Do you have tips for getting kids to go to confession?

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GladTidings

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I have three kids ages 8, 11, and 12. They go to confession a couple times a year, but how do I get them to go more often?
Code: 
  Every week or two before I go to confession, I let them know where I'm going and gently ask if they want to come along. 

  Today my daughter came along, but chickened out because it was a different priest in a different parish.

  Clearly, I will ask my priest this question as well, but until then, what is your advice/experience?
Thanks!
GladTidings
 
As a Teen who’s only a few years older then them (15), I would say the main thing is to encourage them.

While this advice may seem a little off-topic, in order for them to consider coming to Confession more often, they need to understand their Faith, and wholeheartedly believe in it.

This is why, my advice is to help them be better Catholics.

Enroll them in your Catholic Church’s Youth Ministry if it exists.

lifeteen.com/ and lifeteen.com/edge-ministry/ are good places to look for resources. Other options would be to check your diocese`s Website, to see if they have any sections on Youth Ministry.

Buy them Catholic Music CDs or Downloads, I recommend Chris Bray or looking for other artists here: catholic-link.org/2016/03/02/11-catholic-musicians-so-good-youll-want-to-listen-to-them-even-when-youre-not-at-church/
Maybe even start listening to this kind of music in the Kitchen when cooking or watching more Catholic-based movies when you have Control of the TV.

For every 4-5 gifts you get them, give them 1 Catholic-based age appropriate item (Rosary, Necklace, Scapular, New Bible, Books, Age-based resources etc)

They may resist at first, so don`t force Catholicism on them.

Just take them to Mass every Sunday, Encourage Confession, Expose them to Modern Catholic Music and become a better Catholic yourself. Lead by example, and they will transform before your eyes.

No matter what, do not get upset or angry at them if they resist, show attitude or don`t like the gifts. Just back off a bit, and take it slow.
 
TeenCatholicGuy said:
As a Teen who’s only a few years older then them (15), I would say the main thing is to encourage them.

While this advice may seem a little off-topic, in order for them to consider coming to Confession more often, they need to understand their Faith, and wholeheartedly believe in it.

This is why, my advice is to help them be better Catholics.

Enroll them in your Catholic Church’s Youth Ministry if it exists.

lifeteen.com/ and lifeteen.com/edge-ministry/ are good places to look for resources. Other options would be to check your diocese`s Website, to see if they have any sections on Youth Ministry.

Buy them Catholic Music CDs or Downloads, I recommend Chris Bray or looking for other artists here: catholic-link.org/2016/03/02/11-catholic-musicians-so-good-youll-want-to-listen-to-them-even-when-youre-not-at-church/
Maybe even start listening to this kind of music in the Kitchen when cooking or watching more Catholic-based movies when you have Control of the TV.

For every 4-5 gifts you get them, give them 1 Catholic-based age appropriate item (Rosary, Necklace, Scapular, New Bible, Books, Age-based resources etc)

They may resist at first, so don`t force Catholicism on them.

Just take them to Mass every Sunday, Encourage Confession, Expose them to Modern Catholic Music and become a better Catholic yourself. Lead by example, and they will transform before your eyes.

No matter what, do not get upset or angry at them if they resist, show attitude or don`t like the gifts. Just back off a bit, and take it slow.
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Excellent ideas, thank you! I hope my kids have your maturity when they are 15.
 
I get those kind of maturity comments a lot… “He’s so mature!” “So Polite” “So Catholic!” etc, 😃

But i’ll re-emphasis my main concern: Do. Not. Push them.
you know their limits, do not force this on them.

They need to see what you do and how you or the other parent acts as a Catholic.

Especially since 1 of them is already 12, you need to make changes now before they get much older.

I’m sure I could spit out some more advice, but just make sure you are a good role model, and that they feel like they have a choice.

Have a good weekend! 😉
 
ClearWater said:
Here’s an examination of conscience put out by the Council of Bishops, with different ages. I wish I had come across this years ago. I had trouble making my list, because I’d go down the 10 commandments and say, “I haven’t killed anybody”, etc. However, the list makes it all so much easier.

See below:

usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/sacraments-and-sacramentals/penance/examinations-of-conscience.cfm

I always go with a written list.
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As an actual Child rn, I can tell you that shoving an examination of conscience doesn’t encourage us to enjoy Confession.

