Does a child have to wait for formal "First Communion" with their class?

[graceandglory]

My daughter has received her first Confession. Most of our Sacramental Prep is done at home. My children are converts, and she older than the rest of the kids receiving the sacraments. In fact, she doesn’t even attend any classes with them, so she doesn’t know them. Because we are converts, the tradition of wearing the pretty dress just doesn’t have any significance to us.

Must she wait until Spring for this formal First Communion ceremony with all its pomp and circumstance and photography, etc, or can she just have her first communion at any time, provided she understands what is happening?

 

[SMHW]

This is a matter to be discussed with your pastor.

There is no canonical reason your daughter needs to make her First Communion with a class of other children. But we don’t know all the other particulars. How old was your daughter when you made your profession of faith? (I am discerning that you, your spouse, and your daughter were baptized non-Catholics?) I’m guessing that either your daughter was over the age of reason or was so close to it that she would not be able to complete First Sacrament classes before reaching the age of reason.

Making First Communion during the Easter season is something of a Catholic tradition and I think that it is a nice one. In my parish it is usual for older children to make their First Communion around the same time as the younger ones however they generally don’t follow the same dress code as the little ones. (The girls usually wear a white dress but not such a “bridesy” looking one.)

But in the end it is up to your pastor as to when and how. (And he will likely go along with the DRE.)

 

[Julian0404]

I have seen several children receive on their own without classmates. However, each time, it was announced by the priest, the family sat in the front pew, and the child was the first to receive.
Go speak to Father. If your child can pass a verbal questioning to ensure she understands Father may let her go next Sunday.

 

[StrawberryJam]

If you think it won’t be depriving her of an experience that all the girls her age will be going through, simply because you object to the pomp and circumstance of it, I guess why not go all the way and not have a christmas tree, because that’s pompy too. Just rob her of all the possible joy she may be able to have along with her peers. Sounds good to me.

 

[FrDavid96]

My daughter has received her first Confession. Most of our Sacramental Prep is done at home. My children are converts, and she older than the rest of the kids receiving the sacraments. In fact, she doesn’t even attend any classes with them, so she doesn’t know them. Because we are converts, the tradition of wearing the pretty dress just doesn’t have any significance to us.

Must she wait until Spring for this formal First Communion ceremony with all its pomp and circumstance and photography, etc, or can she just have her first communion at any time, provided she understands what is happening?

Since she’s already received first Confession, it’s a given that she’s old enough to receive Communion, and first Communion should not be delayed much beyond that, since the standards for those 2 sacraments are almost the same–the only obvious difference is that she needs to know “what the Eucharist is.”

As for the timing, you need to speak to the pastor. Yes, she can receive at any time (once the pastor is satisfied that she’s properly instructed and otherwise eligible). It’s still the pastor’s call on scheduling though, within reason.

 

[graceandglory]

If you think it won’t be depriving her of an experience that all the girls her age will be going through, simply because you object to the pomp and circumstance of it, I guess why not go all the way and not have a christmas tree, because that’s pompy too. Just rob her of all the possible joy she may be able to have along with her peers. Sounds good to me.

She doesn’t know these kids and doesn’t want to dress up. I think the bridal gown can wait until…
:newidea:
she gets married.

 

[kage_ar]

Bridal gowns are not worn for FHC, white or pastel dresses are appropriate.

 

[Brendan]

My two oldest children each made their first Communion independantly from their ‘class’.

My oldest son wanted to have a good friend of mine who was recently ordained give him FHC. Since he was not available to concelebrate at the ‘class’ Mass, we asked our pastor about having my son recieve at another Mass and my pastor had no problem with that.

My eldest daughter was due to make her FHC almost two years ago. Our family was fortunate enought to get tickets to the Papal Mass in Wash DC. Since that was before the ‘class’ FHC, our pastor, on his own, suggested that my daughter make her FHC prior so she could recieve at the Papal Mass.

He would have had no problems with her actually recieving her FHC AT the papal Mass, but there was no guarentee that it would be a priest that she recieved from ( which was quite correct, the majority of the MHC’s were deacons were we were at.)

 

[agapewolf]

She doesn’t know these kids and doesn’t want to dress up. I think the bridal gown can wait until…
:newidea:
she gets married.

Then you didn’t use baptismal gowns either? That’s what it signifies. It’s not a pre-wedding, its a post-baptism. We are made white as snow washed in the blood, not merely covered. It has more significance that just a catholic tradition.

