’t really make a promise to God) I broke it however. But before I broke it, I remember that I searched for some information on a catholic booklet to see if it’s really wrong. From my memory, I remember reading something about our body shouldn’t be contaminated in such a way since sexual intercourse is designed for a man and woman, not for self-pleasure. I remember reading that, but I also remember flipping the book to see if there are like clear words saying “don’t do this, because you’ll go to hell for that” But since I couldn’t find it, I presumed that it’s not that serious… in my mind, this was some old-fashioned thought. So I broke my promise, thinking everything can be forgiven. Also, in my mind, I did have some doubts about the catholic standpoint. I was about fourteen at that time. It’s been two years since then and I’ve completely discontinued this habit.
But it’s not until yesterday somehow this issue rose up in my mind again. After searching on the internet, I’ve only realized how serious this is through the Pope’s quotes and started to think if I needed a confession.
So the thing here is, does this count as a mortal sin? Because I’m not quite sure at that time if I understood the gravity of the situation. I’ve been to confession during these two years, but I’ve never mentioned it in any of the confessions because I didn’t think it was necessary. So if I should have confessed it, does it make my previous confessions invalid? If it does and I need to confess again, do I need to include everything I’ve said previously? But I can’t possibly remember all of them.
Also, it seems that recently, I’ve been way too paranoid about thinking inappropriate thoughts of others in a sexual nature. I don’t think about them on a voluntary basis. It’s more like…there’s a voice in my head saying “You won’t think about ……right?” Somehow there will be this image. I don’t enjoy it, it’s revolting. If I just acted normally, not warning myself too much, this doesn’t happen. Aside from it, I also prevent myself from feeling aroused at such thoughts. I don’t think I am, it’s just sometimes I will be particularly nervous to avoid thinking about it, making my muscles tense because I’m trying to have full control over them, but I don’t get any sexual pleasure from it. Again, if I don’t try to be that paranoid, nothing happens. How exactly can I be less paranoid about them?
I’d really appreciate it if someone can shed some light on the subject. Thanks!
 
You do not have to confess sins which you have already received Absolution for. Masturbation is a sin. And, it will never stop being a temptation. As a matter of fact, none of us is free from temptations. The devil never sleeps, never stops trying to convert us. If you were not aware something is a sin; having committed it does not need to be confessed. If YOU feel better confessing it ~ by all means; you won’t be chastized, you will be educated. If your priest is like mine, he will take the time to tell you why, when, how, etc., about when something is and is not a sin and does or does not need to be confessed. When my mind wanders into dangerous territory, I say a prayer of thanks to God for giving me an appreciation for the opposite sex and an appreciation for lovemaking and ask that God continue to give me the strength I need to think only pure thoughts. It always works.

Good luck and God bless you!
 
hopeforfaith said:
So I’ve started masturbating when I was rather young, about 8-9 years old, if I remember correctly. I didn’t have a clear idea of what that is, I just liked it. Throughout the years that I continued the habit, there are times that I feel this is wrong and I shouldn’t do it, though I’m not sure why. I tried stopping for a year, making a promise to God that I won’t do it again. (At that time I didn’t know we can’t really make a promise to God) I broke it however. But before I broke it, I remember that I searched for some information on a catholic booklet to see if it’s really wrong. From my memory, I remember reading something about our body shouldn’t be contaminated in such a way since sexual intercourse is designed for a man and woman, not for self-pleasure. I remember reading that, but I also remember flipping the book to see if there are like clear words saying “don’t do this, because you’ll go to hell for that” But since I couldn’t find it, I presumed that it’s not that serious… in my mind, this was some old-fashioned thought. So I broke my promise, thinking everything can be forgiven. Also, in my mind, I did have some doubts about the catholic standpoint. I was about fourteen at that time. It’s been two years since then and I’ve completely discontinued this habit.
But it’s not until yesterday somehow this issue rose up in my mind again. After searching on the internet, I’ve only realized how serious this is through the Pope’s quotes and started to think if I needed a confession.
So the thing here is, does this count as a mortal sin? Because I’m not quite sure at that time if I understood the gravity of the situation. I’ve been to confession during these two years, but I’ve never mentioned it in any of the confessions because I didn’t think it was necessary. So if I should have confessed it, does it make my previous confessions invalid? If it does and I need to confess again, do I need to include everything I’ve said previously? But I can’t possibly remember all of them.
Also, it seems that recently, I’ve been way too paranoid about thinking inappropriate thoughts of others in a sexual nature. I don’t think about them on a voluntary basis. It’s more like…there’s a voice in my head saying “You won’t think about ……right?” Somehow there will be this image. I don’t enjoy it, it’s revolting. If I just acted normally, not warning myself too much, this doesn’t happen. Aside from it, I also prevent myself from feeling aroused at such thoughts. I don’t think I am, it’s just sometimes I will be particularly nervous to avoid thinking about it, making my muscles tense because I’m trying to have full control over them, but I don’t get any sexual pleasure from it. Again, if I don’t try to be that paranoid, nothing happens. How exactly can I be less paranoid about them?
I’d really appreciate it if someone can shed some light on the subject. Thanks!
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You seem to be out of balance from early age.
Sexuality is just a part of the human person.
So, you must see what is missing in your life or what makes you be out of balance: temperament, family life, school, social atmosphere, financial problems or whatever.
Treat that and sexuality will follow.
 