There is 0 point in forcing your kids to go to confession and them growing to hate the faith and you, while you could just be encouraging, and back off if they ask.
 
At their ages they shouldn’t have really terrible sins. It should be better to confess to a priest who doesn’t know them.
Let them know if they have mortal sins they can’t receive Communion unless they go to confession.
 
send “them” to catholic school

last i remember; the “children” are forced to go at least once /month

maybe not so anymore
 
This is a work in progress for me, but here’s what I’ve learned with my kids. Those old enough for Confession are 15, 13, 10, and 8. Each one needs something different. My 13-year-old doesn’t like me to bring up confession with her at all. She doesn’t like to go at our own parish because our pastor knows her (and us) too well. Of all my kids, she is the most resistant to confession due to anxiety, and she doesn’t like it when I bring it up at all. She’s told me that it will make it less likely for her to go to confession if I keep mentioning it. I bring it up generically from time to time, but I don’t push her. She does usually tell me when she’s gone. I’ve learned that she is more likely to go when she has a friend who is also going. Twice a month, she goes to a scout meeting at an FSSP parish and they always begin with Mass. Confessions are heard before and during the Mass and one or more of the group always seems to be going, so I think it makes her feel more comfortable with going. She also likes the priests at that parish and seems to prefer the option of the screen, which isn’t available in our rite. Because of this, I encourage her activities at this parish. My 8-year-old prefers to go to our pastor because she knows him and is comfortable with him. She’s pretty self-sufficient and often asks me if she can come when she knows I’m going. My10 year old likes me to remind him or suggest that he should go and he needs me to review an examination of conscience with him and help him make a list. He tells me that he knows he needs to go, but has trouble remembering what he should confess. My 15 year old started to go on his own, as needed, about 2 years ago. This started after he went on a particularly powerful retreat. He went weekly for a while, but now goes every month or every couple of months.

I do remind everyone during Lent and Advent that they should make a point to get to confession and we talk about why it is important. I let them know that they can choose where they want to confess and to whom, and that I will drive them wherever they need to go to feel most comfortable.
 
brian_custer said:
send “them” to catholic school

last i remember; the “children” are forced to go at least once /month

maybe not so anymore
Click to expand...
Hmmmm… it’s been quite a while since I’ve been to Catholic school, but that’s not how I remember it.
 
Raising children is a never ending work in progress ,
Encourage Don’t Push,
Talk , Don’t yell
Teach by example , not by attacking
Give a Hug weather they want one or not,
Give them space to Learn by self observation,
Observe them from a safe distance like you would a Puppy which isn’t on a Leash ,
Get them involved in Church - School - out of School activities,
And leave the rest to them,
 
GladTidings said:
I have three kids ages 8, 11, and 12. They go to confession a couple times a year, but how do I get them to go more often?
Code: 
  Every week or two before I go to confession, I let them know where I'm going and gently ask if they want to come along. 

  Today my daughter came along, but chickened out because it was a different priest in a different parish.

  Clearly, I will ask my priest this question as well, but until then, what is your advice/experience?
Thanks!
GladTidings
Click to expand...
We go as a family twice a month. I suppose if they wished to wait in line and not go, they would be free to not go. But, every two weeks there we are, my wife, me, my three daughters who are of confession age and my three younger ones.

Also, as I observe thier interactions with others, siblings, and thier prayer life, I remind them of the need to confess. So if my 11 year old is mean to my four year old, as I discipline, encourage an apology etc. I also mention that at least she can have something to confess on Tuesday.
All of this started out when they were little. Every night, when we say our rosary, before we start we each tell Jesus something good about our day in thanks. But then we also apologize to Jesus for something we did wrong that day. All of us do this, even the parents.

Finally, there is a huge difference between " I’m going to confession, do you want to go?" And “ok everyone get in the car, we are stopping by the parish for confession”

Bottom line is it needs to be a family event. I can’t imagine an 8, 11, 12 year old being given the power to override the wishes of the parents regarding spiritual well being.
Teaching them to examine thier conscience is as important as teaching them dental hygiene. You might as well ask how to get them to brush thier teeth and visit a dentist…
 
GladTidings said:
I have three kids ages 8, 11, and 12. They go to confession a couple times a year, but how do I get them to go more often?
Code: 
  Every week or two before I go to confession, I let them know where I'm going and gently ask if they want to come along. 

