Do You Tell Other's Secrets to Your Spouse?

  • Thread starter Thread starter BlueEyedLady
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Awww, Geeez! Our State just approved same sex marriage. That could put a new spin on the OP
 
shipwrkd said:
Awww, Geeez! Our State just approved same sex marriage. That could put a new spin on the OP
Click to expand...
If it can be discussed charitably I would curious as to how that would put a different spin on things. A lot of people on this thread were speaking in terms of gender, as in women have female friends and men have male friends, but at least as far as I’m concerned gender doesn’t really play into it since most of my friends, and all but one of my close friends, are men.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
If it can be discussed charitably I would curious as to how that would put a different spin on things. A lot of people on this thread were speaking in terms of gender, as in women have female friends and men have male friends, but at least as far as I’m concerned gender doesn’t really play into it since most of my friends, and all but one of my close friends, are men.
Click to expand...
I’m in enough hot water already. I just saw the breaking news and started thinking out loud…but don’t tell my wife 😃
 
Gender enters into it for me. I have never told a married male friend anything that I wouldn’t want his wife to hear, and that is a conscious decision. When I send men e-mail messages or Facebook messages, I usually include somewhere “and let your wife know that …” or in another way indicate that the message is for her if he chooses to share. I am probably overly cautious, but I don’t want to have a relationship with a man that is in any danger of becoming secretive because that could lead to real or perceived impropriety, and I don’t want to be the cause of a wife being jealous or uncomfortable.

But my male friends and I mostly don’t talk about personal things anyway.
 
shipwrkd said:
I’m in enough hot water already. I just saw the breaking news and started thinking out loud…but don’t tell my wife 😃
Click to expand...
You make me laugh! I think I like you. If we met on real life I think we would be friends, maybe even defeat those squirrels somehow. I won’t tell my husband if you don’t tell your wife;)
 
7armyrugrats said:
You make me laugh! I think I like you. If we met on real life I think we would be friends, maybe even defeat those squirrels somehow. I won’t tell my husband if you don’t tell your wife;)
Click to expand...
Skwerlz? What skwerlz? I haven’t seen any here :eek:
Like I said, we trust each other with SOME secrets :o
 
thewanderer said:
Do you also believe that if I say, very obviously sarcastically, that I would love to spend all day in, say, jury duty, I need to make sure to explain that I don’t really mean that I would love to spend all day in Jury, but in fact I mean not only something contradictory to the literal words that I am saying, but the exact opposite of them?
Click to expand...
Yes, because you stated that the sarcasm is “very obvious.” Nonverbal communication, in addition to intonation, are ways of communicating.
It doesn’t matter what the actual literal words are, what matters is the expected understanding that they are conveying. If they have no reason to think their meaning would be misunderstood then they have no reason to clarify what they mean and in fact if they tried to do so more than a couple of times they would probably be asked to stop.
Click to expand...
Yes, which is why one interpretation – the literal interpretation, given that no non-semantic communication can possibly alter it – must be privileged in this case. The safest option is to assume that “no one” means “no one;” analogies to sarcasm and figurative language obviously do not hold because someone who actually intends “no one” would say “no one,” whereas someone who meant “when we have genetically modified pigs that are capable of flight” would probably not simply say “when pigs fly.”

You are taking the relativism too far.
Do you also believe it is inconsiderate to not explain each time you say something sarcastically that you actuallly mean something contrary to the literal meaning of the words?
Click to expand...
Sarcasm indicates meaning. You have not actually explained how I can determine whether an arbitrary person means “no one” or “not no one” when he says “no one.” If you offer a reasonable explanation, perhaps your position would be more credible.
Neither one is priviledged as such. If a person has been led to believe that a particular combination of sounds, such as “don’t tell anyone”, or “don’t spread this around” etc means don’t tell anyone except your spouse and has never been given any indication by anyone they have talked to, used this phrase with, or heard use this phrase that it might ever even possibly have another meaning then why in the world would it be wrong for them to not go out of their way to explain what the phrase means each time they say it?
Click to expand...
Because someone who actually intends “no one” would also say “no one.” Everyone should be aware of this.

Do you know the number of times in my life I have messed up majorly or caused serious problems because I took what someone said at face value? None. Because it is the perfect basic analysis.
Look, the problem here is that since you are coming at this from one set perspective you are having a really hard time seeing how anybody could ever not see it from your perspective, and so you are assuming that those who do not see it from your perspective are always being inconsiderate. That just simply is not true. 🤷
Click to expand...
They are being inconsiderate by not thinking because literal interpretations, barring exceptions that are manifestly obvious in the expression or its delivery, should always be the default. It is inconsiderate to disobey someone’s word simply because you assumed an inaccurate meaning.

