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Black_Dog
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I trusted mine implicitly…she always took a high moral stance on just about everything…boy, was I in for a surprise 
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Serap
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were you deceived Black Dog?I trusted mine implicitly…she always took a high moral stance on just about everything…boy, was I in for a surprise
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Beautiful
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Love will not exist without forgiveness.
The OP asks: Do you trust your spouse?
I think better questions to ask are:
**Are you willing to forgive your spouse under any circumstance?
Do you realize the person you are married to is human?
Do you really understand what it means to be human?**
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erazo
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For me…I think what I like to say I practice is Free Will. So I will allow him to do whatever he wishes (with respect…God does not want us to be doormats). I do this becasue I only want him to be with me if he trully loves me. I trust that all wrong will come out…and you will pay for whatever wrong you do. Am I wrong for being this way? Not sure. I just know that I would not want to be an over possesive, jelous wife.
What I tell my husband is…
“Do I want you to be Christ-like, of course, but like Christ…I do not want to force your love upon me.”
What I tell my husband is…
“Do I want you to be Christ-like, of course, but like Christ…I do not want to force your love upon me.”
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baylee
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Originally Posted by Liberanosamalo forums.catholic-questions.org/images/buttons_khaki/viewpost.gif
I think the OP has been burned before by her spouse and where once she would have bought the story now has reason to believe it’s part of a pattern of deception. THAT is a cancer to a marriage. It needs immediate attention or the marriage won’t last. Love won’t last.
I think the OP has been burned before by her spouse and where once she would have bought the story now has reason to believe it’s part of a pattern of deception. THAT is a cancer to a marriage. It needs immediate attention or the marriage won’t last. Love won’t last.
I don’t think LIberanosomalo was referring to me when mentioning OP…I think he/she was referring to the OP in the thread I was referring to! Having said that, I do think you have very good questions!
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Liberanosamalo
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Beautiful,
are you aware there are people who will marry you and use your deepest beliefs to destroy you?
They will use your intention to keep your marriage permanent as a chance to defraud you.
They will use your desire to forgive as Christ forgave and turn the other cheek as a chance to hit that cheek too. Over and over. (How many years do you think a battered wife should turn the other cheek? Huh?)
They will use your desire to be forgiving to give you many things to forgive. Infidelity, verbal abuse, theft, lies, and the thousand indignities that only certain spouses suffer and know about.
But if you do anything wrong you will get no forgiveness in return. They will throw that incident 10 years ago when you said something in front of their friend in your face as a reason to hate you today.
I do hope your post was not directed toward those who have experienced marriage as an exercise in inhumanity.
In an ideal world, your questions apply and are good. Not everyone lives in an ideal world.
Some people will use your religion against you to demean you and grind you into the ground until even you doubt your faith in God and His word.
are you aware there are people who will marry you and use your deepest beliefs to destroy you?
They will use your intention to keep your marriage permanent as a chance to defraud you.
They will use your desire to forgive as Christ forgave and turn the other cheek as a chance to hit that cheek too. Over and over. (How many years do you think a battered wife should turn the other cheek? Huh?)
They will use your desire to be forgiving to give you many things to forgive. Infidelity, verbal abuse, theft, lies, and the thousand indignities that only certain spouses suffer and know about.
But if you do anything wrong you will get no forgiveness in return. They will throw that incident 10 years ago when you said something in front of their friend in your face as a reason to hate you today.
I do hope your post was not directed toward those who have experienced marriage as an exercise in inhumanity.
In an ideal world, your questions apply and are good. Not everyone lives in an ideal world.
Some people will use your religion against you to demean you and grind you into the ground until even you doubt your faith in God and His word.
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Beautiful
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And if he/she turns the other cheek while permanently walking away, he/she must still forgive and must still recognize humanity for what it is.
Forgiveness is really, really BIG. There is nothing to replace it.
All offending circumstances require that we forgive. If we don’t then there is no love. No love = hell
My questions apply for all offensive situations. Sins are sins…big or small they hurt everyone. Forgiveness makes way for love in all situations.
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BSHoop96
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Because you get lonely? Because you feel a sudden attraction? Because the OTHER person is lonely? There are many reasons, and it is terribly unwise to have a man not your husband stay the night when your husband is out of town.