 

[Big_Ro]

First of all, I don’t think we have pastors in the Catholic Church. If I’m wrong correct me, but we have Priests. Second, I agree with what seems like a consensus that it’s really up to the Priest. I’ve attended maybe four Church’s in my lifetime and found there to be a considerable variance dependening on the particular Priest. Some insist on the traditions, rituals and process for taking sacrements. Others are more accomodating.

I will say though that the traditions and process’ are part and parcel of Catholic life. We are regularly criticized for them because of prejudice and misunderstanding. I’m a cradle Catholic and so is my wife. I guess we’re lucky that way. Those sacrements and the ceremonies behind them mark important events in not only our life in general, but more importantly in our growth in Faith. We have followed through with our kids and I can tell you it has enriched them already. I encourage you to reconsider and give the ceremony a chance. BTW, the ceremonies are not just for show. Each part has meaning and helps us to understand our faith better. The process of learning the reality behind the symbols is also a part of Faith formation. As far as your daughter not knowing her fellow students or candidates I should say…what a great opportunity for her to gain friends in the faith!!

Anyway, best of luck and congratulations!!

 

[kage_ar]

First of all, I don’t think we have pastors in the Catholic Church.

Priests may be Pastors, Associate Pastors, Administrators, Vicars - they may function in many different capacities - almost every Parish has a Pastor.

 

[CDNowak]

First of all, I don’t think we have pastors in the Catholic Church. If I’m wrong correct me, but we have Priests. Second, I agree with what seems like a consensus that it’s really up to the Priest. I’ve attended maybe four Church’s in my lifetime and found there to be a considerable variance dependening on the particular Priest. Some insist on the traditions, rituals and process for taking sacrements. Others are more accomodating.

I will say though that the traditions and process’ are part and parcel of Catholic life. We are regularly criticized for them because of prejudice and misunderstanding. I’m a cradle Catholic and so is my wife. I guess we’re lucky that way. Those sacrements and the ceremonies behind them mark important events in not only our life in general, but more importantly in our growth in Faith. We have followed through with our kids and I can tell you it has enriched them already. I encourage you to reconsider and give the ceremony a chance. BTW, the ceremonies are not just for show. Each part has meaning and helps us to understand our faith better. The process of learning the reality behind the symbols is also a part of Faith formation. As far as your daughter not knowing her fellow students or candidates I should say…what a great opportunity for her to gain friends in the faith!!

Anyway, best of luck and congratulations!!

Pastor is a canonical term for the priest in charge of the parish (or the bishop in charge of the diocese). It is up to the priest, as posters have said.

It is important to note, given the tenor of the responses thus far, that Catholic Sacraments are not rites of passage, and the pomp and circumstance in some places is truly scandalous (parishes where communion dresses cost $200-$500, hence the bridal gown reference). This also leads to a false understanding of certain Sacraments (Confirmation is the most abused here), based on the customary age.

A question for the OP, however: was your daughter baptized before converting? If not, she should have been Confirmed and received the Eucharist at her Baptism.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

My daughter has received her first Confession. Most of our Sacramental Prep is done at home. My children are converts, and she older than the rest of the kids receiving the sacraments. In fact, she doesn’t even attend any classes with them, so she doesn’t know them. Because we are converts, the tradition of wearing the pretty dress just doesn’t have any significance to us.

Must she wait until Spring for this formal First Communion ceremony with all its pomp and circumstance and photography, etc, or can she just have her first communion at any time, provided she understands what is happening?

That is a question you will need to ask your pastor. Is she in RCIA for children?

 

[Big_Ro]

Pastor is a canonical term for the priest in charge of the parish (or the bishop in charge of the diocese). It is up to the priest, as posters have said.

It is important to note, given the tenor of the responses thus far, that Catholic Sacraments are not rites of passage, and the pomp and circumstance in some places is truly scandalous (parishes where communion dresses cost $200-$500, hence the bridal gown reference). This also leads to a false understanding of certain Sacraments (Confirmation is the most abused here), based on the customary age.

A question for the OP, however: was your daughter baptized before converting? If not, she should have been Confirmed and received the Eucharist at her Baptism.

I see. So, I do stand corrected about the “Pastor” thing. I have always associated that term with protestant church’s. Thanks for the clarification.

I’m not defensive, but could you explain how my post muddles the meaning of the sacrement of confirmation? I would really like for you to explain how the sacrements are not a rite of passage. They are based on age and mark important steps along our path toward being a fully formed Catholic. I just figured since you took my entire post as a quote, you objected to everything in it. So could you please offer your specific objections and explain how I’m wrong? I just want to understand. Thanks for your help in advance.

