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eucharisteo
Guest
This is the direction I’m going.
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mommamaree
Guest
Eucharisteo-
You are working so hard to nurse your wife back to health and provide a healthy home for your family and protect all of your loved ones. I still go back to what I said before…I think it would be the right thing to do to find the dog a new home. A no-kill shelter, or a friend with acreage may be just the solution, for your family and for a happier dog. There is no reason to feel guilty. The health and wellbeing of you and your family should come first, and you have made it clear that is your highest priority. I know that there are a lot of dog lovers who keep advising you to train the poor beast, but really, you have to spend so much of your time and energy caring for your wife and kids, that I don’t know how you would manage a new training routine.
It disturbs me to see what I perceive to be name-calling and harsh criticisms and medical evaluations of you or your family members going on here, especially since you came here seeking support for a difficult situation. It must be so hard for you, but I can tell that you really want to support your family, even if that means telling them “no” when they want something that is not healthy for them. I will say a prayer for your family.
You are working so hard to nurse your wife back to health and provide a healthy home for your family and protect all of your loved ones. I still go back to what I said before…I think it would be the right thing to do to find the dog a new home. A no-kill shelter, or a friend with acreage may be just the solution, for your family and for a happier dog. There is no reason to feel guilty. The health and wellbeing of you and your family should come first, and you have made it clear that is your highest priority. I know that there are a lot of dog lovers who keep advising you to train the poor beast, but really, you have to spend so much of your time and energy caring for your wife and kids, that I don’t know how you would manage a new training routine.
It disturbs me to see what I perceive to be name-calling and harsh criticisms and medical evaluations of you or your family members going on here, especially since you came here seeking support for a difficult situation. It must be so hard for you, but I can tell that you really want to support your family, even if that means telling them “no” when they want something that is not healthy for them. I will say a prayer for your family.
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
I’m not a know it all. Never said I was. You insulting me when I came here to validate your feelings about getting out of the sewage you were living in…well, trying to help was a mistake.
For what it’s worth… my narcissist xh was highly medicated at one time also.
It did not take care of the underlying problem.
I won’t attempt to help you find answers to what to do about your kids. You don’t seem to like me and anything I say would have no validity. I was just trying to let you know I had similar behavior by my xh that has affected my children.
You have no idea what I do or don’t know about cutting. So I will disregard your last comment.
Good luck. You have your hands full. And when people come here and say in this situation it doesn’t sound like YOU are the problem, you seem angry about it. No, I don’t know your wife. But good luck dealing with everything. You have a very full plate.
For what it’s worth… my narcissist xh was highly medicated at one time also.
It did not take care of the underlying problem.
I won’t attempt to help you find answers to what to do about your kids. You don’t seem to like me and anything I say would have no validity. I was just trying to let you know I had similar behavior by my xh that has affected my children.
You have no idea what I do or don’t know about cutting. So I will disregard your last comment.
Good luck. You have your hands full. And when people come here and say in this situation it doesn’t sound like YOU are the problem, you seem angry about it. No, I don’t know your wife. But good luck dealing with everything. You have a very full plate.
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Franniecd
Guest
I totally agree with this solution.
I guess I missed the part about your wife’s issues. I certainly didn’t read all of the posts from others before I posted my own idea.
I didn’t mean any disrespect about training the dog. Untrained dogs should be trained. From the original post that is the way it came off. An overwhelmed husband with a wife and children that refuses to help with their pet is how I read the post. Clearly there was more to the story that I apparently missed or glossed over. In the future, should you decide to get another pet, the trainer that I mentioned (Cesar Millan) is a great trainer and has helped me tremendously.
Knowing the way your wife reacts to problems, what do you think will happen when you remove the dog from your home?
I know that Catholic Charities can offer some counseling help and at a price that scales to your income. I believe that there are also non-religious based organizations that also offer counseling at reduced rates based on income.
I hope that you can find some help for her sake, your children’s and yourself.
Best of luck!
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BabyDoll4
Guest
I agree. You are working so hard for your family. An animal (one that is creating health hazards and emotional stress) is not what your family needs. I can empathize with you to an extent. About a week ago I completely blew up at my kids. Their responsibility is to scoop the litter box and sweep the floors (hard wood). I am livid when I feel tiny bits of cat litter on my feet which in turn gets dragged into my bed. Nasty Nasty. I still regret saying yes to hubby and kids when they wanted to get a lab mix puppy. She is destroying everything in my house. I believe pets are the responsibility of the whole family. Children can be expected to help with their care. And I too said if you all are not going to help take care of the pets then they are going to go. As a stay at home mom I have enough on my plate let alone having to take care of the animals by myself too.
I want to encourage you to stick to your guns (so to speak). The care of the dog should not rest solely on you while you are also caring for an “ill” family. I ask God to give you strength during this time. May He guide you to make the best decisions for your family.
