Do you visit the grave of a deceased loved one?

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When I was 19 my girlfriend died suddenly of an anerism. I moved out of state for a couple of years after that. Since I ave lived back in NY I have had a desire to visit her but can not for the life of me find out where she is buried. I thought I knew when I left but was wrong. I must have been too grief stricken to remember. I have called cemetaries all over long island with no luck.

If I knew where she was buried I’d go next week.
 
I split my weekdays and weekends between my parents and my sister and her 3 little boys. It’s only 20 minutes apart and my brother’s cemetery is in between. I stop in often and usually stay in my car because it’s huge and his grave is at the back and unfortunately there are bad people around who have done women harm in this sacred place, but when it’s safe I get out and pray and touch the stone. I know he’s not there but it makes me feel closer to him. I love to put flowers there in the summer from our garden especially his favorite orange ones. Even if I can’t stop in, I make the sign of the cross and call out to him as I drive by. My sister taught me to drive there when I was 28 and he would have been 16. I beeped as I went around his bend. We have had little miracles there. My mom and I went and asked him to pray for my father when he was to have a heart operation. The wind picked up and nearly knocked us off our feet but none of the trees in the area were swaying. Another time a flock of birds flew by and made a backwards “J” formation right above us just like the backwards “J” he wrote on the wall on the cellar steps just before he died. The most special thing was the day he was buried. My parents went back after the funeral, burial and reception. My mom wanted to pound the frozen ground with her fists she later told us. But my dad said “Hey, look…” As they came in our front door later, she had a big smile on her face and he went up to his room to get a note we had received years earlier from the mother of a local boy who had a famous big brother and a movie made about his life. The mother sent us the note after I wrote their family about how touched I was by the movie. She said in the note “I am sure, as you say, that he is our angel looking down on us.” On that burial day for my little brother, my father spotted the grave of Joey Cappelletti a couple of yards away from my brother’s grave. My parents left the cemetery feeling as though he had a little friend in that cold, dark place. We read the note from Mrs. Cappelletti written years before and wondered at God’s mysterious ways.
 
My wife and I lost our unborn son at 21 weeks 1 year ago one May 28th. We are blessed that we are abled to visit with him a bit every time we go to mass. 🙂
 
On special days plus some others.

It is very spiritual and emotionally, and therefore together spiritually enriching for me.
 
I live a 2 minute walk from the grave of my husband and walk by his grave when I walk my dogs…
 
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WhiteDove:
I live a 2 minute walk from the grave of my husband and walk by his grave when I walk my dogs…
I am so sorry that your husband passed away. I couldn’t imagine how hard that would be. How wonderful that you live so close to wear he was layed to rest though. That must be very comforting to be able to visit him everyday. I’ve found that it really can be therapeutic in a way to visit and pray (talk) to your loved ones. I realize their souls are up in heaven, but there is a closeness that you feel when your there that at times is unexplainable.

God Bless You
 
No because I don’t live near any. My father is my closest relative to have pass on. I have only visited his grave once in ten years. I don’t feel bad about this because I don’t feel like my father is there anyway.

Strange thing about my dad’s plot. It is right along a road in the cemetary. I don’t even have to get out of my car to visit his grave. I can just pull up along side it and roll down my window.

The one time I did visit him there was a couple with two small children having a picnic and listening to very loud music on the cemetary grounds. While the couple sat on a blanket and visited their two children ran around the cemetary jumping from one headstone to another (at this cemetary all the headstones are flush to the ground). It was one of the strangest things I had ever seen. The music part really bothered me. The family was ethnically Spanish. I could tell mostly because of the music they were listening to. I have wondered if this is a cultural thing that Spansih people do when they visit the grave of a loved one.
 
Hi WhiteDove! 👋

I didn’t vote because I wasn’t exactly sure how to answer, so here I am typing away!

None of my relatives have graves, at least that I know about, except for my adoptive father. I finally went to visit his, some twentyone years after I was at his funeral. My stepmother hated me so I was almost kept from attending his funeral, and I wasn’t welcome at the memorial. It was a very painful time for me because my adoptive mother had passed away eight months earlier. My dad and I had some really unresolved issues and that is what kept me from visiting his grave for so long.

When I did go it was pretty cathartic and therapeutic for me. I prayed there and said a lot of things to him that I never got to say. I am glad there was a grave I could go to to do so. My adoptive mother’s ashes were scattered over Puget Sound by Shaw Island in the San Juans, and I haven’t been there since. I know when I do end up going into the San Juans again I will pray for her as I pass Shaw Island.

Many blessings, WhiteDove!

Geraldine
 
I visit the graves of both my parents and my sister as often as possible. I pray for the repose of their souls as I plant flowers or take care of the flower beds. I find it comforting and very peaceful to be there. I also take my children, When my daughter was young she would be looking behind the stones for who I was talking to until she was finally old enough to understand. Now she even likes to come and help with watering the flowers and praying for her grandparents and aunt.
 
We visit their graves on November 1 and/or 2. Curiously, as an aside, Protestants here in the Philippines also observe this one.
 
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WhiteDove:
Do you visit the graves of any of your deceased loved ones?
it was once said, “Why look for the dead among the living”. I guess if we believe, they are alive, with the saints in heaven and helping us to gain a closer relationship with Jesus Christ… So, I guess they are not lying beneath that stone, marker or sod…

bottom line… very, very rarely will i visit a grave and usually only then if it is to show someone who must, the location if they don’t know…
 
I do…my grandma…Albertine. She was my safe person. I went to her house and I was safe. She never raised her voice to me, she didn’t need to…I would have never disobeyed her because I would have felt terrible if I saw her disappointed or sad. She was loving and gentle and she always listened to what was in my heart. I am a CNA and I tood care of her till the day she died. I felt so awkward taking care of her after all of those years of taking care of me, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I go to her grave site and talk to her and she always answers in my heart and I know she is in heaven praying hard for me and I will never stop going there to see her.
 
I have only visited graves a couple of times. My parents made some pre-funeral plans for themselves last year that they had to share with me because I will be the executor of their wills. Their initial plan was for my Dad to be interred in a mausoleum, with my mother being cremated and put in the same spot. (to save money, I guess). I was shocked! I tried really hard not to show it, but I guess my discomfort must have come through, because they ended up with 2 spots in the mausoleum that I learned about a couple months later. My mother said that they changed their plans because I seemed so distressed about it. (some of which could be attributed to the thought of my parents dying 😦 ) I am under strict orders, however, to keep their shelves decorated on a regular basis! I will certainly be more mindful of visiting the cemetery then! :o
 
Whenever I am able to visit mom (450 miles away), I make it a point to stop at the nearby cemetary before leaving the area and visit dad’s gravesite.

I find a lot of comfort when I visit there. I will look around the area and remember the great promise that Jesus made, that in the end, all will be resurrected. These graves are not the end, only an interim thing. Someday, I will see my dad again.
 
I don’t often visit my siblings graves as I never thought they were “there”. Last summer I visited with my Mom when it was really dry to water the flowers. We watered ours and then the flowers of other family members and soon we had watered all of Sec 14. in a strange way it was fun taking care of the flowers that afternoon.
 
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