Just don’t dwell on inappropriate thoughts. They’re not sinful if you don’t start entertaining them and dwelling on them voluntarily. If they come into your mind, just ignore them or distract yourself and you’ll be fine.

Your sin of masturbation was definitely forgiven if you genuinely forgot to confess it. Don’t worry about going through all the factors of whether there was full consent of the will or full knowledge. If it’s grave matter, which it is, and if you have any doubt or your conscience niggles at you, just confess it anyway at your next confession. If the ‘m’ word is too much of a mouthful, you can use ‘self-abuse’ or any sort of euphemism that you feel more comfortable with that makes it easier to confess the sin without concealing it. I know it might seem like a big deal to you, but this sin is really common and you’ll only have to do this once since you don’t commit this sin anymore.

It’s okay. You’re fine. And it really sounds like you’re growing in holiness. God bless you.
 
What do you mean by “cant make promises to God”?
Ive done so in the past, and broke them. 😦
I have confessed it, and they still haunt me.
 
Make an appointment perhaps with a Priest for confession and discuss these questions. One is to confess all ones “mortal sins” (for which one needs not only grave matter but full knowledge and deliberate consent). While yes hiding a mortal sin can yes invalidate a confession, such is in reference to hiding mortal sins --in your case I assume you thought you where making a full and good confession there (a person can even deliberately hide a mortal sin and then years later make a good confession while forgetting entirely the bad confession–being in “good faith” and thus absolved in that confession -though in the next one they need to rectify things). You need discuss the matter with the Priest in confession --he should be able to guide you -for there seems to be various factors here involved…and questions to as to the degree of your culpability for those young actions.

(I will add too for readers that if one forgets an actual mortal sin -they need to confess it when they realize it -in the next confession)
 
Thanks for all of your replies! But I have another problem. So I am planning to go to confession on the nearest possible opportunity. I am planning to confess on a Sunday when neither of my parents accompany me to church, since they will go on and keep on asking me what I’m confessing, why I’m feeling so guilty and then possibly have some great lecture that everything about rules are just people’s interpretation of it.

Well, it should be fine already. But I’ve discovered that next week, our school is making reconciliation service compulsory. It is a problem to me because of the set-up at our school. There’s nothing in between you and the priest, and he knows who you are and which school you’re in… the most important part is that there’s no concealed room for the confession. All catholics will be waiting in the same hall where the confession takes place, and the only thing that’s hiding you and possible the content of the confession are only some movable bulletin boards. I don’t want to say the word “masturbation” out loud. It’s also quite possible that some of my schoolmates can hear, it’s only about three to four feet away from the seats. Besides, I feel better confessing in English, but they only speak my native language.

But I don’t want to make up something and say it during that confession, or purposefully withhold the masturbation business. If I went to confession this sunday, I can say “I’ve confessed yesterday already”, but what if my parents went with me? Are there any ideas? thanks! 🙂
 
Do not hold sins back in the confessional. Doing so deliberately calls into question the validity of your confession.

