Do you practice NFP?

[Phemie]

Since you were so brave to write this I shall admit to *exactly *the same – except I was in the US, not Canada. So that’s two of us . . . at least.

It’s not bravery but a statement of the way things were back in the 70s & 80s and to a great extent even today since my pastor would no more suggest that couples not use ABC than he would suggest they try to fly to the moon.

A while ago a new dad came to my office and asked if we had any info on NFP. We don’t, shame to say, have any such thing at the parish office. I don’t know much about the topic, except what I’ve read here and a few pamphlets I’ve seen. I’m not aware of anyone in our town who could teach it – we’re the only Catholic parish and there doesn’t seem to be an NFP office at the diocese.

After that encounter I suggested to the pastor that perhaps it was time to bring in an outside couple who could teach it to some of us so that we could then teach it to others. He said yeah, yeah, then smirked as he usually does when I bring up the topic of Church teaching or rubrics. (We probably had a homily on the Pharisees that weekend.)

Although it has since been repudiated by many, although never by the conference, he’s still in full agreement with the Winnipeg statement issued by the CCCB when Humanae Vitae was released. I know that because he’s told me so.

 

[IrishAm]

It’s not bravery but a statement of the way things were back in the 70s & 80s and to a great extent even today since my pastor would no more suggest that couples not use ABC than he would suggest they try to fly to the moon.
.

I disagree. You obviously feel very differently about the choices you made then, and yet you were willing to share them with others who are making their choices now.

I think that takes courage. And courage is strong love. . .

 

[HannahLisa]

How WOULD you phrase it, since in fairness, contraception violates Church teachings? Is there a nicer way to sugar coat what amounts to disregarding the Church?

I think it is a pretty apt option, as worded. It doesn’t talk down with regards to the option, but states the prevailing attitude with regards to not choosing abstinence or NFP.

I would just have put “I use artificial birth control.” The way it was phrased does not state that “ABC is against Church teaching.” Instead, it says “ABC means I don’t trust God with my childbearing,” which I think is an unfair assumption. I’m sure that some NFP using couples don’t trust God with their childbearing either. In fact, seeing that a lot of ABC is less effective than NFP done correctly, if a couple really really does NOT want children they would be better off using NFP instead of ABC…

 

[Jofantioch]

Fertility is NOT a disease.

Wouldn’t it follow that limiting or eliminating fertility is inducing a disease? How can this be God’s plan? It is my understanding that the Church teaches that ABC is wrong because it alters the functioning of our bodies and is therefore a slap in the face to our creator. While altering body chemistry and structure is beneficial when we address disease, it is not good when we alter healthy organs.

Fertility is NOT a disease.

 

[Zuzuspetals]

This is exactly the sort of attitude about NFP that is so problematic. There’s an assumption that it’s either Natural family planning, or artificial family planning, but the family must be planned and controled by the couple. This poll ought to have an option for Catholic couples who have no need to use any family planning method.

I took NFP classes almost 18 years ago as we prepared for marriage. That said, we have never really used it, other than during a very brief health scare for me. I have always been grateful to have the information on how the human body works, but it has been very freeing to live our marriage without “planning”. We have tried to just let God be in charge and it has worked for us. He hasn’t sent us 25 kids and we are not at the number 8 I told DH I wanted if I had my way when we married. Frankly, I just wanted to make sure he was open to a big family if that was what God desired for us. I am 100% supportive of NFP for those who have discerned they have sufficient reasons to use itand advise many to take classes, but we also need to be aware that even the use of NFP can somemtimes can be used with a “contraceptive mentality”.

 

[Jofantioch]

Not using anything is a form of NFP, what is more natural than just doing what comes naturally? That is how I approached the question.

 

[031064]

I am only young and I need an honest response. How effective is NFP? If I am not a priest, of course, this would be the method used. truthfully, how effective is it?

 

[nfpworks]

My husband and I have been practicing NFP for almost 12 years. We have been teaching for about 10 years. We have used NFP successfully throughout our marriage. The question is: What does it mean to be successful?

