Do men really understand what PORN does to women?

[AnneElizabeth]

It’s not funny… at all!! The better question is do people understand what porn does to people? It is so incomplete and flawed to target men alone here… Do men understand what porn does to women? Clearly, no.

Do women understand what porn does to men?

do you mean do women understand what porn does to women? Either way you meant it, I’m in agreement with what you say. It makes me terribly disappointed, sad to know that people don’t understand what it does. As a woman, I’m tired of the degradation and feel hopeless about where society seems to be going.

I wish they could see. God’s goodness is so wonderful. God’s purity is such a wonderful gift. I don’t understand why people choose something other than that. Its frightening. Sickening! I know its because they love their sin and don’t want to turn from it and that they don’t believe it. They don’t believe the Scriptures. I was once there, I should know.

I have a tendency to forget that not everyone is a believer. Still doesn’t make the effects of sin any less painful for anyone- even for people who don’t believe. Still just as painful.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Hi Anne.

I know it is very degrading to women who participate in it, and it makes the men who use it view women as objects and not as made in the image of God.

Can you share more about why you wrote this post? Obviously it affects you very strongly!

Thank you

Matthew, God bless you,

Porn is degrading to ALL women, not just the ones who participate in it. I didn’t have to participate in porn today to be degraded by a male. It seems you are one of those men who do not understand. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. Its part of the problem.

 

[Matthew_Light]

I think I do understand the problem. I was just hoping you would share more about what it means to you.

I think porn degrades society’s view of women, and what it means to be a human being, and how people should relate to others.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Anne, you truly have my sympathy.

The only thing I can think of to tell you is that it is a result of our culture which happens to be not only obsessed with sex, but sensual across the board.

Lomar, thanks. And thank you also for sticking up for me… yes, I was a bit hurt by Viewer’s comment, but I also saw that maybe this poster was trying to cheer me up. Viewer, thanks too for trying, but this is something that hurts me a lot and has harmed me very deeply. I’ve had way too many ‘incidents’- not talking about porn, but have had to deal with with other acts of sexual deviancy against me. I am very sensitive to it. It makes me sick and afraid and wish for death.

Going back to what Lomar said in the quote above: I’m not sure if it is just this culture, which I agree is saturated with sensuousness and obsessed with sex. Hasn’t it always been this way… just that these days it is marked as ‘ok’ and its out in the open, whereas before deviancy was hidden but still occurred. Either way, its still depressing. I feel like prey.

 

[godisgood77]

do you mean do women understand what porn does to women? Either way you meant it, I’m in agreement with what you say. It makes me terribly disappointed, sad to know that people don’t understand what it does. As a woman, I’m tired of the degradation and feel hopeless about where society seems to be going.

I wish they could see. God’s goodness is so wonderful. God’s purity is such a wonderful gift. I don’t understand why people choose something other than that. Its frightening. Sickening! I know its because they love their sin and don’t want to turn from it and that they don’t believe it. They don’t believe the Scriptures. I was once there, I should know.

I have a tendency to forget that not everyone is a believer. Still doesn’t make the effects of sin any less painful for anyone- even for people who don’t believe. Still just as painful.

My point is that porn is degrading to all involved - the women and the men. The men who participate in the acts and use/watch the videos. The women who participate in the acts and use/watch. And all who use/watch. All who participate in making porn are guilty - not just the men.

In my previous post, I was asking if folks thought that the women involved in porn understand how their actions are contributing to objectifying women and the downfall of many men? In my opinion, the men in those movies are objectified as well. And those men who watch this **** (pardon me) are effected physiologically like they are on a massive drug high…

It is truly ugly from every vantage point …

 

[gyrene]

gyrene,

I agree with you that a woman fantasizing about sex with a man is also sin and impure. But here is the major difference- a fantasized man is made up and usually its the ONLY one a female is going to have… at least for a while.

Men are looking at REAL women in porn, who are mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters. Many of them too- all at once. How is this man every going to feel satisfied ever by one wife? What about when his daughter starts to blossom… is he going to get desirous over her? Is he going to start to desire to see her naked… after all, he thinks nothing of seeing some other man’s daughter naked.

Don’t say that is ridiculous. Its the truth. If you treat one with degradation, you will treat them all that way.

