Does anyone else just get a kick out of some parts of the Bible?

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My favorite scene is when Jesus came upon a fig tree and was hungry. But the fig didn’t have any figs, because it wasn’t the season for figs. So he cursed the tree, for some reason.
You may want to read some Bible commentary on that passage. First of all, the “fig tree” throughout the New Testament is considered to be a symbol of Israel. Second, a number of commentators have said that on fig trees, you would actually expect some fruit to appear with the leaves, so for a tree to have leaves and no fruit means it is not “bearing fruit” and is symbolic of the Jewish people who lacked faith in Jesus, such as the Pharisees. I’ve also heard one interpretation from a priest who said that “fig” was a word used by the Jewish people of Jesus’ time to denote a person one looked up to, such as a Pharisee or an outwardly virtuous or high-ranking Jewish person.

It wasn’t just a case of Jesus cursing a tree for no reason.
 
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f two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts,
Does kind of make you wonder how men dressed in those days, that this was even a possibility . . . 🤔
. Second, a number of commentators have said that on fig trees, you would actually expect some fruit to appear with the leaves
My fig tree (and I assume most types) does four crops of fruit a year. There can be some left on it when the next flowers start.

And the leaves are huge, about dinner plate size . . . alas, the art of wearing a fig leaf with no visible support, known to the incident greeks, has been lost . . . :crazy_face::roll_eyes:
 
When St. Paul scolds the Corinthians for eating and getting drunk during Mass:
“When you meet together, it is not the Lord’s supper that you eat. 21 For in eating, each one goes ahead with his own meal, and one is hungry and another is drunk. 22 What! Do you not have houses to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God and humiliate those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I commend you in this? No, I will not.” (1 Cor 11:20-22)
 
Definitely. I like Ezekiel 4, where God tells Ezekiel to cook bread over human feces. I also like 2 Kings 9:37, which says “and the corpse of Jezebel shall be as dung on the face of the field…” Lastly, there is a phrase in some translations that says “him that pisseth against the wall”, like in 1 Kings 14:10.

I like bathroom humor, in case you haven’t noticed. 😂
 
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Zaccheus:
Samson was a stupid and undisciplined man.
He was probably traumatized from the horrible way his marriage got messed up.
Yeah. He slaughtered a couple of dozen guests because they cheated to find the answer to his riddle.
Then later didn’t he slaughter his wife’s family too?
How traumatizing. 😆
 
Then there is Jesus’ typically teenage response when lost and then found in the Temple - 'why were you worried? ’ You can almost see the eyeroll.
The part of that story that is the funniest to me is Mary’s complaint, “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.” Doesn’t that sound just like a Jewish mother trying to lay a guilt trip on her son?

The last time I read that out loud (to a Bible study group, not at Mass), I gave it my best Jewish mother accent and almost couldn’t keep a straight face. I admit I was also worried I might be struck by lightning.
 
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The whole story of Judith. How could one guy (Holofernes) be so dumb and full of himself that neither he nor, apparently, anybody on his staff thought this gorgeous lady who just showed up out of the blue might be “up to something”?
Because an unarmed woman would be considered harmless by a group of soldiers in arms.

And if I’d go paranoid every time a gorgeous lady approaches me “out of the blue” I would have lost out on many lovely conversations I’ve had.
 
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JimG:
f two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts,
Does kind of make you wonder how men dressed in those days, that this was even a possibility . . . 🤔
They probably didn’t wear jeans made of dense cotton. Any cloth loose or light enough should suffice for the purpose.
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Tis_Bearself:
. Second, a number of commentators have said that on fig trees, you would actually expect some fruit to appear with the leaves
My fig tree (and I assume most types) does four crops of fruit a year. There can be some left on it when the next flowers start.

And the leaves are huge, about dinner plate size . . . alas, the art of wearing a fig leaf with no visible support, known to the incident greeks, has been lost . . . :crazy_face::roll_eyes:
That’s funny, fig trees here only flower and bear fruit once a year - and I am from a Mediterranean country. It’s normally from late September to early October, around the grape harvest time.
 
At the moment, I"m trying to figure out when to pick my grapes, and water we should just eat them, or if there are enough to mix for a wine (there are cab sav, merlot, and Zinfandel . . . but not 5 gallons worth)
 
The Book of Tobit is my favorite. So utterly warm and human. Called a “mini-Job”, it involves essentially every possible human scenario and reveals the value of fasting, prayer and almsgiving. For those who are being tested, it offers perhaps the most reassuring words ever written - directly from God via the Archangel Raphael:
Tobit 12:13 Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)
“And because thou wast acceptable to God, it was necessary that temptation should prove thee”
Tested because we are acceptable to God - imagine that.

