Do you believe in Soulmates?

[Elena321]

Do you believe that God has made one individual for each person or do you believe that any potential number of people could be a suitable “match” (for a husband or a wife)?

What if you marry someone that isn’t quite compatible enough -can this ever be a happy marriage or will you feel you “settled” for them and always think “the grass could be greener elsewhere” if that makes sense?

 

[Sarcelle]

I do not believe in soul mates.

There are a group of men who will be a better match for you in marriage than other men.

There is no one perfect person for each of us.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

Nah, I could conceivably marry any handful of women, as could my wife have married any number of men. Some would be better fits than others, but it could and has happened. My love for my wife has grown in our 8 years of marriage (and she was the one God wanted me to marry to be sure), which implies that one can grow in love with someone they didn’t “fall in love with” from the outset (which for the record, we did though). Given our fallen nature, if God created soul mates among the 6 billion+ people, then left us to screw up repeatedly due to our nature, odds are extraordinarily high most people wouldn’t meet their soul mate much less marry them. If God was going to involve Himself in a such a way as to create soul mates, why would He leave us to stumble around hoping by chance to find them?

And what of people who die? Presumably, they were someone’s soul mate in many cases, which would leave someone high and dry.

 

[Rosebud77]

“KIndred spirits” is another form of this. Deep relationships with no sexual tones or involvement.

 

[DeniseNY]

No.

 

[Rosebud77]

Nah, I could conceivably marry any handful of women, as could my wife have married any number of men. Some would be better fits than others, but it could and has happened. My love for my wife has grown in our 8 years of marriage (and she was the one God wanted me to marry to be sure), which implies that one can grow in love with someone they didn’t “fall in love with” from the outset (which for the record, we did though). Given our fallen nature, if God created soul mates among the 6 billion+ people, then left us to screw up repeatedly due to our nature, odds are extraordinarily high most people wouldn’t meet their soul mate much less marry them. If God was going to involve Himself in a such a way as to create soul mates, why would He leave us to stumble around hoping by chance to find them?

And what of people who die? Presumably, they were someone’s soul mate in many cases, which would leave someone high and dry./QUOTE]

Happens with some critters that mate for life. I kept peacocks/peahens a while and when the partner dies the other pines away and nothing will save them

And so many humans die soon after their spouses,

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

Maximilan Kolbe;14179902:

Nah, I could conceivably marry any handful of women, as could my wife have married any number of men. Some would be better fits than others, but it could and has happened. My love for my wife has grown in our 8 years of marriage (and she was the one God wanted me to marry to be sure), which implies that one can grow in love with someone they didn’t “fall in love with” from the outset (which for the record, we did though). Given our fallen nature, if God created soul mates among the 6 billion+ people, then left us to screw up repeatedly due to our nature, odds are extraordinarily high most people wouldn’t meet their soul mate much less marry them. If God was going to involve Himself in a such a way as to create soul mates, why would He leave us to stumble around hoping by chance to find them?

And what of people who die? Presumably, they were someone’s soul mate in many cases, which would leave someone high and dry.

/QUOTE]

Happens with some critters that mate for life. I kept peacocks/peahens a while and when the partner dies the other pines away and nothing will save them

And so many humans die soon after their spouses,

Old age will do that when in close proximity. If I married someone, regardless of soul mate status, loved them for decades, then died soon after them, does that indicate they were my soul mate, or that I was old too, or that I simply lost the will to live after losing a loved one?

Mating once or for life doesn’t imply a soul mate. I presume a soul mate means “the one person deigned by God to be your perfect love match” or other somesuch definition.

If the definition is simply “two people who marry once to each other and never again,” well that describes the majority of marriages in history prior to 1950. My mother never remarried after my father moved on in her early forties. I doubt she consider him a soul mate, just a poor husband. She dedicated herself to her prayer life and the Church, as well as her children and grand children now. It has nothing to do with losing a soul mate.

 

[Mintaka]

If God really, really wants you to meet and marry one specific person, God is going to be really, really obvious about it.

For example, when God wanted St. Zelie Guerin to meet and marry St. Louis Martin, so that they could become saints and raise saintly kids including St. Therese of Lisieux, He sent His mom to tell St. Zelie. Directly. As in hearing Mary say, “Look, there is the man I have prepared for you!” as St. Louis walked by her on a busy bridge. (Yup, visual aids will be provided!)

But unless you’re in a situation like that, or like St. Isaac with St. Rebecca in the Bible, God is usually going to give us plenty of freedom to choose and find our own spouses. He can work with us.

And most people are fully capable of falling sincerely in love more than once. Whether or not they marry that person? Well, that depends on prudence as well as happenstance. If you fall in love with a serial killer, obviously that’s an infatuation you need to get over quick! The same thing is true if you fall in love with a married man, or a minor. “Falling in love” isn’t a guarantee of suitability.

And if the other person doesn’t love you back, or doesn’t continue to love you, then there’s no reason to wish that he had married you, or to worry that you can’t find happiness with anyone else but him. He’s a stinky fish, at least for you, and you should throw him back into the sea.

As for St. Zelie and St. Louis being perfect matches for each other, never feeling any friction? Heh, heh, no. They got along well and shared a lot of plans and dreams – but most of the goals they shared were the goals God actually meant for them to give up! (Like their earlier wishes to enter religious life, or like their original plan of having a sexless marriage with no kids.) Zelie was sickly but pushed herself to be energetic, while Louis retired early and spent a lot of time fishing or talking with his male friends away from home. Zelie was strict and Louis was doting on the kids. Zelie really stunk at picking stocks, while Louis was pretty decent at it. You couldn’t pick two more different people to match up; but their differences worked for them – because they worked hard at having a good marriage, and at figuring out God’s will together in prayer, as well as following the advice of trusted priests.

