Do most women TRULY appreciate good men?

[inJESUS]

But, for many…they want stability…and thus, don’t seek out the bad boys

or they do thinking they will change them they want everything that attract them in bad boys but they want these bad boys to be different only with them…

 

[whatevergirl]

or they do thinking they will change them they want everything that attract them in bad boys but they want these bad boys to be different only with them…

oh my gosh–you read my mind. I remember doing just that. Yes…changing the bad boy becomes a not for profit project. lol

Changing others is an effort in futility, I learned.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Many women will claim that they want men to respect them for who they are, and treat them with respect and dignity. Why is it, though, that whenever push comes to shove, and they actually meet a man who treats them well, they find him boring, or they take all their vengeance on the male species out on him, suspecting he’ll put up with it, thinking he’s a push-over? Why are they afraid to get close to him, emotionally speaking? Why do women CREATE unnecessary conflict in such relationships? Why are they more drawn to men who will emotionally and/or physically abuse them? Do they feel safer in a relationship where they are being used rather than loved, since it is less effort to get a man to use them than to love them? Are women that influenced by the media, or is there more to this that I am not seeing?

If you are an exception to this, please don’t take offense. Rather understand, though, that at least from my perspective, you seem to be an exception, not the norm.

Also, how much(and what) can a man put up with, before he truly should be considered a push-over? We want to be nice and kind and forgive her 70 x 7 times, but at what point do we need to dump her?

Is this a poll???

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I likes me a good man, even in friendship, and run from the other kind.

 

[inJESUS]

oh my gosh–you read my mind. I remember doing just that. Yes…changing the bad boy becomes a not for profit project. lol

Changing others is an effort in futility, I learned.

well each human has his own “identity” but when you look closer, our psyche is very close, or at least we all experience the same feelings, one way or another, men and women…that is why me, a Lebanese can express what you an American are thinking of even though our age/culture/language/gender/education ecc are different…

sometimes we wonder if “learning” is worth the emotional pain and sometimes we say “it made us who we are” and keep it at that…

 

[duskyjewel]

I have not read the whole thread. HappyPerson, it seems to me that you are seeking out the wrong kind of woman. There are women who will choose the same bad, wrong guy over and over, either for their whole lives or until they grow up and learn to make better choices. Many of those women want sympathy for their supposed “victim” status… which they create for themselves by choosing men who treat them badly.

It seems to me that you may be doing the same thing. You seem to think that all women behave as you described in your original post. Perhaps all the women you have dated do… but you are the only common denominator in all those relationships. Why do you keep choosing women who behave that way? If you keep getting the same kind of woman over and over again, then change your search strategy. Because looking in the same places will only yield the same kind of people! But you also have to evaluate what part of yourself is seeking out the punishing drama queens. Some part of you wants that and feels comfortable with it. You would not keep choosing the same kind of woman if that were not true. That may be something to evaluate with a good counselor.

I’ll tell ya that for THIS woman, the stable guy who brings home a regular paycheck, is always home for dinner, loves his kids and helps around the house… is the hottest guy there is! We are all he wants, he tells me he loves me and acts like he worships me (most of the time… he IS human ), and the way he lives his life backs it all up. I sure do appreciate that.

P.S. Went back and skimmed. The Dr. Laura book that was mentioned is Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives. One of the chapters is devoted to the idea that if you rescue a damsel in distress, all you get is a distressed damsel. IOW, seek out a healthy partner, not someone to fix…

 

[HappyPerson]

But you also have to evaluate what part of yourself is seeking out the punishing drama queens. Some part of you wants that and feels comfortable with it. You would not keep choosing the same kind of woman if that were not true.

Actually, that’s really not true at all. I am very picky, highly selective. What happens, however, is that even when I am friends with them first, they turn out to be far from who they presented themselves as initially.

I wouldn’t so much say “cafeteria Catholics,” but fallen away Catholics, who not only have fallen away, but have a disdain for the Church, on top of that, yet will initially claim or at least imply the claim that they are Catholics, then I fall for them, and then I find out the truth about them.

Where can someone meet a real Catholic woman who is single, never married, no kids, and of marrying age? (My priest is strict about no talking in the presense of the Blessed Sacrament, so “after Mass” is not an option.) Neither is online. Been down that road, never again.

 

[duskyjewel]

Y’all don’t have any after Mass gathering? Like coffee and donuts?

What about volunteering for a ministry? Become a lector, join the choir, sit in on the parish council meetings, become a teacher in the RE programs or volunteer to be a sponsor or assistant for RCIA…

I have heard good things from other people on this board about Ave Maria Singles… a site for Catholic singles to meet up.

You may see yourself as very picky and discerning, but the fact is that you have basically told us that you end up dating the same woman over and over. This may not be something you are consciously doing… but somehow you are doing it all the same. Or these women really are fooling you, and you are just looking in the wrong places to find the kind of woman you want.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Actually, that’s really not true at all. I am very picky, highly selective. What happens, however, is that even when I am friends with them first, they turn out to be far from who they presented themselves as initially.

