Do you believe in "soulmates"?

[Lucretius]

The truth is there is more than one suitable partner for everyone in this world. God guides us and shows us if the person we love is suitable for marriage, but it’s not the only one, because we get to choose, that’s where love truly takes form. Knowing that grass may be greener on the other side, but choosing that person, flaws and all to be our life companions in our journey towards heaven. So no, I don’t believe in “soulmates”. I believe God puts people in our lives and if both God’s and our desires align (wich happens rarely), then we’ve found a suitable partner for life.

A person once told me that only a wise man - and even then, only near the end of his life- could discern a truely suitable wife for him.

My thought is that the key difference between the Christian idea of soulmate and the contemporary worldly idea of soulmate is that the Christian soulmate is ultimately not reducable to romantic feelings (which come and go and cause delusional thinking), but rather free choice of the will. A woman becomes my soulmate and me hers, not before, but during and after we make the Vow before Heaven.

If we look at Jesus’s words, He says “many are called, but few are chosen.” From my understanding, there are many girls a man flirts with, courts, dates, etc. This man is being called to be many women’s husband, and each of them his wife. However, although they are all called to be together while dating, etc., they will not necessarily choose each other ultimately. We might say that many are called to be your spouse, and you are called to be many people’s spouse, but only one is chosen

I find the Christian romantic ideal of "freely chosen from among thousands (maybe not “thousands ) of other possible women” to be far more romantic than the "brought together by fate (I would use the term “forced” rather than “brought”) ideal. Chesterton once wrote that when a young man marries a woman, he is literally rejecting every other woman in the world for her. The man, when he chooses a woman, and vice versa, sacrifices all the other possible good matches for him. He even rejects women that would probably be better matches for him.

Of course, these are the musings of a 20 year old idiot Take all of it with at least a grain of salt, if not more

Christi pax,

Lucretius

St. Augustine, pray for us!

Note: I’m male, so my thoughts are written from a man’s point of view

 

[EasterJoy]

A person once told me that only a wise man - and even then, only near the end of his life- could discern a truely suitable wife for him.

My thought is that the key difference between the Christian idea of soulmate and the contemporary worldly idea of soulmate is that the Christian soulmate is ultimately not reducable to romantic feelings (which come and go and cause delusional thinking), but rather free choice of the will. A woman becomes my soulmate and me hers, not before, but during and after we make the Vow before Heaven.

If we look at Jesus’s words, He says “many are called, but few are chosen.” From my understanding, there are many girls a man flirts with, courts, dates, etc. This man is being called to be many women’s husband, and each of them his wife. However, although they are all called to be together while dating, etc., they will not necessarily choose each other ultimately. We might say that many are called to be your spouse, and you are called to be many people’s spouse, but only one is chosen

I find the Christian romantic ideal of "freely chosen from among thousands (maybe not “thousands ) of other possible women” to be far more romantic than the "brought together by fate (I would use the term “forced” rather than “brought”) ideal. Chesterton once wrote that when a young man marries a woman, he is literally rejecting every other woman in the world for her. The man, when he chooses a woman, and vice versa, sacrifices all the other possible good matches for him. He even rejects women that would probably be better matches for him.

Of course, these are the musings of a 20 year old idiot Take all of it with at least a grain of salt, if not more

Christi pax,

Lucretius

St. Augustine, pray for us!

Note: I’m male, so my thoughts are written from a man’s point of view

With the World, the emphasis is on the “mates” part. With Christians, the emphasis is always on your souls. Nobody is going to be your soul mate in the true sense–that is, in the eternal sense–unless his or her first priority is to help you become a saint. If someone wants to lure you away from your sacred vows to be with him or her, instead, then by definition that is not your soul mate.

I think there may be laicized priests and former religious sisters married to each other who may have forgotten this, although of course we have to remember it is possible to have a legitimate reason to be excused from religious vows of celibacy that are not an “abandonment.” Still, if a religious sister, brother, or priest told me they knew their vocation to religious life was wrong *because *they had met their “soul mate,” I could be fairly certain they were wrong. It doesn’t work that way, whether you meet someone who gives you this romantic notion when one of you is already married or if you had already taken your final vows in religious life.

This reminds me of an older priest who said that when a younger priest came to him and said he was unsure of his vocation, his immediate reaction was always, “Who is she?” There usually was a “she” behind the desire to do “re-discernment.”

 

[Lucretius]

With the World, the emphasis is on the “mates” part. With Christians, the emphasis is always on your souls. Nobody is going to be your soul mate in the true sense–that is, in the eternal sense–unless his or her first priority is to help you become a saint. If someone wants to lure you away from your sacred vows to be with him or her, instead, then by definition that is not your soul mate.