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eucharisteo
Guest
Text message to wife:
I’m giving Anna away
response:
Ok
In a nutshell, she said she was tired of the mess too and said "Just can’t get rid of her. You be strong.
I asked her if she’d be mad and she said she wouldn’t. I’ve tried this several times now and she always made excuses. This time she’s not. I guess she actually finally got tired of it as well. I’m releaved.
She found one of her student’s that want her and I found a Taco Bell employee that would like to have her as well. I showed her off. She’s a sweet dog and I refused to take her to the pound so they could kill her. I’d have driven all the way out of state to give her back to my stepmother if necessary. But it looks like we found a good place for her. We’re going to pay for her shots and all as well as give them what we have already bought her, including her toys and blanky… yes she loves her blanky. She’s really cute, but I hate the filth we’ve had to deal with. Just as soon as I walked in the front door and she ran after my oldest son in the house, she turned right around and pooped right in the middle of the hallway. My daughter came in to tell me she just did it. She saw her do it. I have no regrets getting rid of her. But healing my 8 year old son’s heart will take some doing. He hasn’t stopped crying since I told him. This gives him a chance to say bye.
He sounds like we did when my dad took off to Vietnam. Heartbroken.
But I explained as best I could to an 8 year old. I feel terrible but am not going to back out this time. I just want to do this before my wife caves and then puts me on the spot.
I’m giving Anna away
response:
Ok
In a nutshell, she said she was tired of the mess too and said "Just can’t get rid of her. You be strong.
I asked her if she’d be mad and she said she wouldn’t. I’ve tried this several times now and she always made excuses. This time she’s not. I guess she actually finally got tired of it as well. I’m releaved.
She found one of her student’s that want her and I found a Taco Bell employee that would like to have her as well. I showed her off. She’s a sweet dog and I refused to take her to the pound so they could kill her. I’d have driven all the way out of state to give her back to my stepmother if necessary. But it looks like we found a good place for her. We’re going to pay for her shots and all as well as give them what we have already bought her, including her toys and blanky… yes she loves her blanky. She’s really cute, but I hate the filth we’ve had to deal with. Just as soon as I walked in the front door and she ran after my oldest son in the house, she turned right around and pooped right in the middle of the hallway. My daughter came in to tell me she just did it. She saw her do it. I have no regrets getting rid of her. But healing my 8 year old son’s heart will take some doing. He hasn’t stopped crying since I told him. This gives him a chance to say bye.
He sounds like we did when my dad took off to Vietnam. Heartbroken.
But I explained as best I could to an 8 year old. I feel terrible but am not going to back out this time. I just want to do this before my wife caves and then puts me on the spot.
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eucharisteo
Guest
I insulted you?
I didn’t ask your for a solution on how to hurt my wife or the insults you made about her. My anger is not your concern…just was venting.
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gh4
Guest
Don’t ever hit a dog. That only makes it afraid, doesn’t train it at all.
Get a good crate, some training treats, take it to classes for obedience and get a good trainer to teach you how to train your dog to go potty outside.
If a dog is healthy, and that means taking it to the vet to make sure it’s not having accidenets in the house because of a medical problem, then you have only yourself to blame for accidents in the house.
The crate is the dog’s house for nights and when no one is taking the dog outside and no one is watching the dog. When you let him/her out of the crate, go immediately outside and when the dog does his business, you praise and treat. When the dog is in the house and an adult is not playing with him, put him on a long leash and attach to your arm, waist etc. and you will know when the dog becomes restless and needs to go out, and after going out, it is a good time to play with the dog for a bit.
I had a crate and a flexi lead with my poodle and in his 13 years with me, he’s had 5 accidents and 4 of those were my fault and one was illness.
I’m a firm believer in all members of the household must want a pet for that pet to work well in the home. If you can’t train this dog or don’t want to do so, find him/her a good home where he/she will be cherished by her owners.
Best of luck!
Get a good crate, some training treats, take it to classes for obedience and get a good trainer to teach you how to train your dog to go potty outside.
If a dog is healthy, and that means taking it to the vet to make sure it’s not having accidenets in the house because of a medical problem, then you have only yourself to blame for accidents in the house.
The crate is the dog’s house for nights and when no one is taking the dog outside and no one is watching the dog. When you let him/her out of the crate, go immediately outside and when the dog does his business, you praise and treat. When the dog is in the house and an adult is not playing with him, put him on a long leash and attach to your arm, waist etc. and you will know when the dog becomes restless and needs to go out, and after going out, it is a good time to play with the dog for a bit.
I had a crate and a flexi lead with my poodle and in his 13 years with me, he’s had 5 accidents and 4 of those were my fault and one was illness.
I’m a firm believer in all members of the household must want a pet for that pet to work well in the home. If you can’t train this dog or don’t want to do so, find him/her a good home where he/she will be cherished by her owners.
Best of luck!
