Do you find this funny? I didn't!

  • Thread starter Thread starter whatevergirl
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
This is definitely not acceptable! The people that we work with are not always people we would choose to be friends with so this can cause problems.

Once when I was working as a temp I had been out to lunch with my friend. When I came back into the office one of the guys said something to the effect of “would your friend sleep with me?” This was said out loud to the whole office in a jokey manner (it was quite a small place and everyone knew everyone else). I was not prepared to have some idiot make fun of my friend so I said “No, sorry she’s not of an easy disposition.” That sure shut him up! I am not normally confrontational and that very fact sent shock waves around the office.

Also I do quite a lot of salsa dancing. This is a really good way to be friendly and sociable without the pressure of every guy you dance with expecting you to be their girlfriend. However occasionally you do come across someone that does not respect your personal space and thinks he can try it on. All too often the woman’s automatic reaction is nervous laughter and smiling because he has embarrassed her. Unfortunately this can be taken by the man as passivity or even encouragement. The key is to show your disapproval straight away to get the message across. Of course if this doesn’t work you can always stalk off the dance floor 😛
 
Um…did you want to say something or just post your pic?
Click to expand...
Nooooo Whatevah, I was was lettin y’all know I was lurking on this thread, but I’m gonna leave all the tawkin on this subject to y’all ladies. 😛
 
I wouldn’t think it is good policy to assume the worst, nor for that matter to assume there is no problem. If one feels uncomfortable, then one should at least attempt to make it clear. I don’t think anyone would like to think that something was allow to be permitted, then once assuming it is permitted allowing more off color remarks to happen, and finally all of a sudden be slammed with it. In the end, it is much better to let the other person unambiguously know to stop doing it if you feel uncomfortable, then proceed with formal action. It is better for you, the offending employee, the company, and the viability sexual harassment policy.

The problem is as some said there is some truth to most jokes, the problem is you don’t know if that means the person will actually be actually pressing the issue. Further more, other than whatevergirl, we don’t know her sister, we don’t know the ex boss, and we don’t know about the tone or delivery. I myself, don’t think it’s very professional, but at the same time, I’m sure there has been many unprofessional things that have occured in professional settings.

If anything, I’d say if she is having second thoughts on the appriopriatness of it, she might just approach the subject indirectly. She could just say, thanks for cheering her up, but at the same time with the sexual harrasment policies, it probably is better to stop that espcially incase anyone overhears. You need to cover youself. I’ll remind you again if I need to, but thanks again to help lighting up the mood a bit. Although if she really feels offended over the matter, then she might want to just straight out say to stop. Then if she really, really is being harrassed or assulted, skip all that and just go to your boss or HR.
 
No, not funny. In fact, if someone said it to me, it may be the last time we ever spoke. :mad: 😉

I understand people can make suggestive jokes, but to come
out with that is just http://bp3.blogger.com/_AcSt7aO-jeo/RebgTK_n7QI/AAAAAAAAAPg/MOOVa2xpAbw/s320/sick+smiley+face.jpg.

I think you did your sister a real favour by straightening her up on this, rather than letting her push the ‘It’s just a JOKE’ card onto the table.

If it’s really ‘just a joke’, then your wife/husband shouldn’t mind hearing it too. :rolleyes:
 
Magicsilence said:
No, not funny. In fact, if someone said it to me, it may be the last time we ever spoke. :mad: 😉

I understand people can make suggestive jokes, but to come
out with that is just http://bp3.blogger.com/_AcSt7aO-jeo/RebgTK_n7QI/AAAAAAAAAPg/MOOVa2xpAbw/s320/sick+smiley+face.jpg.

I think you did your sister a real favour by straightening her up on this, rather than letting her push the ‘It’s just a JOKE’ card onto the table.

If it’s really ‘just a joke’, then your wife/husband shouldn’t mind hearing it too. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
yeah, exactly…i highly doubt the man’s wife is privvy to the comments he bestows on these women.

