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Beryllos
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Does anyone else just get a kick out of some parts of the Bible?
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babochka
Guest
I love the story of Samuel when he first hears the voice of the Lord. I can just imagine him getting up in the middle of the night, time and time again, waking up Eli, enthusiastically arriving and eagerly asking, “What do you need?” And I can just picture Samuel groaning and wondering why this foolish child was bothering him in the middle of the night.
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Tolle_Lege
Guest
Well, I’ll be honest. I’ve always loved the Hawaiian Pidgin English New Testament.
Mark 1:1-6:
"You wen hear da story bout Jesus? He da Christ, da Spesho Guy God Wen Send. He Godʼs Boy. Dis da time da Good Kine Stuff Bout Christ wen start happening.
2 Isaiah, da guy who wen talk fo God long time ago, he wen write dis inside da Bible:
“God say, listen! I goin send my messenja guy.
He going ahead a you
An he goin get everyting ready
Befo you come,
Cuz you my real Spesho Guy, you know.
3
Inside da boonies,
My messenja guy goin talk real loud an real strong
So everybody can hear:
‘Eh! Make da road ready fo da Good Boss Up Dea!
Make um strait fo him!’ ”
4 Dat time da guy John wen show up inside da boonies, baptizing da peopo. He stay teaching, “You guys gotta come sorry an like pau do all da bad kine stuff you stay doing now, an no do um no moa. Den God goin let you guys go an hemo all yoa shame. Dass why I stay baptize peopo.” 5 All da peopo from Judea side an Jerusalem town, dey wen go da boonies fo hear John. Dey wen tell um strait out all da bad kine stuff dey wen do, an he wen baptize um inside da Jordan River.
6 You know, Johnʼs clotheses come from da camel hair. He wen make one rope outa leather fo belt. He eat grasshoppas, an he get honey from da bees."
Another good one is the Annunciation:
"26 Afta six months God wen send da angel messenja Gabriel to one town Galilee side name Nazaret. 27 He come by one wahine name Mary. She neva come togedda wit one guy yet, but she make ready fo marry one guy name Joseph. He from King Davidʼs ohana. 28 Da angel guy come by her an say, “Aloha! Da Good Boss Up Dea In Da Sky goin do someting spesho fo you. He stay wit you.”
29 Mary come mix up cuz a wat he wen say, an tinking wat dat mean. 30 Da angel guy say,
“Mary, no scared.
God wen pick you, cuz he like do plenny good stuff fo you.
31
You goin come hapai, an goin born one boy.
You goin name him ‘Jesus.’
32
He goin be importan,
An God goin call him ‘my Boy dat come from me,
Da God Dass Mo Importan Den All Da Odda Gods.’
God da Boss goin make him one king
Jalike King David, his ancesta guy.
33
He goin stay King fo Jacobʼs ohana, da Israel peopo, foeva.
Dat no goin pau eva.”
34 Mary aks him, “How dis can be? I neva even sleep wit one guy.”
Mark 1:1-6:
"You wen hear da story bout Jesus? He da Christ, da Spesho Guy God Wen Send. He Godʼs Boy. Dis da time da Good Kine Stuff Bout Christ wen start happening.
2 Isaiah, da guy who wen talk fo God long time ago, he wen write dis inside da Bible:
“God say, listen! I goin send my messenja guy.
He going ahead a you
An he goin get everyting ready
Befo you come,
Cuz you my real Spesho Guy, you know.
3
Inside da boonies,
My messenja guy goin talk real loud an real strong
So everybody can hear:
‘Eh! Make da road ready fo da Good Boss Up Dea!
Make um strait fo him!’ ”
4 Dat time da guy John wen show up inside da boonies, baptizing da peopo. He stay teaching, “You guys gotta come sorry an like pau do all da bad kine stuff you stay doing now, an no do um no moa. Den God goin let you guys go an hemo all yoa shame. Dass why I stay baptize peopo.” 5 All da peopo from Judea side an Jerusalem town, dey wen go da boonies fo hear John. Dey wen tell um strait out all da bad kine stuff dey wen do, an he wen baptize um inside da Jordan River.
6 You know, Johnʼs clotheses come from da camel hair. He wen make one rope outa leather fo belt. He eat grasshoppas, an he get honey from da bees."
Another good one is the Annunciation:
"26 Afta six months God wen send da angel messenja Gabriel to one town Galilee side name Nazaret. 27 He come by one wahine name Mary. She neva come togedda wit one guy yet, but she make ready fo marry one guy name Joseph. He from King Davidʼs ohana. 28 Da angel guy come by her an say, “Aloha! Da Good Boss Up Dea In Da Sky goin do someting spesho fo you. He stay wit you.”
29 Mary come mix up cuz a wat he wen say, an tinking wat dat mean. 30 Da angel guy say,
“Mary, no scared.
God wen pick you, cuz he like do plenny good stuff fo you.