I have seen marriages destroyed because of friends who started out merely friends, with no further intentions, ended up going MUCH too far.
Be careful! There is trust, and then there is recklessness.
I agree. There is no reason for a married man or woman to spend time leisure time alone with someone of the opposite sex. That’s asking for trouble, IMO. Now if it’s a group of friends and one spouse doesn’t want to come on the outing, that might be a different story.
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Lerin
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I think it is just hard for many to believe that there actually ARE people out there who truly do not have a conscience, and are capable of things you would never imagine. I don’t know, for example, if my x had a genetic mental incapability for conscience or if he had at some point completely surrendered himself to the forces of evil. Or both.
It doesn’t happen every day, but please do trust that there are people as Liberanosamalo described walking about. And some of us have tried to be married to them. Forgiveness is one thing, allowing yourself and your children to continue in the situation is a slow death.
In my situation, this person was not able to commit to a marriage as Catholics understand and it wasn’t a valid marriage. I am lucky to have had a second chance.
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Beautiful
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It is difficult to believe but those people are among us. I learned in my abnormal psych class that the people described here might have antisocial personality disorder. The National Comorbidity Survey, which uses DSM-III-R criteria, discovered that 5.8 percent of males and 1.2 percent of females showed evidence of a lifelong chance of obtaining the disorder.
Forgiveness isn’t** just** one thing…it is the only thing when you walk out their life. Yes walk - yes forgive and move on.
I’m thankful you had a second chance.
God’s love and blessings
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Liberanosamalo
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Beautiful, when you have children with that kind of person, you can never walk out of their life. You’re always kept on a leash at the periphery and watching what they’re doing to your children. THAT I CANNOT FORGIVE!!! I will NEVER forgive a father’s attempts, either deliberate or through abject neglect, to destroy the life of grace in his children’s souls and to keep them from heaven.
Even Christ said “woe to those who scandalize the innocent. It would have been better for that man had he never been born.” Nothing in there from Christ Himself about forgiveness.
Even Christ said “woe to those who scandalize the innocent. It would have been better for that man had he never been born.” Nothing in there from Christ Himself about forgiveness.
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noclevername
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Phemie, i really didn’t want to post in this thread but your post has been haunting me all day. I can totally understand what you are talking about. I have the same issues. My mother died a very tragic death when I was in my early 20’s. My stepmother and dad essentially kicked me out of the family for ten years. (long story but I know now it wasn’t my fault). My exhusband did drugs and basically ignored me. One time I had to have surgery and he scheduled something on that day and had planned to send me to the hospital in a cab because I couldn’t drive myself home afterwards. Thankfully a friend same through. And there are other things where i have been basically abandoned in my life. Now that I am 37 years old, I still have major abandonment issues. I am with my family again but I have no trust that they will remain in my life. I am always scared that I am going to do whatever it was i did before and they will abandon me again. I have a wonderful loving boyfriend who is the best man in the whole world but I am constantly scared I am going to do something to make him go away. He understands this about me and is patient with me and loves me but he understands.
Anyway, I totally understand your view on the world. I really really do.
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whatevergirl
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we have entirely different histories of course, but I understand your fears…I lost my parents …by the time I turned 10…and until 6 years ago maybe (?) I always feared losing my children to disease, or losing my husband to something…not necessarily another woman, but just would lose him somehow. I empathize, and I’m sorry you went through all of that, but in a way, all of this makes us grow closer to Christ, and thus stronger, as a result, right?
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Rob_s_Wife
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I’m sure they are both great people.
I wouldn’t care for it.
And my feeling that way should be enough reason for my husband to never do it.
I can understand how you felt hurt, but his future wife was in the right if your friendship involved conversations and time that did not include her.
I have no idea why you would have had to say good bye to “all of them”, but if that was the best thing for his marriage - then he did the right thing.
not just forgiveness - but repenting and regret for the sin is required of us.
I can forgive.
I understand that humans make mistakes, sometimes big ones.
**Thus I think it foolish to place ones person in inappropriate situations and risk making a mistake with the most important thing/people in their lives - their spouse and chidlren. **
unfortunately when one spouse repeatedly inflicts the same pain without genuine repentance, one may find the only healthy way to love and forgive them is by not being with them anymore.
