Does anyone in your family ask you what you/your dh earns?

[whatevergirl]

Just curious if my family on both dh’s side and mine are the only ones bold enough to keep hinting around…trying in a round about way, to ask dh and I what we make, as far as $.

Honestly, I don’t care what others make–never ask that question–never hint around.

Here are some examples.

My sister came to stay with us for a few days during Christmas, and she was asking my husband about his job at Disney (he’s in sales), does he like it…etc…then I left the room, to get a glass of water or something, and overheard the conversation…it went into…‘so that translates into what, for bonus for you?’ I walked back in and my husband was like…‘it translates to this…’ My sister I guess, was impressed with this answer…and asked more…I then said…‘are you writing a book?’ She then stopped asking.

Then, she has tried to get out of me on a separate occasion from that one…what salary “range” I’m in…haha I told her…she was like, oh that’s because of you and your dh’s joint incomes. I said, no, that’s my salary range, by myself. Again, surprise. I said finally…I really would like to know why you are asking us what we make? She quickly changed the subject.

Then, my dh’s brother ***non stop ***talks about what he makes, what his wife makes…and my husband said…you can tell he wants me to share what we make. Why??

Why is this? I really don’t think it’s anyone’s business what I earn, or dh earns. I was just curious if any of you go through this with family, and how do you deal with it?

 

[whatevergirl]

I’ll add to this, I could see if we were broke, and I was asking to borrow money…we have NEVER borrowed money from my sister…ever. DH and I struggled in the beginning, so I could stay at home with the kids when they were young(er) and we are grateful to have good jobs now…I don’t know why this prompts questions? It is funny though. I never say what I make, and people can get creative in the family, with their question asking.

I remember a time when I said to my sister…what do you make? She said, uh, I don’t think that’s any of your business.

Sigh…stranger than fiction.

 

[samcarter14]

Yes, they hint or ask, but i never share that information. I was raised to understand that there were several things you did not discuss outside the family–money was one of them.

Occasionally a friend will ask how we can afford to keep the house we’re fixing up (we hope to sell it eventually, ha). I simply say, “We’ll be fine,” and leave it at that. And I may mention now and then that something I saw in a store was too expensive for my tastes/budget.

I know people are curious because I’m a stay at home mom, and the only one in the neighborhood at that. They wonder how we make ends meet.

I have an elderly neighbor who told me, straight out, how much she and her husband have in the bank. Obviously if somebody tells me, I don’t share that info with anybody.

 

[kevinsgirl]

If someone wants to know what I make, I have no problem telling them. In my immediate family, money is discussed pretty openly but with my extended family it’s a no-no. Which is kind of funny now that I think about all the money related complaints I hear. I have no problem telling people that we’re out of debt or that we own our house and cars. I don’t tell them my bank balance though.

Most people who know us don’t know our exact financial situation. They just know that we aren’t flashy and that I love finding good deals. They also know that I plan on staying home with the baby so we’re saving up for that.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes, they hint or ask, but i never share that information. I was raised to understand that there were several things you did not discuss outside the family–money was one of them.

Occasionally a friend will ask how we can afford to keep the house we’re fixing up (we hope to sell it eventually, ha). I simply say, “We’ll be fine,” and leave it at that. And I may mention now and then that something I saw in a store was too expensive for my tastes/budget.

I have an elderly neighbor who told me, straight out, how much she and her husband have in the bank. Obviously if somebody tells me, I don’t share that info with anybody.

LOL–Thank goodness I’m not alone!

Yes, those types of hints…how can you afford…bla bla bla…and bla bla bla…I will often reply…‘I don’t know.’ hahaha That is a great answer. Leaves everyone more confused.

You know, I learned some hard lessons about credit cards, spending, and unhealthy views on money, and one could say dh and I are much wiser now, as stewards over all God’s blessed us with…there’s no secret, just trying to follow His will in all things.

I had someone ask my recently how much I ‘lost’ in the 401k, I told them…they had the nerve to ask…so that leaves you with…

I answered…‘less money.’ hahahaha

I don’t get it…

 

[Sina]

wow… haha no, nobody ever asks what my DH makes. Pretty much anyone can find out what I make since I work for the government and my wages are posted. I am glad for this because I hate secrets.

