Does anyone have a mental disorder?

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This was a hard time for everyone and I began obsessing about death and the afterlife. I was terribly worried about hell, and began developing compulsions. I would pray, touch statues, gaze at holy-water fonts. I just wanted my family to be safe (and me). I began to obsess about a tidal wave predicted to hit Ireland on the 5th of May 2005 (I have never yet found out who made that prediction: I was told about it by a friend who had heard it on the radio). I had nightmares about it. I prayed very hard to God on my knees. (I used to pray lying down or sitting up in bed.) I stopped eating so much and gave up food in a way of fasting and trying to keep control. I would have a vague smile on my face for photos but I was tormented inside. I wondered if God was asking me to do certain things, tap the table, check so that nothing bad would happen to my family, sleep facing south istead of north because I associated north with the devil. So many things. I really caused my family, particularly my wonderful mother whom I love so much, great suffering. I asked my mom to let me see a priest to talk to, but I think things were so busy. Plus, she had seen her mother pass away, and now to have one of her six children with a mental illness was a large cross.

Eventually, after much torture going on in my head, and much pain for my family, I was brought to a Brothers of Charity clinic where I had to be assessed at a psychiatric unit. This experience helped to change the way I see people with mental illness. These people weren’t “crazy”, they just seemed sad. I was there for about three days, wrapped up in my obsessions.

I was diagnosed with OCD and therapy began with a wonderful nurse who I grew very fond of. From the moment I saw her, I knew things were going to get better. :console:

I started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in January 2003 and I learned much valued skills for coping with OCD. I have much to thank my nurse for, and I’m not sure I can thank my mom enough in this life. :o

Oh, on the 5th of May 2005, part of my therapy was to walk on the beach. I knew that so much could happen that would hurt or end the lives of my family and loved ones, but, strangely, the fact that it didn’t happen on this day, this day that I was worrying about for years, it gave me such relief. It helped me to feel better about the future. Thank God for that. :o

I have to go soon, as I’m writing late. Just to let you know that I’m a 20 year old (soon to be 21!) girl student who is thankful to God and Our Lady, as well as my family and all those who have and still support me, for helping me, particularly through this time. I still have OCD and I worry about the end of time and where my soul and the souls of my family, boyfriend and loved ones will go after we pass on. But, I hopefully place it in the hands of God. I pray He will guide us all (and all on this thread, forum, and indeed every single soul) to love Him with our whole hearts, souls, strength, and minds, and our neighbour as ourselves; that He may have mercy on us; and that He may grant us His saving Grace. 🙂

Slán agus Beannacht Dé oraibh! (an Irish Blessing: roughly “[Be/Stay] Safe and the Blessing of God upon ye”.)

Siobhán.
 
nahbios said:
This was a hard time for everyone and I began obsessing about death and the afterlife. I was terribly worried about hell, and began developing compulsions. I would pray, touch statues, gaze at holy-water fonts. I just wanted my family to be safe (and me). I began to obsess about a tidal wave predicted to hit Ireland on the 5th of May 2005 (I have never yet found out who made that prediction: I was told about it by a friend who had heard it on the radio). I had nightmares about it. I prayed very hard to God on my knees. (I used to pray lying down or sitting up in bed.) I stopped eating so much and gave up food in a way of fasting and trying to keep control. I would have a vague smile on my face for photos but I was tormented inside. I wondered if God was asking me to do certain things, tap the table, check so that nothing bad would happen to my family, sleep facing south istead of north because I associated north with the devil. So many things. I really caused my family, particularly my wonderful mother whom I love so much, great suffering. I asked my mom to let me see a priest to talk to, but I think things were so busy. Plus, she had seen her mother pass away, and now to have one of her six children with a mental illness was a large cross.

Eventually, after much torture going on in my head, and much pain for my family, I was brought to a Brothers of Charity clinic where I had to be assessed at a psychiatric unit. This experience helped to change the way I see people with mental illness. These people weren’t “crazy”, they just seemed sad. I was there for about three days, wrapped up in my obsessions.

