Do you visit the grave of a deceased loved one?

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Yes, my grandmothers’ graves. I go with flowers and pray for the repose of their souls.
 
When I visit my mother, I visit my grandpa. People who are cremated can have a “grave” sight. What’s the word for that? His remains were put in a cremation “garden” in the cemetary. Anyway, I had fun making arangements this summer for him.
 
Graveyards kinda freak me out, and I dont like death. Sorry, after my grandma died, I would just kinda avoid graveyards, and death, and all the things that have to do with death.
 
8 years ago my dear father died. He decided he wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered. 😦
Oh how many times I have wished I could visit his grave. …
I don’t think it is right to be cremated.
 
My family is very spread out, and my deceased loved ones are many states away. I’ve wanted to go visit them, but never had the resources to do so. My husband’s family is very close, however. I love that their church is old enough to have the cemetery behind it, so whenever you go to Mass you can visit loved ones that have passed away. I know I want to be buried there with him when we die.
 
ridesawhitehors said:
8 years ago my dear father died. He decided he wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered. 😦
Oh how many times I have wished I could visit his grave. …
I don’t think it is right to be cremated.
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The Church permits cremation and if the cremation takes place before the funeral Mass the cremains may be present while the Mass is being celebrated. The cremains are then to be interred in sacred ground, or in a sacred mausoleum crypt or niche. **Scattering of the cremains is strictly forbidden by the church as is keeping the cremains on a shelf or table at home. **

When my mother died the plans for her funeral went awry. She died in MI where she had lived the last years of her life. She had made plans for cremation and was to be “scattered.” We were unfamiliar with this being against Church teaching at the time these plans were made with a funeral home consultant. Later I was to find out it wouldn’t have mattered to my sister anyway. I got a phone call after my mother’s death saying that my sister was going to send me the ashes and I was to see to the Funeral Mass. It was in planning the Mass that I learned all the above about Catholic burial. It was learning the hard way with much family friction. I’m at peace with the final arrangements.

I visit her niche often and I am so happy now she has a place we can visit. I do find a lot of comfort there and in having Masses said for her. I know my daughter is glad, too. When my daughter was driving by the cemetery with her future husband, she pointed and said, “And my grandmother lives there.” When her fiance turned to see, and saw it was a cemetery, he was momentarily befuddled. Now that he’s married to my daughter befuddlement has become a way of life.😉

When I visit my mom’s niche and pray, I feel she comes for a visit and brings friends and family with her (They are a part of the “cloud of witnesses.”) That’s how she was in life. I usually bring a daughter or two and/or my husband.

:blessyou:
Joanna
 
I live too far from where my grandmothers are buried, but would definitely visit more frequently if it weren’t a 13hr drive-time (longer actual time, due to need for various stops) distance.

My husband regularly visits his father’s w/ our oldest son, and they’ll be visiting our niece’s (husband’s brother’s child) who was killed in a car accident last month, and is buried in the same section of the cemetery where my FIL is buried.
 
I have two grandfathers buried in this state, but I haven’t been to their graves since I was a child. I know one of my grandmothers goes to visit and the other doesn’t. I’m not sure why–if it makes her too sad or if she just doesn’t think that tangible memory is important.

My mother-in-law was cremated according to her wishes and unfortunately her urn sits on top of the TV cabinet in her former home, now inhabited by my father-in-law and his new wife. My husband has often wished he had someplace to visit to remember her more privately. He occasionally visits his grandmother’s grave when we are in town or for special occasions.

My step-mother died two years ago and we were fairly close. She was also cremated and my father insisted on scattering her ashes in the harbor, despite the fact that I told him it was illegal to do that so close to land and that I thought that some day my half-sister would like to have a physical place to visit her mother’s remains.

It is unfortunate that the trend in recent decades has been to downplay the importance of the funeral and grieving rituals. I know there is concern about the cost of buying and maintaining graveyard plots but I consider it a necessary investment unless circumstances absolutely rule it out. My father feels very strongly that he should not have any attachments to his deceased wife except for memories. He redecorated his house and started dating again this year because he feels it is the “healthy” thing to do. “Life goes on” he says. But to me it sometimes feels like we take so little time to remember those we have lost. However, it wasn’t my mother or my spouse, so I can’t know exactly how they feel. I hope it will be a long time before I am grieving for one so close to me!

Were it my husband, though, I would want his remains close by to visit them. I like the old custom of cemeteries being like parks with people picnicing in them and using them as the beautiful yet solemn spaces they are meant to be. It is a shame if some people see them as a waste of land. I think it emphasizes the dignity of the human body (as well as soul) when we set aside a special place for our loved ones’ remains. To visit them seems to me to be evidence of hope in the afterlife and the resurrection.
 
I visit my sister’s grave mostly on special occasions. My parents do quite regularily, they mantain it -plant flowers and stuff. When they are gone or unable to I will go more often, I find unmaintained graves so sad. My mom sometimes gets mad because I don’t go more often. She says stuff like, “my sister knows when I’m there” or “my sister feels better when I go”. I say mom Louise (my sister’s name) isn’t there, her body is there but her soul is heavan. This also makes her mad.