I think there may be laicized priests and former religious sisters married to each other who may have forgotten this, although of course we have to remember it is possible to have a legitimate reason to be excused from religious vows of celibacy that are not an “abandonment.” Still, if a religious sister, brother, or priest told me they knew their vocation to religious life was wrong *because *they had met their “soul mate,” I could be fairly certain they were wrong. It doesn’t work that way, whether you meet someone who gives you this romantic notion when one of you is already married or if you had already taken your final vows in religious life.

This reminds me of an older priest who said that when a younger priest came to him and said he was unsure of his vocation, his immediate reaction was always, “Who is she?” There usually was a “she” behind the desire to do “re-discernment.”

Yes, to summarize what I wrote, I would say that your soulmate is determined by your final vows. A married person, by saying his vows, determines that his wife is his soulmate. The Nun, saying hers, determines that Jesus is, and so on (although everyone’s soulmate is Jesus ).

And just using the term soulmate, in a Christian setting, can even be used to describe an intimate (and chaste) friendship. St. Gregory Nazianzus, for example, describes his life long friendship with St. Basil thus:

Then not only did I feel full veneration for my great Basil because of the seriousness of his morals and the maturity and wisdom of his speeches, but he induced others who did not yet know him to be like him… The same eagerness for knowledge motivated us…. This was our competition: not who was first but who allowed the other to be first. It seemed as if we had one soul in two bodies.

If that last line isn’t the best definition for soulmate ever, I don’t know what is (it comes from Aristotle, I think).

I think that viewing close friendship as a kind of soulmate opens up many doors when helping homosexuals who wish to be chaste. The wise men in the past viewed friendship has a higher relationship than a mere marriage relationship, an assessment I (and the Church) agree with.

Christi pax,

Lucretius

 

[jtauke]

I think soulmates and talk of soulmates is one of the worst things Hollywood did to us. I mean think about how often everyone is talking about wanting a soulmate. I don’t even think it makes sense.

I mean think about it. How often can two people be that in sync? Sure, in college. Or yeah, at a job where the two of them do the same type of thing. Or ok, maybe in some kind of extra-carricular group or something. But all the time? No way. So then what happens? You are no longer soulmates? Really?

For once I wish movies would comment about real life and show a couple of people with courage and convictions and strength of character.

I guess what I’m saying is show someone who is just the opposite of me.

I don’t think the idea of a soulmate means someone who is like you…It means the person in the world that best understands you. And before anyone says it, it’s not the type of understanding that can simply be replaced by someone that “understands you better”, because there is no one that understands you better.

If God has a plan for each of us and God made your plan romantically intersect another’s. There you go, soulmate.

 

[EasterJoy]

If the idea of a soul mate is that you ought to marry the person best suited to make you and your children into saints, fine. Yes, that does imply spiritual intimacy, real heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul intimacy. It goes beyond looking for a steady person who will bring home the bacon, get it fried, and help you to run an efficient and outwardly-respectable household. Marriage is about making saints, about forming a domestic Church. Of course the way your soul and your spouse’s soul work together to make one flesh and a family that is of one heart and mind is of paramount importance. Marriage is a sacrament in service of a sacred vocation, not a business arrangement.

What about when the idea of a “soul mate” is used to promote the idea that finding the person who turns you on the most somehow excuses you from fidelity to the virtues and to the sacred trust you enter into when you make the vows of marriage? Is that the same thing? No, that latter “Hollywood” idea is total, straight-from-Hell hogwash, a deception meant to ruin families and ruin souls. Even if you marry someone who actually does make your heart beat faster than anyone else does, do not put your marriage on that foundation. Sexual attraction is a consolation, it is one of the things that give the things we ought to do savor and pleasure, like the flavor in our food, our natural attraction to babies and small children, and the satisfaction we find in honest and productive labor, something that makes our duties light and joyful instead of burdensome. The loss of that consolation, however, is no excuse for abandoning those who ought to be able to trust us entirely. (That abandonment can include mental or emotional abandonment, too, not just physical abandonment or betrayal.)

 

[jtauke]

No. There is no such thing as a “soulmate”. It’s just a bunch of romantic nonsense.

In my experience, if you put any two single people together long enough, they will “fall in love”. Whether they can get along for the long haul is a different issue.

In every “stable” marriage I’ve seen, the two started as friends, became more than friends, and after years together were still friends. All the supposed “soulmates” were a flash in the pan.

