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mommyof4
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Yes, I do most of it, but if I get behind, he will do his own (without making me feel guilty about it, I might add).
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pnewton
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Why the gender bias? 
I do all the laundry, except in the summer, my wife pitches in. Even then, I do most of the folding as I am the quickest and neatest, having grown up learning how to proper fold everything. My wife finds this quirk to be “cute”.
I do all the laundry, except in the summer, my wife pitches in. Even then, I do most of the folding as I am the quickest and neatest, having grown up learning how to proper fold everything. My wife finds this quirk to be “cute”.
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UbiCaritas
Guest
Yep, same here, though when baby comes the diapers will be washed in a separate load for obvious reasons.
We hope for a pretty big family; doing, say, 6-8 kids’ plus two parents’ laundry each in individual loads isn’t exactly feasible!Mary_Gail_36
New member
I do the laundry by category (darks, lights, towels) not family member, except for new babies get laundry done separately because I use a different detergent for the babies.I don’t get this whole separate thing about laundry. we have always done “family” laundry. it is way easier. We also do family folding. Other than a few things clothes are clothes. my t-shirts or jeans or dress pants are just like his and just like my kids and they all go in the same load.
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Adamski
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I haven’t done any laundry since the day I was married 
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estesbob
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My wife does the laundry. i pick up the Dogs Poop and carry out any dead animals that end up in our abode. it seems to work out well for the both of us.
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Memaw
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I have a large family of all boys and they can all cook, do laundry including folding, vacuum and whatever else is necessary. Didn’t have any girls so I had to teach my boys. They can sew on buttons, patch work jeans and do minor mending. And their wives are happy. The only thing I always did was the dishes, later they bought me a dishwasher. God Bless, MemawI agree with Starrsmother - this is a great thread.
Starr’s comment about cooking made me laugh. Both of my folks could cook - but they didn’t always get things coordinated. More than once dinner hit the table with a bit too much seasoning (especially pepper) because they had each seasoned the dish thinking the other had not. My parents were always busy with different things, so didn’t necessarily stay in the kitchen during the whole cooking process.
Someone mentioned about sorting into loads and issues of having new babies and it reminded me of what my mom told me about when I was born.
At that time she had a wringer washer and no dryer. It was in the basement and the doctor had told her - no stairs for something like 6 weeks. My dad had never done laundry before so my oldest sister who was all of about 5 years old directed daddy on sorting and such.
Yes - you read right, she was about 5 years old.
And the wringer washer, and the fabrics of the time (for those who do not know) requires MORE sorting smaller loads and physically running the clothes through the wringer (usually twice) before hanging the stuff up to dry. We had a nice big basement so there was room to do this. Then - after things were dry they could take them down and bring them up-stairs and mom would fold things.
This may sound strange - but if you knew my sister and my dad - you’d not think it so strange.
Fast forward many years - and my sister is married with husband and children = none of whom know anything about laundry - or cooking - or grocery shopping.
Then she has a mild stroke…can’t get up and down stairs anymore…tires easily…can’t be stressed out about things…kids and hubby have to scramble to learn all of these skills. No more relying exclusively on mom for all of these things.
It’s great to see how much more the family pulls together now than they did before.
So - I guess the moral in all of this is that it is good for families to each learn the jobs of the other. Maybe not to perfection, but at least enough to understand the basics.
Peace
James
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JRKH
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Allegra
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I hang mine in the closet.
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Memaw
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I think she means hang them up to dry!, I use my clothes line. Yep I still have one, (same one) and I still use it. But I do have a dryer for bad days. God Bless, Memaw
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kelvinf
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Very interesting. I don’t know where to start but I have to start somewhere.
I will start with a comment on diapers. When the term was first used here, I thought the poster meant Pampers–which is a kind of diaper that you use once and throw away. It’s when I read others talking about washing diapers that I understood it to mean napkin (Brit.). Where I live, people use Pampers and I wouldn’t have thought that in the US people still use napkins or diapers as you call it. I guess it (diapers) is economical and also good for the environment.
This thread now sounds to me like the threads on sharing e-mail accounts and having joined bank accounts. Maybe it might help to say that I also differ from the majority on these issues. I don’t believe marriage should completely take away personal control over your accounts or personal responsibility for your clothing. Some have questioned my use of the term “personal” when it comes to marriage. I can’t think of a better word but you shouldn’t read too much into it. Some people just always like to have a bit of -]personal/-]))space.
Gee, you shouldn’t take this soooooo serious.
