Does the church delay marriages because of age disparities?

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Do you think it would be likely for most priests/deacons to deny us? We are committed to all of the steps that have to be taken to receive the sacrament of marriage.
I don’t think they would. If that’s the case they have no reason to deny you.

I think the bottom line here is that a large age gap is not an impediment to marriage in the Catholic Church. A priest could not really cite that alone as a reason to prevent your marriage.

And what you said is true. You could get hit by a bus at 30 and he could live for another 40 or more years. Nobody knows, so there’s not much point using that as a reason to not marry.
 
That’s kind of rude considering you have no clue as to either of our energy levels. Why should I not count on my soon to be husband? Marriage is a team. Hate to say it but he has more energy than I do. He goes or and dances for hours, I have to sit down after three songs, he works 5/6 days a week and then has his construction business on top of that, I work for days and I’m done with it. And yes he intends on being an active part of our children’s lives. I will take the comments of him possibly passing away before me (that is a possibility but so is me passing before him you never know), but not someone saying I shouldn’t count on him to help me. Your condescending tone is not beneficial to this conversation.
I’m so sorry Cakies08. I think there was a misunderstanding, probably the way I worded my thoughts. In no way I’m seeing your age gap as something bad. Really, check my first thread in CAF (the reason I joined), I was dating a man 20 years older than me (obviously can’t be compared to your situation since yours is more real). Apart from that, my mom and dad have an age gap of 15 years. And my husband and I have an age gap of 6 years like grandma has with grandpa. Don’t get me wrong!
 
I’m so sorry Cakies08. I think there was a misunderstanding, probably the way I worded my thoughts. In no way I’m seeing your age gap as something bad. Really, check my first thread in CAF (the reason I joined), I was dating a man 20 years older than me (obviously can’t be compared to your situation since yours is more real). Apart from that, my mom and dad have an age gap of 15 years. And my husband and I have an age gap of 6 years like grandma has with grandpa. Don’t get me wrong!
My apologies. Text is in no way a replacement for conversation. On here one can only deduce the tone of a comment by the wording. Forgive me for the misunderstanding I am so sorry :hug3:
 
I agree.
Of course,i couldn’t pretend to know what a priest would actually say.
Hopefully he would keep in mind that while a person might be legally of age does not necessarily mean that they are operating cognitively at a high level and making clear decisions.
Decision making can be clouded by the persons past etc.
There are exceptions to the rule but it cant be ignored that in reality many young women who marry “old men” do so due because of money,prestige or (probably the biggest reason) due to having “daddy issues”.
Sometimes this can all be subconscious.
Likewise older men often marry young women due to their beauty,youth and feeling “lucky”.
This may not/may be the case with you but hopefully the priest would at least ask the people of “mixed age” to deeply reflect on whether this is their reason/s.
 
I agree.
Of course,i couldn’t pretend to know what a priest would actually say.
Hopefully he would keep in mind that while a person might be legally of age does not necessarily mean that they are operating cognitively at a high level and making clear decisions.
Decision making can be clouded by the persons past etc.
There are exceptions to the rule but it cant be ignored that in reality many young women who marry “old men” do so due because of money,prestige or (probably the biggest reason) due to having “daddy issues”.
Sometimes this can all be subconscious.
Likewise older men often marry young women due to their beauty,youth and feeling “lucky”.
This may not/may be the case with you but hopefully the priest would at least ask the people of “mixed age” to deeply reflect on whether this is their reason/s.
Oh believe me I am not marrying him for pristige, or money (When he was between jobs for a couple months I helped him pay his bills not because I had to but because I wanted to). I will be completely honest and say I am not sure what constitutes “daddy issues” however I do know my dad was always there for me. Every morning he woke me up and took me to school, went to my dance classes, said he was proud of me, taught me how to be a seamstress, taught me how to drive a car and a boat, told me he loved me all the time. Of course like any other human being he wasn’t perfect (who is? 🤷) We defiantly lost him too soon from a heart problem but with my fiancé I am not looking to replace my dad no one can do that we had a great connection. I was always daddy’s little girl. Honestly I still talk about him like he’s still here, lol. Luckily he got a chance to meet my fiancé 🙂
 