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Black_Dog
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And how!!! Interestingly she was an incredibly jealous woman and obviously very insecure. I’m now beginning to think that her jealousy stemmed from a recognition of her own tendencies which she attempted to project onto me.
Whatever, it’s all water under the bridge and I now live a single chaste life which I intend to continue not least because I would be very wary of giving complete trust to anyone. I trust in God which is enough.
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Serap
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I’m sorry to hear this. It makes me feel sad that there is so much deception in marriages. You are strong and I admire that. If I were deceived, I don’t know how I would react. It’s hard not to become bitter and angry when you are treated that way.
After reading so many stories on CAF, it makes me realize that I am blessed to have my husband. I’m so blessed and lucky!! I trust him and he has good values. He’s not jealous and neither am I. We have solid trust for one another.
There are days when we want to kill eachother
, but we’re really happy together. It’s such a blessing.Blackdog, I hope the Holy Spirit leads you to love again (assuming you can get an annulment). Keep the faith
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Lifeisamazing
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I suspect that is the source of my husband’s behavior with me. (Although I figure it is more about his thoughts, and verbal actions towards women when I am not around, and not an affair per se.) I have told him this many times through our marriage. You said this very well. It is very sad. We live in a society where boys are taught to nourish the thought of women as objects of sex, and girls are taught to emulate it to be popular and desired. >>sigh<< Only by the grace of God have I valued my femininity and beauty as it was meant.
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Lifeisamazing
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Liberanosamalo, my goodness. I can feel your agony. It must be terribly stressful to have your children subjected to pains via their father.
Since it sounds that you are actively in battle, and will be until your kids are well into adulthood, forgiveness would not be healthy as you must first be aware and protect. Doesn’t sound like trust is an option for you with this particular individual.
There is a time and a place for forgiveness, even to your ex, but that is not now I can see (I figure some folks would be telling you to forgive
, but not me, not now).Later, though, forgiveness may be explored to free yourself of the pain. Any mother knows the ferocious feeling that would erupt from seeing their children harmed in any way. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you have a lot of support from family/friends/community/church and for your precious little ones too. :console:
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Black_Dog
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I sincerely hope the Holy Spirit does no such thing…lol I’m very content as I am. I have several very close women friends whose company and conversation I enjoy enormously and I get to act as chaperone for my sister when her husband works abroad.I’m sorry to hear this. It makes me feel sad that there is so much deception in marriages. You are strong and I admire that. If I were deceived, I don’t know how I would react. It’s hard not to become bitter and angry when you are treated that way.
After reading so many stories on CAF, it makes me realize that I am blessed to have my husband. I’m so blessed and lucky!! I trust him and he has good values. He’s not jealous and neither am I. We have solid trust for one another.
There are days when we want to kill eachother
Blackdog, I hope the Holy Spirit leads you to love again (assuming you can get an annulment). Keep the faith
It’s always awful to discover that the person whom you loved and cherished and thought you knew never really existed. It took a long time for me to recover but you do in the end. Life just picks you up and sweeps you along regardless. One has no option but to go with the flow and I’ve long since forgiven her. She’s no longer important to me…if anything I just feel sorry for her.
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Beautiful
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AmenLiberanosamalo, my goodness. I can feel your agony. It must be terribly stressful to have your children subjected to pains via their father.
Since it sounds that you are actively in battle, and will be until your kids are well into adulthood, forgiveness would not be healthy as you must first be aware and protect. Doesn’t sound like trust is an option for you with this particular individual.
There is a time and a place for forgiveness, even to your ex, but that is not now I can see (I figure some folks would be telling you to forgive
Later, though, forgiveness may be explored to free yourself of the pain. Any mother knows the ferocious feeling that would erupt from seeing their children harmed in any way. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you have a lot of support from family/friends/community/church and for your precious little ones too. :console:
Time will pass for Liberanosamalo and children will grow into adults.
I pray Liberanosamalo has Faith enough to believe that God will see her and children through safely. It is impossible for us to fully know what God has planned for each of us in this life. We can only have faith and hope.
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