Do you like holding hands during the Our Father at Mass?

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The holding hands is not a big deal–not the most horrible thing in the world–but those of us who prefer not to can’t stand it when people say, “So if you don’t want to, don’t do it.”

It’s not that simple; it’s awkward and even rude in our culture to turn down someone’s offered hand. That’s why the practice has spread through churches like wildfire. It has been imposed.

During the Our Father, we are united in an unimaginably real way with the entire Body of Christ–angels, saints, and everybody–and physical contact in no way affects it. Our unity with God is the cause of our unity with each other, it’s not a RESULT of our unity with each other.

Many of us think that the emotion-driven handholding confuses that fact.

(And if this is the unpteenth thread about this, that’s okay.)

Peace.
John
 
I pulled my hands away from one person and only to have them try and force me to hold hands. I finally got pissed and said "hey look, this isn’t alcoholics anonymous.’
AltarEnthusiast said:
I would personally prefer not to do it although the Church has not forbidden the practice and there is nothing irreverent about it. People used to sometimes tap or gently grab my hands and of course I would not pull my hands away – that would have been rude.

This was particularly true when attending Mass with our Latino community. It must be a cultural thing to some degree. Now I just keep my hands under my chin in a 5-on-5 position and no one has tried to hold hands with me during the Lord’s Prayer for ages.
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“Whatsoever you do to the least of these my brethren you do unto Me.”

Christ dwells in each of these that we worship with at Mass. The next time you are in Mass and someone reaches out to hold your hand, remember that your ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ is not just your ‘brother’ or ‘sister’, but Christ’s presence dwelling in them. Would you squirm and resent Christ holding his own hand out to you during prayer to His Father and yours?

And this begs the question, do we really believe that Christ is present in the Mass and in our brethren? It seems as if people don’t really believe that. If He is really present in the Mass and sees you standing there ready to recite the Our Father, and if He is really present in each of those who participate in the Mass, why is there a problem with holding their hand in His presence or holding His own hand who dwells in them?

Next time that person sitting two rows in front of you annoys you with his squirming or coughing or whatever, see Christ who is dwelling in him. Or that little toddler who can’t keep quiet and breaks your concentration and ticks you off, see Christ in that small child. Those annoyances will go away in no time when we understand who it is that dwells in these people.

And the next time the runny nosed little girl - or pious older woman - or teenage boy with pierced eyebrows - reaches out their hand, see Christ and let Christ know you welcome His touch, in the form of the least of His brethren.

Or not. 😊
 
Eric_Olsen said:
I pulled my hands away from one person and only to have them try and force me to hold hands. I finally got pissed and said "hey look, this isn’t alcoholics anonymous.’
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I take it your not on the welcoming committee at your parish?
 
JimR-OCDS said:
Highly discouraged is an overstatement and linking two conservative and biased web sites, is hardly proof.

Jim
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Jim, I wouldn’t be so quick to discount either one of these websites. Just because you may not agree with them doesn’t necessarily make them wrong.

While there has been much debate as to how this practice came about, hand-holding during the Pater Noster is nowhere in the Roman Missal as something that must be done. In other words, a celebrant cannot encourage it by saying, “Let us hold our hands and pray in the words our Savior taught us.” As has been said in many threads, no one has the right to cobble up a rubric and insert it into the Mass. I have seen this happen on numerous occasions to the point where the celebrant comes down from the altar, stands in the center aisle and holds hands with the first persons on the pews either side of him.:eek:

I tend to sit away from folks during the Pater Noser. Although, sometimes I will get man-handled by someone who is trying to grab me and make me do something I do not want to do. I do not like pewmates forcing their own idiocyncracies on me. I get bashed a lot, but, it’s not something that should be done. When I explain my position to my pewmates, they understand and, in fact, they are surprised that the hand-holding during the Pater Noster is not even part of the Mass.

Hand-holding during the Pater Noster is something based on the originators’ personal tastes and idiosyncracies and it is also poor theology because it makes the prayer more about ourselves than about God, the Father. Yes, he is Our Father; however, holding hands places undue emphasis on the community and pushes the focus more on the horizontal rather than the vertical.

Often, such innovations are made in the Spirit of the Second Vatican Council with people reading something into Vatican II rather than reading what the documents actually say.
 
Jeanette_L said:
“Whatsoever you do to the least of these my brethren you do unto Me.”

Christ dwells in each of these that we worship with at Mass. The next time you are in Mass and someone reaches out to hold your hand, remember that your ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ is not just your ‘brother’ or ‘sister’, but Christ’s presence dwelling in them. Would you squirm and resent Christ holding his own hand out to you during prayer to His Father and yours?

And this begs the question, do we really believe that Christ is present in the Mass and in our brethren? It seems as if people don’t really believe that. If He is really present in the Mass and sees you standing there ready to recite the Our Father, and if He is really present in each of those who participate in the Mass, why is there a problem with holding their hand in His presence or holding His own hand who dwells in them?