I was diagnosed with OCD and therapy began with a wonderful nurse who I grew very fond of. From the moment I saw her, I knew things were going to get better. :console:

I started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in January 2003 and I learned much valued skills for coping with OCD. I have much to thank my nurse for, and I’m not sure I can thank my mom enough in this life. :o

Oh, on the 5th of May 2005, part of my therapy was to walk on the beach. I knew that so much could happen that would hurt or end the lives of my family and loved ones, but, strangely, the fact that it didn’t happen on this day, this day that I was worrying about for years, it gave me such relief. It helped me to feel better about the future. Thank God for that. :o

I have to go soon, as I’m writing late. Just to let you know that I’m a 20 year old (soon to be 21!) girl student who is thankful to God and Our Lady, as well as my family and all those who have and still support me, for helping me, particularly through this time. I still have OCD and I worry about the end of time and where my soul and the souls of my family, boyfriend and loved ones will go after we pass on. But, I hopefully place it in the hands of God. I pray He will guide us all (and all on this thread, forum, and indeed every single soul) to love Him with our whole hearts, souls, strength, and minds, and our neighbour as ourselves; that He may have mercy on us; and that He may grant us His saving Grace. 🙂

Slán agus Beannacht Dé oraibh! (an Irish Blessing: roughly “[Be/Stay] Safe and the Blessing of God upon ye”.)

Siobhán.
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Hello Siobhan…Two very moving Posts giving some insight into the type of sufferings a sufferer of MI can undergo and not only in themselves, but in their great concern for loved ones and others. Not too long posts at all, and thank you very much for sharing of your story what you have.

What non sufferers can fail to insight is that though the thoughts of an unwell person may be unreal and not connected to reality in anyway…a sufferer will undergo things spiritually and emotionally, mentally, as if it was real and as a normal person would undergo such matters were they to occur in reality…A psychiatrist once commented on the unreality of thinking and thoughts…what he failed to understand was that to the sufferer it was very real…and hence a reality…

…Slán agus Beannacht Dé oraibh! …Barb:)
 
One interesting grace I have received in my prayer life, my medication is very powerful at keeping me from being too emotional. So when I pray it feels like a dryness or a distraction but it is really just the medicine keeping my imagination in check. I see this as a grace that although I don’t experience the same rapturous feeling. I can focus on the mystery at hand without any extra trappings.
 
kind_bean said:
I have Bipolar disorder and I find that it (the depression, mainly) is the largest hindrance to my prayer life. I was wondering if anyone else deals with a mental disorder and if it interferes with your spirituality and how you try to deal with it.
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Sort of. I’ve had a speech-block since childhood that severely torpedoed my first career and caused me more anxiety and depression than I can describe. It went undiagnosed until I was about 40. I spent my life trying to ignore it and/or hide it. But…when I was required to read aloud from fixed scripts in the military in front of general officers, it re-surfaced in a major way and utterly blew me out of the water, career-wise. Strangely enough, the internet saved me. One day, I typed ‘stuttering’ into my search engine, and bingo – a new world suddenly appeared before my eyes. I did some reading, and got professional help. Now my life is totally different. And yes, my spirituality definitely was my anchor through the many decades of having a disorder I didn’t understand, one that haunted me, and ultimately sabotaged my military career.
 
KingAlfred said:
Sort of. I’ve had a speech-block since childhood that severely torpedoed my first career and caused me more anxiety and depression than I can describe. It went undiagnosed until I was about 40. I spent my life trying to ignore it and/or hide it. But…when I was required to read aloud from fixed scripts in the military in front of general officers, it re-surfaced in a major way and utterly blew me out of the water, career-wise. Strangely enough, the internet saved me. One day, I typed ‘stuttering’ into my search engine, and bingo – a new world suddenly appeared before my eyes. I did some reading, and got professional help. Now my life is totally different. And yes, my spirituality definitely was my anchor through the many decades of having a disorder I didn’t understand, one that haunted me, and ultimately sabotaged my military career.
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How wonderful that you were able to receive help. Forty years is a long to endure a burden that hinders your choices in life. May God bless you for your years of suffering.
 
Hi everyone,

This topic is huge, I think. One very good thing that has come out of my own experience is how clearly God has cared for me even when I could not see it. I’m not sure his presence in my life would be so obvious if I didn’t have so much need. I’m not saying I’m glad to have been ill but I would not trade my past now because of the faith that has been grown in me as a result.

For the record, I have OCD, severe depression, mood disorder NOS, anxiety, insomnia, ptsd.I have been suicidal several times in my past. I have been in therapy for 8 years. I have a psychiatrist. I meet with my priest regularly. I take medication (lots) daily. I dislike having to do all of these things.