No one else has the right to know what sins you have committed and confessed.

It is Church law that confession through a screen or grate always be available to a penitent who requests it: “Can. 964 §2. The conference of bishops …] is to take care, however, that there are always confessionals with a fixed grate between the penitent and the confessor in an open place so that the faithful who wish to can use them freely.”

Satan wants you to continue in this sin, to enjoy it, to be embarrassed to confess it, to avoid confessing it, and to concoct schemes and lies to avoid confessing it. God wants you to be free of it.

You choose.
 
You must confess your conscience (the sins you are aware of) and, if you don’t, I fear you will be in more of a quandary than you are now.

Whisper the ‘m word’ (or the euphemism of your choice) and the rest of your confession in a low tone. The more often you confess, the more at ease you will become with any/every Confessor and you will come to realize, your own mortal sins will not shock or abhor him/ You will find that the priest will treat you as Jesus treats all of us ~ equally ~ with understanding, compassion, and forgiveness. The priest is in persona Christi at the time of your confession. It stands to reason most of the rest of the people present have committed the same sin. If you heard someone else confess the same sin, what would YOU think of HIM/HER? Humans are inherently ‘good’. Don’t underestimate your neighbor’s humanity.

You are human, you commit sins just like the rest of us. Jesus came to show us how to walk the right path with Him. If you have received absolution ~ you are not more powerful than God ~ when the priest says you are forgiven~you are forgiven. You don’t get to punish yourself further. Trust the priest and Jesus The Redeemer.

No one should EVER ask you what you confessed, nor should you tell them. Good luck and God bless you.
 
hopeforfaith said:
Thanks for all of your replies! But I have another problem. So I am planning to go to confession on the nearest possible opportunity. I am planning to confess on a Sunday when neither of my parents accompany me to church, since they will go on and keep on asking me what I’m confessing, why I’m feeling so guilty and then possibly have some great lecture that everything about rules are just people’s interpretation of it.
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A difficult spot you are in. You have a right to go to confession and your parents do not have a right to know what you confess.

One way is to decide to go frequently to confession and tell them that you have decided to do this for your spiritual life. If they ask what your confessing perhaps say “sins” and that it is confession and by nature not something that one discusses with another -even parents. Say this with love and with respect of course. Tell them that confession is an important part of your following of Christ …an important part of your spiritual life.

As for the School situation you could perhaps speak to someone who charge (a Priest) and seek a better arrangement if such is needed. And I think their “compuIsary” aspect of the event is “being there”…I do not think one can be “made to go to confession” for Canon Law protects your rights there. Both to a screen and to your choice of confessors.

Can. 991 Every member of the Christian faithful is free to confess sins to a legitimately approved confessor of his or her choice, even to one of another rite.
 
hopeforfaith said:
Thanks for all of your replies! But I have another problem. So I am planning to go to confession on the nearest possible opportunity. I am planning to confess on a Sunday when neither of my parents accompany me to church, since they will go on and keep on asking me what I’m confessing, why I’m feeling so guilty and then possibly have some great lecture that everything about rules are just people’s interpretation of it.
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A difficult spot you are in. You have a right to go to confession and your parents do not have a right to know what you confess.

One way is to decide to go frequently to confession (like once a week or every other week) and tell them that you have decided to do this for your spiritual life. It would be good to study the Catechism on Confession if you have not so you can discuss it. If they ask what your confessing perhaps say “sins” and that it is confession and by nature not something that one discusses with another -even parents. Say this with love and with respect of course. Tell them that confession is an important part of your following of Christ …an important part of your spiritual life.

As for the School situation you could perhaps speak to someone who charge (a Priest) and seek a better arrangement if such is needed. And I think their “compuIsary” aspect of the event is “being there”… Both to a screen and to your choice of confessors are your right.

Canon 991 of Canon Law: Every member of the Christian Faithful is free to confess sins to a legitimately approved confessor of his or her choice, even to one of another rite.

Go as soon as you can to Confession (one can even approach the Priest say at your school etc for Confession anytime).