My sister seems to think that these types of men are funny…are harmless, and that ‘he’s such a sweet guy, just a big teddy bear,’ she said. Uh huh. I HATE that terminology. I don’t view my coworkers as teddy bears and what not. I sound so frigid, don’t I? LOL Oh my goodness. I used to be very carefree with how I took men’s comments, and one time a client asked me to lunch. "To be nice,’ I went…he told me his tales of woe about his marriage…I felt bad…I felt uncomfortable…he then told me he liked me…bla bla…I have been married for a LONG time…shortly out of college, so I was married then. I said…I’m happily married (name) and you really should discuss your problems with a counselor. The guy took his business elsewhere to another agency because I hurt his ego, I imagine.:rolleyes: But, you know what? Whatever! I am not going to compromise my values for business.

So…I’m no Mother Teresa, but my sister really needs to know that comments like that, especially from married men, are not appropriate.

I would be saying this regardless if it was her ex boss or not…

I love that pukey emoticon smiley, Magic–too funny!!😛
 
For me personally it wouldn’t of really bothered me depending on the tone. But I’m use to it since I’ve worked in production where this kind of humor is dominant.

I find the best way that works for the majority of men who I have to deal with who are like this is to be sarcastic and use really large words that aren’t part of most normal people’s vocab.🙂
 
The thing that i have learned that there are alot of guys like that.

I would have said I dont think so, and let it drop. I get comments like that all the time, what i have learned is to ignore them, if you dont react they get the hint.

Sometimes its a harmless joke, other times it not as harmless, they are wondering how you are going to react to them.

Sometimes a I dont think so works (you know sarcastic like the teens do).
 
I think it’s funny.

Of course, that’s probably because several of my partners handle harassment cases and a guy has to eat–and buy a new car or 3.
 
CuriousInIL said:
I think it’s funny.

Of course, that’s probably because several of my partners handle harassment cases and a guy has to eat–and buy a new car or 3.
Click to expand...
eeewww…you’re so bad. lol:p

My husband’s take was similiar to one of the posters who said…he was looking for a reaction. Seeing that she laughed…he might be thinking…ok, she didn’t tell me NO. My husband said, many men think this way. Sadly. Not saying no, sometimes means yes.

Here’s the problem. Many know my sister’s personal life, to her detriment, at her work. She shared way too much of it with people, and she did date a married man in the past. I know she has asked God for forgiveness over it, but people don’t forget, especially unhappily married men, who know this about her. I just wonder if she gets these jokes because of her past with that married guy. You know, she did it before, maybe she’ll do it again, kind of thing.
 
I’m going way back to something b__justb had written:
All that aside, this type of humor shows a commonality among peers and it does have a context. In the Army (and in my pre-Christian days) this sort of sexual humor was common place and wasn’t taken seriously. In fact it showed there was a bond between the two people that made this kind of language appropriate. Persons outside the bond could never say such a thing.
Click to expand...
I think b’s description of pre-Christian days coincides with the commonality theme.

for Chritians, the commonality is Christ and we shouldn’t ever give or receive this kind of talk, whether it be overt like OP’s description, or innuendo.

This spring, something like this happened to me at an AA meeting. Now people, i’m 45 years old and i have ten kids. i haven’t let myself fall apart completely, but i’m looking a little like yesterday’s news.

but the fellow in question is a misogynist. i’ve heard him make other comments to women. he either wants a prospective date or to humiliate the woman he’s talking to.

one AA meeting, i kept heading outside before the meeting looking for a gal i was sponsoring. she had never attended that meeting before so i went out a couple times looking for her.

Creepo, smoking a cigarette: you’re coming out here checking me out, aintcha?"

Me: what. you’re kidding, right.

Creepo: nah. you’re coming out here, checking me out. you’re in a world of want, aintcha. you got a plan for me dontcha.

Me: ** Good lord, Creepo** (not his real name and not the name i used). over my dead, dismembered, dog-eaten body.

Creepo riffed on the my body theme. I can’t print it here.