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eucharisteo
Guest
gh4,
I agreed with you on every point. I do believe that each dog, like people, have different habits that may dictate how easily trained they are though. This girl was sweet but because of the teenage boy’s inconsistency she never seemed to get it straight. Only when I got involved did she start to do fine. But I don’t have time. I’m far too busy handling all of the other things that have piled up. My wife finally admitted tonight that she did not have time either. She not only supported me tonight but actually found a home. We just got back from a south Dallas house, gang territory, to drop the dog off. Talk about a beautiful girl… Hispanic. My wife and I teased my son about getting them together. She was gorgeous and very sweet… Catholic too. She’s one of my wife’s favorite students.
Anyway, we found a home and this is past us. I can now continue to clean up our living space and not fret over animal messes. My wife agrees that we just don’t have time for an inside pet at this stage of our life.
Thanks for all the replies. Sorry if I came across snooty, I was under a lot of stress. I already feel much more relaxed and much less hostile. Must be something psychological happening with that.
I agreed with you on every point. I do believe that each dog, like people, have different habits that may dictate how easily trained they are though. This girl was sweet but because of the teenage boy’s inconsistency she never seemed to get it straight. Only when I got involved did she start to do fine. But I don’t have time. I’m far too busy handling all of the other things that have piled up. My wife finally admitted tonight that she did not have time either. She not only supported me tonight but actually found a home. We just got back from a south Dallas house, gang territory, to drop the dog off. Talk about a beautiful girl… Hispanic. My wife and I teased my son about getting them together. She was gorgeous and very sweet… Catholic too. She’s one of my wife’s favorite students.
Anyway, we found a home and this is past us. I can now continue to clean up our living space and not fret over animal messes. My wife agrees that we just don’t have time for an inside pet at this stage of our life.
Thanks for all the replies. Sorry if I came across snooty, I was under a lot of stress. I already feel much more relaxed and much less hostile. Must be something psychological happening with that.
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mommamaree
Guest
You never came across as snooty. It was obvious that you were stressed out, though. I am so thankful that you found a good home for the dog with one of your wife’s students. The fact that you and your wife were in accord, IMHO, demonstrates that God was working in this situation to maintain the peace in your family, home, and marriage, that you have been working so hard for. It sounds to me like it was truly an answer to prayer. I hope that your child who is taking it so hard can begin to accept the necessity of this decision. Maybe, with a bit of time and a chance to talk with you about why it had to be done, he will begin to heal and move on.
God Bless.
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eucharisteo
Guest
My son was much better this morning. At least he not gasping for breath while balling. So sad. I wrote his teacher a note to let her know why he is upset and that if he needs to come home to give me a call.
This morning I woke up without all the anxiety I’ve been suffering from since we got all the animals. Now that the cats are outside I think I can actually think again with much more clarity. Thank God.
I’ve started a “deep cleaning” process for now. I think talking about buying new flooring helped encourage my wife to see the light of day. She felt too guilty to do this and for her to do it was sort of an admission of guilt - maybe???. I’m preparing for college now that I’m not being pestered by the dog. This carpet needs to be thrown away…ASAP.
After we get new carpets we can begin to invite people over again. This was part of my problem. Inviting people over was way too embarrassing and since I’m preparing for becoming a deacon in the next decade it is important that we do not have a home in disarray. Contrary to what some people said or what some might think, my wife is significantly better. Teaching has brought her new purpose in life and is building her self-esteem. She teaches the poorest of the poor in American, the illegal emigrants in the ghetto. She loves it and has started to practice her Spanish for the job. They remind her of when she grew up in her poverty in another state. I’m hoping to get certified to teach and work on the grad degree.
This morning I woke up without all the anxiety I’ve been suffering from since we got all the animals. Now that the cats are outside I think I can actually think again with much more clarity. Thank God.
I’ve started a “deep cleaning” process for now. I think talking about buying new flooring helped encourage my wife to see the light of day. She felt too guilty to do this and for her to do it was sort of an admission of guilt - maybe???. I’m preparing for college now that I’m not being pestered by the dog. This carpet needs to be thrown away…ASAP.
After we get new carpets we can begin to invite people over again. This was part of my problem. Inviting people over was way too embarrassing and since I’m preparing for becoming a deacon in the next decade it is important that we do not have a home in disarray. Contrary to what some people said or what some might think, my wife is significantly better. Teaching has brought her new purpose in life and is building her self-esteem. She teaches the poorest of the poor in American, the illegal emigrants in the ghetto. She loves it and has started to practice her Spanish for the job. They remind her of when she grew up in her poverty in another state. I’m hoping to get certified to teach and work on the grad degree.
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eucharisteo
Guest
Guess what? Today my wife called me and the girl told her to pick her up. She was growling at them. They were very silly. So my wife went and picked up the dog, took her to school and met another student who had no problem with the dog and took her home. He texted her to tell us that Anna was doing good. Cheese and Cheetos always work.
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