Do I really have to wear button up shirts and skirts?

[jilly4ski]

My mother took away all of my hoodies and leggings and told me I am no longer allowed to wear them. They are locked in her closet now and as she said they are just waiting for donation to charity. I am really sad about that because I love wearing hoodies and leggings. And there´s also one special hoodie I love the most -** I feel pure bliss while wearing it. It was taken away from me out of the blue and I can´t stand tha fact I´m not gonna wear it anymore. It ´s frustrating and I´m desperate and hopeless.** Mother is stubborn about this and told me I have to get used to wearing nice shirts and dresses because I´m old enough to look sleek. She wants me to wear shirts also when I´m at home and keeps telling me it´s for my own good. But I hate shirts from the heart. I need just my beloved hoodie back. Not all the hoodies, just that beloved one… Please, what can I do?

Perhaps your mother thinks you are getting too attached to material things? It is after all just a piece of clothing, not your “beloved one.”

AKA-leggings are not pants, perhaps your mother thinks your clothing is inappropriate. I don’t need to see every panty line, butt crack, ahem front crank, and cellulite of the lady walking up the stairs in front of me. And I am a girl.

Show your mother that you can be responsible and wear real clothing (and in other areas as well). And maybe eventually you can have a hoodie back for occasional use, with a pair of jeans.

 

[St_Francis]

Doinggood,
My mother used to yell at me for always wearing jeans and when my daughters got old enough, I understood why. What people wear is like a message to others. Tattoos, black leather, chains, combat boots–I don’t care how nice the guy is, I don’t want to meet him in a dark alley! Nice suit, well-shaven, OK, I might let him meet my daughter. SWIM?

And how we, the wearers of the clothes, feel about it is not the point. Just because someone really feels more comfortable in skimpy bikinis doesn’t mean it’s OK for her to wear them on the streets of New York City, does it? No, that would be weird.

Your mother is acting in a way that shows her love for you. You have to give up all the clothes you like, including your beloved hoodie, but… isn’t your mother more important than even your most favorite hoodie? Just go to her and tell her you love her too, and do your best to cooperate with her helping you to mature.

You are Protestant, but you may remember where St Paul talked about our uniting our sufferings with those of Christ. We call this offering up our sufferings. Say a little prayer to Christ–I say: All for Thee, my Jesus, Who has suffered so much for me-- and remember what He did for you. I find that comparing my sufferings with His puts me in my place right quick!

 

[Allegra]

Could you compromise and keep one hoodie for when you are cold? Other than that, you plan should be to get grown, develop the skills to become independant, and move out.

 

[His_helpmeet]

You might ask your mother if it would be acceptable to her for you to wear a cardigan hoodie that zips up in front. Or just a basic, hoodless cardigan over a shirt. These might look less “gangsta”.

In terms of skirts, I decided to wear only skirts and dresses upon marrying my husband two years ago. It wasn’t something he insisted on; just something I decided to do. The only time I wear pants is when I’m wearing scrubs (I’m a nursing instructor and wear scrubs when I take students to practicum). I’ve never had a problem finding nice skirts to wear. I have some knee-length skirts, but mostly I wear full-length ones. If you can find some nice, loose, casual skirts you should be able to get by without having to wear pantyhose. (I’m not a fan of pantyhose and never wear them if I can get away with it.) I find that second-hand stores are a great place to look for long, informal skirts. You might ask your mom if you can keep some of your leggings to wear under a modest skirt instead of pantyhose during colder months. This way, both of you can find a compromise.

 

[EasterJoy]

I need serious answers, but thanks anyway.

It’s just a little odd for a self-described Protestant to ask us for advice about such a very strange and yet vaguely-described home situation. It is not as if this is something that comes up in Catholic homes much. To be frank, I’ve never heard of anything like it. I’m sorry, but I’m not surprised that some posters thought you’re just opening a can of worms to see what reaction you’d get.

On that account, of course we’d first have to wonder why would you think we’d have any expertise on this, why on earth would you think that your mother would care what we think, and why would you care, either? Are you polling all the religious discussion forums about this?