Next time that person sitting two rows in front of you annoys you with his squirming or coughing or whatever, see Christ who is dwelling in him. Or that little toddler who can’t keep quiet and breaks your concentration and ticks you off, see Christ in that small child. Those annoyances will go away in no time when we understand who it is that dwells in these people.

And the next time the runny nosed little girl - or pious older woman - or teenage boy with pierced eyebrows - reaches out their hand, see Christ and let Christ know you welcome His touch, in the form of the least of His brethren.

Or not. 😊
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While this is all good and well, I think that it focuses too much on the horizontal aspect and pushes the vertical to the side. We are not there to celebrate each other and put the focus on the community. This is the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. While we pray to God as our Father, and, rightfully so because we are His children, when we start shifting the focus away from Him and making the community more important, then there are problems.

Yes, Christ is present in the faithful gathered for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and in the Word that has been proclaimed, we are there to unite ourselves to Him in the Eucharist. We come because we partake of the Sacrifice. We witness the Sacrifice in the Liturgy of the Eucharist. This separates us from the worship that Protestant ecclesial communities have. All they have is a Word service with a lengthy sermon and hymns thrown in for good measure.

We are the New Israel and we maintain and perpetuate the Sacrifice. No, we don’t re-Sacrifice Jesus. But, we are mystically brought back to the Sacrifice of Calvary.

We focus so much on the second prong of the two great commandments, “love your neighbor as yourself” that we forget that the first commandment is to love God. And, loving God means worshipping Him during Mass and making Him the focal point of our attention, not the community.
 
Eric_Olsen said:
I pulled my hands away from one person and only to have them try and force me to hold hands. I finally got pissed and said "hey look, this isn’t alcoholics anonymous.’
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Are you sure that really happened? If it did, it’s certainly not the norm.
 
benedictgal said:
While this is all good and well, I think that it focuses too much on the horizontal aspect and pushes the vertical to the side.

We are not there to celebrate each other and put the focus on the community.

:rotfl:Oh! if I had a dime for every time I’ve heard this one! The problem with this as always is that you do not know what is in the minds and hearts of the faithful.

Jeanette said it perfectly. 👍🙂
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i do like holding hands, nobody ever held hands with their own family during family prayer? may parish is small a large group at mass is maybe 25 people. i thank God for this family to worship Him together.i never thought of it as taking away on the vertical level though,i feel it would add to to it more.for me Mass is not about me and me only.mind you if it was dropped i would miss but not cry over it either though.just my thoughts as if they mean much to any one.
 
fbl9 said:
i do like holding hands, nobody ever held hands with their own family during family prayer? may parish is small a large group at mass is maybe 25 people. i thank God for this family to worship Him together.i never thought of it as taking away on the vertical level though,i feel it would add to to it more.for me Mass is not about me and me only.mind you if it was dropped i would miss but not cry over it either though.just my thoughts as if they mean much to any one.
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Holding hands with the family at table is one thing, but, doing this during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is something entirely different. Yes, I am grateful for the folks in my parish; however, to hold hands during the Pater Noster is something entirely different. Inasmuch as we are praying to Our Father, the prayer is not about us; it’s about Him. When we “feel” we have to hold hands with someone in order to pray or because it adds something to our prayer, then there is something that is missing.

We pray together as the Church. We are the Body of Christ. However, we don’t have to physically touch each other in order to pray together as a parish family.

There is no real basis or need for including hand-holding during the Pater Noster. As I’ve said earlier, it is simply based on the personal tastes and idiosyncracies of whoever came up with the idea. Although it’s not prohibited by the Church, it is certainly not officially encouraged, either.
 
Jeanette_L said:
“Whatsoever you do to the least of these my brethren you do unto Me.”

Christ dwells in each of these that we worship with at Mass. The next time you are in Mass and someone reaches out to hold your hand, remember that your ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ is not just your ‘brother’ or ‘sister’, but Christ’s presence dwelling in them. Would you squirm and resent Christ holding his own hand out to you during prayer to His Father and yours?

And this begs the question, do we really believe that Christ is present in the Mass and in our brethren? It seems as if people don’t really believe that. If He is really present in the Mass and sees you standing there ready to recite the Our Father, and if He is really present in each of those who participate in the Mass, why is there a problem with holding their hand in His presence or holding His own hand who dwells in them?

Next time that person sitting two rows in front of you annoys you with his squirming or coughing or whatever, see Christ who is dwelling in him. Or that little toddler who can’t keep quiet and breaks your concentration and ticks you off, see Christ in that small child. Those annoyances will go away in no time when we understand who it is that dwells in these people.