Again, the proof is straightforward. If I want to convey my desire that someone not share with anyone, I would say, “Do not tell anyone.” Thus, the possibility of literal meaning can never be legitimately discounted without explicit and clear specification.
 
thewanderer said:
Even the CCC says that objectively valid reasons exist.
Click to expand...
Yes there can be valid reasons --like urgent public good etc… I do not see sharing with ones spouse as being a valid reason and I do not think one will find such suggested in any work of moral theology. The same kinds of “objectively valid reasons” that would apply in my telling Bob a secret – would be needful for my telling my wife.
 
thewanderer said:
Even the CCC says that objectively valid reasons exist. The CCC does not list what these objectively valid reasons are. I get that we disagree about what these objectively valid reasons are, but that is something that we can legitimately disagree on without sinning. We are called to read what the Church says, submit ourselves to the Church’s teachings, form our consciences according to the Churches teachings, and then, for all the applications and things not explicitly taught by the Church to use our own judgement, prudence and well formed conscience to make decisions about what we will do in any given situation. Doing the above has led me to a different conclusion than it has led you to about what constitute objectively valid reasons in this scenario
Click to expand...
Yes there can be valid reasons --like urgent public good etc… I do not see sharing with ones spouse as being a valid reason and I do not think one will find such suggested in any work of moral theology. The same kinds of “objectively valid reasons” that would apply in my telling Bob a secret – would be needful for my telling my wife.
 
Hmm… As I was watching the Cardinals take the oath of secrecy today, this thread came to my mind. One more reason to the celibate priesthood!
 
7armyrugrats said:
Can I ask without upsetting everyone why you feel that you should share everything with your spouse? I mean no offense and I don’t think it is necessarily wrong. As I’ve said before I always assume whatever I say will be shared because I have noticed the majority of couples I know are like this. But never being in that type of marriage I’m not sure I can get it, if you know what I mean. I used to imagine I would share everything, but God had another type of relationship in His plans for me. I am so glad that He did, I’ve got a great husband and terrific marriage. It is still interesting to me and I would like to understand better though
Click to expand...
Am I right in thinking by your ID that your husband has an “interesting” job and travels a lot but can’t or would rather not tell you of all the stuff that goes on in his life…and that he would be pretty good at popping skwerlz?
 
Baelor said:
Yes, because you stated that the sarcasm is “very obvious.” Nonverbal communication, in addition to intonation, are ways of communicating.

Yes, which is why one interpretation – the literal interpretation, given that no non-semantic communication can possibly alter it – must be privileged in this case. The safest option is to assume that “no one” means “no one;” analogies to sarcasm and figurative language obviously do not hold because someone who actually intends “no one” would say “no one,” whereas someone who meant “when we have genetically modified pigs that are capable of flight” would probably not simply say “when pigs fly.”

You are taking the relativism too far.

Sarcasm indicates meaning. You have not actually explained how I can determine whether an arbitrary person means “no one” or “not no one” when he says “no one.” If you offer a reasonable explanation, perhaps your position would be more credible.

Because someone who actually intends “no one” would also say “no one.” Everyone should be aware of this.

Do you know the number of times in my life I have messed up majorly or caused serious problems because I took what someone said at face value? None. Because it is the perfect basic analysis.

They are being inconsiderate by not thinking because literal interpretations, barring exceptions that are manifestly obvious in the expression or its delivery, should always be the default. It is inconsiderate to disobey someone’s word simply because you assumed an inaccurate meaning.

Again, the proof is straightforward. If I want to convey my desire that someone not share with anyone, I would say, “Do not tell anyone.” Thus, the possibility of literal meaning can never be legitimately discounted without explicit and clear specification.
Click to expand...
So every time I am sarcastic, unless I make sure to make it very obvious sarcasm, I have to explain to others that I am being sarcastic because if I don’t I am being inconsiderate?
 
hannajomar said:
Hmm… As I was watching the Cardinals take the oath of secrecy today, this thread came to my mind. One more reason to the celibate priesthood!
Click to expand...
My fiance was baptized and confirmed an an Eastern Orthodox church, more out of family tradition than anything. But his family always spoke with RC priests, did confession in RC churches, etc and that was one of the reasons. (Another was the fact that FH and his siblings only speak English)
 
thewanderer said:
So every time I am sarcastic, unless I make sure to make it very obvious sarcasm, I have to explain to others that I am being sarcastic because if I don’t I am being inconsiderate?
Click to expand...
Well, all ya have to do is post a sarcastic smiley behind your comment :rolleyes:.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top