Oh believe me I am not marrying him for pristige, or money (When he was between jobs for a couple months I helped him pay his bills not because I had to but because I wanted to). I will be completely honest and say I am not sure what constitutes “daddy issues” however I do know my dad was always there for me. Every morning he woke me up and took me to school, went to my dance classes, said he was proud of me, taught me how to be a seamstress, taught me how to drive a car and a boat, told me he loved me all the time. Of course like any other human being he wasn’t perfect (who is? 🤷) We defiantly lost him too soon from a heart problem but with my fiancé I am not looking to replace my dad no one can do that we had a great connection. I was always daddy’s little girl. Honestly I still talk about him like he’s still here, lol. Luckily he got a chance to meet my fiancé 🙂
A 24 year should never have to work to pay bills for a 54 year old. Thats like giving money to your parents except in this case he is suppose to be your future husband. He is supposed to be the provider and make you feel safe enough to not have to worry about money. I would feel insulted and humiliated if I ever accepted money from a woman to pay my bills. Its something that hits a guys manhood hard. I would tell my relatives and close friends to ditch such a man so quickly. There are so many younger men that will be better at providing and have enough pride and confidence in themselves to not allow their woman to essentially become the man of the relationship.
 
A 24 year should never have to work to pay bills for a 54 year old. Thats like giving money to your parents except in this case he is suppose to be your future husband. He is supposed to be the provider and make you feel safe enough to not have to worry about money. I would feel insulted and humiliated if I ever accepted money from a woman to pay my bills. Its something that hits a guys manhood hard. I would tell my relatives and close friends to ditch such a man so quickly. There are so many younger men that will be better at providing and have enough pride and confidence in themselves to not allow their woman to essentially become the man of the relationship.
I was the main breadwinner for my family for the first 3 years of our marriage. There is nothing wrong with two people contributing financially to a relationship, in fact, it is the norm in most cases. Just because I have a higher degree and made more money does not make the “man” in the relationship.
 
Bottom line: only a priest or deacon can answer the original question. And as was advised before, talk to a priest or deacon BEFORE you set the wedding date in order to allow time for proper marriage preparations.
 
Sorry I should have clarified. He is not between jobs now he has a good paying job which he loves. He was between jobs because the place he worked for a year and a half ago shut down nothing he could have done. He was not happy that I helped but I wanted to. The vows we will be making are “for better or worse for richer or poorer.” We stand together no matter what happens. That’s what partners do… Or at least I THOUGHT that’s what you are supposed to do. I must have been wrong :confused:
 
Sorry I should have clarified. He is not between jobs now he has a good paying job which he loves. He was between jobs because the place he worked for a year and a half ago shut down nothing he could have done. He was not happy that I helped but I wanted to. The vows we will be making are “for better or worse for richer or poorer.” We stand together no matter what happens. That’s what partners do… Or at least I THOUGHT that’s what you are supposed to do. I must have been wrong :confused:
No, you’re right. That’s how it’s supposed to work. I’m sorry so many people have been giving you a rough time about your relationship. It’s no one’s place to do that. You are both adults and are supposed to make the call about marriage yourselves. Good luck and may God bless your home and family abundantly
 
This part of this post stood out for me. Your original question still needs to be answered by a priest or deacon but this situation seems unusual to me. A man nearing what is really retirement age ordinarily should be solid on his feet financially, especially if he is considering marriage. At 54 years old I would be concerned that he is “between jobs” and needed help paying bills.

I am not saying you need to break up with him immediately, just please pray about this and proceed with open eyes and much prayer. God bless you!
People can be between jobs at any age, there is no age restriction on bad employment luck.

My father got laid off in his late 50s, from a managerial position, with 3 kids and a SAH wife (homeschooling). I took him probably 6-9 months to find another job, and even then my mom had to go back to work part time to supplement his income and help get back to where we were.
 
I am always curious as to why a person would ask a question like yours here … and the advice to discuss your engagement and future marriage with your parish priest in order to begin the pre-Cana and other marriage preparation is what will determine your actual marriage date.

I would presume that a young person contemplating marriage in the Church would be an active practicing Catholic and a member of a parish. So why have you and your fiance not spoken with your priest already? Do you attend Mass every Sunday? At 24 you are probably still a member of the parish of your youth?? - or if you have moved then still in touch with that home parish. So there should be a priest you are comfortable with speaking with.

Many people have alluded to impediments but you never addressed those. Your fiance is 54 - Is he Catholic? Has he been married before? - How did that marriage end - divorce or death … If he has a divorce and without a decree of nullity - then that is far more important to your being able to marry sooner rather than later - I would think. While some Catholics only think divorce is relevant if the person is Catholic - that is not true … a non-Catholic person who married a non-Catholic person before a Justice of the Peace and later divorced would need to have their prior marriage reviewed before they could marry a Catholic.

