Do men really understand what PORN does to women?

[godisgood77]

Yes, it is different.

Here’s why I’m upset. I’ve broken it down to this:

God put men in charge. If it weren’t so, The Church would not have an all male hierarchy. (No, I’m not complaining. I rather feel this is appropriate and true and have no qualms over it when men are being true to God and/or striving to be. ** I’m not a feminist.* I don’t subscribe to their point of view as I think its just as skewed as men thinking porn is ok to look at.

*I realize that we are all sinners, but in Catholic theology we believe that some sins are worse than others. True, that sin is sin, but God has said there are some sins that are very bad, the destruction that it does is IMMENSE. God doesn’t excuse those people. They go to hell when these sins are committed without REAL and proper repentance. The Bible says they will be rejected.

When I see and hear and read so many men thinking porn is not a big deal and that women are overreacting, I am DEEPLY sickened, for these are men who are godless. They really are. Don’t try and tell me otherwise and excuse it on some natural biological function. They don’t trust what Jesus has said about the subject and they lie to themselves, excusing themselves of this* deeply wicked** sin. These are men who can’t be trusted. (Because of lack of trust people’s love will grow cold) And it seems these days there are so many of them- and yes I do feel badly for men who get caught up into the habit. I’m not speaking against those who get caught up in this sin once every blue moon and STRIVE against doing so, but those men who perpetuate this idea that is normal or natural or nothing wrong with it…)

• No woman wants to marry a man that looks at other women NAKED and thinks there is nothing wrong with it. No woman would **ever **submit to that. Its pointless for the woman to even enter into a relationship like that, but many women do because what choice do they have? - Go without, or take what you can get, which is not much at all. Either way, she is exploited, taken for a ride, mistreated, misled, hung out to dry. There is no hope for her and what she actually hopes for and wants.
  
  I don’t see any sin that man could do worse to women than sins of impurity because of God’s natural placement of men over women. The destruction that it does is immense. Women don’t usually disrespect men unless they disrespected her first. Its how we were made by God to be helpmeets. Its in our nature to be giving. I frankly can’t see how anything any women does is worse than what men do when they commit sexual sin… BECAUSE of God’s natural order and I believe this is why JESUS CHRIST was so SPECIFIC about it when He spoke in Matthew 5:27-29. ** He was SPECIFIC**, yet a lot of men will continue to excuse themselves. They want to think its no big deal. The fact that they even WANT to continue to do what they want to do is enough: It is written: out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
  
  There isn’t a more tender target for crumbling society in one fell swoop than when men sexually sins. Its GOD’S HONEST TRUTH.
  I wish more men would take heed. I mean no offense to those men who do take heed. But something is going to have to change soon, or we all will be destroyed. Only MEN can speak with other men about this, especially when a lot of men see women and their emotions as jokes to be disregarded.

AnneElizabeth, I think you are well intentioned, but misguided. I would second a previous poster sentiment and say that you are in need of healing and perhaps therapy.

As I posted earlier, porn is a disgusting element to our society. Many people suffer because of it - men, women and children. It really bugs me to have you push this argument forward in such a sexist manner. As if porn is a one sided issue or that one gender is solely responsible for it. Many women’s lives have been implanted negatively. Many men’s live too. Think of our teenage boys for a minute… Surely you wouldn’t excuse en entire half of the porn stars of their culpability??? How could you ignore the women’s role in corrupting countless young men?

Again, I truly believe you are well intentioned, but misguided. I and many in this thread can see that you are in pain. However, nothing good will come of such a misguided, flawed and sexist way of attacking this issue. My family is praying for you.

Pax Christi,
Dan

 

[dividus]

Reading through this thread, the strongest impression I get is of the genuine and deep pain caused to so many women by this modern-day evil. As a man I feel ashamed that we could cause our sisters in Christ such unhappiness. I was myself an occasional user of porn until about seven months ago since when I have totally removed it from my life.

                                                                                                     Like all serious sin it causes immense pain and humiliation to so many people and – think about this – if we humans are caused so much pain by it how must Our Lord have suffered on the cross?

These days I just pray for everyone involved in this sordid and despicable activity, that they may see the sinfulness of their ways.

To the OP: I am so sorry to hear of your pain and anguish. As you say, the devil must be delighted with the discord and distrust he creates between men and women.

 

[Roguish]

Do men really understand what PORN does to women? And do they CARE? I’m so sick of it.

@AnneElizabeth:

Yes, some understand, and those that do certainly care.

If there are men in your life or environment that watch pornography, please try to distinguish between those that think it’s just fine, and those that will acknowledge that it’s not right but have trouble resisting the temptation. (The first group you should just keep your distance from.)