Anne, I agree with you totally. I feel your hurt very deeply myself. You see, I speak from experience as well. My wife of 50 years was an addict. A sex addict. Her version of love was self satisfaction. More nights than I care to remember, I silently listened as she found satisfaction by herself, rather than approach me, laying there beside her.
I don’t know if I ever truly satisfied her, as she never came to me, nor did she ever admit to being satisfied by my actions with her.
It was a long 50 years, but, I loved her that much. And, now that she has passed, I love her even more. My prayer to Almighty God, is that I be allowed to spend eternity with her and my Lord, forever.

 

[Cozette]

Porn was the main reason my marriage ended. I was much younger than my husband (my 20’s and he was in his 40’s at the time). I had a very pretty face, long dark hair, nice body, and I was extremely sexual. He was NOT deprived in any way. Yet he still secretly embraced porn. I called Playboy and tricked them into telling me exactly what he had stashed at his mother’s house. Pretty disgusting material. Well, I considered that infidelity. I spoke to a priest who agreed. I was willing to try to work things out if he would give it up because our son was an infant (at the time), but he left me instead and started hanging out with a 13 year old girl! Oh, I might add that he was (and still is) a very devout Catholic. Prays the Rosary daily and would die rather than miss mass on Sunday. He never repented. Never apologized. Actually blamed me. That’s all fine and dandy. He and I are actually close friends now and have been for years. I forgave him years ago.

I have another male friend. He and I have been very close friends for three years now. He was heavily into porn for the first year of our friendship. He was also a drinker. He was raised by a Christian Fundamentalist mother and turned atheists as an adult. I never preached to him about God, porn, his lifestyle - nothing. Never once. I was just “me”. Living my life, raising my son, loving my God. He respected my beliefs and would ask many questions. My spirituality fascinated him. By my influence, he suddenly stopped drinking - cold turkey. Then he ditched porn completely. Then he asked if I would teach him the Rosay and where he could pick up a Catholic Bible. Now he’s on the road to becoming Catholic, and he said I saved his life. Porn is disgusting to him, and he is the happiest he’s ever been because he’s back with God.

The point is - There is nothing we can do to prevent our husbands from secretly seeking porn. You could love him, have sex with him every day, keep yourself in shape - but still … If HE wants it, it is there for him. HE has to be the one to reject it, pull towards God and pull towards his wife. My husband did not want to change. But my friend is successful because he wanted that change. The person with the problem has to realize it AS a problem and then make a decision. But we, as women, can make decisions, too. And personally, I would not accept porn or stay with anyone who is using it. It’s not even a consideration.

 

[NickD]

It’s not funny… at all!! The better question is do people understand what porn does to people? It is so incomplete and flawed to target men alone here… Do men understand what porn does to women? Clearly, no.

Do women understand what porn does to men?

Good question. I could probably write a book about what it does to men, speaking as one myself.

 

[OraLabora]

I’m a male; I do understand what it does to women. When I was outside the Church for too many long years, I used porn. It’s not an easy habit to kick. I think the question every man using it has to ask is “is this the type of work I’d like my daughter/wife/mother to be doing?”. Women who are in this line of work aren’t in it because it was their top career choice. They’re often themselves drug addicts and need the income to support a habit; or they’re being pimped; or they’re victims of human trafficking and often if not usually, victims of violence. It is not a pretty picture.

To a great extent though, porn does also degrade men. It makes us lesser men because we can’t properly relate to women; it hurts our most intimate relationships and it debases our own sexuality as well, and degenerates our virility from being a life-giving instrument of God’s will to an inward, selfish, self-consuming and self-destroying force that feeds on itself, and that in my case at least led to feeling greatly ashamed of myself. When one can’t respect one’s self it becomes very difficult to respect others, and it becomes a vicious circle that feeds on itself: you become even more and more desensitized.

Not a single good thing comes out of it, in fact, for either gender. It’s one of the many cancerous tumours afflicting our society.

 

[Ophelia23]

To a great extent though, porn does also degrade men. It makes us lesser men because we can’t properly relate to women; it hurts our most intimate relationships and it debases our own sexuality as well, and degenerates our virility from being a life-giving instrument of God’s will to an inward, selfish, self-consuming and self-destroying force that feeds on itself, and that in my case at least led to feeling greatly ashamed of myself. When one can’t respect one’s self it becomes very difficult to respect others, and it becomes a vicious circle that feeds on itself: you become even more and more desensitized.