We have 4 beautiful children, and we have used NFP to achieve and postpone pregnancy. Our first 2 children are 19 months apart. (We were “trying” for 18 months.) Then, we waited. We used NFP to avoid pregnancy for a little over 2 years. Our 3rd child is just about 3 years younger than our 2nd. And, again, we were trying to have another child in 18 months. Our 4th child is 15 months younger than our 3rd.

Our 4th child had some problems at birth and is labeled “special needs.” (He gets in trouble at least 2 or 3 times a day and is doing awesome!) But, with the multiple doctors, therapist and increased anxiety, we have decided to avoid pregnancy right now. He will be 5 in a couple of months. So, we have avoided pregnancy, using NFP, for the past 5 years.

Let me be clear on this. Any pregnancy, all babies, are gifts. I use that word “success” very carefully. If we would have achieved a pregnancy during those times that we were “trying” to avoid, I wouldn’t consider that baby, that pregnancy a failure.

But, you are asking about the effectiveness of the method. So, please forgive any language that doesn’t seem to be respectful of the precious gifts all of our children are.

I think your personal success in using NFP is based on your motivation. If your motivation to avoid pregnancy is high - for very serious medical reasons, true financial straits, psychological issues, etc. There are many valid reasons to avoid. If your motivation is high, then you will be more likely to follow the rules of the method that you use.

If you are celebrating an anniversary, etc., and you know that it is a fertile time. . .and you think you want to avoid, but have intercourse anyway. Well, your motivation isn’t too high.

This is the difference between user effectiveness and method effectiveness. If you follow the rules, the effectiveness of NFP to achieve and avoid pregnancy can be 99% effective.

I hope this answers your question.

 

[Harmony1988]

People who accept the NFP teaching without fully understanding it are truly blessed, the average couple cannot fully understand the theological teaching against contraception, it does require some study into it and most couples do not not where to start or have the interest in pursuing such a thing.

I think regardless of catholic marriage prep, many couples will use contraception.

 

[kind_bean]

I use NFP and even though my cycles are not regular (they range from 33-45 days) I still used it successfully for over 5 years now, even during breastfeeding (which my doctor discouraged because it is more difficult to practice at this time). I have learned a lot about me and my health. I think all girls should learn this in school when they are taught about their periods, even if only for the health benefits to them. I didn’t take any NFP classes, but I brought the book for the course. However, for people who have a difficult time understanding it, I would suggest the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. While it is not an NFP book, it is Fertility Awareness (the only difference being that barrier methods would be allowed during fertile times). It is much easier to understand and calls attention to many irregular cycles. A Catholic uses this would just have to remember to abstain during fertile times, so this would be a good supplement to the NFP books, IMO.

And to answer how effective NFP is, all depends on how well you check and chart your signs. The more you do of both, the more effective it is.

 

[Lee_M]

I still have a problem understanding this topic. I know the Church’s teaching on ABC and NFP but I still have a problem with understanding it.

One of your selections, you had I use ABC, God does not belong in this area of my life. Yet another one, you have I use NFP but you don’t have the God doesn’t belong in this area of my life on it. If you are using NFP, isn’t it saying the same thing. You’re still trying “not” to have a child at the moment. If you use that argument for one that God doesn’t belong in this area of my life, it looks like you would have to use that argument for both of them. I can understand the church saying, “Don’t use birth control at all”. But not, It’s ok to use Natural Birth control, just not Artificial birth control. I’m not speaking against the church, just having a hard time understanding the teaching on this subject.

 

[mom_of_ten]

I was saddened to see no viable option on the poll for those of us who live out our marriages completely open to life; and trusting in God to create our families.

That is, I was saddened UNTIL I read the many responses of those who ALSO were looking for this option in the poll. This gave me such JOY.

My husband and I completely surrender to God; and trust the HE knows MUCH better than WE how many children we should have in our family. MANY times, He has sent babies during situations in our life when we would have thought it a terrible time to have a child…but…God knows so much better…and OH! How thankful we are for those little ones who came when it was GOD’S TIME; not ours.