Your case is completely different and in your situation, I can perfectly understand how the other spouse (in this case you) has a responsibility to fulfill. You know, I wonder how many men can actually step into your shoes. I must say you are a great role model when it comes to caring for a spouse!
Oh, I am afraid you misinterpreted what I said about washing a spouse’s hand. There is certainly nothing negative about it. Again, I understand your situation is different but what I meant was that, under normal circumstances, there is no need to wash your spouse’s hands because he or she can (typically) do that by his or herself. In cases of special needs, that’s something else.
I believe we see this differently. You kind of see it like a spouse refusing to do a service for the other while I see it from the perspective of everybody doing their laundry by themselves and nobody even getting to bring up the topic unless there is a situation out of the ordinary like sickness.
Re your last paragraph, I differentiate between things that a spouse can do by themselves (like a husband taking care of his laundry and ironing) and other things that by their very nature or current circumstance, require support from another person.
I will start with a comment on diapers. When the term was first used here, I thought the poster meant Pampers–which is a kind of diaper that you use once and throw away. It’s when I read others talking about washing diapers that I understood it to mean napkin (Brit.). Where I live, people use Pampers and I wouldn’t have thought that in the US people still use napkins or diapers as you call it. I guess it (diapers) is economical and also good for the environment.
This thread now sounds to me like the threads on sharing e-mail accounts and having joined bank accounts. Maybe it might help to say that I also differ from the majority on these issues. I don’t believe marriage should completely take away personal control over your accounts or personal responsibility for your clothing. Some have questioned my use of the term “personal” when it comes to marriage. I can’t think of a better word but you shouldn’t read too much into it. Some people just always like to have a bit of -]personal/-]
))space. James, you have spoken about your marriage before so I know your situation and I understand from where you are coming from.
Gee, you shouldn’t take this soooooo serious. Your case is completely different and in your situation, I can perfectly understand how the other spouse (in this case you) has a responsibility to fulfill. You know, I wonder how many men can actually step into your shoes. I must say you are a great role model when it comes to caring for a spouse!
Oh, I am afraid you misinterpreted what I said about washing a spouse’s hand. There is certainly nothing negative about it. Again, I understand your situation is different but what I meant was that, under normal circumstances, there is no need to wash your spouse’s hands because he or she can (typically) do that by his or herself. In cases of special needs, that’s something else.
You can love and care for someone with special needs without necessarily doing everything by yourself. Some people prefer or could get third party support. This still reflects love and care doesn’t it? Like those who say their mother or MIL does the laundry… Of couse, I am going to tell my would-be all the things I shy away from but I don’t think that changing diapers (of a child or an adult) should be part of pre-cana.
Not necessarily. Doing laundry or not for the other person is such a petty thing that shouldn’t be used as a love test. Lo, if I didn’t watch the TV show that made me to start this thread, I wouldn’t have thought for a second about laundry in marriage and realised how I differ from others. Laundry should not in any way affect a relationship.
I believe we see this differently. You kind of see it like a spouse refusing to do a service for the other while I see it from the perspective of everybody doing their laundry by themselves and nobody even getting to bring up the topic unless there is a situation out of the ordinary like sickness.
You seem to have had a similar situation like James. That’s something else.My husband has bathed me, dressed me and back when I was thin, carried me. Washing my panties and bras are no any more personal than taking a shower, getting dressed and walking.
On a lighter note, just wait, if you use NFP, when you are talking about cervical mucus. Talk about personal.
Re your last paragraph, I differentiate between things that a spouse can do by themselves (like a husband taking care of his laundry and ironing) and other things that by their very nature or current circumstance, require support from another person.
Same here
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kelvinf
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To keep my response simple, it’s mainly just a feeling since it’s not as if something bad is going to happen if I were to mix laundry.
Maybe you should also ask the other few who don’t mix laundry. I would also like to hear what they have to say.Regarding your last question, I think so. Is there a reason why you brought up that specific example?
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Again, I don’t consider it a tabu, hence it’s not an absolute refusal to do it, but rather, in an ordinary situation (no sickness, no over jobbing, free weekends), I take care of my laundry and it would be uncalled for for the other person to do it and I assume the reverse.
In such a situation, is this only limited to laundry? If so, why?
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maryjk
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That would explain your comment.This thread now sounds to me like the threads on sharing e-mail accounts and having joined bank accounts. Maybe it might help to say that I also differ from the majority on these issues. I don’t believe marriage should completely take away personal control over your accounts or personal responsibility for your clothing. Some have questioned my use of the term “personal” when it comes to marriage. I can’t think of a better word but you shouldn’t read too much into it. Some people just always like to have a bit of -]personal/-]
My husband knows all of my passwords; I know his. We share bank accounts. Our computers and email are shared.