This is so perfectly stated.

 

[Cimachol]

I think the answer is to the original question is that, no, the men who use it do not understand what it does to women, or to themselves. Do they care? I think think many would care if they knew, but I think it is of sin generally, and this sin in particular, that it encourages us to deny the damage it does.

Even when a man is made to see some of the damage it does, it is very easy to rationalize, and it is a very difficult addiction to break. Doing so for me was one of the hardest struggles of my life. I am grateful that I was able to find some helpful resources to aid me in the battle when I did.

I pray for those who use it, those who sell it and those who are involved in making it, as well as those who are hurt by it.

 

[DMC12]

this might sound really bad, but i think it does have a reason.

what does porn do to women? what does it do to men?

please don’t say sin, because lets face it, porn is as popular as it is because people dont care for that anymore, some of them because they are atheist. is it really a drug addicts profession? i say you investigate more, look for something secular, then you might have something to work with.

now to the OP, I know you are hurt, but really what womens do to men is not diferent from what men do to women, understand that and you might get closer to forgive men, when you realise we are all the same, we are sinners.

 

[Catolico65]

“porn” is a new manifestation of temptation causing lust which has existed since the Fall.

Also, the sex industry is a diabolical movement tied to the sexual revolution of the 60’s and I believe marks the beginning of the end of the world.

As far as dealing with people who fail, our best approach is to let them know it is wrong and pray for them to see their wrong and forgive them as God forgives us.

 

[NickD]

“porn” is a new manifestation of temptation causing lust which has existed since the Fall.

Also, the sex industry is a diabolical movement tied to the sexual revolution of the 60’s and I believe marks the beginning of the end of the world.

As far as dealing with people who fail, our best approach is to let them know it is wrong and pray for them to see their wrong and forgive them as God forgives us.

To your:

First paragraph: Yes. A very pernicious and powerful one.

Second paragraph: I wouldn’t tie it to the end of the world…rather, the end of Western civilization as we know it. Once society as we know it collapses…the Church may see a renaissance, as it has before. Remember Francis Cardinal George’s quote: “I expect to die in bed, my successor will die in prison and his successor will die a martyr in the public square. His successor will pick up the shards of a ruined society and slowly help rebuild civilization, as the Church has done so often in human history.” (my emphasis)

Third paragraph: Yes, let them know it is wrong, and if needed why it is wrong. One spiritual work of mercy is to instruct the ignorant.

I hope that didn’t sound preachy I just wanted to build on what Catolico65 said God bless!

 

[OneSheep]

If I posted what it does to me, my soul, my insides, would any many CARE and try and understand and TRY to strive to fight on women’s behalf, or do they just not care?

Women, how do you cope? How do you get rid of this weird awful twisted sense that shuts off trust and that shuts off the ability to do good as if by some sort of reflex, like some hand of Satan twisted you and you are choking on your own righteous anger? How can I stop it from ripping to shreds my already weak ability to trust men in general? How is this not killing other women. Why aren’t women being more vocal about it? Why are men EXCUSING themselves of it?

Even at that, how can you trust men who are priests? After all “they are human” as the excuse is heard when you hear of a scandal of some sort. I never understood that. How are you to confess certain sins without the possibility of being a trigger for them, when you heard from other men that it is for them?

AnneElizabeth,

What a great thread! Thank you so much for bringing this up in the way you did!

Yes, the answer to solving the problem of porn is to make people very aware of the degrading aspect of it all. Some great stories and experiences have been shared here.

God bless you.

Oh yes, about the priests and others, remember to take the time to forgive them as you proceed with this thread. They do not know what they are doing, and you are helping to change that!

If we are not part of the solution, we are part of the problem.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Do men really understand what PORN does to women?
And do they CARE?

I’m so sick of it.

The easiest and most honest answers are no, and no. As others have touched on, pron has essentially become mainstream. You can find it anywhere and everywhere. You can get the most disgusting, extreme, debased stuff available–material that you couldn’t even find years ago–absolutely free online. It’s available 24/7, on your home PC, tablet, smartphone, at the coffee shop, the school library, etc. If you say you’re opposed to it you’re called a freak and a prude. If you say you never look at it, you’re called a liar. While other countries are starting to wake up to its detrimental effects, pushing it on the the entire populace regardless of age, normalizing it and defining access to it as a right is still a major tenet of liberal dogma in America.