Some days I hate having to do these things to be honest. Now, I love my therapist , he is a good man who has saved my life. I love my priest, he is a good man who keeps bringing me closer to God. He helps me untangle the mental health issues from the spiritual ones.

But you know what I mean. I look at my peers and say, why is everything SO MUCH ahrder for me. Some days that thought is very hard to bear.

Without all of this help , I would fall down quickly.
But this help comes from the Lord. This help allows me to stand. Accepting this help is humility. I am VERY grateful and astonished at everything He has put together for me.
Sometimes I can see easily how my experience helps others.( I am in social work by trade.) Sometimes I want to run away from it.
Mental illness is hard. God is very , very good.

Maria
 
Dear MariaTheresa,
I am most glad that you are a member of CAF, and welcome. http://bestsmileys.com/waving/5.gif

Please know that I do understand, at least in part, what you have written.
I have been profoundly ill for 50 years. [Was near age 50, before I tried, again,
in terms of reaching out for help, and have been in therapy for over a dozen years, now.]
I did want you to know that, over 40 years ago,
no one seemed to understand what I was describing.
[dissociation, derealization, depersonalization.]
Within a few appts, at age 48, it was explained to me,
what I had been enduring, for then nearly 40 years -
among other diagnoses, PTSD.

What many professionals understand today, is light years
in advance of what was known, in 1965. The array of
medications, now available, astonishes me.
I, too, had losses, due to illness. I was not well enough
to bring children into this world, and was unable to earn a PhD,
which I dearly would have loved to accomplish.
Yet if I accept that God had need of me, elsewhere,
[than where I would have gone, had I not been so ill],
this makes illness easier to endure, I find.

quote: MariaTheresa
But you know what I mean. I look at my peers and say,
why is everything SO MUCH ahrder for me. Some days that thought is very hard to bear.
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Yes. I do understand, MariaTheresa.
I’m now age 62. I have lived through watching my close friends earn
their advanced degrees, marry and have children, and now I hear
about their grandchildren. This is very hard to bear, some days.
I found an illustrated story, on the web. which spoke to me,
in terms of my friends 'flying away" into the big, wide world,
while I was ‘left behind.’ This story brought me comfort.
[Maybe it would bring comfort to others, as well, so I post a link
to same]:

magickeys.com/books/roundbrd/15.html

God bless and walk with you, each day, MariaTheresa.
And, again, welcome to CAF.

reen12
 
This is such a great post. Very informative!

Original poster… you’re in my prayers. I know how it is!

I’ve had very severe bipolar disorder and suicidality since I was really little… maybe 7 or 8 years old. I’ve only gotten treatment, good treatment, in the last 2 years. I also have severe social anxiety disorder.

It has wreaked HAVOC on my spiritual life. About a year ago I made an appointment with my pastor to have annointing of the sick and confession for my mental health issues. We talked for a long time first. I am so lucky because his brother is schizophrenic, so he knows what a challenge it is.

He gave me some pretty powerful insights about mental illness and spirituality. Many Sundays I can’t go to Church because I am deathly afraid of leaving the house. Sometimes just being among that many people scares me to death and gives me panic attacks. My priest asked, “Well, are you getting therapy for that and taking medicine for that and working on it?” When I answered yes, he’s like, “You’re not committing a mortal sin then! If you were not going on purpose, that’s bad. But if you’re trying and you’re prevented from going from illness, it’s like if you had the flu. You don’t have to go to confession if you are throwing up on a Sunday…” Hmmm… wise man!

He also had some insights about other things too… He said that he gets a lot of alcoholics in confession. He said that their sin is not running their car into a tree drunk… It’s what happens before that. It’s when you miss that one AA meeting because you want to stay home instead, it’s not calling your sponsor when you’re feeling tempted, it’s putting yourself in the way of alcohol when you shouldn’t. THOSE are the sins. It’s the choices you make that make a sin, not your disease.

So if I don’t take care of myself and commit suicide, it’s everything that lead up to that that I am responsible for, maybe not necessarily the suicide (though God is the ultimate judge). Like if I stop taking my meds, or if I don’t go to group, or if I don’t go to therapy, or if I don’t ask for help, or if I don’t call someone when I’m in trouble.