LONG Anecdote alert

1.) We grew up about 5 miles apart in differing school districts
2.) Our families attended the same Catholic Church (different RE classes as she’s 2 years younger)
3.) We were in the same youth group for a time (Don’t even think we ever had a conversation together)
4.) I go to one of the three state universities
5.) two years go by and she ends up at the same university
6.) Walking to class one day I cut through a building, headed for Religion 280 and pass a girl in the hallway, then stop, and double take once she’s passed. I know her from somewhere…but I couldn’t remember where.
7.) That night the name hits me, it’s the same girl I knew from youth group. Huh, funny coincidence.
8.) Later that year I’m at a party at a friends apartment. I walk into the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge, and who should be standing there? The same girl. Turns out she has a friend who’s friends with my friend…huh, funny coincidence.
9.) We get to talking that night and she ends up falling asleep on my shoulder, since her and her friend weren’t good to drive at that point
10.) I, being the bumbling idiot that I am, don’t really pursue after that
11.) She drops from the university after a year and I think, well, that’s all she wrote.
12.) About 1.5 to 2 years go by
13.) She shows up at another party at the same friends apartment for Halloween.
14.) We got to talking again and FINALLY, right before she left for the night, I got up the courage to ask her out.

The rest is history. We’ll have been together for 3 years this November and are currently planning our wedding for next November. And it just so happens that we’re getting married on the anniversary of the day I asked her to be my girlfriend, which just happened to fall on a Saturday in 2016. And that, without any prior knowledge on my part, the day I proposed fell on the day her paternal grandfather proposed to her grandmother…

There’s no way you can get me to believe she’s not my soulmate. To many coincidences brought us together for her to not be my other half.

 

[Della]

LONG Anecdote alert

1.) We grew up about 5 miles apart in differing school districts
2.) Our families attended the same Catholic Church (different RE classes as she’s 2 years younger)
3.) We were in the same youth group for a time (Don’t even think we ever had a conversation together)
4.) I go to one of the three state universities
5.) two years go by and she ends up at the same university
6.) Walking to class one day I cut through a building, headed for Religion 280 and pass a girl in the hallway, then stop, and double take once she’s passed. I know her from somewhere…but I couldn’t remember where.
7.) That night the name hits me, it’s the same girl I knew from youth group. Huh, funny coincidence.
8.) Later that year I’m at a party at a friends apartment. I walk into the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge, and who should be standing there? The same girl. Turns out she has a friend who’s friends with my friend…huh, funny coincidence.
9.) We get to talking that night and she ends up falling asleep on my shoulder, since her and her friend weren’t good to drive at that point
10.) I, being the bumbling idiot that I am, don’t really pursue after that
11.) She drops from the university after a year and I think, well, that’s all she wrote.
12.) About 1.5 to 2 years go by
13.) She shows up at another party at the same friends apartment for Halloween.
14.) We got to talking again and FINALLY, right before she left for the night, I got up the courage to ask her out.

The rest is history. We’ll have been together for 3 years this November and are currently planning our wedding for next November. And it just so happens that we’re getting married on the anniversary of the day I asked her to be my girlfriend, which just happened to fall on a Saturday in 2016. And that, without any prior knowledge on my part, the day I proposed fell on the day her paternal grandfather proposed to her grandmother…

There’s no way you can get me to believe she’s not my soulmate. To many coincidences brought us together for her to not be my other half.

My dh and I have a very similar story we can tell. In fact, how we got together is so unbelievable no one would think it true if told as a fictional story. Still, I don’t like the secularized understanding of soulmate. After all, marriage is “until death do you part…” not for eternity. The term soulmate implies a bound that cannot be broken even by death, which is not true. When we die we are not longer bound to our spouse and are free to marry again–to find another “soulmate.” God never intended human beings to be so attached to each other that their relationship is the pinnacle of their existence, which is another romantic fantasy the word soulmate holds for many. Rather marriage is meant to draw a man and a woman into Christ as a foretaste of being in union with God. This is one reason why religious do not take a spouse–because they are seeking full union with God of the kind each of us is to know in heaven. So, as nice as it is to know you married someone so compatible, who seems to be a soulmate, in reality that’s not what it is nor should be.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

If the idea of a soul mate is that you ought to marry the person best suited to make you and your children into saints, fine. Yes, that does imply spiritual intimacy, real heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul intimacy. It goes beyond looking for a steady person who will bring home the bacon, get it fried, and help you to run an efficient and outwardly-respectable household.

Marriage is about making saints, about forming a domestic Church. Of course the way your soul and your spouse’s soul work together to make one flesh and a family that is of one heart and mind is of paramount importance. Marriage is a sacrament in service of a sacred vocation, not a business arrangement.

I just wanted to say, BRAVO for such a beautiful description of marriage through a Catholic POV. I really think that some CAF posters, in their justified reaction against the shallow, selfish Hollywood version of romance, which is often (even in “clean” romances) just “I know I love this person because s/he makes me Feel Good”, go too far in the opposite direction.