 

[Mintaka]

Re: pastors

The pastor is the priest put in charge of a parish. It’s not just an administrative title, though. The pastor has all sorts of rights and responsibilities that make him almost like a little bishop. He is responsible to God for how every soul living in his parish boundaries turns out, whether Catholic or not. He is the parish’s teaching authority, under the bishop. It’s no joke to be a pastor.

Re: Communion dresses

In the last seventy-five years or so, it’s been the general custom in the US for girls to wear white for their First Communion. (The custom in France and Hispanic countries is older, I think.) There’s both baptismal and bridal significance to the outfits today (because the Eucharist is part of Christ’s marriage to the Church), as well as the general inclusion of a headcovering. I also think it’s associated somewhat with the way girls’ sodalities commonly wore white dresses with various colored satin sashes and belts; girls already in a sodality would wear the uniform to their First Communion, of course. I think it’s a nice custom, and JC Penney has some very nice, inexpensive, pretty dresses and veils in their catalogue if you don’t want to spend big money.

But.

That’s only been the last seventy-five years or so, just as the conventional white wedding gown is only as old as Queen Victoria marrying Albert. Before that, people just wore nice outfits, and that was it.

You can have your daughter wear whatever nice dress (or whatever) that you want, and she’ll be following in the footsteps of many a girl saint. Don’t let anybody stress you or your daughter about it.

 

[graceandglory]

Then you didn’t use baptismal gowns either? That’s what it signifies. It’s not a pre-wedding, its a post-baptism. We are made white as snow washed in the blood, not merely covered. It has more significance that just a catholic tradition.

No, agape wolf. we didn’t. As I stated, my kids are converts, and were all standing when they were baptized. I see the white gown significance in baptism and a bridal gown, but I don’t really see the significance in the first communion GOWN.

Honestly I don’t have any issues really with it really…it is a huge production, but these aren’t people we know. For a single mom, it is a HUGE financial burden to participate in something that will be showy and crowded, and well, honestly, not really personal, as Eucharist should be.

 

[CDNowak]

I’m not defensive, but could you explain how my post muddles the meaning of the sacrement of confirmation? I would really like for you to explain how the sacrements are not a rite of passage. They are based on age and mark important steps along our path toward being a fully formed Catholic. I just figured since you took my entire post as a quote, you objected to everything in it. So could you please offer your specific objections and explain how I’m wrong? I just want to understand. Thanks for your help in advance.

Not your post in particular, I should have snipped to make that clear.

However, the biggest obstacle to celebrating the Sacrament of Confirmation at the age the Church has set for it the “rite of passage” mentality that developed over the last generation or so (actually I must admit that the roost of that mentality go back to the problematic raising of the age for Communion before the turn of last century, see Quam Singulari).

Reception of the Sacraments should be based on understanding, not age (although the understanding typical of a 7-year-old is the standard for Confirmation, along with Confession and Communion). They aren’t envisioned in the Church documents as being the milestones of a formation process, but in many ways the beginning of the lifelong course of the faith.

Beyond the fact that there isn’t the distribution through time and that understanding, not age, is supposed to be the determining factor, I guess I would have to point to the “graduating from Church” phenomenon that I have heard from people in several parishes (even before the Confirmation liturgy).

 

[graceandglory]

Since she’s already received first Confession, it’s a given that she’s old enough to receive Communion, and first Communion should not be delayed much beyond that, since the standards for those 2 sacraments are almost the same–the only obvious difference is that she needs to know “what the Eucharist is.”

As for the timing, you need to speak to the pastor. Yes, she can receive at any time (once the pastor is satisfied that she’s properly instructed and otherwise eligible). It’s still the pastor’s call on scheduling though, within reason.

Thank you, Fr. David. I would, of course, check with the DRE and our pastor. I was just checking to see what other people do.

 

[graceandglory]

If you think it won’t be depriving her of an experience that all the girls her age will be going through, simply because you object to the pomp and circumstance of it, I guess why not go all the way and not have a christmas tree, because that’s pompy too. Just rob her of all the possible joy she may be able to have along with her peers. Sounds good to me.

If you read my OP, you would have know that she is NOT the same age as the other girls, and that she doesn’t even know any of them.

 

[graceandglory]

This is a matter to be discussed with your pastor.
How old was your daughter when you made your profession of faith? (I am discerning that you, your spouse, and your daughter were baptized non-Catholics?) I’m guessing that either your daughter was over the age of reason or was so close to it that she would not be able to complete First Sacrament classes before reaching the age of reason.

Thanks, SMHW, she was 4 at her Catholic baptism. Her brothers were 12. I have later learned that a couple of canonical mistakes occurred around their sacraments of initiation, but not related to her, at least I don’t think so.