Do you practice NFP?

[BlestOne]

Princess… I gotta tell you… I am at work posting… of course I make the internet policy here so it is ok… Anyway, I just wanted to let you know… I have 3 living children (ages 21 to 16) and 3 or more little saints… I don’t use birth control, I do use NFP to get pregnant… I work full time and almost always have because it just wasn’t an option for me. My kids are mostly grown, so I can tell you… nobody regrets having too many kids… many regret not having more! When you trust in God, bills don’t bother you as much. God does provide…heck, I made a whooping $756 one year and sent 3 kids to Catholic school and we didn’t starve… most of the bills got paid on time, and the ones that didn’t… got paid later. If you wait until you can afford kids… you’ll never have any! Anyway, that’s my 2 cents worth…

 

[Calliso]

Princess… I gotta tell you… I am at work posting… of course I make the internet policy here so it is ok… Anyway, I just wanted to let you know… I have 3 living children (ages 21 to 16) and 3 or more little saints… I don’t use birth control, I do use NFP to get pregnant… I work full time and almost always have because it just wasn’t an option for me. My kids are mostly grown, so I can tell you… nobody regrets having too many kids… many regret not having more! When you trust in God, bills don’t bother you as much. God does provide…heck, I made a whooping $756 one year and sent 3 kids to Catholic school and we didn’t starve… most of the bills got paid on time, and the ones that didn’t… got paid later. If you wait until you can afford kids… you’ll never have any! Anyway, that’s my 2 cents worth…

Actually I bet plenty of people regret having too many kids or having any at all. Most are just not going to say so because really who is going to admit to regretting their own children? And I would say God provides but not all the time…cause you can;t deny there are families that cannot make do. But I do think it is great that things worked out for you.

 

[Bella3502]

Can we not shout in our posts, please. Boldfacing the entire post is a form of shouting.

Can you substantiate the claim the NFP is not effective. Seems there is plenty of evidence to refute it.

While I do not disagree that most people who call themselves Catholic use some form of ABC, I do not have enough information to speculate about the various reasons why they engage in this gravely sinful activity.

I WASN’T SHOUTING!!!

 

[maria29]

Okay, I see both sides of the Total Trust / Use Nothing VS NFP issue. So I’m digging a little deeper for those of us that are still a little stuck in the middle.

Future husband and I have delightfully complex discussions (ie disagreements) about NFP, mostly because we both doubt our ability to chart effectively (we stink at doing anything regularly and consistently). I maintain that if we do goof and get pregnant, God will not give us more than we can handle. He feels that if we are unprepared when we get pregnant (emotionally, physically,and financially) that were starting out the gate as bad parents and that makes him very nervous. Nobody’s ever completely ready for babies, right? But maybe, if you can prevent yourself from getting in a bad, impossible place, shouldn’t you do that?

Many of you have posted that you’ve left it completely up to God when and how many kids you have and that you get by just fine. That’s fantastic and I’m always happy to see a post that says that. However, I would really like to hear from those, if they exist, that say “you know, I really have too many kids. I’m stressed, we can’t pay the bills, we fight all the time and I’m just miserable. I love my kids, but I should have done something differently.” Does anyone like that exist?

I think these are the possible answers to that question.

a) If these people exist they are out working three jobs and are not hanging around on this board.

b) If they exist they are not going to post that answer, as it’s too close to saying they regret their kids. No parent ever wants to be accused of feeling that, so I don’t blame them. (If so, feel free to PM me).

c) They really don’t exist. God only gives you what you can handle.

I was born to Cajun Catholic parents, and when you say “planned pregnancy” to them they look at you funny. As my dad puts it “Well, sweetie, every night I went to sleep with your mama we planned for a pregnancy. That’s what being married is.” (I wish I could feel that way).

As another poster put it, they didn’t end up with 24 kids or in the poor house. Everything turned out okay.

I ask and actually hope that nobody says that they are one of the miserable ones … it will help make my decision to trust a lot easier.

We have one ds who is 4. We’d love to another but having another we cannot afford it. We both have to work just to provide bare essentials for our family. I am not talking about trips, expensive clothes etc.

I agree that God provides but at the same time I feel that we have parents have to be able to provide the bare essentials for the child(ren) we bring into the world. Its why God gave us the gift of reason.