And the next time the runny nosed little girl - or pious older woman - or teenage boy with pierced eyebrows - reaches out their hand, see Christ and let Christ know you welcome His touch, in the form of the least of His brethren.

Or not. 😊
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I appreciate the sentiment in this post, and it’s really an interesting way to think about it. The rubrics of the Mass were handed down by the Church, though, and I don’t think it’s prudent to change them by popular opinion.

Besides, notice that Christ’s examples in that passage focus on works of mercy. It doesn’t literally mean to pertend that everyone is Christ. For example, if Christ were to command me to do something, whatever it is, I would like to think that I’d jump to do it as soon as possible. Such unquestioning obedience doesn’t apply to everyone I meet. Thus, I think you’re right that we should try to see the best in others and offer everyone works of mercy, but let’s not carry this teaching beyond what it means.

Of course, you are free to hold your current interpretation, but I maintain that in my refusal to hold hands during the Pater Noster, I am not acting uncharitably. Also, I kid not when I say that I liked your post. You made me think about it, but in the end I prefer Mass the way it was done traditionally and do not support such changes in the behavior of laity.
 
I have high anxiety and social phobia. I don’t like being forced into touching others when I am not comfortable doing so. It makes my mind start racing and then I can’t focus on the Mass cause my brain is too busy freaking out over other people being too close and wanting to touch me.

Does this mean I should stay locked in my room away from everyone my entire life? I mean it is what I do most days, but I do my best to go to Mass and I am in RCIA. Its hard, but I do it. One reason I love the Mass so much is because its focus is on God and not on us in the pews.

I don’t care if others want to hold hands and shake hands, but most days it really does harm me. If anyone else has extreme anxiety issues maybe they’ll understand.

And like I always say to my boyfriend when the topic of hand holding swaying community only minded people come up: If I wanted to be Protestant I would have stayed Protestant!
 
homewardbound said:
I have high anxiety and social phobia. I don’t like being forced into touching others when I am not comfortable doing so. It makes my mind start racing and then I can’t focus on the Mass cause my brain is too busy freaking out over other people being too close and wanting to touch me.

Does this mean I should stay locked in my room away from everyone my entire life? I mean it is what I do most days, but I do my best to go to Mass and I am in RCIA. Its hard, but I do it. One reason I love the Mass so much is because its focus is on God and not on us in the pews.

I don’t care if others want to hold hands and shake hands, but most days it really does harm me. If anyone else has extreme anxiety issues maybe they’ll understand.

And like I always say to my boyfriend when the topic of hand holding swaying community only minded people come up: If I wanted to be Protestant I would have stayed Protestant!
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You make some very excellent points in your post!👍 I am sorry to read about your anxiety issue (I sometimes get panic attacks). Your point about focusing on God and not on ourselves is most valid. You also mention something that I, myself, have forgotten about: swaying during the Pater Noster (on top of the hand-holding). This is frequently done in some of the Hispanic charismatic communities, especially when they sing the Pater Noster. It is very unnerving and most disconcerting and bears resemblance to the Protestant evangelical Pentecostal ecclesial communities.

As I said before, hand-holding during the Pater Noster (and swaying, for that matter) is not in the GIRM. If only people would do the red and read the black and not invent rubrics just to suit their own idiosyncracies and personal tastes.
 
benedictgal said:
You make some very excellent points in your post!👍 I am sorry to read about your anxiety issue (I sometimes get panic attacks). Your point about focusing on God and not on ourselves is most valid. You also mention something that I, myself, have forgotten about: swaying during the Pater Noster (on top of the hand-holding). This is frequently done in some of the Hispanic charismatic communities, especially when they sing the Pater Noster. It is very unnerving and most disconcerting and bears resemblance to the Protestant evangelical Pentecostal ecclesial communities.

As I said before, hand-holding during the Pater Noster (and swaying, for that matter) is not in the GIRM. If only people would do the red and read the black and not invent rubrics just to suit their own idiosyncracies and personal tastes.
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I agree, and the swaying and such is done a lot at our Newman Center here. Its right up the street from us, but instead we drive to the next town for Mass. The college parish is just way too liberal for us.
 
homewardbound said:
And like I always say to my boyfriend when the topic of hand holding swaying community only minded people come up: If I wanted to be Protestant I would have stayed Protestant!
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We never held hands as Protestants so you might want to stop with the ignorant generalizations furthermore your condescending tone toward our brothers in Christ is uncalled. :rolleyes:
 
anamchara said:
We never held hands as Protestants so you might want to stop with the ignorant generalizations furthermore your condescending tone toward our brothers in Christ is uncalled. :rolleyes:
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Well, I was always forced to hug every old lady and hold hands with people and shake their hand for 18 years as a Protestant. thats all church was…singing and being mauled by people, so in my experience thats what all Protestants I’ve ever met do. May not be true for all Protestants but I’ll make any generalization I want to, thanks
 
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