My dad would always hide what he made from my brother and I. He is paranoid that we want to take his money or something. I found out once when I was looking through his filing cabinet for my old report cards and I found his tax slip by accident… (ok and then I looked at the numbers)

In my husband’s industry, you have to be very careful not to reveal to anyone, especially in your own company, how much you make. Most especially in bonuses.

 

[whatevergirl]

If someone wants to know what I make, I have no problem telling them. In my immediate family, money is discussed pretty openly but with my extended family it’s a no-no. Which is kind of funny now that I think about all the money related complaints I hear. I have no problem telling people that we’re out of debt or that we own our house and cars. I don’t tell them my bank balance though.

Most people who know us don’t know our exact financial situation. They just know that we aren’t flashy and that I love finding good deals. They also know that I plan on staying home with the baby so we’re saving up for that.

Good for you, I hope that works out!

 

[whatevergirl]

wow… haha no, nobody ever asks what my DH makes. Pretty much anyone can find out what I make since I work for the government and my wages are posted. I am glad for this because I hate secrets.

My dad would always hide what he made from my brother and I. He is paranoid that we want to take his money or something. I found out once when I was looking through his filing cabinet for my old report cards and I found his tax slip by accident… (ok and then I looked at the numbers)

In my husband’s industry, you have to be very careful not to reveal to anyone, especially in your own company, how much you make. Most especially in bonuses.

Yeah, it’s the bonuses I don’t feel like sharing…but again, to me, this is personal to me…I am not sharing with my family what dh and I make. They never helped us with money, so what do they care now? That’s my outlook. I don’t have any secrets, though…I just don’t care to share.

I never ask anyone this, that is why I’m surprised we are asked much. I don’t know if my sister in law knows that I know how much she makes, when she got her last raise, how much it was, etc etc…all because her husband (my dh’s brother aforementioned) feels the need to share ALL of this. I really don’t think she’d like me to know that, just a hunch, she is a very private woman. Rather, I think his telling us this, is really just a crowbar to trying to get out of dh what I and he make…I don’t care if dh talks about his money…just don’t talk about what I make with his brother, or othes. None of their business.

 

[Island_Oak]

…‘so that translates into what, for bonus for you?’ I walked back in and my husband was like…‘it translates to this…’ My sister I guess, was impressed with this answer…and asked more…I then said…‘are you writing a book?’ She then stopped asking…

Then, she has tried to get out of me on a separate occasion from that one…what salary “range” I’m in…haha I told her…she was like, oh that’s because of you and your dh’s joint incomes. I said, no, that’s my salary range, by myself…

Family members are naturally nosey and tend to ask all sorts of inappropriate questions. I just don’t understand why you’d ever answer them?! I would end the discussion as quickly as it started with a comment like “we don’t discuss our family income or finances with anyone.” There’s really no follow-up question to that which keeps the conversation going or opens the door to revealing very private information.

 

[whatevergirl]

Family members are naturally nosey and tend to ask all sorts of inappropriate questions. I just don’t understand why you’d ever answer them?! I would end the discussion as quickly as it started with a comment like “we don’t discuss our family income or finances with anyone.” There’s really no follow-up question to that which keeps the conversation going or opens the door to revealing very private information.

Hi Island;

I was totally not happy that my husband answered my sister during her Christmas visit. I was like…why did you tell her such details? It’s none of her business!!! He said he was vague, but I heard it…I however, do not tell what I make.

I can’t for the life of me figure out why people want to know this. I dunno. Good points, though, Island…oh wise & sensible one.

 

[whatevergirl]

Oh, our kids know what we make though. I don’t care if they know. I actually think it can be a teaching platform so kids know what we’re paying out in bills, and what is left over after saving, tithing, bla bla…here is what we have left to have some fun with. But not nosey adult family members. :dts:

 

[Appleby]

Family members are naturally nosey and tend to ask all sorts of inappropriate questions. I just don’t understand why you’d ever answer them?! I would end the discussion as quickly as it started with a comment like “we don’t discuss our family income or finances with anyone.” There’s really no follow-up question to that which keeps the conversation going or opens the door to revealing very private information.

Miss Manners suggests that any kind of personal questions (including “how much did that cost” or “why aren’t you married?”) be answered “Now, why would you ask me such a question?” and then declined politely, “I prefer not to discuss such things.”