So…add one more vote to the: NONE OF THE ABOVE category.

 

[maria29]

I was saddened to see no viable option on the poll for those of us who live out our marriages completely open to life; and trusting in God to create our families.

That is, I was saddened UNTIL I read the many responses of those who ALSO were looking for this option in the poll. This gave me such JOY.

My husband and I completely surrender to God; and trust the HE knows MUCH better than WE how many children we should have in our family. MANY times, He has sent babies during situations in our life when we would have thought it a terrible time to have a child…but…God knows so much better…and OH! How thankful we are for those little ones who came when it was GOD’S TIME; not ours.

So…add one more vote to the: NONE OF THE ABOVE category.

If you choose to not use NFP thats fine and you don’t have to. But please don’t make it seem that because one does use it that they’re going against God and somehow lacking in faith. We’re called to use our gift of reason as well.Can we please remember that the Vatican(the Church) says this about NFP:

The spouses have the inalienable right to found a family and to decide on the spacing of births and the number of children to be born, taking into full consideration their duties towards themselves, their children already born, the family and society".

"The use of the natural methods gives a couple an openness to life, which is truly a splendid gift of God’s goodness. It also helps them deepen their conjugal communication and draw closer to one another in their union - a closeness that lasts throughout their lives"

The Church does not give exclusive approval to any one natural method, but urges that all be made available and be respected. The ultimate reason for any natural method is not simply its biological effectiveness or reliability, but its consistency with a Christian view of sexuality as expressive of conjugal love

 

[mom_of_ten]

If you choose to not use NFP thats fine and you don’t have to. But please don’t make it seem that because one does use it that they’re going against God and somehow lacking in faith.

I do not believe that anything I wrote suggests anything close to what you have accused me of. I was simply sharing mine and my husband’s experience and thoughts about the lack of options in the poll for those who live our married lives this way.

As I did not attack or accuse anyone who responded to the poll supporting NFP…by saying that their comments and support make it seem that those of us who DON’T use NFP are wrong…I do not know why you would read the reverse into what I wrote. Your response is very defensive and no one was directing a personal comment toward anyone…but rather, sharing a personal testimony.

God Bless You

 

[maria29]

I was saddened to see no viable option on the poll for those of us who live out our marriages completely open to life; and trusting in God to create our families.

That is, I was saddened UNTIL I read the many responses of those who ALSO were looking for this option in the poll. This gave me such JOY.

My husband and I completely surrender to God; and trust the HE knows MUCH better than WE how many children we should have in our family. MANY times, He has sent babies during situations in our life when we would have thought it a terrible time to have a child…but…God knows so much better…and OH! How thankful we are for those little ones who came when it was GOD’S TIME; not ours.

So…add one more vote to the: NONE OF THE ABOVE category.

I do not believe that anything I wrote suggests anything close to what you have accused me of. I was simply sharing mine and my husband’s experience and thoughts about the lack of options in the poll for those who live our married lives this way.

As I did not attack or accuse anyone who responded to the poll supporting NFP…by saying that their comments and support make it seem that those of us who DON’T use NFP are wrong…I do not know why you would read the reverse into what I wrote. Your response is very defensive and no one was directing a personal comment toward anyone…but rather, sharing a personal testimony.

God Bless You

I’m not defensive at all but just find it interesting (see what I bolded in your original post). Especially since NFP is about being open to life. And since when you type in all caps in forums its considered to be yelling, thats what I took it for.

 

[mom_of_ten]

I’m not defensive at all but just find it interesting (see what I bolded in your original post). Especially since NFP is about being open to life. And since when you type in all caps in forums its considered to be yelling, thats what I took it for.

My stating that my husband and I are completely open to life does not state nor imply anything about anyone else…it is merely sharing our own experience. Again, I do not understand why my mentioning our being completely open to life has anything to do with your thoughts on NFP…I wasn’t making a comparison…I was simply expressing our personal journey.