Maybe that’s a little unorthodox, but my priest has really got a knack for helping people with mental illness love God and attend Church and know that the Lord loves them in a very special way. He’s a star in my book! 👍
 
Thank you reen12 and cutiesmak,
I love both of your posts.
Cutiesmak you touched on something I forgot to mention, Anointing of the Sick. This is very important for mental illness. In a conversation with my priest he said “When was the last time you were anointed”? I told him it was years ago. And he said “Well lets go over to the Church right after we are done here”. He told me he doesn’t always see immediate miracles but it sure calms people down. After he anointed me and said the prayers and we were done, I felt so happy I just hugged him and he laughed. The Holy Spirit is very close to those who are ill.
I have been the recepient, through only the grace of our Lord, of contact by the Holy Spirit that has saved my life when my mental illness was literally killing me.
You are also correct about mental illness getting in the way of attending Mass. I have discussed that with my priest also. It is one of the ways this broken, fallen world keeps us from God. When you can’t bear to leave the house, it is not sin. I pray during the weeks when I can’t get there that the Lord will help me get to Him. I think of it like the paralyzed man praying that when the water is stirred in the pool he will be the first one in. I pray that the Lord stirs the water for me and His angels bring me to the pool. He always helps me get back on track. I wish it were less difficult. I wish I could be like everyone else in the pews, all put together, full families, all dressed up in their row every Sunday. But, I’m not. I am too broken for that. My sorrow over that is very deep. My guilt over that is very deep. I understand that Jesus does not cause that guilt, yet it remains.

Reen12,
Thank you for saying what you did. It is very important to be understood by others who have walked a similar path. Mental illness is extremely isolating, even within one’s own family. I am married (he is non-catholic but supportive) and have 3 children. Yet, all in all it is still my issue.

Maria
 
quote: Maria Theresa
Reen12,
Thank you for saying what you did. It is very important to be understood by others who have walked a similar path. Mental illness is extremely isolating, even within one’s own family. I am married (he is non-catholic but supportive) and have 3 children. Yet, all in all it is still my issue
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Right. A spouse did not create the issues, so he/she cannot ‘fix’ them.
I often pray for family members. They are often unsung heros, in life.
Giving their mate support, their own lives may be touched - by the limitations
that sometimes accompany mental illness.

I once attended a healing service, to receive the Sacrament of the Sick.
The cleric, responsible for this service, mentioned all kinds of illnesses,
yet, not once, did he mention illnesses of the mind.
The tears ran down my face, with a sense of being ‘invisible,’ and excluded,
and I have never again reached out for this sacrament.

I wondered how many, present that day, either dealt with
clinical depression, anxiety - all kinds of mental ills,
and how many had a family member, so affected?
Did they feel invisible, too?

Mental illness is an illness that so often brings no phone calls,
or cards, or any sign, whatever, of emotional support.
This may serve to make the one, who endures MI, feel even
further isolated and ‘invisible,’ in their suffering.

“The Lord hears the cry of the poor.”
He cares for us, and, to Him, we are not invisible.

reen12
 
Reen,

Please, do not pass up a Sacrement of the Church that is meant for you simply because that minister/priest didn’t understand.
Simply ask for it. During the conversation with my priest , I told him, I felt like I needed more of God’s grace, that I often felt afraid to get better. That’s how the conversation started. I did not know what he would say. I was thankful that he had a full understanding of the Sacrement. If you have been waiting or a nudge from the Lord, consider youself nudged. LOL.

Maria
 
onaquest said:
How wonderful that you were able to receive help. Forty years is a long to endure a burden that hinders your choices in life. May God bless you for your years of suffering.
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Thanks. I appreciate it. Yeah…I was eating lunch one day at work, when I typed in ‘stuttering’ on the internet. What popped up was the catalyst to the biggest positive change in my entire life. Does this mean I should write a thank you letter to Al Gore, since he claims to have invented the internet? 😃
 
I have struggled with depression since adolescence and have gone through many up’s and downs. When my depression would be stable (if you can call having constant depression stable) I would be in a continuous melancholy mood, but when my depression would take a nose-dive then I would suffer from suicidal thoughts and would completely isolate myself at home for months on end.

I think the worst moment came last November when I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. When I was in the psychiatric ward and had to share a room with a woman suffering from psychosis who couldn’t even recognize people or even herself anymore I had the realization that if I didn’t cling to God like my life depends on it (and it does) then I would continue in the mental hell that I was in. I was prescribed medication and it wasn’t til’ around February that I felt stabilized emotionally. I still had some emotional struggles with the depression and spiritual struggles (such as doubting God’s existence) but I pulled through it.