So thanks for refuting the idea that “traditional marriage is just a business arrangement, in which love is an optional luxury” – even though most of the people touting this aren’t in such marriages themselves, indeed one poster who believes this isn’t married at all! But some of the descriptions of a “traditional” marriage seem to be based more on cultural traditions, than truly Catholic ones.

It also, IMHO, makes marriage sound really unappealing to women who do NOT need a man to financially support them – women like me. One solution, of course, is to pull out Bible verses to prove that as a woman, I shouldn’t be working at all, or at least that I shouldn’t bother to marry unless I’m willing to quit my job and become a SAHM. I know the Catholic Church doesn’t teach that, though.

But your approach to marriage actually transcends the boundaries of a particular time or culture. It speaks of a love and intimacy between spouses, that is not just about sexual attraction.

 

[Eliza10]

But I’ve noticed in evangelical circles, the “soulmate” idea can be used to browbeat people into staying in relationships because it is “God’s Will” they do so, even if the “soulmate” is abusive, adulterous, etc. Some even claim it is “God’s Will” for the abused spouse to remain because her job is to somehow convert the abuser, and to refuse that “mission” makes the abused spouse as bad as Jonah, who initially refused the mission to Nineveh.

I experienced that as an Evangelical Protestant. I would say its there in some circles there, and it was in mine. I wanted to do what God wanted me, and I took my vow seriously. My husband, so loving before marriage, immediately after was increasingly unkind and verbally abusive. A slow but constant increase, never returning to kindness.The teaching of my circle encouraged me to stay, as you describe above, and it was not good in such a situation.

When I was converted ALL the priests said, when they heard about my husband, “That’s not a marriage”. I ignored this. I married for better or worse. So, I got “worse”. I was sure God wanted me to stay forever.

I had romantic ideas before I married. I remember once saying that I was in love with being in love! I believed even the most impossible situations could be fixed. So I had a story full of coincidences I believe “proved” he was truly God’s will for me. I felt certain God willed me to stay married - after all, He hates divorce. I trusted God to save it, as impossible as it seemed. I hung onto that hope for dear life, for years.

It seemed impossible to release that hope when divorce was inevitable. A pious wise priest explained to me that though God does miracles, He never tells us to *expect *one. And that God rarely, if ever, violates the will. This, and more he said, gave me peace.

I know now that he was not God’s will for me. But, I never really *asked *God if it was His will. I assumed. I took the series of coincidences as proof of God’s will. I was happy, so, God must be happy. It felt right to me, so, it must be so to God. I do know I did not ask, and I did not wait for an answer.

Now I did not trust myself to choose a husband. I would learn to like being single, and wait for* some years* to know my vocation (I did). I thought when my child finished college and started a family, *then * God would show me His will. Maybe a nun! If He wanted me to marry, He was going to have to make it *perfectly *clear! I imagined someday a man knocking on my door, insisting God said we should marry…

But it didn’t work that way. I met my husband, who’d been an online friend, with no intention of romance. I was going to a healing in his state, and thought I “should” meet him, since I probably would never be there again. I stopped on the way home. We talked much, and it was as easy as writing him. As we talked, I thought to myself, “This is not for me” And 3 good reasons flashed through my mind! I went to leave - (tight schedule), and he asked me to pray “The Angelus” with him. He took my hands, and we prayed, and it felt like angels prayed with us! So beautiful! And he turned to go - and* I didn’t want him to go!* I had to tear myself away!

I fell completely insanely in love with him. It felt insane, because I did not want it. Jesus had just healed me! I could be single AND happy now! I was so free! I did not want this STRONG distracting feeling of love. I wanted to get RID of it. And I could not! I was so ashamed - God had done such a huge miraculous healing (inner heart healing - He heals hearts!) and instead of thinking on His gift, I could not stop thinking about this man! God certainly must be ashamed of my gross ingratitude, so i decided not to take communion until I could get to confession. So that Sunday (after a week of obsessing), I would not take it.

And I dreaded the Mass, and feeling the separation and disappointment of our Lord. I just knew I would feel his grave disappointment in me.

But instead, as soon as I entered the church, especially from the whole front of the sanctuary, I was hit by a FLOOD of His presence, and comfort. Most clearly, in this, He said to me, “Its *okay. *I am *not *disappointed in you.”

And so I knew it was okay to be in love. And this is how God hooked me up with the man I was to marry. I knew it from that moment, and my husband took a little longer to know it. That was October I met him, and by that Easter he’d told me the words I’d waited to hear. And this past Easter, we celebrated our 1st anniversary (we married 2 and a half years after we met… we had obstacles, like distance, and others, and we had to pursue annulments once we knew we woudl marry, which took 18+ months).