I’m not sure if it’s possible for you to understand this – and please don’t take this as an excuse – but pornography preys on a deep-seated weakness that is present in most men. (It is present in some women also but that’s less common.) Combine that with our utter failure as a society to implement any kind of control over the content offered on the Internet, and our choice to equip ourselves with all possible means of accessing it 24 hours a day wherever we are, and it’s not a great suprise that many men have walked into this vicious trap that is very hard to get out of. As I said: this isn’t an excuse – it makes it no less wrong, but it does explain why pornography has become a very common addiction.

Any man that is at least trying to break this addiction, deserves (in my opinion) at least some patience and support. He’s fighting a battle with his dark side in the midst of a world that invites him every day to go back to his old ways. That’s tough. But he can succeed, with the help of Christ and the Holy Spirit as they clean up his perceptions little by little to make him one day see pornography for the evil thing that it is.

So I suggest you extend whatever patience and love you can muster toward such men, so that they may be strengthened in their struggle and may emerge from it victorious. To be sure, you are right to rebuke a man for watching porn – but you would add further to that righteousness by seeing him for what he is: a frail human being who has not (yet) conquered the evil in himself but is aware that he must – for that is what makes a Christian.

Thanks for your post.

–
R.

 

[Catolico65]

@AnneElizabeth:

Yes, some understand, and those that do certainly care.

If there are men in your life or environment that watch pornography, please try to distinguish between those that think it’s just fine, and those that will acknowledge that it’s not right but have trouble resisting the temptation. (The first group you should just keep your distance from.)

I’m not sure if it’s possible for you to understand this – and please don’t take this as an excuse – but pornography preys on a deep-seated weakness that is present in most men. (It is present in some women also but that’s less common.) Combine that with our utter failure as a society to implement any kind of control over the content offered on the Internet, and our choice to equip ourselves with all possible means of accessing it 24 hours a day wherever we are, and it’s not a great suprise that many men have walked into this vicious trap that is very hard to get out of. As I said: this isn’t an excuse – it makes it no less wrong, but it does explain why pornography has become a very common addiction.

Any man that is at least trying to break this addiction, deserves (in my opinion) at least some patience and support. He’s fighting a battle with his dark side in the midst of a world that invites him every day to go back to his old ways. That’s tough. But he can succeed, with the help of Christ and the Holy Spirit as they clean up his perceptions little by little to make him one day see pornography for the evil thing that it is.

So I suggest you extend whatever patience and love you can muster toward such men, so that they may be strengthened in their struggle and may emerge from it victorious. To be sure, you are right to rebuke a man for watching porn – but you would add further to that righteousness by seeing him for what he is: a frail human being who has not (yet) conquered the evil in himself but is aware that he must – for that is what makes a Christian.

Thanks for your post.

–
R.

 

[alphawoman]

Porn is utterly soul destroying. It corrupts the very heart of a marriage and tarnishes the love that is supposed to be there. It dehumanizes the people involved directly, and indirectly teaches the porn user that people are commodities for self-gratification. As a corollary effect, the porn user devalues all those around him/her. There is a strong link between a culture of porn and a culture of death-- euthanasia, abortion, sex out of marriage.

It is a savage, rampant evil that I have stood against for two years since I discovered my husband’s addiction. It has shaken me to the core. I will NOT let that evil infect my child, myself, or my husband. I have offered up two years of chastity for the cause, and I do not hesitate to offer more in reparation for the spiritual protection of my child from porn. We live in an age where constant vigilance is required.

There are good men out there, many of whom have seen the damage of their porn use and sincerely repent. I was a sexual sinner, too, and have since turned to God’s light. I recall seeing a trailer for a Christian documentary promoting the healing of sexual addicts through Christ’s love, and the senior team was 100% male. I’ll see if I can find the link.

The challenge we face is to NEVER lose hope. God is always here, always listening, and he WILL answer our prayers if they align with His will. Fight hate with love, prayer, and fasting. We will prevail!

 

[pnewton]

I came across this video (SFW) on how the brain is affected. I think it sheds some light on the difficulty that is being faced.

youtube.com/watch?v=1Ya67aLaaCc

 

[Morut]

Hi everyone.
I’m not religious, but I wanted to post here because of the title.
I answer the question: no, I don’t understand what porn does to women.
But I think I’m beginning to understand.
I myself am addicted to porn and I don’t know if I will be able to overcome this addiction.
As I said, I think I begin to understand the effects of porn on women.
It all started after I read about Kandi Barbour and the story of her life.
I don’t know why, but her story touched me deeply.
She died homeless and alone on the San Francisco’s streets.
I’m sure this was because of the industry in which she worked.
And I’m very sorry for that.
Like I said, I’m not religious, but this story made me realize that my addiction (and the porn in general) are very wrong.

 

[Catholic_nicole]

I would actually like to see others opinions about this. I know what it does to us women. I do not think that most men know what it does to us though.

