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adstrinity
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It has gotten to the point that I am now going to the St. John Cantius Church TLM. Couldn’t hurt. I am very blessed because I don’t live too far away and my car is able to bring me there and back safely (though my mom, as I still live with my parents and am currently unemployed…prayers for a career that will support me and get me out of my parents house and on my own and sustain me with gainful employment are appreciated, is telling me I am wasting my money, there’s churches closer, and I don’t speak Latin). So far, I haven’t enjoyed the Mass. I haven’t gotten much out of it, I let my mind wander to the point where I was thinking of something very angry (as soon as I realized that I was at Mass and this was inappropriate, I stoped and came back to Church) and wondering if I committed sacrilidge by consuming the body of Christ anyway. I am also thinking that some of what the Eastern Catholics/Orthodox/Oriental Orthodox may make sense and so I have felt a disconnect from the Catholic Church. On top of that, even though this happened AFTER the Mass, the rant has snowballed so I am including this for relevance to my point, at the Church in Chicago, there was a Rosary Crusade on Wednesday. The things I was taught by prejudiced Protestants crept back into my head as I saw a statue of the BVM being carried by the priests who were part of the procession. I thought it was silly that the statue was given a Miraculous Medal and a Brown Scapular to hold. Again, THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE MASS AND I WAS UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO PARTICIPATE, but, I realise that I don’t know what to accept as true anymore and what not.
BUT, I do know that I’m not going to find the answers outside of the Church. I did pick up a book on Orthodoxy and see where that goes. I would like to learn more about it because I am not getting answers from this site and maybe that will help me discern some things. I decided last night to go to the TLM, God willing, for one year, and see what happens. I bought a mantilla yesterday, too. I realise that if there’s something I don’t like there, it’s not them; it’s me. AND, if I don’t like the TLM, they offer the Mass in the OF.
I don’t know what I think about Mass. I was so excited to be able to go to Masses before I was Catholic, I thought it was the greatest thing, so much better and more fun and exotic than the services I had gone to. Maybe it’s because some of the mystery of what was going on was explained away, but, I ALWAYS felt a strong attraction to the Catholic Church. Even when I was under five and Sunday was church day (going to my mom’s Catholic, then out to breakfast, then my dad’s Congregationalist), I LOVED my Father’s Church but hated my dad’s church, even though the later had Sunday School. Had the appeal been that it was tintilating as an outsider to see this? I don’t think so because if that was it, I wouldn’t have joined. I have wanted to be Catholic all my life and I don’t think the Catholic Church has supported me in this decision since I have become Catholic.
Thinking about this, I have done Eucharistic adoration. Just July 4th, at the Tinley Park church when I went, I stepped into the small side chapel and wasn’t paying attention. Then I saw the Host Exposed and I bowed low and started to cry. I KNOW that is JESUS, but why don’t I get that same feeling at Mass?
BUT, I do know that I’m not going to find the answers outside of the Church. I did pick up a book on Orthodoxy and see where that goes. I would like to learn more about it because I am not getting answers from this site and maybe that will help me discern some things. I decided last night to go to the TLM, God willing, for one year, and see what happens. I bought a mantilla yesterday, too. I realise that if there’s something I don’t like there, it’s not them; it’s me. AND, if I don’t like the TLM, they offer the Mass in the OF.
I don’t know what I think about Mass. I was so excited to be able to go to Masses before I was Catholic, I thought it was the greatest thing, so much better and more fun and exotic than the services I had gone to. Maybe it’s because some of the mystery of what was going on was explained away, but, I ALWAYS felt a strong attraction to the Catholic Church. Even when I was under five and Sunday was church day (going to my mom’s Catholic, then out to breakfast, then my dad’s Congregationalist), I LOVED my Father’s Church but hated my dad’s church, even though the later had Sunday School. Had the appeal been that it was tintilating as an outsider to see this? I don’t think so because if that was it, I wouldn’t have joined. I have wanted to be Catholic all my life and I don’t think the Catholic Church has supported me in this decision since I have become Catholic.
Thinking about this, I have done Eucharistic adoration. Just July 4th, at the Tinley Park church when I went, I stepped into the small side chapel and wasn’t paying attention. Then I saw the Host Exposed and I bowed low and started to cry. I KNOW that is JESUS, but why don’t I get that same feeling at Mass?