And, I would say, for sure, he is my soulmate. Only God could have hooked us up, and he did it by making me fall in love with a man who I had no good worldly reason to pick. He is older by 12 years. He was not in good shape financially, at all (he said in that first meeting, “I am a ruin.” Yeah. I made no worldly sense to fall for him! Not who I would have picked if *I *were picking a man for me! But we are fantastic together, and we are working together to remedy the finances and everything else. (we had some big obstacles! But prayer, trust, and hard work -we are conquering them!). We just love being together. Its where we belong.

All those years I was unhappily married, I trusted God to give back the years the locust had eaten. God did not let me down! He is doing it now! I just thought it would be my ex, which is why I was so surprised when it fell apart against my will. But instead, God gave me back those years this way. I am so grateful.

I have a bit more to say on the soulmate thing, from a different angle, that some may find very interesting. I will put it in another post, another day.

 

[Trident_H]

I experienced that as an Evangelical Protestant. I would say its there in some circles there, and it was in mine. I wanted to do what God wanted me, and I took my vow seriously. My husband, so loving before marriage, immediately after was increasingly unkind and verbally abusive. A slow but constant increase, never returning to kindness.The teaching of my circle encouraged me to stay, as you describe above, and it was not good in such a situation.

When I was converted ALL the priests said, when they heard about my husband, “That’s not a marriage”. I ignored this. I married for better or worse. So, I got “worse”. I was sure God wanted me to stay forever.

I had romantic ideas before I married. I remember once saying that I was in love with being in love! I believed even the most impossible situations could be fixed. So I had a story full of coincidences I believe “proved” he was truly God’s will for me. I felt certain God willed me to stay married - after all, He hates divorce. I trusted God to save it, as impossible as it seemed. I hung onto that hope for dear life, for years.

It seemed impossible to release that hope when divorce was inevitable. A pious wise priest explained to me that though God does miracles, He never tells us to *expect *one. And that God rarely, if ever, violates the will. This, and more he said, gave me peace.

I know now that he was not God’s will for me. But, I never really *asked *God if it was His will. I assumed. I took the series of coincidences as proof of God’s will. I was happy, so, God must be happy. It felt right to me, so, it must be so to God. I do know I did not ask, and I did not wait for an answer.

Now I did not trust myself to choose a husband. I would learn to like being single, and wait for* some years* to know my vocation (I did). I thought when my child finished college and started a family, *then * God would show me His will. Maybe a nun! If He wanted me to marry, He was going to have to make it *perfectly *clear! I imagined someday a man knocking on my door, insisting God said we should marry…

But it didn’t work that way. I met my husband, who’d been an online friend, with no intention of romance. I was going to a healing in his state, and thought I “should” meet him, since I probably would never be there again. I stopped on the way home. We talked much, and it was as easy as writing him. As we talked, I thought to myself, “This is not for me” And 3 good reasons flashed through my mind! I went to leave - (tight schedule), and he asked me to pray “The Angelus” with him. He took my hands, and we prayed, and it felt like angels prayed with us! So beautiful! And he turned to go - and* I didn’t want him to go!* I had to tear myself away!

I fell completely insanely in love with him. It felt insane, because I did not want it. Jesus had just healed me! I could be single AND happy now! I was so free! I did not want this STRONG distracting feeling of love. I wanted to get RID of it. And I could not! I was so ashamed - God had done such a huge miraculous healing (inner heart healing - He heals hearts!) and instead of thinking on His gift, I could not stop thinking about this man! God certainly must be ashamed of my gross ingratitude, so i decided not to take communion until I could get to confession. So that Sunday (after a week of obsessing), I would not take it.

And I dreaded the Mass, and feeling the separation and disappointment of our Lord. I just knew I would feel his grave disappointment in me.

But instead, as soon as I entered the church, especially from the whole front of the sanctuary, I was hit by a FLOOD of His presence, and comfort. Most clearly, in this, He said to me, “Its *okay. *I am *not *disappointed in you.”

And so I knew it was okay to be in love. And this is how God hooked me up with the man I was to marry. I knew it from that moment, and my husband took a little longer to know it. That was October I met him, and by that Easter he’d told me the words I’d waited to hear. And this past Easter, we celebrated our 1st anniversary (we married 2 and a half years after we met… we had obstacles, like distance, and others, and we had to pursue annulments once we knew we woudl marry, which took 18+ months).

And, I would say, for sure, he is my soulmate. Only God could have hooked us up, and he did it by making me fall in love with a man who I had no good worldly reason to pick. He is older by 12 years. He was not in good shape financially, at all (he said in that first meeting, “I am a ruin.” Yeah. I made no worldly sense to fall for him! Not who I would have picked if *I *were picking a man for me! But we are fantastic together, and we are working together to remedy the finances and everything else. (we had some big obstacles! But prayer, trust, and hard work -we are conquering them!). We just love being together. Its where we belong.