To start off, I am Catholic and my mother is Catholic. My father believes in God, but he is not very religious. Now, I have caught my father looking at porn and such. It really actually affects me a lot. I am very taken back by it and do not whatsoever accept him doing this. I have brought it up to him before that it is affecting my relationship with him, but he has not stopped.

Is there a way to have him stop doing this? I do wish to have a better relationship with him and I do not want my father to be tempted into sin and watching porn is defintely a sin. So, has anyone gone through something along the lines of this? Whether it be their husband or anyone else? and what advice do you have for me?

 

[Tablefor9]

This is an old thread, so Catholic Nicole, you may get more responses if you just start a new thread. My prayers are with you as your heart is bruised. Pray for the grace to forgive, and to be a witness to the life of Christ in you, the hope of Glory.

Sadly, the problem of sexual sin does not age and die off.

We women, the keepers of the home (even when we work outside of it), are called to respect our husbands. The respect is torn away when the trust dies under the weight of porn use.

Do women participate? Sure. Backed against the walls of hunger and possible drug addiction, psychiatric or emotional disorders, a woman will do what she must to live and for some that is prostitution and pornography. Once in the swamp, there seems little hope of getting out for these women… It’s for Our Lord to sort out culpability, seeing as how many of these men have been addicted since their preteen or early teen years. No one wins, here.

 

[Robert_Sock]

And do they CARE?

I’m so sick of it.

I did not read through this entire thread, but you sound a little troubled and I believe you need a healthy balance between the disgusting nature of porn and your faith and trust in God. More specifically, we live in a world of good and evil, and not a world of good versus evil. To understand the implications of this distinction, know that there exists noting in the heavens or here on earth that God does not allow. Indeed, know that according to Saint Paul, God can transform any evil that exists into a good. Do not be surprised therefore, if you meet former prostitutes and porn stars in Heaven when you arrive there. I want to emphasize that we are not to condone porn, but to see the evil that it causes and how disgusting it truly is in leading people away from God and His abundant graces. But again, God allows evil for a good reason in that it aids in bringing us to salvation; without evil, I believe our world could not sustain itself.

LOVE!

 

[Catholic_nicole]

This is an old thread, so Catholic Nicole, you may get more responses if you just start a new thread. My prayers are with you as your heart is bruised. Pray for the grace to forgive, and to be a witness to the life of Christ in you, the hope of Glory.

Sadly, the problem of sexual sin does not age and die off.

We women, the keepers of the home (even when we work outside of it), are called to respect our husbands. The respect is torn away when the trust dies under the weight of porn use.

Do women participate? Sure. Backed against the walls of hunger and possible drug addiction, psychiatric or emotional disorders, a woman will do what she must to live and for some that is prostitution and pornography. Once in the swamp, there seems little hope of getting out for these women… It’s for Our Lord to sort out culpability, seeing as how many of these men have been addicted since their preteen or early teen years. No one wins, here.

Thanks, Tablefor9! I’d appreciate you putting me in your prayers… It’s definitely hit me hard. I’ll probably make a new post about this because I would like some advice

 

[Crown_of_Stars]

And do they CARE?

I’m so sick of it.

AnneElizabeth,
I’m just as sickened by it as you are. I feel (although I can’t and don’t know) that a lot of them don’t care, or are ignorant. Some of these women are pretty, they just misuse their beauty and cheapen it. I feel they do it for the money rather than the sheer enjoyment of being so cheap. Prostitutes do what they do for the money. I doubt that, deep down, they really enjoy what they are doing. These women/ girls are afraid and don’t know of any other way, and they can’t be blamed. But prostitutes are different from these women who “pose”. There were prostitutes in the Bible, and one of them washed the feet of Jesus with her tears and dried them with her hair. I agree with you that it is awful, and it is an obsession. It has been, in different ways, ever since the beginning of time. It just seems worse now, because it’s so readily available, and those who want nothing to do with it are forced to have to “accidentally” see it.

 

[housedude]

Probably, but there are distasteful things in all aspects of life. There is little one can do except set an example and encourage those around you to live up to it.

Counter question: Do women who watch the Chippendales know what that does to men?

Not nice, Viewer

 

[CRATUS]

Porn was the main reason my marriage ended. I was much younger than my husband (my 20’s and he was in his 40’s at the time). I had a very pretty face, long dark hair, nice body, and I was extremely sexual. He was NOT deprived in any way. Yet he still secretly embraced porn. I called Playboy and tricked them into telling me exactly what he had stashed at his mother’s house. Pretty disgusting material. Well, I considered that infidelity. I spoke to a priest who agreed. I was willing to try to work things out if he would give it up because our son was an infant (at the time), but he left me instead and started hanging out with a 13 year old girl! Oh, I might add that he was (and still is) a very devout Catholic. Prays the Rosary daily and would die rather than miss mass on Sunday. He never repented. Never apologized. Actually blamed me. That’s all fine and dandy. He and I are actually close friends now and have been for years. I forgave him years ago.