Me: (walking right into his cloud of cigarette smoke and getting in his face but quietly, “**Listen you little pipsqueak. you might get away with talking like that to some other gals, but I will slash. your. tires.” **

i really sent a shock wave because the little twerp was apologetic.

but by the end of the meeting, he’d recovered his chutzspah. he was outside smoking cigarettes with some other guys. when i walked to my car he called out not to anyone in particular, "yep. some people think they’re too good to play around. some people don’t know how to fellowship and have a good time."

i turned around and walked right up to his face and said again quietly, "if you make it hard or uncomfortable for me to go to AA meetings, i think my husband will have something to say to you. something in the language of his size thirteen boot and your puny A…$…$…"

when i told my husband he laughed and said, “honey i’ll defend you to the ends of the earth. but you’re pretty good at not needing it.”

i’ve seen Creepo two or three times since then. he doesn’t talk to me.
 
Regardless of his marriage status or her past what happened amounts to sexual harrassment. She could tell him under no uncertain terms should he proposition her like that or else she’ll report him. This way she can turn things around at work.
 
monicatholic said:
I’m going way back to something b__justb had written:

I think b’s description of pre-Christian days coincides with the commonality theme.

for Chritians, the commonality is Christ and we shouldn’t ever give or receive this kind of talk, whether it be overt like OP’s description, or innuendo.

This spring, something like this happened to me at an AA meeting. Now people, i’m 45 years old and i have ten kids. i haven’t let myself fall apart completely, but i’m looking a little like yesterday’s news.

but the fellow in question is a misogynist. i’ve heard him make other comments to women. he either wants a prospective date or to humiliate the woman he’s talking to.

one AA meeting, i kept heading outside before the meeting looking for a gal i was sponsoring. she had never attended that meeting before so i went out a couple times looking for her.

Creepo, smoking a cigarette: you’re coming out here checking me out, aintcha?"

Me: what. you’re kidding, right.

Creepo: nah. you’re coming out here, checking me out. you’re in a world of want, aintcha. you got a plan for me dontcha.

Me: ** Good lord, Creepo** (not his real name and not the name i used). over my dead, dismembered, dog-eaten body.

Creepo riffed on the my body theme. I can’t print it here.

Me: (walking right into his cloud of cigarette smoke and getting in his face but quietly, “**Listen you little pipsqueak. you might get away with talking like that to some other gals, but I will slash. your. tires.” **

i really sent a shock wave because the little twerp was apologetic.

but by the end of the meeting, he’d recovered his chutzspah. he was outside smoking cigarettes with some other guys. when i walked to my car he called out not to anyone in particular, "yep. some people think they’re too good to play around. some people don’t know how to fellowship and have a good time."

i turned around and walked right up to his face and said again quietly, "if you make it hard or uncomfortable for me to go to AA meetings, i think my husband will have something to say to you. something in the language of his size thirteen boot and your puny A…$…$…"

when i told my husband he laughed and said, “honey i’ll defend you to the ends of the earth. but you’re pretty good at not needing it.”

i’ve seen Creepo two or three times since then. he doesn’t talk to me.
Click to expand...
:clapping: That was a great story. I would have been a little intimidated. SOME men do not know how to treat ladies and I think that is sad
 
monicatholic said:
I’m going way back to something b__justb had written:

I think b’s description of pre-Christian days coincides with the commonality theme.

for Chritians, the commonality is Christ and we shouldn’t ever give or receive this kind of talk, whether it be overt like OP’s description, or innuendo.

This spring, something like this happened to me at an AA meeting. Now people, i’m 45 years old and i have ten kids. i haven’t let myself fall apart completely, but i’m looking a little like yesterday’s news.

but the fellow in question is a misogynist. i’ve heard him make other comments to women. he either wants a prospective date or to humiliate the woman he’s talking to.

one AA meeting, i kept heading outside before the meeting looking for a gal i was sponsoring. she had never attended that meeting before so i went out a couple times looking for her.

Creepo, smoking a cigarette: you’re coming out here checking me out, aintcha?"

Me: what. you’re kidding, right.

Creepo: nah. you’re coming out here, checking me out. you’re in a world of want, aintcha. you got a plan for me dontcha.

Me: ** Good lord, Creepo** (not his real name and not the name i used). over my dead, dismembered, dog-eaten body.

Creepo riffed on the my body theme. I can’t print it here.