I encourage you in your Faith --your Following of Christ! In him is true life.

Make sure to read:

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/speeches/2011/august/documents/hf_ben-xvi_spe_20110818_accoglienza-giovani2-madrid_en.html

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/speeches/2011/august/documents/hf_ben-xvi_spe_20110820_veglia-madrid_en.html

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/homilies/2011/documents/hf_ben-xvi_hom_20110821_xxvi-gmg-madrid_en.html

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/travels/2011/index_madrid_en.htm

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/youth/index_en.htm
 
Thanks so much, everyone! Now I see that I was just hoping to avoid going to confession, but I am determined to get this over with and make a new start. But I am still very nervous about it and can’t stop constantly worrying about it. How should I confess about masturbation? Do I need to say everything I’ve said here or can I just mention the sin? Also, I’d like to ask, are there any type of methods that can make me feel calmer and hopefully braver? Thanks!🙂
 
I don’t want to say the word “masturbation” out loud. It’s also quite possible that some of my schoolmates can hear, it’s only about three to four feet away from the seats.

You can use the phrases ‘impure thoughts & impure actions’ or *‘I committed self-abuse’.*You don’t have to spell it out in detail.
By the way, probably every other boy will be confessing the same sin so don’t get so uptight. The point is God loves you as you are, warts & all. If you first think that something is hurtful to God & greatly increasing Jesus’ suffering on the cross, then you wouldn’t do it, would you? Have a good Confession – you will feel marvellous ( guilt-free) afterwards.
 
Bookcat said:
Make an appointment perhaps with a Priest for confession and discuss these questions. One is to confess all ones “mortal sins” (for which one needs not only grave matter but full knowledge and deliberate consent). While yes hiding a mortal sin can yes invalidate a confession, such is in reference to hiding mortal sins --in your case I assume you thought you where making a full and good confession there (a person can even deliberately hide a mortal sin and then years later make a good confession while forgetting entirely the bad confession–being in “good faith” and thus absolved in that confession -though in the next one they need to rectify things). You need discuss the matter with the Priest in confession --he should be able to guide you -for there seems to be various factors here involved…and questions to as to the degree of your culpability for those young actions.

(I will add too for readers that if one forgets an actual mortal sin -they need to confess it when they realize it -in the next confession)
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I would do the above (meet with a Priest outside of this time) if one can. Especially since one will be short on time and if it does take more time -others may notice.

You could go to confession prior to the event…and then go again quickly at the event --with just a few venial sins you are sorry etc for – even if they where already confessed…

In any case one would explain what you have explained here in your first post…

As to the actual confession one gives mortal sin in number and kind (and circumstance that changes it like the person you murdered was you brother). Pornography 3x, murder 2x, masturbation (or self abuse etc) 2x. If something is doubtful and one confesses it --one states it is doubtful (in some way). As to number --if one does not know the number (and one must take care here --for sometimes it can bring back temptation in certain sins) one can approximate according to what one does know…around 2-3x a month for the last 3 years, a few times, many, alot…etc
 
hopeforfaith said:
So I’ve started masturbating when I was rather young,
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Most men go through this. - so do many women
hopeforfaith said:
I tried stopping for a year, making a promise to God that I won’t do it again. (At that time I didn’t know we can’t really make a promise to God) I broke it however.
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Yes you can make a promise to God - in this case it’s called “repentance”
hopeforfaith said:
I remember reading that, but I also remember flipping the book to see if there are like clear words saying “don’t do this, because you’ll go to hell for that” But since I couldn’t find it, I presumed that it’s not that serious… in my mind, this was some old-fashioned thought. So I broke my promise, thinking everything can be forgiven.
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This is the more serious sin!!!
To ever commit a sin, knowingly, and with the intention of confessing it later is always a mortal sin. - the individual act of masturbation may well have been venial (it depends on circumstances, force of habit etc…)
If I was in your shoes ( and I have been) I would take the time to go to a private confession (not at the school service) and discuss the whole matter with the priest.

The issue of masturbation is a difficult one. the temptation can be very difficult to deal with, especially when enslaved to a strong habit of this behaviour.

