Do I need to confess past sin to potential husband

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The past is past. Let it go.

Don’t try to assuage your own feelings by dumping it on someone else other than your confessor.
 
This definitely falls into the area of prudential judgment, but there is a difference between complete honesty and full disclosure. Has your boyfriend asked to know about all of your past relationships or activities? It may be that he doesn’t want to know because he is more concerned with who you are now. Not bringing something up is not the same as lying if asked.

I know when my wife and I were married in the Church, I was asked by the priest whether there was anything I was keeping from my wife that would prevent her from marrying me if she knew about it. (This conversation took place midway through preparation and was conducted in private with the priest, not with my wife present.) If and when you go through the marital process, you could ask your priest whether he thinks you need to disclose this.
 
Silence said:
tted many years ago. The sin was in college, I fooled around with another female and feel deep shame, regret and guilt. In confession the priest state that my past sins were between me and god. I have this deep shame and guilt that in order to be fully open with my boy friend I need to share with him this dirty, shameful, and terrible part of my life. I am worried that he will not want to be with me any longer and I am not worthy of being in a relationship with him. He does not have a perfect history either, but I worry that I am worse and am not being completely op
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If your boyfriend decided not to be with you after a past sin as mundane as the one you hinted at -a sin by the way that you confessed and were absolved from by God- what would this prove? It would prove that your boyfriend has not the slightest understanding of the teachings of Jesus Christ. I hope for this to not be the case but I encourage you to discuss what bothers you with him.
 
I would bet all of us on CAF have past “cringeworthy” moments; I know I have about a half dozen.

Who are you now? That is the important question. To cripple your life on something you did in your teens is really an affront everyone in your life. It shows that you don’t trust yourself or others to see the good in you now and not the flaws and faults of yesterday. Maybe you need to give your bf a little more credit.

Our God is eternal, no past, no present. One can only live with God in this present moment. It is a good thought to remember when dealing with yourself in those quiet moments in your life. And a very good way to live with others.

I might also add that if a boyfriend, or anyone close, would judge you harshly or reject you because of something you did in your teens that was foolish, I’d ask myself, ‘is that person worth it?’ Unless the past is prologue, lighten up on yourself.
Shalom.
 
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Generally speaking, no. However, if your potential husband has a condition that he absolutely would not consent to marriage if you had ever done such a thing and he marries you under the false belief that you hadn’t, that could be an impediment to a valid marriage. I would ask your priest for direction on this point.
 
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I hate to sound like an old jerk, but as you know, I was married a long time and I have known a lot of other couples married a long time.

The most obvious concern is the one Wesrock mentioned, that in the worst case this could be grounds for an annulment.

Even if a spouse doesn’t take that drastic step, some spouses have a real problem with past sexual behavior, or with not being told about it.

The spouse could find out.
Do you want to live for decades with a person wondering or worrying what he might do if he found out? That would start the whole marriage off on a bad foot.
 
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You can’t know for sure how (or if) it would affect him.
Maybe wait to see if the relationship is getting to a point where marriage is seriously discussed. I for one would definitely want to know if my fiancé fooled around with another guy. My boyfriend can keep part of his past a secret, but when it comes to a more serious point in our relationship I would expect for him to tell me this stuff.
Antoher thing. Your past sin does not make you less worthy of love. We all have the right to love and be loved regardless of what we did. You are not less of a person because you sined.
 
It’s one thing if OP wanted to say she was a virgin to her potential husband. But does she have to admit that she was with a woman? Does that fact really make a difference?
 
I can’t tell another person what to do, but I myself would worry about the grounds for annulment as well as just basic trust problems if I wasn’t generally honest with my husband about what I did.

Let’s put it this way, if husband had ever been with a man I would have wanted to know this, well before we were married. And although my husband hadn’t, a guy I seriously dated before him had, and told me about it. (It was clearly a “drunk youthful experimentation” thing and no big deal.) So I would expect to behave the same way towards my serious relationship partners as they do towards me.

I have even met people who will divulge this stuff on about the third date because if the other person is going to run away screaming, they don’t want to have wasted their time. While that may be a bit early IMHO, I can understand where they’re coming from.
 
There is no moral obligation to tell him. But since your conscience and will is to disclose it, I would say you should fast and pray before telling him. Then trust God.

Most men will not care about a past event like that, which you are obviously repentant from.
 
I think it’s different when a guy has had an experience with another man compared to when a woman has had an experience with another woman. In today’s culture, it’s wayyyy more likely that a woman has had an experience with another woman. I’m not defending either by the way.

As a man, if a woman told me she wasn’t a virgin it wouldn’t matter if she slept with a man or a woman, but I’m not OP’s potential husband.
 
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You need to forgive yourself and forget. What is past and forgiven by God is past. God does not remember your sin, why do you? I see no good coming out of dumping your garbage on your potential husband.
 
Why do you feel inferior to him? This may not be entirely your fault. If you two ever get engaged I would tell him and get ready for his side of the story.
But otherwise it is the feeling of ineriority that is worrisome. This is not okay in a fresh loving relationship.
 
Adding on to this, should a person you are dating or engaged to say or do things that infer you SHOULD feel lucky to have them or inferior to them, this is a huge red flag.
 
A relationship isn’t a deposition. I don’t think you HAVE to tell him. If there’s no chance of you running into this woman again, I think you can just let it go. I think you should feel free to tell him, though, if it’s bothering you. I highly doubt he’ll think it’s a huge deal.

My only concern would be if you have some kind of lingering sexual interest in women. If so, that’s something you really need to figure out before marriage. If it was just a drunken transient one time thing, which it sounds like it was, I don’t think you need to stress it.
 
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Silence said:
I recently went to confession for a sin I committed many years ago. The sin was in college, I fooled around with another female and feel deep shame, regret and guilt. In confession the priest state that my past sins were between me and god. I have this deep shame and guilt that in order to be fully open with my boy friend I need to share with him this dirty, shameful, and terrible part of my life. I am worried that he will not want to be with me any longer and I am not worthy of being in a relationship with him. He does not have a perfect history either, but I worry that I am worse and am not being completely open and honest with him regarding this part of my life.
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I’d chanced it-I really would. Start out with honesty, when the time seems right to divulge. I bet he’ll end up accepting it and it will mean an even stronger relationship and respect and trust in the future.
 
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Let him be the judge of whether you are “worthy” of him.

While the sin is between you, the other woman and God, the memory of it is still casting a shadow over you and your current relationship.

You need to either forgive yourself and hold your peace, or take a risk and tell your boyfriend the secret.

My last girlfriend was deeply afraid of how I would react to her sexual history. Honestly, it bothered me very little. I was more concerned about her commitment at the moment, of which I had little doubt. Most importantly, I was glad she felt she could trust me, and get that deep fear off her chest.
 
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runningdude said:
Honestly, it bothered me very little. I was more concerned about her commitment at the moment, of which I had little doubt.
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Yeah, i don’t know op’s boyfriend obviously, but if I were him and she told me this I would be completely “meh” about it, provided I was confident she wasn’t struggling with a deep rooted same sex attraction that was going to be a time bomb in our marriage. If it was just an experimental college thing I’d be like, “alright, thanks for telling me. So, where should we go for dinner on Friday?”
 
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