Dog issue

[eucharisteo]

I’m not sure about dotsons but the dog should be able to hold it’s goods during the work day. Get a crate just big enough for the dog to turn around.

You get up take dog out of crate. Take it for a run make sure it urinates/defecates. Then leave it outside on a run/kennel until you go to work. It’s back in the crate UNTIL YOU ARE HOME. For a while this is the rule. If you have to padlock the the cage do it.

When you get home do the same routine. Leave dog out until bedtime. Then give it a short walk or run, make sure that it has time to go if he needs to.

Keep this as a rule for atleast two weeks, if not month. After atleast a month the dog can get 30 minutes of “free” run of the kitchen.

If wife and kids don’t want responsibility then they don’t get the pleasure, either.

We use a kennel, not a crate. That’s how I train dogs. Start out with small spaces, give them play time, put them back…over simplified. We have dog books and have successfully trained them before. I wonder if its because my wife never kept up with the cats that the dog feels like it can go in the house. So I want to change the floors to Pergo and go from there. This way I can get the smell out and the temptation to just pee. I feel a bit bad for the animal and treat her good. I don’t like to hit animals because they just don’t know. However, in the animal world that is how the train each other. So it happens when all else fails. I start over each time. Right now she’s in the kennel, starting over.

Our life style dictates that we shouldn’t have a dog. It’s never worked long term.

 

[Rence]

I think there is a much bigger problem here, and that is the anger management issue. Yes, an untrained animal is a problem, but the rage you have expressed is not warranted for this problem. And your wife and children apparently don’t respect your authority as the head of the house or the dog would be trained and there would be harmony in the home. If your rage is barely contained, then you need to seek help to find out why you are so angry before you do irreparable harm to the dog or your family or both. Actually, it might be for the best if you take the dog to a no-kill shelter before something terribly bad happens (killing a domesticated animal in anger in most states is a felony).

I’m sorry jjbulano, I have to respectfully disagree with you here. One’s home is one’s safe place, it’s one’s haven. As much as my animals and my home are my safe haven, that’s how Eucharisteo feels about his own home. However, his home is scattered with animal feces and urine, and messiness everywhere. That’s not a healthy environment for anyone and would make anyone angry. I would be enraged too if there were feces and urine everywhere. Again, I love my animals, I have many, but my home is my safe place. His kids are not small children. His wife, though she has issues, is not a child. She is his wife, not his five year old daughter. If these guys want pets, they need to have their pets that are in a heathy environment for everyone. If the wife and teenagers want the pets, they need to step up to the plate and take care of them. They’ve imposed their animals on Eucharisteo, without his consent, and now they’re creating an unhealthy mess for him to live in. My barns are cleaner than his house just by his description.

The one who needs some serious help is his wife and the teenage kids. They are old enough to know better, yet something is compelling them to impose this filth on their father. This is not some small problem, this is a fiithy. They need to fix this, not him. The only way he should be fixing it is to throw all the animals outside. And they’ll be fine, they were meant to be outside. They’ll adapt just fine.

Eucharisteo, the cats should be fine outside, they bunker down in their safe places where the big cats don’t get to. I’d give the dog up for adoption, it seems like he’s got some serious issues if he’s peeing when you try to put him in his crate. He needs a nice family who is willing to take care of him and offer him the life he deserves. Your teenage kids should be giving that dog lots of attention and training. It’s not fair to the dog anymore than you. Find him a nice home where he will be appreciated and loved. And get control of your house. You are a good man to put up with so much!

 

[Rence]

We use a kennel, not a crate. That’s how I train dogs. Start out with small spaces, give them play time, put them back…over simplified. We have dog books and have successfully trained them before. I wonder if its because my wife never kept up with the cats that the dog feels like it can go in the house. So I want to change the floors to Pergo and go from there. This way I can get the smell out and the temptation to just pee. I feel a bit bad for the animal and treat her good. I don’t like to hit animals because they just don’t know. However, in the animal world that is how the train each other. So it happens when all else fails. I start over each time. Right now she’s in the kennel, starting over.