I have been recommended by may priests to “keep up the fight” but also not to be too hard on myself when I fail.
It is only since I got married that I have started to gain any level of control over myself in this area - and I stall fall frequently. (but now it’s x times a month rather than y times per day)
My opinion on why this sin is serious is precisely because of how habit forming it can be enslaving us to a cycle of impure thoughts and actions resulting in a dirty guilty soul.
Within Marriage it also damages the relationship with your spouse and may cause grave offence to her (or him if it’s a woman who’s sinning).
 
Well, I went to confession and now I feel much better. Though I forgot to mention how I broke a promise to God not to think about any things that could arouse sexual desire because I remember reading somewhere online that Jesus told us not to. Maybe I’ve read something else, can’t remember now, but the message I got was that we can’t really make promises to him, so I broke it. 😦 Does it mean i have to go back and confess again? Or is this just venial? I’m going to a collective reconciliation tomorrow, so does that solve the problem?

Also, i’ve just read online that we shouldn’t eat meat on a Lent Friday but I only realized it now. Before in my spiritual group, they didn’t say clearly that we should or else it will be a sin. I had my doubts, but I asked my mother, whose a catholic and said it doesn’t matter. My catholic friends seem to think it doesn’t matter too, but I realize now that it does matter.

It feels so annoying when I keep on discovering these. But I didn’t know and forgot to mention them today, today I really thought I said everything I could say. Are they already forgiven then?
 
If you did not previously realise that something was sinfull, then you cannot comit a mortal sin - as a to commit a mortal sin you must do so of your own free will, knowing that it is a “grave matter”

The church has previously taught that failing to observe the required lenten abstainance from meat was a serious matter, however that is a matter of cannon law not dogma. the current teaching is that it is not Grave Matter unless you are deliberately rejecting the teaching of the church that you should fast and abstain. - Forgetting or not being able to on one occasion, or not knowing that you should are not serious sins, and are frequently not sins at all.

The bishops of England and Wales reintroduced abstainance from meat on all Fridays. They gave a very good teaching on this matter.

catholic-ew.org.uk/Home/News-Releases/2011/Friday-Penance

While it specifically relates to particular rule that only applies in England and Wales, the FAQ does give good guidance on the issue that would help you in understanding fast and abstainance rules elsewhere.

Remember that outside England and Wales you are still required to carry out some form of friday penance, but you simply have a wide choice of actions to take. Here we must when possible use abstaininace from meat as our choice.
 
I always feel better when I get replies, because I feel I have some sort of clearer guidance. But I still have some questions.

So before I remembered I made a promise to God that I won’t think about anything that could make me feel sexually aroused as this would only prompt me to masturbate. I remembered that I broke that promise and I felt that if I broke it once, well then, there’s no use keeping it anyway.

I forgot to mention this in my previous confession and since I’ve realized this, I tried to keep to that promise again. From what I can remember, I meant that I won’t think about any kind of scenes (like kissing while laying down) or make out scenes of my characters. Last night I thought about a romantic first kiss scene with my characters. It wasn’t any kind of heavy make out and there wasn’t any inappropriate touching between them, but I stopped the aroused sensation once I felt it. Well, I suppose it was something of a habit from before when I used to think about those scenes. And also I thought before thinking that scene that at the time of the promise I meant the make out scenes, not the romantic ones. So what should I do?
 
Hey um, so about that previous post, that promise that I made. There was always some images in my head that would pop up and promte me to think about those thoughts that could be sexually arousing. Today they were there again yet I was afraid that I gave in to them by feelin sexually aroused though I stopped thinking about that after that thought appeared. I am scared that I broke that promise since I reenacted that entire process. That thought was a dirty joke on tv . So I recalled what I was thinking and stopped it immediately after it appeared and found out my worries were unnesscessary. But now I am scared that I did deliberately think about those thoughts, but I didn’t want to break that promise. I was making sure that I didnt. At that time I thought that thinking back and try to remake that situation isn’t a sin by itself. I know it’s bad for lettin the devil tempt me again, but this time I didn’t give in either. So does this count as a sin?
 
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