  Today my daughter came along, but chickened out because it was a different priest in a different parish.

  Clearly, I will ask my priest this question as well, but until then, what is your advice/experience?
Thanks!
GladTidings
Click to expand...
If you have to correct them for misbehaving that it would be a good idea to offer them the opportunity to go to confession.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
We go as a family twice a month. I suppose if they wished to wait in line and not go, they would be free to not go. But, every two weeks there we are, my wife, me, my three daughters who are of confession age and my three younger ones.

Also, as I observe thier interactions with others, siblings, and thier prayer life, I remind them of the need to confess. So if my 11 year old is mean to my four year old, as I discipline, encourage an apology etc. I also mention that at least she can have something to confess on Tuesday.
All of this started out when they were little. Every night, when we say our rosary, before we start we each tell Jesus something good about our day in thanks. But then we also apologize to Jesus for something we did wrong that day. All of us do this, even the parents.

Finally, there is a huge difference between " I’m going to confession, do you want to go?" And “ok everyone get in the car, we are stopping by the parish for confession”

Bottom line is it needs to be a family event. I can’t imagine an 8, 11, 12 year old being given the power to override the wishes of the parents regarding spiritual well being.
Teaching them to examine thier conscience is as important as teaching them dental hygiene. You might as well ask how to get them to brush thier teeth and visit a dentist…
Click to expand...
This is what we do, just not as often.
Our family often has a “family fun” activity and it is not unusual for me to load the minivan with all the kids and announce the “family fun” activity being bowling, visiting the nursing home or going to Confession…Now that the kids are older (23,21,19,17,14) they often thank me for taking them. After Confession we do something to celebrate starting “new”, like ice cream or something. We ALL go to Confession which I think helps. We go seasonally, before they he’d to college and often when they come home from college:blush:
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
We go as a family twice a month. I suppose if they wished to wait in line and not go, they would be free to not go. But, every two weeks there we are, my wife, me, my three daughters who are of confession age and my three younger ones.

Also, as I observe thier interactions with others, siblings, and thier prayer life, I remind them of the need to confess. So if my 11 year old is mean to my four year old, as I discipline, encourage an apology etc. I also mention that at least she can have something to confess on Tuesday.
All of this started out when they were little. Every night, when we say our rosary, before we start we each tell Jesus something good about our day in thanks. But then we also apologize to Jesus for something we did wrong that day. All of us do this, even the parents.

Finally, there is a huge difference between " I’m going to confession, do you want to go?" And “ok everyone get in the car, we are stopping by the parish for confession”

Bottom line is it needs to be a family event. I can’t imagine an 8, 11, 12 year old being given the power to override the wishes of the parents regarding spiritual well being.
Teaching them to examine thier conscience is as important as teaching them dental hygiene. You might as well ask how to get them to brush thier teeth and visit a dentist…
Click to expand...
Yes, this is how we were.

Glad Tidings,
I would suggest that you switch over to this system, but first really instruct in the importance of Confession and, more importantly, the benefits. Be excited about this, as if you had found out something new 🙂 in fact, in your preparation for this, you might be imbued with a new appreciation.

Also, pray a lot for your children and bless them. I would bless mine each night as we kissed goodnight. This will also help strengthen their faith.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Bottom line is it needs to be a family event. I can’t imagine an 8, 11, 12 year old being given the power to override the wishes of the parents regarding spiritual well being.
Teaching them to examine thier conscience is as important as teaching them dental hygiene. You might as well ask how to get them to brush thier teeth and visit a dentist…
Click to expand...
👍 Invaluable wisdom from a Catholic father.
 
twf said:
If they’re forced, how is that a valid sacrament?
Click to expand...
When I was a kid the entire family would pile into the car on Saturday afternoon to go to confession. I didn’t think of it as being forced. It was just what we did: Confession on Saturday, Mass on Sunday. This is no longer a common practice, but it could still work as a regularly scheduled family event even if done, say, once a month.

(We of course had confessionals with screens. I’m thinking if we had to go face to face everybody might have objected.)
 
twf said:
If they’re forced, how is that a valid sacrament?
Click to expand...
Forced is really not the word to use.

The nuns just took us to confession for the first Friday of every month as a regular routine.
 
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