Eucharisteo, how big is your yard? Is it fenced in? Do you have a deck or patio that he can get under? Before we moved here, the previous owners “adopted” a discarded hunting dog that wandered onto the property. He was a medium sized dog, but he slept under their deck. He was safe from predators there. Thankfully, they chased him down and caught him and took him with them when they moved But if you have a good sized yard for the dog, and something for him to get into (even a dogloo, especially in the winter), he should be happy. I would advise you though NOT to chain him out. Dogs generally don’t do well being tied out. But outside dogs can adapt well to being ouside and it will keep both of you happy.

 

[aicirt]

I don’t understand why your wife isn’t taking care of the dog while you are at work? You didn’t say how old the kids are. I wanted my kids to have a dog knowing full well that the responsibility would be mine. The oldest was five when we got her. There is no way a five-yr. old can be responsible for an animal. The dog was their pal and playmate. And she was my furry kid.

Your dog needs to be walked an hour a day. It has reached the age where it probably only needs one meal a day and some treats. It needs its own area like a crate. It will do better if it is with the family because it is a pack animal.

If your wife is not capable of all the care and the kids are old enough, have you tried to assign jobs for them with the understanding that if they don’t help, you will have to find the pooch a new home? Can your (name removed by moderator) take it back?

 

[purplesunshine]

We use a kennel, not a crate. That’s how I train dogs. Start out with small spaces, give them play time, put them back…over simplified. We have dog books and have successfully trained them before. I wonder if its because my wife never kept up with the cats that the dog feels like it can go in the house. So I want to change the floors to Pergo and go from there. This way I can get the smell out and the temptation to just pee. I feel a bit bad for the animal and treat her good. I don’t like to hit animals because they just don’t know. However, in the animal world that is how the train each other. So it happens when all else fails. I start over each time. Right now she’s in the kennel, starting over.

Our life style dictates that we shouldn’t have a dog. It’s never worked long term.

With all due respect if all dogs were able to trained the same way there wouldn’t be a myriad of dog books out there.

 

[kage_ar]

And kids CAN be trusted to take care of pets, if those kids have been raised to be responsible.

By the time I was 10 I was responsible for my dogs, scrubbing up vomit, messes, walking them, feeding, watering and bathing.

 

[eucharisteo]

I’ve attached a copy of my yard from my drive which is about 5 foot higher than the front yard.

 

[eucharisteo]

Another shot

 

[eucharisteo]

And kids CAN be trusted to take care of pets, if those kids have been raised to be responsible.

By the time I was 10 I was responsible for my dogs, scrubbing up vomit, messes, walking them, feeding, watering and bathing.

depends on the child.

 

[eucharisteo]

Eucharisteo, how big is your yard? Is it fenced in? Do you have a deck or patio that he can get under? Before we moved here, the previous owners “adopted” a discarded hunting dog that wandered onto the property. He was a medium sized dog, but he slept under their deck. He was safe from predators there. Thankfully, they chased him down and caught him and took him with them when they moved But if you have a good sized yard for the dog, and something for him to get into (even a dogloo, especially in the winter), he should be happy. I would advise you though NOT to chain him out. Dogs generally don’t do well being tied out. But outside dogs can adapt well to being ouside and it will keep both of you happy.

posted snow covered shots of the yard. The other side is not as clear or shallow sloped.
We had a toy rat terrier and had to give her away because she was nipping children. I can’t tell you how angry I was at my wife for mixing them. The poor little animal was scared to death. This one little girl is very small and sweet. She just has some kind of issue. I fear than my teen may have abused her because of his short temper. Unfortunately I had to discipline him for doing it and used the opportunity to teach him better. Now he just gets irritated anytime he has to do something with the dog. Yet today when I asked him how he feels about the dog he says “she’s sweet”, which is true.

It’s not like we don’t clean up the mess. I’m tired of cleaning it up. I think the carpet has been drenched beyond return and it has to go.

After the new floors training might work out better. But some of you sound insane because of how you feel about the animals. I love my animals but would never treat my child like trash just because they don’t have the faculties to properly care for the animals.

 

[crazzeto]

That looks like a terrific yard for a puppy, I’m sure it will love all that snow. I would say you should work with your childeren about getting this dog trained.

 

[mary_bobo]

DON’T HIT YOUR DOG. Even if it’s just a “little spanking.” Dogs aren’t humans; they can’t delineate between a “little” physical attack and a serious one. Hitting a dog will encourage violence in the animal.