Most mainstream entertainment nowadays promotes the acceptance of frequent, multi-partner, no-strings casual sex. While this in and of itself isn’t pornographic, it ties in with the acceptance of porn and frequent masturbation as a part of daily life. The message is that if you’re young, single, or just breathing and unattached in America, you need to be hopping from bed to bed on a constant basis. The language and images used in these shows continues to get more vulgar, and most people blindly accept them as family entertainment. If these shows are being aired at 8:00 PM, and rerun five times a week between 5:00-7:00 PM, how can they not be acceptable for the whole family? If sexual escapades of a bunch of promiscuous 20-somethings (all of which are entirely devoid of real-world consequences) is wholesome, family entertainment, then porn really can’t be that bad, can it?

I’ve mentioned elsewhere that I’ve had to unfriend people on Facebook due to their frequent posting of pornographic, or near-pornographic content. I’ve had to tell several friends and family members to never text me again because so much of what they sent was porn. I have friends who see nothing wrong with emailing out links to their favorite porn sites or talking about them with friends and coworkers. The wives of these guys never object to it, and most of them see it as a joke or something to laugh about. I have one friend who has long been opposed to it but even his wife makes fun of him for it. It’s to the point where just voicing a dissenting opinion about it is an uphill battle.

AnneElizabeth:

Men are looking at REAL women in porn, who are mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters. Many of them too- all at once. How is this man every going to feel satisfied ever by one wife? What about when his daughter starts to blossom… is he going to get desirous over her? Is he going to start to desire to see her naked… after all, he thinks nothing of seeing some other man’s daughter naked.

My daughters are getting to be that age. I can’t imagine what it would be like to try to raise daughters with that sort of an influence in your life. Porn use was practically institutionalized among my family and friends and it’s no wonder that it’s such an accepted, common part of so many of their lives. Several people I know have daughters about the same age as mine and I worry to death about what could be going through their heads. I had two guys separately tell me years ago that they could never trust themselves if they had daughters. It’s sickening.

I find it extremely disheartening that, not just in my lifetime but within the span of my memory, we’ve gone from porn being mostly a shameful, hidden thing, to being so widely accepted that older family members have criticized and ridiculed me and others for being opposed to it. I’ve heard that sexual addiction is a myth, that porn addiction is a lie, that it’s an acceptable career choice for women and that any women who have a problem with it have something wrong with their heads. I believe it’s one of the foulest, most harmful influences we have in society today and I hope the mainstream catches on sooner than later.

 

[Catolico65]

To your:

First paragraph: Yes. A very pernicious and powerful one.

Second paragraph: I wouldn’t tie it to the end of the world…rather, the end of Western civilization as we know it. Once society as we know it collapses…the Church may see a renaissance, as it has before. Remember Francis Cardinal George’s quote: “I expect to die in bed, my successor will die in prison and his successor will die a martyr in the public square. His successor will pick up the shards of a ruined society and slowly help rebuild civilization, as the Church has done so often in human history.” (my emphasis)

Third paragraph: Yes, let them know it is wrong, and if needed why it is wrong. One spiritual work of mercy is to instruct the ignorant.

I hope that didn’t sound preachy I just wanted to build on what Catolico65 said God bless!

I expect some sort of renaissance as well, especially the communion of the Body of Christ but still I expect we have little time given all the other signs. God bless.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

now to the OP, I know you are hurt, but really what women do to men is not different from what men do to women, understand that and you might get closer to forgive men, when you realize we are all the same, we are sinners.

Yes, it is different.

Here’s why I’m upset. I’ve broken it down to this:

God put men in charge. If it weren’t so, The Church would not have an all male hierarchy. (No, I’m not complaining. I rather feel this is appropriate and true and have no qualms over it when men are being true to God and/or striving to be. ** I’m not a feminist.* I don’t subscribe to their point of view as I think its just as skewed as men thinking porn is ok to look at.

*I realize that we are all sinners, but in Catholic theology we believe that some sins are worse than others. True, that sin is sin, but God has said there are some sins that are very bad, the destruction that it does is IMMENSE. God doesn’t excuse those people. They go to hell when these sins are committed without REAL and proper repentance. The Bible says they will be rejected.