As to a touch of levity, this passage from the New International Version might bring a chuckle:
2 Kings 9:20 New International Version (NIV)
The lookout reported, “He has reached them, but he isn’t coming back either. The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshi
he drives like a maniac.”
I told DW that my driving has a biblical aspect to it, but she is having none of it…
 
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At the moment, I"m trying to figure out when to pick my grapes, and water we should just eat them, or if there are enough to mix for a wine (there are cab sav, merlot, and Zinfandel . . . but not 5 gallons worth)
Definitely eat them !! You wouldn’t get 10 liters out of it…And you’d have the trouble and have to wait for the the wine to mature. I also have cab sav, and merlot. But If you want, take one half and go for a 2 gallons…

My personal favorite (I guarantee this would blow your mind @dochawk):

 
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Samson’s father-in-law also married Samson’s wife off to one of the groomsmen while Samson was off slaughtering everybody. Then the guests’ tribe (which was also the wife’s tribe) got upset at Samson slaughtering everybody and burned his wife and father-in-law to death. I’m surprised somebody hasn’t made a Gothic fantasy horror film out of this.
 
And if I’d go paranoid every time a gorgeous lady approaches me “out of the blue” I would have lost out on many lovely conversations I’ve had.
Well, you’re not at war. Obviously this whole Judith-Holofernes business happened way before people started watching a lot of James Bond movies…
 
I"m trying to figure out when to pick my grapes
If you want an opinion:

When the grapes are sugar sweet you are good. Because it’s that sweetness (sugar) that’ll convert into alcohol. Don’t overdo it !! When they are good, they are good…Leave them out to long and they’ll start drying out or catch a fungus or rain (I suppose rain ain’t a problem in Nevada…) Should the peel start getting loose from the pulp you’ve overdone it, harvest immediately.

The “Cav Sauv” and “Merlot” should be ready together at the same time. The “Zinfandel” shouldn’t be far apart but I’ve got no experience with it, and from what I understand it’s a different beast altogether (might be 30 days apart, so there’s NO managing that time gap), Probably not even meant to be mixed with the others (but you can try it and have the pleasure of making something unconventional that can’t be found in stores…)

As for the process:

After cutting the grapes from the vines have several containers ready. I’d recommend 2x5liter containers, and one container with a broad open top. You don’t have any need for equipment with those quantities - so you’ll have the pleasure of doing it by hand. Take the grapes of the stems (don’t put the stems in, they’ll add little to nothing and you’d have to take them out later…) Smash them by hand and let the smashed grapes ferment together with the grape juice. You’ll see the fermentation within 48 hours. I recommend harvesting in the morning, so the grapes won’t be hot and the fermentation will go smother - because it is massively exothermic.

After that it will ferment for up to 20 days - here I’m a bit unsure of the exact moment in your setting (I can check up on that). But after that, top of the 5 liters leaving one inch of the neck unfilled. Seal air-tight and wait until March. If you open in the meanwhile the air might sour your wine. That’s why a spare container is advisable so you’ll have some margin to top off the main containers (there’s no real problem if they are plastic, just make sure to wash them well). You can ferment everything together in the broad open-top container. (Take care to choose containers adequate for edibles.)

When you’re going for the final containers after fermentation is done, use a “colander” to take the smashed grapes out (press them tightly by hand to get any wine out) . This is essential!!

I’d advise using something like a coffee filter (the rougher the grain the better, you don’t need to filter it all, but please do decant) before consuming (in March/April) - or else the wine can “literally” be chewed and bitten (I personally like that.)

-After tasting go to the mirror and check your tongue to ascertain the quality of the product 😉

P.S. If you’ve left any small secondary clusters on the vines check if they are “green” with the characteristic sourness of unripe fruit. Those should not be harvested nor added to the wine. You can leave them on the vines to ripen latter, that way you’ll have small clusters to eat latter - the birds are also likely to enjoy them.
 
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The whole story of Judith. How could one guy (Holofernes) be so dumb and full of himself that neither he nor, apparently, anybody on his staff thought this gorgeous lady who just showed up out of the blue might be “up to something”?
Because an unarmed woman would be considered harmless by a group of soldiers in arms.
Also Holofernes was a prideful man and a powerful general. He knew he was about to overwhelm and enslave yet another helpless city. It was perfectly natural (he thought) that a beautiful woman would rather belong to him than stay in the city to be raped when it fell and then enslaved.
 
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