All those years I was unhappily married, I trusted God to give back the years the locust had eaten. God did not let me down! He is doing it now! I just thought it would be my ex, which is why I was so surprised when it fell apart against my will. But instead, God gave me back those years this way. I am so grateful.

I have a bit more to say on the soulmate thing, from a different angle, that some may find very interesting. I will put it in another post, another day.

Wow that is just what I needed to read right now. I was feeling so down, but this sort of cheered me up a bit. Thank you for that.

Peace.

-Trident

 

[GreyWings]

I don’t believe in “soulmates” but I do think that with the help of St. Raphael (and of course, GOD) you can be matched with the right person…

 

[AnneElizabeth]

LONG Anecdote alert

1.) We grew up about 5 miles apart in differing school districts
2.) Our families attended the same Catholic Church (different RE classes as she’s 2 years younger)
3.) We were in the same youth group for a time (Don’t even think we ever had a conversation together)
4.) I go to one of the three state universities
5.) two years go by and she ends up at the same university
6.) Walking to class one day I cut through a building, headed for Religion 280 and pass a girl in the hallway, then stop, and double take once she’s passed. I know her from somewhere…but I couldn’t remember where.
7.) That night the name hits me, it’s the same girl I knew from youth group. Huh, funny coincidence.
8.) Later that year I’m at a party at a friends apartment. I walk into the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge, and who should be standing there? The same girl. Turns out she has a friend who’s friends with my friend…huh, funny coincidence.
9.) We get to talking that night and she ends up falling asleep on my shoulder, since her and her friend weren’t good to drive at that point
10.) I, being the bumbling idiot that I am, don’t really pursue after that
11.) She drops from the university after a year and I think, well, that’s all she wrote.
12.) About 1.5 to 2 years go by
13.) She shows up at another party at the same friends apartment for Halloween.
14.) We got to talking again and FINALLY, right before she left for the night, I got up the courage to ask her out.

The rest is history. We’ll have been together for 3 years this November and are currently planning our wedding for next November. And it just so happens that we’re getting married on the anniversary of the day I asked her to be my girlfriend, which just happened to fall on a Saturday in 2016. And that, without any prior knowledge on my part, the day I proposed fell on the day her paternal grandfather proposed to her grandmother…

There’s no way you can get me to believe she’s not my soulmate. To many coincidences brought us together for her to not be my other half.

This is very sweet. Congratulations! Thank you for sharing and may God bless your matrimony!

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I’m not sure what the term “soul mates” mean. I hear people talking about it, but I’m not sure there is a universal definition. I’m not sure if everyone here would agree on the definition. Maybe that is what the last 5 pages was about?

I’ve heard a lot of terms when it comes to romantic love that it seems no one is on the same page as to what they really mean. It seems to me its a mystery!! For example, look up ‘romantic sparks’… and what it is to one person it is not to the other. Some people say that means simply to have attraction or interest for someone… .for others it means they actually FEEL something electric when they touch,… to others just saying they felt pulled close to another. Its like that with a lot of ‘romantic’ terms describing what people feel. Their descriptions are all over the board and no two explanations/descriptions really match. It can even be that way between lovers describing their love for one another too! ???

Its just that there is no one set explanation… so to me this mirrors God, since God cannot be known and since God is love, I’d say that’s all the explanation we are probably going to get. Romantic love has a lot to do with faith. Do you believe in the relationship? Are you willing to fight the good fight for it? Through thick and thin? Is that not how it is to be a Christian as well?

 

[AnneElizabeth]

… When we die we are not longer bound to our spouse and are free to marry again–to find another “soulmate.” God never intended human beings to be so attached to each other that their relationship is the pinnacle of their existence, which is another romantic fantasy the word soulmate holds for many. …

I will say that I somewhat agree with most of what you are saying, that God didn’t intend - or rather that he does not demand that we feel so strongly about another, but I do believe that this does not bound a couple NOT to be that way.

There are people who die of a broken heart when their spouse dies. So many ‘go’ just months after the other. I know of two such couples… and both were strong Catholic couples who put God first in their marriage. I somewhat think its God’s mercy that he took the one left behind so soon after. I think two people can grow in God’s love so well that they do become rather ‘bound’, and I believe God is very pleased with this. I believe this mirrors God’s love and how it should be. I’d rather see many more marriage like this… If I did, I truly believe that it would be easier for me to have faith in God and believe in Him.