Me: (walking right into his cloud of cigarette smoke and getting in his face but quietly, “**Listen you little pipsqueak. you might get away with talking like that to some other gals, but I will slash. your. tires.” **

i really sent a shock wave because the little twerp was apologetic.

but by the end of the meeting, he’d recovered his chutzspah. he was outside smoking cigarettes with some other guys. when i walked to my car he called out not to anyone in particular, "yep. some people think they’re too good to play around. some people don’t know how to fellowship and have a good time."

i turned around and walked right up to his face and said again quietly, "if you make it hard or uncomfortable for me to go to AA meetings, i think my husband will have something to say to you. something in the language of his size thirteen boot and your puny A…$…$…"

when i told my husband he laughed and said, “honey i’ll defend you to the ends of the earth. but you’re pretty good at not needing it.”

i’ve seen Creepo two or three times since then. he doesn’t talk to me.
Click to expand...
:clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

That’s fantastic, Monica. I’m glad he hasn’t bothered you again.
 
Just a reminder to those who may not know… Sexual Harassment by definition in most workplaces is repeated comments, gestures or innuendos AFTER they have been told by that person that it is unwelcome or offensive.

I think (and definitely not talking about you or your sister Sharon) that some women think that if a guy looks at them funny they can charge him with sexual harassment. If you have ever been sexually harassed, you know how aggravating an demeaning it is to tell a person NO and have them totally disrespect you and continue to harass you!

The sad part is that those of you who don’t know this… have to have at least 3 encounters to make a harassment claim… first one you run to your boss… the boss tells you it isn’t harassment unless you tell them it is unwanted… so you wait until the next time so you can tell them to stop… then you wait for one more time before you can file charges… but if you know better… you nip it in the bud right away… you have to be totally clear… Don’t touch me, Don’t talk to me like that, I find that offensive and if it happens again, I will contact HR… most of the time does the trick quite nicely… even if the guy walks away muttering under his breath… most of the time, he will consider it a public service to tell his “buddies” to avoid you too…ahhhh, so much better!
 
40.png
monicatholic:
i turned around and walked right up to his face and said again quietly, "if you make it hard or uncomfortable for me to go to AA meetings, i think my husband will have something to say to you. something in the language of his size thirteen boot and your puny A…$…$…"
Click to expand...
MONICATHOLIC FOR PRESIDENT AND MONICATHOLIC DH AS SEC. OF DEFENSE!!!

:rotfl: LOL :rotfl:
 
whatevergirl said:
It does sound like teenagerish…BUT…she is 53, 13 yrs my senior. 😛 Remember, she went through a divorce not too long ago, and it’s like a pandora’s box of craziness…I told her last night…if you want men to think you’re easy, keep sending the vibes you’re sending…She understood. I am not unkind in my comments to her…we are to gently admonish people, right?🙂

I will add…she is a very attractive woman. Doesn’t look a day over…eh, 45. But regardless, it isn’t the looks that is getting her into trouble with these comments…it’s the vibes she’s sending.

Frankly, she told me the reason she thinks the client was irate to begin with, is because she thinks he likes her. Again–she’s not the only game in town. lol And not the youngest. So, there’s a vibe she is sending to say that she is easy. I hate to say it like that, I can’t think of another word for the vibe that comes to mind.
Click to expand...
Ok - here is my desk chair psychologist two pennies from someone who has - been there done that. 😉

This sounds VERY much to me as if she is very insecure and is enjoying the attention and being flattered. Of course it’s vulgar to have a man (married or not) say something like that to you - but you have to admit, there is a tiny bit of flattery there to think that he would be interested and finds you attractive enough to even joke with you about it. He’s not going to make the same comment to someone who is repulsive to him.

She needs to work on her self esteem, and realize that she really doesn’t need to be flattered all the time to feel like a beautiful woman. Her beauty needs to be seen from within, this will give her strength to feel as if she does not have to pursue this type of flattery from men.

Coming out of a divorce, her age, and the fact that she is very attractive, I can see why she would feel this way. She is at a vulnerable point in her life, getting close to possibly loosing some of her looks soon, and being single, and perhaps a bit rejected (not knowing the circumstances, this is a guess).

I would focus less on telling her about sending out vibes, and more on helping her to build up her own self image so she doesn’t have to go looking for affirmation elsewhere, which may cause her problems.

~Liza
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top