So washing my clothes, or back when I did his, isn’t that big of a deal.
(You probably don’t want to know that I will use the toilet when he is in the shower.
)
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Diana_Catherine
Guest
No, not at all. As others have said, in marriage there are many ways couples work together; cooking, cleaning, kids, laundry, mowing… You get the picture.
Also, others have made comments about helping each other with much more personal issues, such as washing each other. It happens. You work it out, each for their own family.
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NeCo99
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Maybe a bit different here. I want to do my husband’s laundry and he refuses. Weird huh? LOL
I would rather do it because I can squeeze it in during the week when I am home. He is a soldier and has weird hours. That is partly why he wants to do it though. He knows he may need a particular thing on a certain day and doesn’t want to wait for me or the kids to be done. Also with six of us, there is always something being washed.
Our solution: everyone has a “day” (the kids are learning to do their own) and there is a free day for whatever. Obviously, wet sheets (little ones still have accidents from time to time), or really immediate things take priority but other than that, your day is your day.
The other reason with hubby is he has a “special” way of folding his clothes that I don’t do. LOL So if I wash his clothes, he ends up unfolding them and then folding them over his way. It pretty much has to do with fitting in Army bags/rucksacks, but he does it for everything now.
I would rather do it because I can squeeze it in during the week when I am home. He is a soldier and has weird hours. That is partly why he wants to do it though. He knows he may need a particular thing on a certain day and doesn’t want to wait for me or the kids to be done. Also with six of us, there is always something being washed.
Our solution: everyone has a “day” (the kids are learning to do their own) and there is a free day for whatever. Obviously, wet sheets (little ones still have accidents from time to time), or really immediate things take priority but other than that, your day is your day.
The other reason with hubby is he has a “special” way of folding his clothes that I don’t do. LOL So if I wash his clothes, he ends up unfolding them and then folding them over his way. It pretty much has to do with fitting in Army bags/rucksacks, but he does it for everything now.
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JRKH
Guest
Sorry I took things too serious…This thread now sounds to me like the threads on sharing e-mail accounts and having joined bank accounts. Maybe it might help to say that I also differ from the majority on these issues. I don’t believe marriage should completely take away personal control over your accounts or personal responsibility for your clothing. Some have questioned my use of the term “personal” when it comes to marriage. I can’t think of a better word but you shouldn’t read too much into it. Some people just always like to have a bit of -]personal/-]
James, you have spoken about your marriage before so I know your situation and I understand from where you are coming from.
SNIP - - -
I agree that personal space is important and also that one should not allow “petty things” to have too much influence on a relationship.
My DW was single for 25 years after a very bad first marriage. Even though she trusted me enough to marry me she still wanted her own checking account.
Fine says I… Two reasons - if I objected it could make her uncomfortable which I did not want to do and second - I got to hand her half of the bills to pay…
Once she retired, shortly after she retired, she closed her account as being redundant - and we had been married long enough that she was comfortable with this.
I guess the reason I reacted as I did to your suggestion that each do their own is that to my practical mind it is just not as efficient as one person doing whatever laundry is there to be done. Splitting it up could easily result in the need to run extra “half loads” when combining would mean fewer full loads.
I kind of thought the idea of “personal hygiene” was rather humorous. My thought was - “he doesn’t want to touch her underwear”?..Trust me - you will want to touch her underwear…
Of course - as the many replies have illustrated - different couples come to different solutions on the question…So - to each his own I guess.
Peace
James
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maryjk
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:blushing:I kind of thought the idea of “personal hygiene” was rather humorous. ** My thought was - “he doesn’t want to touch her underwear”?..Trust me - you will want to touch her underwear.**…
Peace
James
And she will want you to.
:yup:
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geneseesquire
Guest
When first married, my wife and I took our clothing to a laundromat.
Once our children arrived and she stayed at home with the girls, she did virtually all of the laundry.
Now, we both work full time and have no children at home, she does most of it but I do laundry too
Either when I see we have enough of a load to justify running the machines or when she asks me to do a load.
Once our children arrived and she stayed at home with the girls, she did virtually all of the laundry.
Now, we both work full time and have no children at home, she does most of it but I do laundry too
Either when I see we have enough of a load to justify running the machines or when she asks me to do a load.
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Jeanne_S
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Forty years married,I have always done the laundryactually,I like doing laundry,folding it,just hate putting it away,same with emptying the dishwasher!
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BIB_MT
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I didn’t have time to read all the lovely comments.