It kind of irks me when people make up excuses to what the ideal is. We all want the ideal, lets face that fact, but when it seems so out of touch, we start saying things like “well, that’s dream world stuff and its isn’t real, therefore we should not want or ask for more.” Does any young girl long for a mediocre love story? Does any man long for a gal who is just is average in her devotion to him? Does anyone want to be in a marriage that is boring or so/so? Why do people make excuses for something lack luster when God answers prayers to those who are obedient and faithful to Him?

 

[AnneElizabeth]

…

I find the Christian romantic ideal of "freely chosen from among thousands (maybe not “thousands ) of other possible women” to be far more romantic than the "brought together by fate (I would use the term “forced” rather than “brought”) ideal. Chesterton once wrote that when a young man marries a woman, he is literally rejecting every other woman in the world for her. The man, when he chooses a woman, and vice versa, sacrifices all the other possible good matches for him. He even rejects women that would probably be better matches for him.

…

Note: I’m male, so my thoughts are written from a man’s point of view

Thank you for sharing this view… I coudln’t help but notice myself feel the opposite of what you say you feel on the issue, then I realized, it might have something to do with the fact you are male and I am female. Perhaps, the ‘brought together’ ideal is more appealing to me as a female because I need the assurance that the one I’m with is “the one”. I don’t know why it might be that way, but perhaps its more of a man thing to ‘choose freely out of many’… that it gives a man a sense of what they need whereas the ‘brought together fate ideal’ maybe gives a female what they need. ??

Anyway, just sharing that… I don’t know if it means anything and I’d be curious to know other men and women’s perspective on that. Maybe it differs. The “freely chosen out of many” idea doesn’t bother me… its a really lovely way to look at it, … its just that I still would go for the ‘brought together’ ideal more so still.

 

[Eliza10]

Wow that is just what I needed to read right now. I was feeling so down, but this sort of cheered me up a bit. Thank you for that.

Peace.

-Trident

Aw, Trident, I’m glad. You know, I particularly relate to your signature statements. I could have had similar ones going for several years. They’d have said something like:

I’m divorced and Catholic and a single Mom and I am not going to date anyone. I think its best for my child I don’t date, and I don’t trust myself to pick anyone, and anyway, I want what God wants, not what I want, and I will wait til that’s perfectly clear to me and I accept this may mean never knowing relationship happiness in this life. But don’t feel sorry for me, because I know God is not mocked, and that whatever He wills for me will make me ultimately happier than anything I would seek for myself. Even if I cannot see it today. And I am not heroic because God has given me plenty of signs to know for absolute sure this is true, and He has given me plenty of reason to know that I can trust Him, and He led me to the Catholic Church where I can receive Supernatural Graces to do and be whatever He wants me to be.

It doesn’t seem so different from what you said, really.

So God bless you. When you get discouraged, you have something to offer the Lord. I tried to always do this in my weak imperfect way (often just a muttered, “Lord, I offer you this discouragement and sadness for your use and I ask that you make it better soon and give me some comfort because i am tired of it… And I offer you my “tired”, too.”

I guess I am a grumbler, always asking for it to stop. But at least I offered it. I always remind my son to offer up troubles, saying, “It won’t take them away but at least you are making it worth something - its not just for nothing.” But the truth is, it always lightened it for me, just enough to be noticeable, and therefore be a little comfort for me, knowing God was with me.

I want to say I took great comfort (and still do) in the works of Anne a Lay apostle, of Direction For our Times. All the works are submitted to the Vatican, which basically says, nothing in them in conflict with the teachings of our faith. You can read most of them online at that site for free. The books you can buy on half.com. So anyone any can afford them, and they are a GREAT blessing and comfort!

Really God wants to give you many special graces and many friends in Heaven to help you out. Because He will not make it hard for you when you decide to endeavor to do His will in your own poor way. He will give you helps and comfort. His yoke is easy and His burden is light!

 

[Trident_H]

Aw, Trident, I’m glad. You know, I particularly relate to your signature statements. I could have had similar ones going for several years. They’d have said something like:

I’m divorced and Catholic and a single Mom and I am not going to date anyone. I think its best for my child I don’t date, and I don’t trust myself to pick anyone, and anyway, I want what God wants, not what I want, and I will wait til that’s perfectly clear to me and I accept this may mean never knowing relationship happiness in this life. But don’t feel sorry for me, because I know God is not mocked, and that whatever He wills for me will make me ultimately happier than anything I would seek for myself. Even if I cannot see it today. And I am not heroic because God has given me plenty of signs to know for absolute sure this is true, and He has given me plenty of reason to know that I can trust Him, and He led me to the Catholic Church where I can receive Supernatural Graces to do and be whatever He wants me to be.

It doesn’t seem so different from what you said, really.