So what kind of women do you think you are choosing? I assume you are picking ones who appear to be faithful Catholics. How do you find that out? By what they tell you, or by what they do?

I wouldn’t so much say “cafeteria Catholics,” but fallen away Catholics, who not only have fallen away, but have a disdain for the Church, on top of that, yet will initially claim or at least imply the claim that they are Catholics, then I fall for them, and then I find out the truth about them.

It is easy to “claim” to be Catholic. Anyone baptized into the Catholic Church has every right to tell you they are Catholic. But do they attend Mass, volunteer, talk about things like abortion and birth control?
**
You say that you don’t find out “the truth about them” until after you have fallen for them. So either you are falling for them way too quickly and essentially falling for someone you don’t really know or you are somehow finding each and every liar out there. Either way you need to change something about your entire process…**

Where can someone meet a real Catholic woman who is single, never married, no kids, and of marrying age?

That might be a good idea for a poll…ask the happily married men where they met their faithful Catholic wives:thumbsup:

(My priest is strict about no talking in the presense of the Blessed Sacrament, so “after Mass” is not an option.)

Like another poster mentioned, don’t you have a coffee and donuts sort of gathering after Mass? There is always getting involved in the parish ministries, volunteering at Catholic organizations, going on retreats, attending conferences and lectures…basically anywhere where if one was just “going through the motions” of being Catholic they would not waste their precious time there.

Neither is online. Been down that road, never again.
**
You may want to keep an open mind. It isn’t fair to make sweeping generalizations. I too have heard great success stories about Ave Maria singles…**

 

[whatevergirl]

Actually, that’s really not true at all. I am very picky, highly selective. What happens, however, is that even when I am friends with them first, they turn out to be far from who they presented themselves as initially.

I wouldn’t so much say “cafeteria Catholics,” but fallen away Catholics, who not only have fallen away, but have a disdain for the Church, on top of that, yet will initially claim or at least imply the claim that they are Catholics, then I fall for them, and then I find out the truth about them.

Where can someone meet a real Catholic woman who is single, never married, no kids, and of marrying age? (My priest is strict about no talking in the presense of the Blessed Sacrament, so “after Mass” is not an option.) Neither is online. Been down that road, never again.

That’s what discerning before marriage is all about. I’m sorry you’re gonig through this, but it’s better to find out one’s true colors before marriage, than after. I think you just have to keep looking.

 

[jrabs]

I wouldn’t so much say “cafeteria Catholics,” but fallen away Catholics, who not only have fallen away, but have a disdain for the Church, on top of that, yet will initially claim or at least imply the claim that they are Catholics, then I fall for them, and then I find out the truth about them.

Where can someone meet a real Catholic woman who is single, never married, no kids, and of marrying age? (My priest is strict about no talking in the presense of the Blessed Sacrament, so “after Mass” is not an option.) Neither is online. Been down that road, never again.

Hold it - if you are friends first, then you should be able to have conversations as to one’s religious beliefs and convictions. No? Are you saying that if you asked your woman friend if she regularly attended mass and confession, that she would lie about it?

It sounds as if your selection process is not really as picky as you are suggesting. One or 2 dates with a woman ought to hash out those red flags I’d think. If she does the “eye roll” when you take about saying the rosary and attending confession, then you simply hightail it out of there before you get attached.

OK - hmmm where to meet good Catholic women in your area. Some parishes have singles mixers. Does not have to be your parish but possibly a neighboring parish. Look on at the on-line parish bulletins if they are posted.

Call your diocese to see if there is a Theology on Tap program.

Join in some of the planning committees - the parish picnic, Easter happenings. Do you even attend these? For every single man out there wondering where a devout Catholic woman is, I am certain there is a single woman out there wondering the same.

Make yourself available for the events at your parish. You’ll have fun in the process and meet a ton of people. Remember that some of those 'ol timers at church have nice nieces and granddaughters. If they take a liking to you - who’s to say what will come of it.

 

[chevalier]

I’ve found this thread highly entertaining. I do love that challenging word-play between male and female. Nobody’s going to change their opinions on the subject but it’s fun trying!

The point’s admitting evidence and take a look at the other side of the table. Being able to challenge your current views is a good thing and such discussion may well help it. That’s part of the reason I always wind them up.

Great thread. “Many” women *want *good men but they are *attracted *to “bad boys”…good men seem predictable, bad boys seem “enigmatic” and are usually “good-looking” and very self-confident…they smell manhood and power so to speak…human psyche is complex…my 2 cents…

The dreaded enigma factor (said a guy with a tendency for falling for foreigners ). There’s also the challenge factor and the thrill factor. Curiosity killed the cat. Naturally, good guys can be quite strong in these areas, but they don’t really enjoy having any kind of effect that trumps a rational choice, do they? At any rate, the bad boy or bad girl charm does generally largely come down to rather primordial magnetism.

 

[rusty20]

HappyPerson, how old are you?

Being in college, there are beautiful young women everywhere. I even know some good Catholic girls as I go to a small catholic college. I would say try getting involved at your local parish or perhaps find some connections through your local Catholic friends.