 

[pianistclare]

God had His hand in picking out my second husband. (I was a widow)

But that is a far cry from the secular use of the term “soulmate”.
No such thing. Mostly because it causes people to second guess every person they are interested in marrying. Which in turn, causes extreme dissatisfaction and loneliness.
Don’t fall into that trap. Finding a good mate take patience and much prayer.

 

[saellis]

Personally, I believe that the concept of “soulmates” is part of a greater subset of unrealistic views about relationships that sets up couples for failure.

 

[pianistclare]

Personally, I believe that the concept of “soulmates” is part of a greater subset of unrealistic views about relationships that sets up couples for failure.

yup

 

[LPS]

Personally, I believe that the concept of “soulmates” is part of a greater subset of unrealistic views about relationships that sets up couples for failure.

Yes.

Jesus Christ is the only soulmate who can truly satisfy any of us; it’s unfair to expect any individual to do that no matter how genuinely they love each other.

I liked another poster’s comment about “growing in love.” I’ve been married 35 years and that’s a very good phrase, in my opinion. There are many rough and difficult patches along with many blessings; I believe God uses both to help us grow in holiness.

 

[Irishmom2]

I do not believe in soul mates.

There are a group of men who will be a better match for you in marriage than other men.

There is no one perfect person for each of us.

No.

Personally, I believe that the concept of “soulmates” is part of a greater subset of unrealistic views about relationships that sets up couples for failure.

These say it all. Soulmate is a sickening Hollywood romance movie word.

 

[Usige]

no, I don’t beleive in soulmates. Are there people who are better matches for a given individual? Sure, but that does not mean my wife was the one and only one woman that could bring my life meaning. After 25+ years together, I cannot imagine my life without her, but that is because we have lived together for more than half our lives; not because God designated her and I to be together.

Personally, I believe that the concept of “soulmates” is part of a greater subset of unrealistic views about relationships that sets up couples for failure.

That is very true. I think this is one of the things that also can lead to divorce when someone thinks there is someone out there that “I’m destined to be with”. Anytime troubles occur then it raises specters of doubt about “maybe I didn’t marry the right one”.

I also don’t like the corollary of “settling”. It implies that someone isn’t good enough and you only married them because there were no other options or that you were just sick of waiting. Those might be true, but it is generally the result of a person that is looking for perfection and uses any flaw, however minor, to reject someone that they might have been perfectly happy with. it also implies that it is perfectly acceptable to leave the one you “settled for” when you perceive a better match has come along.

 

[1ke]

Do you believe that God has made one individual for each person or do you believe that any potential number of people could be a suitable “match” (for a husband or a wife)?

No. And the Church does not teach this.

What if you marry someone that isn’t quite compatible enough -can this ever be a happy marriage or will you feel you “settled” for them and always think “the grass could be greener elsewhere” if that makes sense?

Love is an act of the will.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

Actually, I changed my mind. This place not only sells them, but appears to have a great selection.

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

Who wouldn’t spend a lifetime with these bad boys?

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[ShrodingersCat]

Do you believe that God has made one individual for each person or ***do you believe that any potential number of people could be a suitable “match” (for a husband or a wife)?

---

What if you marry someone that isn’t quite compatible enough -can this ever be a happy marriage or will you feel you “settled” for them and always think “the grass could be greener elsewhere” if that makes sense?

I believe the bolded. Within a 10 mile radius there are probably a dozen people you could be happy with and I come from a relatively small town! What makes it a bit harder is finding a good Catholic partner, it narrows your options a bit.

Arranged marriages often work quite well, not that I am promoting them! But it is evidence that if there is a degree of compatibility that love will grow if both partners make an honest effort. Friendship and common interests and respect for each other are the most important things.

 

[GEddie]

I sure don’t.

The idea of “perfect compatibility” is what leads the young into nonending relationship games, and a storm of birth control and abortion, rather than Godly marriages and children.

In generations past, marriages were arranged, even in the Western countries. And somehow despite minimal concern for “compatibility”, people stayed together, raised children, and many became saints.

ICXC NIKA

 

[AdamP88]

Do you believe that God has made one individual for each person or do you believe that any potential number of people could be a suitable “match” (for a husband or a wife)?

What if you marry someone that isn’t quite compatible enough -can this ever be a happy marriage or will you feel you “settled” for them and always think “the grass could be greener elsewhere” if that makes sense?

Yes and no. I do believe that God has a plan for our lives and that if we are open to it and accept it we can be happy in our vocations. My idea would be that there are probably many people who would be a “compatible” match with any other person for marriage. There is also the fact that some people will be fulfilled in life through religious life and not marriage.

In reality though, there is only one person we can spend our lives with in marriage, for the most part. That is the person who we actually marry.

I don’t believe in the idea of compatibility. No two people are perfectly compatible. My wife-to-be doesn’t like loud music. I do. So I compromise by wearing headphones to listen to my choons or play my guitar!

She’s an introvert, I’m the exact opposite…it doesn’t mean we aren’t compatible, it means we both have to work at communicating our needs to the other.

I think if someone who is married has the idea that the “grass is greener” elsewhere it’s most likely a sign that they aren’t fully mature or didn’t discern their marriage partner well enough.

 

[Isca]

I’ve been married more than once. My husband (whom I only met in my late 40s) is undoubtedly my soulmate, as far as I’m concerned.

We are just sorry that there were so many wasted years before we met.