Do you do your husband's laundry?

[JRKH]

Haha, FYI, that is certainly not uncommon. I don’t know how you see me

I don’t know why a couple of you had that in mind.

Well - we are trying not to take the matter too seriously…

Well, for me, as I have said, cleaning your body, your clothes, your shoes etc is part of personal hygiene and certainly not the job of a housewife in my view.

Here and below you start getting into what is a person’s “responsibility” their “job” - - - And I don’t think that maried people particularly think of it in this way. Yes we each have responsibilities, and jobs…and as we can see from the many replies there are different solutions to the matter. Some even seem to agree with you that each do their own for whatever reason.
However - the decision of who is responsible for what and when varies with the people and the situation.

Re the question directed towards me was about mixing laundry, again, it’s just my instinct and feeling about not mixing it.

Why did some of you bring up underwears? That only shows that you all know that underwears and let’s pullovers are not the same thing.

Fact is, the underwear of a baby, woman and man are not the same thing. For babies, people have already said that they separate diapers from other clothes. Why?

Again - this gets into something different than the original question.
Since you mention diapers, lets use my circumstance with my wife. WE don’t use diapers, but the sheets and her nightie are generally wet in the morning. These items, along with the wash rags that I use to give her a bath, I tend to wash first and separate from other things because of the urine.
But it is still me - I - myself who does ALL of the Laundry.
The same would be true in the case of a young parent who separates diapers and soiled sheets etc…or separates the husbands heavily soiled work clothes to wash separately.
Separating items for special treatment is not the same thing as separate people ding their own laundry.

Now let’s look at women. About a couple of years ago, a very good friend of mine came over. I don’t know how to put it but let me just say her body behaved they way she didn’t anticipate or maybe she just blundered. I don’t know and I am not trying to judge her. She is too worthy for that. That day, her body failed her. She sat on a chair and when she got up, something had happened. (I am sure she felt abashed.) But she did what any normal person would have done. She cleaned the chair herself (it was a wooden chair so it was easy to clean the mess), went into the bathroom and tried to clean herself and immediately went home. If I were married to this girl, I don’t see how it would have been my responsibility to clean her stuff for her when she can take the responsibility and do it herself. For such a person, could I clean it for her if she couldn’t? Yes, but she could and most people can and should.

I studied Biology in highschool so I know the theory about menstruation but in real life, I have always been minding my own business when it comes to how women deal with this. I would have asked her to tell what went wrong but I behaved like gentlemen do (LOL) and gave her space. And neither have I ever asked any of my sisters this question. (When we were younger, I had once noticed something similar.)

Since our bodies are not the same, you cannot say there is no difference between the underwears of women and men. If all the stuff they excrete happen to soil their underwears, I think it’s proper that they take care of that by themselves.

(BTW, for those who might be thinking that I threw that chair away, well, guess what, I am currently sitting on that chair right now! LOL)

1. To the occurrence…you relate. You handled it well.
2. If I were the woman’s husband, when we got home I might ask her if I can help - possibly rinse something out or take the clothes and spray some “stain out” on it preparatory to a more thorough cleaning.
3. It’s not my responsibility - but it is a loving thing to do for the person you love more than anything ni the world. Of course she would most likely have said no that she did not need help - mainly because she would prefer to take care of it herself.

So what I am talking about is not “responsibility” but love - and the desire to be of help to my lady, just as she has always been a help to me…

But - - - to each their own…

And - a bit off topic in a way - as a caregiver, one of the most helpul (and humorous) bits of advice I ever received was this…“It’s poop, not toxic waste”…
Meaning? Just get in there and take care of your loved one…good advice that…

Peace
James

 

[Ms_Manners]

Why did some of you bring up underwears? That only shows that you all know that underwears and let’s pullovers are not the same thing.

I asked about it, of course I know they are not the same, but some people feel more strongly about it and some people don’t have such strong feelings. I was just wondering if you had any strong feelings that influenced your view on laundry.

A lot of women do household chores lovingly as you can see on this thread but you need to read other threads where some wives complain about the burden especially when the husband shows no shred of appreciation. Mothering an adult does not necessarily reflect love.

I agree with your last sentence (though our definition of mothering may be different) but I think in the cases you mention chores are not the problem but only the symptom. Taking the chores away wouldn’t solve the real problem, it would just change the manifestation.

 

[kelvinf]

1. If I were the woman’s husband, when we got home I might ask her if I can help - possibly rinse something out or take the clothes and spray some “stain out” on it preparatory to a more thorough cleaning.
2. It’s not my responsibility - **but it is a loving thing to do for the person you love more than anything ni the world. Of course she would most likely have said no that she did not need help - mainly because she would prefer to take care of it herself.

So what I am talking about is not “responsibility” but love - and the desire to be of help to my lady, just as she has always been a help to me…**

But - - - to each their own…

It seems clear to me that you are kind of basing this on your situation. Your situation is very different and what you do is perfectly fine and right in your case.

I differ with you about this being about “love” and not responsibility.

Why would one want to help someone with something that they don’t need help with? This is something so basic that if the justification is love, then I am afraid you would have to prove this love all the time by helping the person with other basic things like washing her hands, brushing her teeth, flushing the toilet for her etc. (Again, we are talking about someone who is capable of doing such things by herself.)

And if this is how people are supposed to express love, then guess what, if the other person really loves you, she would also have to make similar offers to you since it is a loving thing to do for the person you love more than anything in the world as you say.

If you each accept the other person’s offer for such ordinary things, that would simply lead to a change of roles–you doing her stuff and her doing your stuff. And one would have to question what the whole point of such an arrangement is.

If you both decline the other person’s offer because you both believe that it is personal responsibility, then one would still ask what the whole point of making the offer in the first place was when the outcome was so obvious.

And finally, if one person makes the offer and the other doesn’t, then does that mean that the love test -]failed/-] passed? Broken marriage?

It’s hard for me to see how love can be brought into or questioned when it comes to such a basic thing that all capable women whether married or not do by themselves.

I believe this is clearly about individual responsibility.

And - a bit off topic in a way - as a caregiver, one of the most helpul (and humorous) bits of advice I ever received was this…“It’s poop, not toxic waste”…
Meaning? Just get in there and take care of your loved one…good advice that…

Peace
James

James, I am afraid I do not agree with the quote. I know for sure that urine from a healthy human body for instance isn’t toxic per se. I am not exactly sure of the composition of human faeces but we are talking about substances that the body considers undesirable and is eliminating. These substances could certainly contain disease spreading bacteria. There is a reason why people are taught to wash their hands after using the toilet. There is a reason why people can’t poo anywhere they like.

The quote above comes across to me like: oh, there is no big deal with poo. Of course there is.

Back to the topic about love, I believe if we really wanna bring love into this discussion, then I don’t see how I wouldn’t win this argument (LOL), because if you really love someone, you wouldn’t force them do things that they are uncomfortable with like let’s say washing your underwears for you.

 

[kelvinf]

I agree with your last sentence (though our definition of mothering may be different) but I think in the cases you mention chores are not the problem but only the symptom. Taking the chores away wouldn’t solve the real problem, it would just change the manifestation.

Agreed.