My husband’s grandparents just died a few months back (car accident). It was their wish to be cremated. Thier 3 children divided the ashes between them and have them in urns in their homes. (None on my husband’s side are Catholic.) My mother in law wanted to know if we would like their ashes when she passes away. We told her Catholics can not keep human remains in their homes, they must be in hallowed ground. So she decided she would have them buried with her.

It is kind of sad not having a place to put flowers, although ofcourse we have all the wonderful memories, there’s no place that has a record that they were ever here. It just feels weird.
 
Very rarely. I don’t usually even take flowers to my mom’s grave, because I gave them to her when she was alive. I have never felt the urge to visit a stone. My dad likes to go, though, so I will drive him when he wants to go.
 
Sad and strange, my father died while I was in sunny south-east asia (1971), my mother died around 18 months later, since the funeral I have never been to either of their graves. It’s been 23 years since my father died, ya know, I’ve never seen any reason to visit the grave. neither he nor she are there anyway are they?
 
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Joanna:
The Church permits cremation and if the cremation takes place before the funeral Mass the cremains may be present while the Mass is being celebrated. The cremains are then to be interred in sacred ground, or in a sacred mausoleum crypt or niche. **Scattering of the cremains is strictly forbidden by the church as is keeping the cremains on a shelf or table at home. **
Click to expand...
.

:blessyou:
Joanna

I know this now, Joanna. I was not a catholic then, and none of my family are catholic either. The whole cremation/scattering thing is a secular invention I think - an innovative way for paganized people to react to their God-given - but denied religious nature.
My dads way of thinking was much like the popular notion that he “just wants to be remembered the way he was”. As if having a burial site or sacrad crypt would detract from my loving memories. :rolleyes:
To me, it is obvious that the Church has gotten it right.
Gravesites, crypts, headstones and the like are spiritual landmarks that help us to keep a holy attitude toward life - and help us to have a healthy view of our death. I feel cut off from my father because I can’t go to a landmark and reflect or meditate. Perhaps I should make my own memorial stone for him.
I think cremation/scattering is wrong and selfish. They say funerals in some ways are not for the dead - but for the living. In this sense, I believe that.
 
Yes, I do visit the graves of my loved ones.
My grandpa’s and my uncle’s…it is very important that I go there to visit them, b/c i still love them very much
 
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ridesawhitehors:
I know this now, Joanna. I was not a catholic then, and none of my family are catholic either. The whole cremation/scattering thing is a secular invention I think - an innovative way for paganized people to react to their God-given - but denied religious nature.
My dads way of thinking was much like the popular notion that he “just wants to be remembered the way he was”. As if having a burial site or sacrad crypt would detract from my loving memories. :rolleyes:
To me, it is obvious that the Church has gotten it right.
Gravesites, crypts, headstones and the like are spiritual landmarks that help us to keep a holy attitude toward life - and help us to have a healthy view of our death. I feel cut off from my father because I can’t go to a landmark and reflect or meditate. Perhaps I should make my own memorial stone for him.
I think cremation/scattering is wrong and selfish. They say funerals in some ways are not for the dead - but for the living. In this sense, I believe that.
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ridesawhitehors,

The first time I had to deal with funeral arrangements was when my mom died. That’s when any of this became personal. I think you’re right about the Church getting it right and funeral being more for the living. I think just as the sacraments have an appeal to our sense so do the things pertaining to last goodbyes.

My sister didn’t feel that way however and went the way of “I just want to be remembered for who I was.” She didn’t come to the funeral and as a result of the funeral being in N.M. rather that up north where most of the family resides, none of the family could be there. Cousins, and aunts thought that was strange. I thought it was cold. My friends and immediate were there for which I was very grateful. I think that’s part of why having her ashes in a niche means so much to me now.

This has been a bit chathartic for me. So thanks for the chance to say all that.

Joanna
 
I visit my grandmother’s, grandfather’s, and great-aunts’s (all same plot) on special days. My other grandparents are buried in New Jersey - too far for me to visit. I’m not even sure exactly where they are.
 
Yes we do.

When my Mum died (backhome) the cemetry was behind the church so when we went for daily mass we always stopped and said “Hello” and prayed for the souls in purgatory. Though the following year, we came to Canada and I have only been back once. But I feel Mum is with us, since it was her wish to immigrate to Canada ( Mum’s Mum and Sister were here)

This March, MIL passed away, and we visit as often as possible. Also, whenever DS wants to go talk to Granny and put flowers. DH tends to go on his own as he works 3 minutes drive away from the cemetry (we live 20 minutes drive away). We surely go for special occasions (Easter, MIL’s birthday, …)
 

I know this now, Joanna. I was not a catholic then, and none of my family are catholic either. The whole cremation/scattering thing is a secular invention I think - an innovative way for paganized people to react to their God-given - but denied religious nature.​

Cremation is not a secular invention. Finally, NOT everyone who is cremated is scattered. There are very nice places in graveyards where one can have a loved ones cremains interned.
I am choosing the cremation option and to be put next to my grandfather. There is a stone and everything, and if anyone visits a nice view of the river.
 
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