I know Catholic families who aren’t making ends meet, does that mean somehow they aren’t Catholic enough under God rules? I always wonder that when people say God provides.

 

[JKS]

(we stink at doing anything regularly and consistently). I maintain that if we do goof and get pregnant, God will not give us more than we can handle. He feels that if we are unprepared when we get pregnant (emotionally, physically,and financially) that were starting out the gate as bad parents and that makes him very nervous. Nobody’s ever completely ready for babies, right? But maybe, if you can prevent yourself from getting in a bad, impossible place, shouldn’t you do that?

Many of you have posted that you’ve left it completely up to God when and how many kids you have and that you get by just fine. That’s fantastic and I’m always happy to see a post that says that. However, I would really like to hear from those, if they exist, that say “you know, I really have too many kids. I’m stressed, we can’t pay the bills, we fight all the time and I’m just miserable. I love my kids, but I should have done something differently.” Does anyone like that exist?

I think these are the possible answers to that question.

a) If these people exist they are out working three jobs and are not hanging around on this board.

b) If they exist they are not going to post that answer, as it’s too close to saying they regret their kids. No parent ever wants to be accused of feeling that, so I don’t blame them. (If so, feel free to PM me).

c) They really don’t exist. God only gives you what you can handle.

I was born to Cajun Catholic parents, and when you say “planned pregnancy” to them they look at you funny. As my dad puts it “Well, sweetie, every night I went to sleep with your mama we planned for a pregnancy. That’s what being married is.” (I wish I could feel that way).

I think I love your parents

I ask and actually hope that nobody says that they are one of the miserable ones … it will help make my decision to trust a lot easier.

We had our first three pretty close together. It was a very difficult time for us, both financially and emotionally, but of course they’re all worth it. Just remember that God has a plan, and it’s waaaay better than the ones we’ve come up with.

For the record, we do have an NFP book under the bed; DH read it a few kids ago and sometimes he takes my temp in the morning, after he brings me coffee in bed. But, we really like having kids, we really like making them, and most of them take after DH, fortunately. We’ve given up on being able to afford them, and after a while, you have hand-me-downs for every age, each season, either sex.

 

[Princess18]

I just came up with another possible option. Some are sure God will provide, and he does … they are not *completely *in the poorhouse, although things may be tight. Those who would NOT be completely okay being just above the poverty line are not the type to “take what God gives them”. Essentially, the definition of “provides” varies between the two.

Would that be a fair assessment?

If this is the case, then that explains a lot. It may not be a matter of trusting God, but being comfortable with what they are given. There’s a lot of room for human interpretation there.

 

[armywife]

I haven’t read the whole thread, but your last post really makes sense. It’s all human interpretation. When I married my husband (and this will sound awful) but I married down financially. He’s in the Army and not high-ranking. I come from a college-educated family who are pretty upper-middle class. Those first couple years of marriage were tough, because I kept wanting more. I expected my husband to give up the job he loves just to make more money for me. It’s also difficult when I visit friends and family to see their huge houses for just the two of them or maybe they have one kid.

We’ve been married almost eight years and have four kids. I have gotten over myself and realize that our 1400 sqft house is fine. We qualify for WIC but don’t need it. (And we don’t but that’s a pride issue for me) He’s able to provide for us and I get to stay home with the kids. They go to catholic school(only by tithing, otherwise we couldn’t afford a regular tuition). It may sound trite, especially on this board, but if you can’t accept that God will provide, then you’ll be in despair over everything you don’t have. It helps to see how the rest of the world lives, it puts the American materialism in perspective.

As far as kids go, we are using NFP to postpone. I really feel overwhelmed at times. That doesn’t mean if another child comes we won’t deal with it. And, at least for me, I could say I don’t want another child, but after he or she arrived I could never regret it. In the end, if you can’t accept what God provides (whatever that is) it could turn out to be an unhappy life.

 

[Jofantioch]

\ NFP, mostly because we both doubt our ability to chart effectively (we stink at doing anything regularly and consistently).

“Well, sweetie, every night I went to sleep with your mama we planned for a pregnancy. That’s what being married is.” (I wish I could feel that way).
.