At this time I felt well enough to start going to school and am amazed at how God’s grace is working in me in that I am able to drive quite a distance to and from school 4 days a week. Before I would suffer panic attacks when driving and would just quit anything that required me to drive and didn’t want to be around others. So the fact that I am doing very well in school, love interacting with others and bringing relaxation to my student-clinic clients through my massages is something I never thought I would be capable of.

When you have suffered almost your whole life as I have with mental illness and the other baggage that comes with it (negative thoughts, self-doubt, panic attacks, isolating yourself from others) to be able to feel liberated from the prison of ones own mind is indeed a miracle. I never thought that I could ever be free like this and **with all my heart am praying that every single person who has posted of their mental disorder on this thread also be freed through God’s mercy of this affliction. Amen!!! **:gopray: :amen:

Peace
 
God Bless You PazeAmor ! 🙂
Your life sounds a lot like mine. Yes, when I make the decision as well in the deepest hole of suicidal hell to cling to Him with a shred of faith, I was saved from death. I didn’t have that faith it came from Him as well. I can’t explain it. Every step since has been closer , further up. Now, when you come from that far down, it’s a long scraping , dirt under your nails climb, but He has always been there. I would have been dead long ago if that were not true. Our larger culture, the things we see on TV, people living in the moment, so confused ., news shows with topics like “Is there a God ?” and all that nonsense. I just laugh. Not because I don’t care about the lost but because I am free of all that questioning in a way. I *know *who God is. I know Who holds my hand in the dark. I know where we have been. That cannot be taken from me. There is the fruit of suffering.

Maria
 
PazFeAmor said:
I have struggled with depression since adolescence and have gone through many up’s and downs. When my depression would be stable (if you can call having constant depression stable) I would be in a continuous melancholy mood, but when my depression would take a nose-dive then I would suffer from suicidal thoughts and would completely isolate myself at home for months on end.

I think the worst moment came last November when I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. When I was in the psychiatric ward and had to share a room with a woman suffering from psychosis who couldn’t even recognize people or even herself anymore I had the realization that if I didn’t cling to God like my life depends on it (and it does) then I would continue in the mental hell that I was in. I was prescribed medication and it wasn’t til’ around February that I felt stabilized emotionally. I still had some emotional struggles with the depression and spiritual struggles (such as doubting God’s existence) but I pulled through it.

At this time I felt well enough to start going to school and am amazed at how God’s grace is working in me in that I am able to drive quite a distance to and from school 4 days a week. Before I would suffer panic attacks when driving and would just quit anything that required me to drive and didn’t want to be around others. So the fact that I am doing very well in school, love interacting with others and bringing relaxation to my student-clinic clients through my massages is something I never thought I would be capable of.

When you have suffered almost your whole life as I have with mental illness and the other baggage that comes with it (negative thoughts, self-doubt, panic attacks, isolating yourself from others) to be able to feel liberated from the prison of ones own mind is indeed a miracle. I never thought that I could ever be free like this and **with all my heart am praying that every single person who has posted of their mental disorder on this thread also be freed through God’s mercy of this affliction. Amen!!! **:gopray: :amen:

Peace
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I never thought that I could ever be free like this and **with all my heart am praying that every single person who has posted of their mental disorder on this thread also be freed through God’s mercy of this affliction. Amen!!! **:gopray: :amen:
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God bless you and keep you after all you have suffered! May your current joy and freedom be ever more! Reading all posts and keeping in daily prayer all who suffer mental illness. Our Lady of Perpetual Help and St. Dymphna, please pray for us and our intentions. Sacred Heart of Jesus our trust is in You, have mercy on all sufferers of mental illness and bring all peace and freedom and great breakthroughs in medical science re mental illness, for all things are possible to You.

Blessings and regards…Barb:)
 
What I struggle with is accepting my weakness while trying to grow stronger or pehaps vice versa tempering my strength in my weakness. Somedays I feel torn apart. What comes to mind is praying the rosary and having to make the transition from Christ dying on the cross to the Resurrection, and I don’t feel that distraught over going to extremes.

It’s just the other day I went to babysit a seven year old girl while her father slept and I was filled with such anxiety the couple of hours we were together. I know I probably won’t be able to have children and joining a religious community is becoming questionable. So I don’t know what is up for my life living with bipolar disorder. I want to see my weakness in the light of Christ but I still want to grow stronger in this illness.
 
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