Anyway, IMHO the advice that you’re going to need to work this out with your mom, possibly with the help of a trusted adult, until you’re old enough to move out on your own is about the best anyone here will be able to do for you.

 

[lucillewing]

just wear a pair of plain white shorts and a button up with colours that compliment, and roll up the sleeves

 

[Listener]

I know of a Catholic school that requires girls to wear leggings under their uniform skirts. If it is summer, they can wear shorts under their uniform skirts, and I suppose that tights are okay, too.

I don’t know what your mother is thinking, unless you are wearing the leggings without anything else. I have seen a lot of women and girls wearing leggings with a T-shirt or sweater, and they look terrible. It is almost like they are wearing their long underwear in public.

I don’t know what she would have against a hoodie.

Maybe she would let you wear leggings if you wore them under a skirt.

 

[jmcrae]

I know of a Catholic school that requires girls to wear leggings under their uniform skirts. If it is summer, they can wear shorts under their uniform skirts, and I suppose that tights are okay, too.

I don’t know what your mother is thinking, unless you are wearing the leggings without anything else. I have seen a lot of women and girls wearing leggings with a T-shirt or sweater, and they look terrible. It is almost like they are wearing their long underwear in public.

I don’t know what she would have against a hoodie.

Maybe she would let you wear leggings if you wore them under a skirt.

I have also seen girls and young women wearing leggings without anything else - it’s like they have no idea that everything shows.

If gangsters are going around in hoodies, then unless you want to be affiliated with a gang, you should not wear hoodies. The wrong colors in the wrong neighborhood could get you killed.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

If gangsters are going around in hoodies, then unless you want to be affiliated with a gang, you should not wear hoodies. The wrong colors in the wrong neighborhood could get you killed.

Gang affiliation and hoodies have nothing in common. I have wore hoodies for years. Heck, my high school softball team gave us hoodies. My sorority in college gave littles hoodies on big/little reveal night. They still do that. The rugby team had hoodies. EVERYONE I know owns at least one hoodie and none of them are in gangs.

 

[jmcrae]

Gang affiliation and hoodies have nothing in common. I have wore hoodies for years. Heck, my high school softball team gave us hoodies. My sorority in college gave littles hoodies on big/little reveal night. They still do that. The rugby team had hoodies. EVERYONE I know owns at least one hoodie and none of them are in gangs.

If her mother thinks that the gangs in her local neighborhood are wearing hoodies for identification, then she is right to forbid them. Even if she’s wrong about that and she only thinks so, she’s still right to forbid them.

Different places have different gangs, and I’m sure they all have their own badges.

In my area, the gangs wear very feminine-looking head scarves.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

If her mother thinks that the gangs in her local neighborhood are wearing hoodies for identification, then she is right to forbid them. Even if she’s wrong about that and she only thinks so, she’s still right to forbid them.

Different places have different gangs, and I’m sure they all have their own badges.

In my area, the gangs wear very feminine-looking head scarves.

I just think it is stupid. That is like saying that gang members wear tennis shoes, so you aren’t allowed to wear tennis shoes. Some people are so worried about the tiniest things. If my mother would have forbade me to wear normal articles of clothing, it would have made me want to wear said clothing constantly. I think there are bigger fish to fry than forbidding normal and modest clothing.
Parents can be wrong.

 

[EasterJoy]

I just think it is stupid. That is like saying that gang members wear tennis shoes, so you aren’t allowed to wear tennis shoes. Some people are so worried about the tiniest things. If my mother would have forbade me to wear normal articles of clothing, it would have made me want to wear said clothing constantly. I think there are bigger fish to fry than forbidding normal and modest clothing.
Parents can be wrong.

The OP started this thread as a first post in June, posted to it several times that day, but then has not posted to the forum at all since (at least not under that name).

I’d consider this a moot thread.

 

[jmcrae]

I just think it is stupid. That is like saying that gang members wear tennis shoes, so you aren’t allowed to wear tennis shoes.

If the tennis shoes are how their enemies know who they are supposed to kill, then, no, it’s not stupid - it’s common sense.

Bottom line, don’t wear a badge that says, “Please kill me.” For a gang member, it’s an honorable death to die for his gang, but for everyone else, it’s not a good idea at all.