So God bless you. When you get discouraged, you have something to offer the Lord. I tried to always do this in my weak imperfect way (often just a muttered, “Lord, I offer you this discouragement and sadness for your use and I ask that you make it better soon and give me some comfort because i am tired of it… And I offer you my “tired”, too.”

I guess I am a grumbler, always asking for it to stop. But at least I offered it. I always remind my son to offer up troubles, saying, “It won’t take them away but at least you are making it worth something - its not just for nothing.” But the truth is, it always lightened it for me, just enough to be noticeable, and therefore be a little comfort for me, knowing God was with me.

I want to say I took great comfort (and still do) in the works of Anne a Lay apostle, of Direction For our Times. All the works are submitted to the Vatican, which basically says, nothing in them in conflict with the teachings of our faith. You can read most of them online at that site for free. The books you can buy on half.com. So anyone any can afford them, and they are a GREAT blessing and comfort!

Really God wants to give you many special graces and many friends in Heaven to help you out. Because He will not make it hard for you when you decide to endeavor to do His will in your own poor way. He will give you helps and comfort. His yoke is easy and His burden is light!

Thanks for that. You’ve got a nice way of putting things.

Peace.

-Trident

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

No, I do not believe in soulmates. I think it is a romantic idea, but not reality.

I think any given person can be compatible and enjoy a happy life long relationship with any number of people. Lots of things factor into who we might end up with. I am open to being wrong though. A friend of mine, who has a degree in theology thinks that we are indeed “called” to one person. She is smarter than me, so I am open to the idea of being wrong. But I do not think I am.

 

[Millie123]

It kind of irks me when people make up excuses to what the ideal is. We all want the ideal, lets face that fact, but when it seems so out of touch, we start saying things like “well, that’s dream world stuff and its isn’t real, therefore we should not want or ask for more.” Does any young girl long for a mediocre love story? Does any man long for a gal who is just is average in her devotion to him? Does anyone want to be in a marriage that is boring or so/so? Why do people make excuses for something lack luster when God answers prayers to those who are obedient and faithful to Him?

I’m just giving my opinion as a married women of 15 years. Because this statement kind of resonated with me “Does any young girl long for a mediocre love story?” “Does any man long for a gal who is just is average in her devotion to him? Does anyone want to be in a marriage that is boring or so/so?”
I was recently reading a study in which it was stated that 69 percent of divorces are initiated by women.

I’m wondering if as women (I’m speaking of women in society at large) we are so hung up on the high of the “love story.” The high we experience when you’re newly dating, or that high women experience as a newlywed. That overtime as relationships settle in its foundation and starts becoming more quiet, and experiences lulls and valleys, that often comes with time, age, and children. I don’t think many women are prepared for this more “quiet” type of love. They may start to view their “love story” as being mediocre, and hence become dissatisfied and no longer view their bond with their spouse as being as strong. Maybe they may start to even question the bond that was created with their spouses at the time of their weddings as being not real, perhaps their spouse is not really their soulmate.

Overtime it’s just natural for marriage to become more quiet…
While I was dating my spouse during our college years we used to make out in a study room of our college library (no not intercourse), fully clothed passionate kissing. Yes that was fun and it produced a high. As newlyweds we would take impromptu trips to Las Vegas or the Oregon coast, just him and me, that was romantic and produced a high too. As newlyweds we used to lay in bed together until noon.

Fast forward 15 years:
Over the summer we just took our first vacation in 5 years.
My husband is not the kind of man to bring me flowers but tonight he went to the grocery store, he came home and handed me a bag of socks. He said “Honey, I know your feet are cold so I thought of you and bought you warm socks”
We no longer are able to sleep until noon, it’s just the nature of having kids. But, sometimes in the mornings when it’s time to get our son to school. He’ll say “Honey, you can sleep in…I’ll take our son to school”
When we take walks together he looks at me with a little smile on his face and says “Honey, I love those little gray hairs that are coming in by your ear”

None of these things are exciting romantic, as in a dopamine producing, toe curlling kind of high. It’s certainly nothing to write about in an Emily Bronte book. And I would think that any young lady whose reading about my married life would not dream about their marriage becoming matured and settled in its foundation, and perhaps many of them would become dissatisfied with a love story such as this, they may perhaps start looking at it as being mediocre. My husband still makes my heart flutter when he walks in a room, and I’m a hundred percent without a doubt sure that my husband is deeply in love with me, even though the expression of our love has quieted over the years…we no longer make out in the library. Nowadays I’m just concerned that women in general are often times just chasing after the high of the love story and may not at all be prepared for their relationship to grow and mature.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I
I was recently reading a study in which it was stated that 69 percent of divorces are initiated by women.

.

Perhaps that is because a vast majority of infidelity seems to come from the men…

At least that is what Ashley Madison told me…