I hope you are not merely interested in a “Church” wedding but intend to be actively involved in the life of our parish. I wish you the best on this journey 🙂 … there are many things for you to contemplate. Your priest and your marriage preparation will be especially important for you both. Please take it seriously …👍

I highly recommend that you both read and discuss Bishop Fulton J. Sheen’s book ***“Three to Get Married” *** - this book is timeless

amazon.com/Three-Get-Married-Fulton-Sheen/dp/0933932871

It is a wonderful book …
 
Sorry I should have clarified. He is not between jobs now he has a good paying job which he loves. He was between jobs because the place he worked for a year and a half ago shut down nothing he could have done. He was not happy that I helped but I wanted to. The vows we will be making are “for better or worse for richer or poorer.” We stand together no matter what happens. That’s what partners do… Or at least I THOUGHT that’s what you are supposed to do. I must have been wrong :confused:
It’s obvious that you have a good grasp of what’s involved in catholic marriage. There are a few posters here who seem to think the age gap seems to indicate that there’s something wrong with your future spouse. I don’t know why they think that. There can be golddiggers and hangers on who are any age. If you are both prepared to seriously enter the vocation of Catholic marriage then it’s up to your priest to ensure that that is the case. But as I said before, I doubt the age difference will factor into that much, if at all.
 
Important to note: “according to a study that compiled polling data from more than 3,000 recently married and divorced Americans

This stat is regarding Americans, and should not be extrapolated to define date worldwide.
The reality is though that statistics can probably not be obtained from some other countries.
Even if they could be,and showed low divorce rates,it still wouldn’t be reflective that it was a “healthy marriage”-it would only be reflective that in those countries divorce was not an option/acceptable due to religious or cultural reasons.

While marriages with large age difference can sometimes work,it also needs to be considered that the effects are not always just about the couple but can influence society at large.
It can have negative societal effects.
For instance,some places in the Middle East where large age differences in marriage is sometimes socially acceptable,notice it is usually the men that are the one that are much older.
What this creates is a society where a woman’s worth,value and identity is based off youth and beauty and this is very bad for the dignity of women.
It creates a society that de- values and disregards older women and also contributes to the culture that we have (in many countries) of women chasing the eternal “elixxir of youth”.

It also needs to be considered that a relatively young woman with an much old man may want to have children still.
Even if he is capable to have a child,and has the willingness and energy to look after it,studies have shown that there are higher risks of serious illnesses such as Schizophrenia for a child the older the father is.

Another negative effect it has created in society is the “counter culture rebellion” effect of the cougar phenomenon.

In my view,people go through stages of maturity at different ages.
For example,I’m in my mid 30 and I wouldn’t go out with a 20 year old boy because I’m meant to be in a different place maturity wise than he is.
If a man over 55 looks at me (in sexual way) I am not impressed as I feel he should have a more mature and fatherly mindset.
Even much more so if I was still in my 20’s like the OP.
If a guy past 50 liked me I would be quite sceptical what he liked me for.
Ie:is it because he think we are amazingly compatible personality and maturity wise are the same or is it rather he like me because of my (relative to him) youth?
Even if I really like a guy past 50 I would “think twice” because if I am willing to ignore stages of maturity and life for an older man why not also for the younger man too (the 20 year old)?

OP: I’m not in anyway suggesting that any of this is a reflection of your own relationship.🙂
You could have a healthy relationship and be perfectly matched maturity wise.
I’m just stating generally speaking the negative sides of large age gap relationships in society.Im sure there are some positive ones too who’s relationship basic has not been formed on youth or looks etc.

I would be being a bit dishonest though if I didn’t say that generally speaking I would find it somewhat concerning (and imprudent) the character and mentality of any man in his 50’s who would easily jump into a relationship with someone in their 20’s without great thought and hesitation & consideration of whether the 20 something was in the same place mentally,maturity,emotionally and aware decision making wise as they are.
 
Sorry I should have clarified. He is not between jobs now he has a good paying job which he loves. He was between jobs because the place he worked for a year and a half ago shut down nothing he could have done. He was not happy that I helped but I wanted to.
As a single man of 54, did he not have the financial savings to readily see him through a period out of employment? :confused:
 
Clearly, a 30 year age gap (54/24) does not constitute an “impediment” to marriage. But it is not a favourable factor, and it is properly a matter deserving of particular consideration, and the priest may choose to invite you to think about that.

I should think the experience of the age gap will grow over time. A man approaching 70 may struggle with children who might be 10 or 12 or younger.

And I wonder if the future income earning role and trajectory of each of you is understood, particularly in light of child raising years ahead, and your fiance’s limited savings?

These are just things to think about and to approach with open eyes.
 
As a single man of 54, did he not have the financial savings to readily see him through a period out of employment? :confused:
Sadly no he did not. He was helping his mom pay the copay of her many hospital stays because of a bad heart. Sadly he also had to pay her debts after her passing which took a toll on him financially. Yes she did have insurance however she also had credit debt which he was unprepared for.
 
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