As a dog show fan and long-time breeder and trainer of dogs, spanking does not work. You have to catch the dog in the act and shout “NO”, pick it up and take it outside. My suggestion is to take the dog out for his business at bedtime and then put him in a crate for the night. Usually they won’t mess in their crate unless you leave them too long.

 

[Franniecd]

If your dog wets itself when you go to touch it, it is because it is being submissive most likely because its scared. If you ‘spank’ it that would be why.

I have 3 dogs, and some days I REALLLLLLY question what is wrong with me to have CHOSEN 2 of the 3. I have a old dachshund, and (2) 1 year old dobermans. The dobies are ALOT of work. They are STILL not trained. Its my fault they are not trained properly. I walk them for 1 hour in the morning, and in the afternoon, I leave the bathroom breaks to my kids. That is the problem. If they could take themselves out, I could pass the blame on them, BUT because I must allow them out, I must take the blame.

I also use a crate to train my dogs. They each have their own. Sometimes the girl will potty in her crate. We clean it, and try again. They eventually will be trained completely. We have tile floors, and the dogs are not allowed into the children’s rooms. They have carpet. We manage to keep the dogs out because we installed a baby gate at the entrance to the bedroom hallway. It is a nice gate, attaches to the wall, and swings open. It matches our furniture.

As far as training goes… I highly recommend the techniques of Cesar Millan

The first thing you will learn from him is how to be the pack leader. You must be CALM and assertive. Showing anger cause the dogs potty in the house… shows them weakness and they will act out because of it. Your wife NEEDS to help. If she is out right refusing to do so… wow I just have no words…

Check out his site, and there is a forum for animal issues there that people can help you with the problem.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

This has nothing to do with man bashing. Don’t bring that issue into this post. It’s about a chaotic home. And family members who don’t pull their weight. Whatever your wife’s issues, she should be more attentive to the kids’ health. I suspect when you get new floors and the pets are out, the kids’ health will improve dramatically. NO ONE should have to live in a cat box or a dog toilet. And that’s what they’re turning your house into. Your rage is because every time you see it and have to deal with it, you are reminded that no one helps, that you had no choice in the matter, but you have been left with all the responsibility. Been there, done that. Teenagers are notorious about ignoring pets. Once they’re out of that little kid stage of loving pets, if it isn’t on the computer, they aren’t interested.

Your kids need to learn a lesson early in life: If you dont’ take care of something, you lose it. And that goes for people too.

Once a dog or cat starts using a spot as a toilet it returns to the same spot. It isn’t a matter of cleaning a carpet, it’s a matter of it soaking the padding and subflooring. I once moved into a house and we pulled up the carpet to put in wood floors and the subflooring was still soaked in one place because that’s where the dog kept going.

Gross!

And you need to tell the wife that you feel abused too and that you feel neglected and when you have to clean up pet feces and no one helps it makes you want to… whatever. Abused people can be very sensitive to other people’s pain. You need to let her in on how all this makes YOU feel.

Two years of living in excrement is enough. If the dog is untrainable (and yes, there are some that just cannot seem to learn), then it’s time to call a rescue league to take it.

Ignore the crying children who didn’t help despite being warned for 2 years. They need to learn that eventually when you don’t cooperate or help or do your part you lose (jobs, grades, relationships, pets, people, houses…)

The world will not cater to them and do their job for them like you have been doing. Time to teach them that now. Tell them the next pet they get will be at their own home where they will be responsible for it financially and physically.

 

[eucharisteo]

That looks like a terrific yard for a puppy, I’m sure it will love all that snow. I would say you should work with your children about getting this dog trained.

minus the snow you’ll see a yard in need of landscaping. Fencing is questionable because of several issues.

 

[purplesunshine]

Eucharisto

Are you at all aware of the other ramifications of this dog’s mess and the chaos that your household seems to be in the throws of?

This can turn into CPS business really fast. You have sick kids with urine soaked and feces infested carpets. You have a wife who isn’t contributing. Is your backyard “unlanscaped” or trashed? You have pets that your teenager may have abused and still be abusing, if not neglecting? And after he abused an animal he’s just totally fine now? HELLO? When a small child abuses animals that’s cause for concern and you need to get them to therapy but in a teenager its psychopathic and something they can be ARRESTED for.

This is VERY serious. You have lost control of your household. All it takes is one teacher, bus driver, or concerned friend for CPS to make a home visit. From there it dosn’t sound like you’d fare well.