I have another male friend. He and I have been very close friends for three years now. He was heavily into porn for the first year of our friendship. He was also a drinker. He was raised by a Christian Fundamentalist mother and turned atheists as an adult. I never preached to him about God, porn, his lifestyle - nothing. Never once. I was just “me”. Living my life, raising my son, loving my God. He respected my beliefs and would ask many questions. My spirituality fascinated him. By my influence, he suddenly stopped drinking - cold turkey. Then he ditched porn completely. Then he asked if I would teach him the Rosay and where he could pick up a Catholic Bible. Now he’s on the road to becoming Catholic, and he said I saved his life. Porn is disgusting to him, and he is the happiest he’s ever been because he’s back with God.

The point is - There is nothing we can do to prevent our husbands from secretly seeking porn. You could love him, have sex with him every day, keep yourself in shape - but still … If HE wants it, it is there for him. HE has to be the one to reject it, pull towards God and pull towards his wife. My husband did not want to change. But my friend is successful because he wanted that change. The person with the problem has to realize it AS a problem and then make a decision. But we, as women, can make decisions, too. And personally, I would not accept porn or stay with anyone who is using it. It’s not even a consideration.

Damn. What a story. Sorry about your previous husband. People are weird in that way. They may pray the rosary daily, attend mass weekly but still cling to sin. I should not say this to judge him. I am similar to him in some ways.

 

[CRATUS]

Most people are ignorant of the extent of how much their transgressions affect others. Some are awake and more aware. Some people prefer to live in denial.

 

[CRATUS]

Porn is utterly soul destroying. It corrupts the very heart of a marriage and tarnishes the love that is supposed to be there. It dehumanizes the people involved directly, and indirectly teaches the porn user that people are commodities for self-gratification. As a corollary effect, the porn user devalues all those around him/her. There is a strong link between a culture of porn and a culture of death-- euthanasia, abortion, sex out of marriage.

It is a savage, rampant evil that I have stood against for two years since I discovered my husband’s addiction. It has shaken me to the core. I will NOT let that evil infect my child, myself, or my husband. I have offered up two years of chastity for the cause, and I do not hesitate to offer more in reparation for the spiritual protection of my child from porn. We live in an age where constant vigilance is required.

There are good men out there, many of whom have seen the damage of their porn use and sincerely repent. I was a sexual sinner, too, and have since turned to God’s light. I recall seeing a trailer for a Christian documentary promoting the healing of sexual addicts through Christ’s love, and the senior team was 100% male. I’ll see if I can find the link.

The challenge we face is to NEVER lose hope. God is always here, always listening, and he WILL answer our prayers if they align with His will. Fight hate with love, prayer, and fasting. We will prevail!

God bless your soul and your plight

 

[alphawoman]

God bless your soul and your plight

Thanks Cratus! Right back atcha!

 

[Exiled_Child]

And do they CARE?

I’m so sick of it.

This is an interesting thread, but I’m not sure I understand exactly what you mean. Are you speaking about the psychological damage that befalls women who are actual actors or participants in the porn industry, or are you talking about the negative impact women experience who have boyfriends or husbands who are into pornography? Or, maybe wou’re asking about both?

 

[Mongo]

This thread is pretty offensive. The whole idea behind it is that men are awful and women are perfect. Women hurt men just as often as the other way around.

And a word of advice; don’t take everything every man does as an offense against you personally. It isn’t against you personally. It is a sin, and it hurts people, but it doesn’t hurt you unless it is someone close to you.

 

[Mongo]

Porn is utterly soul destroying. It corrupts the very heart of a marriage and tarnishes the love that is supposed to be there. It dehumanizes the people involved directly, and indirectly teaches the porn user that people are commodities for self-gratification. As a corollary effect, the porn user devalues all those around him/her. There is a strong link between a culture of porn and a culture of death-- euthanasia, abortion, sex out of marriage.

It is a savage, rampant evil that I have stood against for two years since I discovered my husband’s addiction. It has shaken me to the core. I will NOT let that evil infect my child, myself, or my husband. I have offered up two years of chastity for the cause, and I do not hesitate to offer more in reparation for the spiritual protection of my child from porn. We live in an age where constant vigilance is required.

There are good men out there, many of whom have seen the damage of their porn use and sincerely repent. I was a sexual sinner, too, and have since turned to God’s light. I recall seeing a trailer for a Christian documentary promoting the healing of sexual addicts through Christ’s love, and the senior team was 100% male. I’ll see if I can find the link.

The challenge we face is to NEVER lose hope. God is always here, always listening, and he WILL answer our prayers if they align with His will. Fight hate with love, prayer, and fasting. We will prevail!

Well said.