That said,
In our family we all work together to get all the things done that are necessary for our family. I am a SAHM (well, I actually work from home sometimes but its minimal- as far as “paycheck” work goes). Since I’m home, it only makes sense that I do the laundry! I’m here to put it in the washer and dryer. We usually have to do 2 loads of laundry a day to stay caught up. My husband would be doing laundry all night when he came home from work if I didn’t do it. We also do cloth diapers for our children, so that increases our laundry.
My husband will help out when he has to. I need to remind him though, because he just doesn’t think about those things. If it’s been a trying time, and I’ve gotten behind on laundry, he might notice he’s running out of work uniforms or socks or underwear- and will wash some clothes for himself. It’s kind of silly because he’ll do a small load with only his clothes, instead of throwing in our clothes as well.
I know some people really hate laundry! And while I don’t love it, it’s not one of those things I make a fuss over. I mean, the machines do most of the hard work anyway. My kids love loading the clothes in, pouring the detergent, etc.
My husband helps in other ways. He may watch the kids in the evening so I can get some deeper cleaning done in peace; he almost always cooks dinner (I hate cooking, he enjoys it most of the time). I dont think it really matters who does the laundry or other household chores, as long as family members are charitable and willing to help each other out. That is true love. Love is an action. Jesus could have felt love for us all day long, but at the end of the day He had to act and die on the cross for us. Love is giving; we love our families by giving and doing for them, in whatever way that is.
My husband has a hard manual labor job. But I have a hard day too; just listening to the kids and dealing with the crying, whining, butt wiping, constant night waking for consecutive years with small children, and more is emotionally draining, and physically draining at times, and is as hard as my husband doing manual labor. My husband acknowledges this, and isn’t afraid of helping out when he comes home, even when he’s tired. Yes, he occasionally complains, but so do I. Neither of us have it easy.
Laundry? “Small stuff” in the grand scheme of things. Although, I have to say I’m particuarly sick of laundry at this point in time. I just spent days prepping new cloth diapers for baby #3 (5 hot washes and they take a long time to dry) and then my SIL had baby #6 so I went to her house and I’ve been doing about 15 loads of laundry for her to catch her up as she fell behind. After I’m done with that, I have to do my own laundry which I’ve fallen behind on now.
…Maybe I should have hubby do some of it… Hmm…
That said,
In our family we all work together to get all the things done that are necessary for our family. I am a SAHM (well, I actually work from home sometimes but its minimal- as far as “paycheck” work goes). Since I’m home, it only makes sense that I do the laundry! I’m here to put it in the washer and dryer. We usually have to do 2 loads of laundry a day to stay caught up. My husband would be doing laundry all night when he came home from work if I didn’t do it. We also do cloth diapers for our children, so that increases our laundry.
My husband will help out when he has to. I need to remind him though, because he just doesn’t think about those things. If it’s been a trying time, and I’ve gotten behind on laundry, he might notice he’s running out of work uniforms or socks or underwear- and will wash some clothes for himself. It’s kind of silly because he’ll do a small load with only his clothes, instead of throwing in our clothes as well.
I know some people really hate laundry! And while I don’t love it, it’s not one of those things I make a fuss over. I mean, the machines do most of the hard work anyway. My kids love loading the clothes in, pouring the detergent, etc.
My husband helps in other ways. He may watch the kids in the evening so I can get some deeper cleaning done in peace; he almost always cooks dinner (I hate cooking, he enjoys it most of the time). I dont think it really matters who does the laundry or other household chores, as long as family members are charitable and willing to help each other out. That is true love. Love is an action. Jesus could have felt love for us all day long, but at the end of the day He had to act and die on the cross for us. Love is giving; we love our families by giving and doing for them, in whatever way that is.
My husband has a hard manual labor job. But I have a hard day too; just listening to the kids and dealing with the crying, whining, butt wiping, constant night waking for consecutive years with small children, and more is emotionally draining, and physically draining at times, and is as hard as my husband doing manual labor. My husband acknowledges this, and isn’t afraid of helping out when he comes home, even when he’s tired. Yes, he occasionally complains, but so do I. Neither of us have it easy.
Laundry? “Small stuff” in the grand scheme of things. Although, I have to say I’m particuarly sick of laundry at this point in time. I just spent days prepping new cloth diapers for baby #3 (5 hot washes and they take a long time to dry) and then my SIL had baby #6 so I went to her house and I’ve been doing about 15 loads of laundry for her to catch her up as she fell behind. After I’m done with that, I have to do my own laundry which I’ve fallen behind on now.
…Maybe I should have hubby do some of it… Hmm…
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