However, since you are inadvertently inviting me to comment on NFP…I will say that I do see a difference between being COMPLETELY open to life; and open to life during infertile periods only. I also think that abstinence, when used for the purpose of avoiding the conception of new life, is being closed to life.

Whether a couple feels they have reason to avoid life…is between them and God…for only He knows their true motives…but it is what it is…avoiding pregnancy is synonymous with being temporarily closed to life…for whatever reason the couple might have…at that time…they do not want a new life…i.e. closed to life

I find it odd that I never see posters who live completely open to life accusing or being defensive toward NFP users. However, I often see NFP posters acting this way toward things that those who are completely open to life write. I am not sure why many feel that those who life their marriage always open to pregnancy cause those who don’t to become defensive.

When someone shares a personal testimony…it is seen as being a personal attack for those who don’t agree. I think that is sad.

God bless you and your marriage…and I am truly sorry if you take offense at my writings…for NONE is intended.

 

[mommyof4]

Since you were so brave to write this I shall admit to *exactly *the same – except I was in the US, not Canada. So that’s two of us . . . at least.

Make that 3 of us…

 

[kind_bean]

I will say that I do see a difference between being COMPLETELY open to life; and open to life during infertile periods only. I also think that abstinence, when used for the purpose of avoiding the conception of new life, is being closed to life.

But even when followed correctly, which can be difficult to do, NFP is at most 99% effective. But most research shows (because of user error) it to be closer to 75-90%. So, even if you think that you are infertile, you may not be. When my husband and I had sex during infertile times, we knew and were open to the possibility of becoming pregnant. If God truly wants you to have a child at a certain time, then He can make it happen (just look at all the people who get pregnant on birth control pills). The only way that I would truly be able to avoid pregnancy is to abstain all the time.

Whether a couple feels they have reason to avoid life…is between them and God…for only He knows their true motives…but it is what it is…avoiding pregnancy is synonymous with being temporarily closed to life…for whatever reason the couple might have…at that time…they do not want a new life…i.e. closed to life

I find it unfair that you have put a negative spin on NFP because you have been blessed with the means to care for many children. If my husband and I had many children, then they would starve. My husband makes too much to get welfare or food stamps, but we are barely making it by now. It would be wrong for us to have more children than we can properly care for. And having to give birth by c-sections, it would be dangerous for both me and a baby to have more than 4. Not something I am happy about, but something I have to seriously considered.

Just because a couple uses NFP, doesn’t mean that they don’t want kids or aren’t trusting to God. Maybe you didn’t mean to imply such, but to me, that is how your posts are coming across. I am truly sorry if that was not your intent, but I felt the need to address it (even if only to address others who do feel negatively about NFP).

 

[Island_Oak]

My husband and I completely surrender to God; and trust the HE knows MUCH better than WE how many children we should have in our family. MANY times, He has sent babies during situations in our life when we would have thought it a terrible time to have a child…but…God knows so much better…and OH! How thankful we are for those little ones who came when it was GOD’S TIME; not ours.

I thought this was touching and beautifully expressed. Certainly not everyone can or does choose to take this path, but the expression of your faith and philosophy was lovely.

 

[anna1978]

I thought ‘Mom of Ten’ put it quite nicely: my husband and I also have surrendered our fertility to God, but mainly out of frustration with NFP (no-one could ever help us p(name removed by moderator)oint ovulation, to the point where it was said I was ‘annovulatory’…yet I have 2 children, besides a few miscarriages). I make no value-judgment on anyone using NFP…but I must admit: for us it’s a lot nicer NOT checking my cycle and abstaining…when we want to be intimate, we are…and if I get pregnant, so be it. It’s given us a lot of peace and we prefer it this way. I think a lot of NFP users do get a bit defensive ‘It’s okayed by the Church, look…here are examples from the Cathechism or some document’. GREAT…but that’s not what we (the non-NFP-users) are saying, all we’re saying is ‘We prefer just to let nature, and God, take its course, and we’re happy with that decision’…Doesn’t mean others have to…