 

[HappyPerson]

My parish actually has(had?) a singles group, but every woman of the parish who is(was) in it has children. I could never love a step-child the way I would love my own, and that wouldn’t be fair to the child, so it isn’t even a remote consideration.

As for events after Mass, no, my parish doesn’t seem to have them.

I don’t often see any single young women (of appropriate age) in Mass, either. I’m 32. Nowadays, it is also rather difficult to discern a woman’s age, as some can be anywhere from 15-40, and look the same.

If I recall, correctly, Ave Maria singles charges an outrageous price before they even give you the chance to see if there is anyone on there worth paying for a chance with. Besides, I’m sick of women who can express all these emotions online and on the phone, but then can’t in person. Been down that road far too many times before.

 

[whatevergirl]

My parish actually has(had?) a singles group, but every woman of the parish who is(was) in it has children. I could never love a step-child the way I would love my own, and that wouldn’t be fair to the child, so it isn’t even a remote consideration.

As for events after Mass, no, my parish doesn’t seem to have them.

I don’t often see any single young women (of appropriate age) in Mass, either. I’m 32. Nowadays, it is also rather difficult to discern a woman’s age, as some can be anywhere from 15-40, and look the same.

If I recall, correctly, Ave Maria singles charges an outrageous price before they even give you the chance to see if there is anyone on there worth paying for a chance with. Besides, I’m sick of women who can express all these emotions online and on the phone, but then can’t in person. Been down that road far too many times before.

I ‘hear’ your frustration in these posts, HP. I would consider giving yourself a break…take up a cooking class, or artwork…or something you’d like to do, and take the focus off dating for now. Sounds like you need a pause. Sometimes, taking a time out can recharge your attitude, as right now–I think your frustration might seep through if you do meet the right person, because of past situations. Just give it some time…take a breather…and maybe in a month or so…think about dating again. Sometimes, too when we least expect it, or when we’re not planning it (like finding my Catholic husband)…the right person will be placed in your path.

Hang in there–God bless!

 

[royal_archer]

Part of the problem is that we have a choice but not enough information to make good choices.

1. young adults do not have the experience to know what to look for.
2. people change so what you see is not what you get for the long run.
3. you can be distracted by shallow features such as appearance, personality, popularity, etc. and not see the deeper more important issues.
4. you can’t really have a serious discussion about each other till you are already in a relationship at which point it is hard to pull out.
5. you have to say yes or no to this person before you know what else is or is not out there. ’
6. you only get to choose from those who you happen to meet.
7. you only get a chance to evaluate those who you happen to have made a decision that you are a likely choice for them based on their shallow criteria.

With a divorce rate over 50% and some number of the married couples unhappy, what is the percentage of marriages that run the full course of the spouses lives that is more happy than if they were in an arranged marriage.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

1. Pray.
2. Take a girly-girly class.

 

[HappyPerson]

With a divorce rate over 50% and some number of the married couples unhappy, what is the percentage of marriages that run the full course of the spouses lives that is more happy than if they were in an arranged marriage.

An interesting question. Would we be better off with arranged marriages, AND arranged careers? Do we have too much freedom without enough knowledge? I think we do, in terms of making it in this world. With people constantly changing careers, and constantly changing spouses, it seems like we don’t know what is best for us anymore, in terms of free choices that don’t constitute sin. I feel like such an underachiever, a talent burier, but I don’t know what to do, or how to use my talents. I am Heavenly minded, but I’m clueless as to how to accomplish things in this world.

 

[Magicsilence]

An interesting question. Would we be better off with arranged marriages, AND arranged careers? Do we have too much freedom without enough knowledge? I think we do, in terms of making it in this world. With people constantly changing careers, and constantly changing spouses, it seems like we don’t know what is best for us anymore, in terms of free choices that don’t constitute sin. I feel like such an underachiever, a talent burier, but I don’t know what to do, or how to use my talents. I am Heavenly minded, but I’m clueless as to how to accomplish things in this world.

Hi HP,

I think you might be making a mistake I used to make, and that is, living in the future.

In psychology, they refer to this as a condition for happiness.

You have given yourself the impression, that without marriage, or at least the beginning of a relationship with a good Catholic girl, you are not fulfilling God’s will, and therefore cannot be happy.

In fact, the opposite is true. :yup:

This day, today, that God gave you, might be your last. If it were to be, then it means God wants you to find salvation in it.

If you start finding your salvation in each precious day that the Lord allows you, and not ever hoping in better things to come in the future, I have a feeling you will start to understand and appreciate your talents more. I have a feeling you will start to use your talents in ways that God intended, and that slowly, you will come to know ‘good Catholic women’ who share those interests and talents.

Then, when you have stopped depending on marriage for happiness, God will see that you are ready to really approach marriage sacramentally, and the ‘girls will come a lookin’

God Bless!

 

[NTOT]

Do most women TRULY appreciate good men?

No. It is a secular world. Most good Catholic women do, however.

 

[NTOT]

Remember that some of those 'ol timers at church have nice nieces and granddaughters. If they take a liking to you - who’s to say what will come of it.

Haha, the old timers at daily mass usually assume the nice young man who comes to daily mass is going to be a priest.