 

[eucharisteo]

Eucharisto

Are you at all aware of the other ramifications of this dog’s mess and the chaos that your household seems to be in the throws of?

This can turn into CPS business really fast. You have sick kids with urine soaked and feces infested carpets. You have a wife who isn’t contributing. Is your backyard “unlanscaped” or trashed? You have pets that your teenager may have abused and still be abusing, if not neglecting? And after he abused an animal he’s just totally fine now? HELLO? When a small child abuses animals that’s cause for concern and you need to get them to therapy but in a teenager its psychopathic and something they can be ARRESTED for.

This is VERY serious. You have lost control of your household. All it takes is one teacher, bus driver, or concerned friend for CPS to make a home visit. From there it dosn’t sound like you’d fare well.

Trust me, we know federal, state and local laws because of our backgrounds. This is not CPS material. We scrub and clean the carpet but the animal goes there from time to time, more often than I’m willing to put up with. I got in trouble at work from having to stay home more than usual. You’d think my wife would be more receptive… I wrote some clarifying information so that this becomes clearer for those of you with brains. to per things into perspective. It’s awfully personal and would scandalize her if it got out. It’s my well kept secret. This is my family and I have done what I believe is appropriate for now…quit my job, justified that I need to go back to school for advanced education and teacher certification.

I’ve made up my mind already to get rid of the dog - if I don’t cave. I’m going to try to give up the dog while it’s just me and the my daughter. They’ll just have to get over it. Thank you for the psycho babel. I needed a place to vent and this helped me calm down long enough to see more clearly what I must do and do it without them knowing before they talk me out of it again with crying and whining.

I do believe the children, including my wife and I, have gotten ill much more since the animals came into the house. My wife can barely take care of herself. I’ve been taking care of her like a patient. She has issues. But I love her and am responsible for ministering to her as a husband by the way I honor and respect her. It’s not a 50/50 relationship. It’s supposed to be a 100/100 percent relationship. That means when your spouse fails, you are there to catch them. Unfortunately, she seems to be unable to get past her past evident by the fact that she just won’t change her behavior. I’ve modified my behavior in so many ways trying to make her happy. I’m house trained

If I say something no matter how gentle she gets mad and then she burns up for a few days and might do it for a little while but always falls back into the same routine, neglecting all of us. Example, if I try to talk about finances she’ll just continue to play on her computer without giving me undivided attention. She pretty much says whatever you think or sometimes she gives what I believe to be bad choices…like ignore it. I’m easy to please. But I worry about the attention my children are not getting because of her escape mechanisms. She just folds in emotionally and then rages when a child overwhelms her. That’s when I step in and try to calm things down. This is what I mean that I don’t have time for the animals. I’m too busy taking care of my wife and literally protecting her from herself at times.

I discovered that she cuts right after her conversion. She learned that it was a sin and thus brought it up with our pastor. Since then I’ve been extra careful how I deal with her. This is the best kept secret I have and why I don’t let people know who I am on here. She’s taking a very high dosage of anti-depressants and I have to remind her most every night to take it because just one day she become Gadzilla on her time of month. It’s quite scary to me. She used to threaten to pack her bags about every 6 months when I finally lost my cool with her and leave me over the dumbest things - disagreements about spending, not talking to me, or just trying to talk through important issues, like budgets, spending, listening, getting help, medication, etc. I’m not hear to complain about her so stop assuming so much bad. She loves me and the children.
She’s a wonderful woman when she’s rested. She’s wonderful with the kids when she interacts with them. She just doesn’t know how to tell her employer enough is enough. She prepares 5 lesson plans per week, 6th, 8th, 9th, 11th and 12th grades. She is overworked and just won’t look for another job closer to home. She’s stubborn or extremely fearful. There’s more, but it’s too long to talk about.

So, what does all of this mean? She’s the perfect victim. She won’t speak up for herself, even if is destroys her life. She’s sick. And even when she’s not overworked she has issues. She moves from one obsession to another, mostly computer games and facebook stuff. The rest of the time she’s doing lesson plans. I fear that she’s neglecting our children by ignoring them more than she should. My issue is that after 20 years of dealing with her I fear taking a strong stand on anything because she’ll abandon us, or me. I fear that if she does and takes the kids then she’ll end up continuing to neglect the children or snapping their heads out verbally.