If you cannot be open to life, don’t marry. It’s always a possibility. It’s a possibility with artificial birth control. It’s just always there. The only way to avoid pregnancy totally is to not have sex. If you don’t have sex, you aren’t sacramentally married.

That having been said, you are engaged now. CHART NOW!!! Take an official NFP class with your intended and learn about your body.

If you want a high-paying job, you go to college and get a degree.
If you want a good house, you do your homework, you save your down payment, and get a good deal
If you want retirement, you save and discern.

ANYTHING WITH A HUGE PAY-OFF REQUIRES STUDY

You are planning a family. Look at it just like retirement, a job, or a house. It’s more important than all of those things put together. Why think of it as an inconvenience to carefully learn and plan?

Take your engagement time to learn your cycles and chart. If you begin NFP after marriage, it is my understanding that you need a minimum of 30 days of abstinence before you know your cycle. Don’t do this as a newlywed. That would be very bad.

 

[Princess18]

Thank you for the advice, but I wasn’t actually soliciting any. My post wasn’t about if we should embrace and use NFP or not, but how we are preparing to deal with it if (when) we are inefficient at it.

 

[kind_bean]

I just came up with another possible option. Some are sure God will provide, and he does … they are not *completely *in the poorhouse, although things may be tight. Those who would NOT be completely okay being just above the poverty line are not the type to “take what God gives them”. Essentially, the definition of “provides” varies between the two.

Would that be a fair assessment?

If this is the case, then that explains a lot. It may not be a matter of trusting God, but being comfortable with what they are given. There’s a lot of room for human interpretation there.

I think you do make a valid point, but I also think that this can only apply to some people, particularly those who use NFP only due to financial reasons, but many people use it for other reasons, like physical and mental health. I think it is harder to use this type of reasoning for those other situations.

 

[newbetx]

Thank you for the advice, but I wasn’t actually soliciting any. My post wasn’t about if we should embrace and use NFP or not, but how we are preparing to deal with it if (when) we are inefficient at it.

I bet you will get better at it if you are properly motivated.

We charted for years. It really was something that brought us together. We were poorly educated on it so “it failed.” I know there have been some posts where people with six kids in 8 years or something like that are at their wits end. So posts exist. We are called to be prudent about providing for our families. I guess one could say that we likely can provide for more children than some of us have…but I see it this way. God does provide. But we should not expect him to provide more just because we are pregnant.

Seems that many think only money is a contributor to the “decision.” But it’s not. I love all three of my living kids, but it drives me crazy many days. It’s more important to understand its not how much money we make (that can be gone in a heartbeat) but how much we love.

 

[jessimom]

We use NFP before marriage.
We planning practice NFP after this baby again.

 

[idontknow]

So GREAT that you are learning about NFP with your serious bf! It is so important to talk about all sorts of marriage and family related issues with someone who you are discerning marriage with.

As for my vote, I went with the first option. My fiance and I have been learning NFP for about 6 months now, and we both love it so far. I have learned so much about my own health (there’s more to those simple observations than you might think!), and I can’t imagine introducing hormones or other chemicals into my body. I have seen just how a little bit of stress can affect my cycle…but introducing massive amounts of hormones to try to control it? No way!

As we’re not married yet, we haven’t used NFP to avoid or conceive yet, so no experience in that department, but we both have studied the theology of the body and have talked a lot about discerning God’s will for our family. We know it won’t always be easy, but trust that God has a great plan for us!

Where have you been learning about NFP? - Me and my girlfriend are in a serious relationship and are waiting for marriage to have sex. But she doesn’t know too much about NFP, and I don’t know a lot about it. But it is something that we plan on doing since we are trying to follow the churches teachings.

Thanx.

 

[MercyMia]

Two, barrier methods is more like making war than love. “Let me put on a latex sheath to PROTECT MYSELF from YOU.” Nah, not for me. Make love, not war.

My sentiments exactly!
Anyway, I got married at 23 and two years later I still don’t feel particularly ready for a baby so NFP has been and continues to be a mix of scary and wonderful for me. But I know it is the only way to ensure we do not kick God out of marriage and to be honest I think the mental and physical benefits of not contracpeting really speak for themselves.

I really don’t like the debates on here where NFP gets equated with ABC. Le sigh.