When I see and hear and read so many men thinking porn is not a big deal and that women are overreacting, I am DEEPLY sickened, for these are men who are godless. They really are. Don’t try and tell me otherwise and excuse it on some natural biological function. They don’t trust what Jesus has said about the subject and they lie to themselves, excusing themselves of this* deeply wicked** sin. These are men who can’t be trusted. (Because of lack of trust people’s love will grow cold) And it seems these days there are so many of them- and yes I do feel badly for men who get caught up into the habit. I’m not speaking against those who get caught up in this sin once every blue moon and STRIVE against doing so, but those men who perpetuate this idea that is normal or natural or nothing wrong with it…)

• No woman wants to marry a man that looks at other women NAKED and thinks there is nothing wrong with it. No woman would **ever **submit to that. Its pointless for the woman to even enter into a relationship like that, but many women do because what choice do they have? - Go without, or take what you can get, which is not much at all. Either way, she is exploited, taken for a ride, mistreated, misled, hung out to dry. There is no hope for her and what she actually hopes for and wants.
  
  I don’t see any sin that man could do worse to women than sins of impurity because of God’s natural placement of men over women. The destruction that it does is immense. Women don’t usually disrespect men unless they disrespected her first. Its how we were made by God to be helpmeets. Its in our nature to be giving. I frankly can’t see how anything any women does is worse than what men do when they commit sexual sin… BECAUSE of God’s natural order and I believe this is why JESUS CHRIST was so SPECIFIC about it when He spoke in Matthew 5:27-29. ** He was SPECIFIC**, yet a lot of men will continue to excuse themselves. They want to think its no big deal. The fact that they even WANT to continue to do what they want to do is enough: It is written: out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
  
  There isn’t a more tender target for crumbling society in one fell swoop than when men sexually sins. Its GOD’S HONEST TRUTH.
  I wish more men would take heed. I mean no offense to those men who do take heed. But something is going to have to change soon, or we all will be destroyed. Only MEN can speak with other men about this, especially when a lot of men see women and their emotions as jokes to be disregarded.

 

[Geist]

If I posted what it does to me, my soul, my insides, would any many CARE and try and understand and TRY to strive to fight on women’s behalf, or do they just not care?

Women, how do you cope? How do you get rid of this weird awful twisted sense that shuts off trust and that shuts off the ability to do good as if by some sort of reflex, like some hand of Satan twisted you and you are choking on your own righteous anger? How can I stop it from ripping to shreds my already weak ability to trust men in general? How is this not killing other women. Why aren’t women being more vocal about it? Why are men EXCUSING themselves of it?

Even at that, how can you trust men who are priests? After all “they are human” as the excuse is heard when you hear of a scandal of some sort. I never understood that. How are you to confess certain sins without the possibility of being a trigger for them, when you heard from other men that it is for them?

Maybe don’t blame just men for this?

washingtontimes.com/news/2010/jul/11/more-women-lured-to-pornography-addiction/?page=all

A 2006 survey released by Internet Filter Review showed that 17 percent of women said they struggled with pornography addiction and that one in three visitors to pornography sites were women. About 30 percent of Internet pornography consumers are women, according to the 2008 Internet Pornography Statistics.

 

[Geist]

• No woman wants to marry a man that looks at other women NAKED and thinks there is nothing wrong with it. No woman would **ever **submit to that. Its pointless for the woman to even enter into a relationship like that, but many women do because what choice do they have? - Go without, or take what you can get, which is not much at all. Either way, she is exploited, taken for a ride, mistreated, misled, hung out to dry. There is no hope for her and what she actually hopes for and wants.

Ironically just yesterday my wife rebuffed me and told me, “You have hands and an internet connection, don’t you?”

The premise is of course instead of pestering her I should handle business myself. I guess she’s outsourcing me to porn. Go figure.

I’m not taking her up on the offer (why sin mortally if one doesn’t have to?), and this is the first time she’s ever said this to me. Our sex life is normally great, but here is at least one instance of a wife pushing her husband into porn for convenience.

For the record she’s been udner a lot of stress so I don’t take it personally; lately she dozes off the second her head hits the pillow. I’ll just wait for her to catch up on her rest…she’s gonna need it.