She’s escaping. What is she escaping from - memories I think, the feeling of worthlessness or marginalized…conditioned behavior from her childhood. I was the first man in her life that made her feel worth something. I believe she is the product of a severe case of hard line fundamentalist Christian raising.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Or one could say she’s a complete narcissist who is using her illness to manipulate the whole family and everything is on her terms. There is a fine line between being a victim and using childhood pain as an excuse to inflict neglect, abuse and manipulation onto other people, making THEM victims too.

The fact that you walk on such eggshells, afraid to have a conversation about a steaming pile of dog waste on your carpet really REALLY worries me.

You are admirable in that you have not abandoned her to her issues. (Yes, narcissists are that way because of neglect and abuse during their formative years. Their whole sense of self has been violated to the point that it cripples them.)

Whatever her problem, YOU seem to be suffering more from it than she does. And your kids will carry that cycle of neglect into a new generation.

Been there done that with a narcissist busy clicking and playing Solitaire on the computer endlessly while the kids get no attention from him.

I hope YOU are getting individual counselling to keep YOU from exploding.

Having just put a very expensive and destructive pet down (it was almost 12) myself, and having lived for the last month without the stress of “what is it going to destroy next?” or the animal waste issue, I have to say it has been a huge relief not to deal with it. The kids will adjust. The wife clinging to the dog over your own mental and physical health is a whole 'nuther issue…

You DO have the right to assert your own needs once in a while. Or there won’t be anything left of you to take care of the kids. She needs to be in deep counseling. Or you will end up with kids cutting too. She will be their example of how to handle stress, pain and grief in life.

 

[smellymelly]

How about making the dog an outside dog? That way all can enjoy him and he has no where else to “go” but in the apropriate place. Install a dog door in your garage and get him his own space (preferably a crate). and problem solved.

This dog is causing your family a lot of stress. I am a dog lover but wouldn’t let it ruin my life. If need be find the dog a new home or maybe a rescue type facility and everyone will get over it.

 

[eucharisteo]

Or one could say** she’s a complete ****narcissist **:tsktsk:who is using her illness to manipulate the whole family and everything is on her terms. Which part of highly medicated don’t you get? And why are you dragging my wife over the coals not knowing her? There is a fine line between being a victim and using childhood pain as an excuse to inflict neglect, abuse and manipulation onto other people, making THEM victims too. Cultural issue.

The fact that you walk on such eggshells, afraid to have a conversation about a steaming pile of dog waste on your carpet really REALLY worries me.

You are admirable in that you have not abandoned her to her issues. (Yes, narcissists are that way because of neglect and abuse during their formative years. Their whole sense of self has been violated to the point that it cripples them.)Church of Christ women seem to be typically the target of abuse, sexual as well. sometime they cover up things worst than what we saw in our recent past.

Whatever her problem, YOU seem to be suffering more from it than she does. And your kids will carry that cycle of neglect into a new generation. ** So I should do what then Ms/Mr know it all. **

Been there done that with a narcissist busy clicking and playing Solitaire on the computer endlessly while the kids get no attention from him. **And this here my people is my point and why I don’t ask you to solve my relationship problems. **

I hope YOU are getting individual counselling to keep YOU from exploding. ** I have God, and the confessional until the next time I really need therapy.**

Having just put a very expensive and destructive pet down (it was almost 12) myself, and having lived for the last month without the stress of “what is it going to destroy next?” or the animal waste issue, I have to say it has been a huge relief not to deal with it. The kids will adjust. The wife clinging to the dog over your own mental and physical health is a whole 'nuther issue…

You DO have the right to assert your own needs once in a while. Or there won’t be anything left of you to take care of the kids. She needs to be in deep counseling. Or you will end up with kids cutting too. She will be their example of how to handle stress, pain and grief in life.You don’t understand cutting and the cause of it and why I don’t go into details. PTSD.

She does need counseling. She knows it but time and money are impediments. Continued illnesses like her cancer are part of the problem. Two years ago she started passing out and falling down stairs. I think it would be very difficult for a woman that doesn’t like bruising would intentionally fall down stairs. 20 years ago she passed out and fell clear across the room knocking the TV down. I woke her up and she didn’t remember anything. PTSD.