31
You goin come hapai, an goin born one boy.
You goin name him ‘Jesus.’
32
He goin be importan,
An God goin call him ‘my Boy dat come from me,
Da God Dass Mo Importan Den All Da Odda Gods.’
God da Boss goin make him one king
Jalike King David, his ancesta guy.
33
He goin stay King fo Jacobʼs ohana, da Israel peopo, foeva.
Dat no goin pau eva.”
34 Mary aks him, “How dis can be? I neva even sleep wit one guy.”
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Lea101
Guest
I’m not a bible expert, but there are some parts where I tend to smile.
Like when God asked Abraham why Sarah laughed. And when Sarah denied and told God she didn’t laugh, and He simply responded with ‘Yes, you did laugh’.
Probably not the funniest moment, but it reminds me of a child telling his parent that he didn’t eat the chocolate cake, while frosting is all over his face. Lol.
I also like Jesus being ““clueless”” by asking his followers why they were sad, or what they were talking about after his resurrection. Again, probably not funny but i always imagined God being very amused in these moments.
Like when God asked Abraham why Sarah laughed. And when Sarah denied and told God she didn’t laugh, and He simply responded with ‘Yes, you did laugh’.
Probably not the funniest moment, but it reminds me of a child telling his parent that he didn’t eat the chocolate cake, while frosting is all over his face. Lol.
I also like Jesus being ““clueless”” by asking his followers why they were sad, or what they were talking about after his resurrection. Again, probably not funny but i always imagined God being very amused in these moments.
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DarkLight
Guest
Several translations render the passage about the prophets of Baal as Elisha saying “perhaps he is busy, or relieving himself” or something similar implying that their god couldn’t answer because he was on the toilet!
Tis_Bearself
Patron
This is amazing.
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PDXSeeker_1975
Guest
Elijah va the prophets of Baal is the one I thought of too. I always imagined Elijah saying, “maybe he’s on the can…”
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Fraevo63
Guest
Did no one yet mention Zacceous (spl?) from Luke chapter 19, the short, senior tax collector who tried to get a look at Jesus by climbing up a tree only to have Jesus stop under the tree and call him out by name to come down because he was gonna have dinner at his house?? That is a funny visual.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
I remember the Zacchaeus story made for funny children’s book illustrations, as did Jonah and the Whale. I had picture books of both those stories as a child.
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fhansen
Guest
I love the exchange in Gen 18 between God and Sarah:
Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”
13 Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”
15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.”
But He said, “Yes, you did laugh.”
Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”
13 Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”
15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.”
But He said, “Yes, you did laugh.”
Tis_Bearself
Patron
And then they name the kid Isaac, which means “He laughs” or “Laughter”.
po18guy
Well-known member
“Oh no, it’s only 9AM. But just wait until noon or so!”
Mother Angelica quipped “You notice at the wedding feast they didn’t run out of wine until the Apostles got there…”
Look at these two, which I think are more accurate…
CJB
Around noon Eliyahu began ridiculing them: “Shout louder! After all, he’s a god, isn’t he? Maybe he’s daydreaming, or he’s on the potty, or he’s away on a trip. Maybe he’s asleep, and you have to wake him up.”
CEV
At noon, Elijah began making fun of them. “Pray louder!” he said. “Baal must be a god. Maybe he’s day-dreaming or using the toilet or traveling somewhere. Or maybe he’s asleep, and you have to wake him up.”
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LilyM
Guest
God questioning Adam about having eaten the fruit, and he just says “the woman you put here with me - she gave me the fruit and I ate it”. Like “Lord, if you just hadn’t put that pesky woman here …”
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DoGodsBidding1
Guest
I have a couple of Bible verses that are favorites of mine. One because of the time I spent a lot of time in on-line apologetics defending Catholicism, I appreciate the strength I receive from this passage from Acts 5:40-43, when the Apostles were told to stop talking about Jesus:
“After recalling the apostles, they had them flogged, ordered them to stop speaking in the name of Jesus, and dismissed them. So they left the presence of the Sanhedrin, rejoicing that they had been found worthy to suffer dishonor for the sake of the name. And all day long, both at the temple and in their homes, they did not stop teaching and proclaiming the Messiah, Jesus.”
And I find this passage to speak to me in my ministry as a Deacon, from 1 Peter 4:10:
“As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”
“After recalling the apostles, they had them flogged, ordered them to stop speaking in the name of Jesus, and dismissed them. So they left the presence of the Sanhedrin, rejoicing that they had been found worthy to suffer dishonor for the sake of the name. And all day long, both at the temple and in their homes, they did not stop teaching and proclaiming the Messiah, Jesus.”
And I find this passage to speak to me in my ministry as a Deacon, from 1 Peter 4:10:
“As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”
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Mary888
Guest
Actually she invokes God’s help before she goes on the trip, to guard and hide her intentions from her enemies. So if God answered the prayer there was no way the guy could see through her.
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