My Southern granny said that such questions should be answered, “My Mama taught me that talking about money is vulgar.”

And if anyone asked my Daddy how much he paid for something, he always said with a straight face, “Not a cent. I stole it.”

 

[whatevergirl]

miss manners suggests that any kind of personal questions (including “how much did that cost” or “why aren’t you married?”) be answered “now, why would you ask me such a question?” and then declined politely, “i prefer not to discuss such things.”

my southern granny said that such questions should be answered, “my mama taught me that talking about money is vulgar.”

and if anyone asked my daddy how much he paid for something, he always said with a straight face, “not a cent. I stole it.”

lol

 

[IrishAm]

Funny how different people are. Frankly, I could ask someone – including family – about their sex life before I could ask them about their financial situation. (And, trust me, the odds of my asking someone about their sex life is somewhere between “zero and none at all.” )

 

[tundramom]

My MIL used to be very good at deflecting unwanted inquiries about just about anything. She used to say, “Why how rude of you to ask that.” in a polite tone and just walk away.

I sure wish she was still around sigh

in Christ
Steph

 

[whatevergirl]

My MIL used to be very good at deflecting unwanted inquiries about just about anything. She used to say, “Why how rude of you to ask that.” in a polite tone and just walk away.

I sure wish she was still around sigh

in Christ
Steph

Aw, sorry to here that.

I think it’s cute – the line she came back with…honest, and to the point.

 

[mommyof4]

My husband’s family is very open about everything- including what they earn, how much things cost, etc. I’m very uneasy about this, as I was brought up with the notion that this is nobody’s business at all, and it was considered to be the height of rudeness to ask someone’s salary, bank balance, etc.

 

[lizaanne]

I can’t for the life of me figure out why people want to know this.

I think it is because some people want assurance that they are doing ok. Not necessarily “keeping up with the Jonses”, but just that they are where they are supposed to be or think they should be relative to how they see other people living.

In our house only my parents know what we make, I talk to them openly about such things, and I know what they make as well (they are divorced so we are talking two households here). We talk about 401k, investments, etc. So we are quite open with that sort of conversation. But beyond them it’s no one’s business what we make or don’t make.

I’ve had the “how much did you loose in your 401k” question a few times since the economy had tanked - I just say “why in the world would it make a difference now when I’m not even going to touch it for another 20+ years?”. That usually puts 'em quiet.

~Liza

 

[whatevergirl]

I like that answer.

My sister (God bless her) can be judgemental, and I think because she is in sales, and I’m in sales, she wants to know what I’m making–really, that simple. I don’t ever think there is malice involved with the questioning, when I think about it, but I’m not fodder for gossip…so she can tell others what I make, etc…she tells me what her son and his wife make for example, neither have ever told me directly, I’m thinking they don’t want me to know. Otherwise, they’d tell me! :newidea: So, that is the main thing, who is she going to tell this to? I know what my younger nephew makes too. He got a nice job as a professor at a university, but why she told me the details of his compensation package, I have no idea. So…if history repeats itself, my compensation package and my dh’s will be up for discussion in the family. No thanks. We have worked hard for everything we own…and nothing is achieved without God.

I think also, that on my dh’s side, his one brother just likes to know what everyone in the family makes…why? He tells us what this one or that one makes (cousins) and I think he is impressed…like someone’s bank account amount, or 401k savings, or compensation plan at work, somehow determines how he views them. He will talk a blue streak about this one cousin who I have never met, about his wealth. I will say…good for him…or whatever. I don’t get the need to sit around talking about who makes what in the family…Or someone who isn’t making a whole lot, he will feel sorry for the person, and then proceed to tell us ‘why’ he/she is working there…I’m like…who cares? This brother is in his 50’s…you think I’m talking about a teenager, didn’t you?

 

[TeachAg]

I have some extended family members that are about as refined as the heels on my muck boots. They are very material and have asked questions along these lines many times. They also ask about things much more personal.

But anyway last year I remember being asked when I left my corporate sales job to teach, “So how much is this costing you?”, “How are you going to survive on a teacher’s salary”, and other things like that. When I was asked how much it was costing me, I said “Nothing, I am coming out ahead. A better lifestyle is priceless.”