Dog sitting and courtesy

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ymartinez1015

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My husband and I have been dog sitting our friend’s dog since Friday. They are supposed to arrive sometime today. They have yet to contact me when they will be arriving. I have no issues with the dog however yesterday my house started to smell like dog, I had to open all the windows and that still was not helping the smell. Maybe I was being overly sensitive. I agreed to dog sit next week as well, for a longer period of time. To be honest, I have no issues with my friend and her family however after today,I am not sure if I want to dog sit anymore. I would at least expect some kind of communication as when their ETA will be today. I am a bit annoyed. I have a family of my own, I need to take care of and get ready for the week. What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to say “no” to her about next week however I’m close to.
 
If you’ve already agreed, I would keep the commitment. Next time you’ll be able to say “no,” though, and you’ll know not to sign up for something twice before you know how it will go once. 😉

You never know why someone might not have told you, yet (if they’re flying or in an area without service, which does still happen). I would ask upfront about what time in the future. I am a person who likes to know those things as well since I’m a planner, and I am very specific about drop off and pick up times with babysitting clients.
 
pensmama87 said:
If you’ve already agreed, I would keep the commitment. Next time you’ll be able to say “no,” though, and you’ll know not to sign up for something twice before you know how it will go once. 😉

You never know why someone might not have told you, yet (if they’re flying or in an area without service, which does still happen). I would ask upfront about what time in the future. I am a person who likes to know those things as well since I’m a planner, and I am very specific about drop off and pick up times with babysitting clients.
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When she asked me about next week, she was in a rush. I did not have a chance to ask her about times and days. However you are right, next time I will ask for specifics.
 
pensmama87 said:
If you’ve already agreed, I would keep the commitment. Next time you’ll be able to say “no,” though, and you’ll know not to sign up for something twice before you know how it will go once. 😉

You never know why someone might not have told you, yet (if they’re flying or in an area without service, which does still happen). I would ask upfront about what time in the future. I am a person who likes to know those things as well since I’m a planner, and I am very specific about drop off and pick up times with babysitting clients.
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Right.

We once had a somewhat more awkward situation. A friend who usually just stayed for the weekend came to visit. During the visit (which wound up being a week) we discovered that he’d been laid off and his wife was leaving him, so he was in no particular hurry to go back home. We had absolutely no idea if he was ever planning to leave and we (being young people) were shy about asking about his plans, so it was a huge relief when he finally did. (I had a little baby at the time, as I recall.)

Live and learn.

Before agreeing to doing any favor, make sure you know exactly what you are signing up for.
 
Xantippe said:
Right.

We once had a somewhat more awkward situation. A friend who usually just stayed for the weekend came to visit. During the visit (which wound up being a week) we discovered that he’d been laid off and his wife was leaving him, so he was in no particular hurry to go back home. We had absolutely no idea if he was ever planning to leave and we (being young people) were shy about asking about his plans, so it was a huge relief when he finally did. (I had a little baby at the time, as I recall.)

Live and learn.

Before agreeing to doing any favor, make sure you know exactly what you are signing up for.
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Yes, live and learn. It’s getting late and I’m getting annoyed. I’m probably going to have to tell them I have plans next week and will not be able to dog sit. As much as I don’t want to do this, I’m going to have to.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
Yes, live and learn. It’s getting late and I’m getting annoyed. I’m probably going to have to tell them I have plans next week and will not be able to dog sit. As much as I don’t want to do this, I’m going to have to.
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Haven’t you already said you would do it?
 
maryjk said:
Haven’t you already said you would do it?
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I did. They arrived, picked up their dog. No “Thank you” “Sorry we were late.” Nothing. This kind of shocks me, coming from them. I really need to pray about this.
 
Sounds more like problems with the friends than problems with the dog. If you decline to dog sit again next week, be prepared for a rift. But I sense you’ve reached that point already.
 
I dogsit sometimes and the people always give an estimate on when they will return and call me when they are on their way back. So I think it’s rude of your friends to expect you to just hang around till whenever they feel like returning. Since you already agreed to dogsit the next time I would ask them when they leave the dog when they are coming back. If they don’t want to do that then offer to go feed their dog and let it out at their house on a certain schedule. Then if they don’t come home when they agreed to it’s on them if their house has surprises in it.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
I did. They arrived, picked up their dog. No “Thank you” “Sorry we were late.” Nothing. This kind of shocks me, coming from them. I really need to pray about this.
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Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. If they were late, they probably had an unpleasant return home. Wait and see if they call later in the week to apologize/explain. Also, it really depends on the type of relationship you have with them. Is it one of constantly doing favors back and forth? So maybe they just don’t get how it is irking you/ Or is this the only favor they ever asked?
 
Anglewannabe said:
Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. If they were late, they probably had an unpleasant return home. Wait and see if they call later in the week to apologize/explain. Also, it really depends on the type of relationship you have with them. Is it one of constantly doing favors back and forth? So maybe they just don’t get how it is irking you/ Or is this the only favor they ever asked?
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We do do favors for one another however it is not always. This dog sitting was unexpected. I agreed to dog sit for the month of May however she did not tell me when until last Friday when she asked me if I could dog sit for her this past weekend. We do have a good relationship which is why I was shocked.
 
Is it possible that she thought she had already told you what time they’d be back?
 
Allegra said:
Is it possible that she thought she had already told you what time they’d be back?
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She never told me to what time she would arrive. She arrived at 7:30pm this evening. She never said anything nor sent a text message about her ETA.
 
Time for some charitable and yet frank communication of the “we have a problem, Houston” sort.

Yes, I’d pray about it and also have some rehearsal conversations with someone you trust. Your friend has already come off to you in a way she probably did not intend but rather blundered into by being thoughtless. Put some thought and preparation into how you are going to outline your legitimate boundaries in reply. You are aiming to make your points in ways that are kind and yet entirely explicit.

Yes, you may still have a rift to go through, but the rift is already there on your side. Time to deal with this, before it gets worse. It would have been better to say something when she collected her dog, but that is water under the bridge.

As an example: I wouldn’t back out of a month of dog-sitting that you already offered–you can suffer through that rash commitment for integrity’s sake–but make it clear that dog needs a bath before you meet again. Otherwise, getting the dog a bath will justly be at your expense. (Worth every penny, I’m thinking, but I don’t think you plan on having this good deed cost you that much money.)
 
ymartinez1015 said:
I did. They arrived, picked up their dog. No “Thank you” “Sorry we were late.” Nothing. This kind of shocks me, coming from them. I really need to pray about this.
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Of course they ought to have said “thank you,” even if you were running a paid service and they had paid you and given you a handsome tip. I suppose if they were nice to you and excitedly telling you how things went or greeting their dog or had a bad day, it could happen. Most of us fail in the niceties once in awhile. Not excusable, but we do have to forgive trespasses as we hope to be forgiven. Try to pass it over.

I don’t know how they can be late when no time was ever set. If they said “some time” and you never asked exactly what time “some time” was, they may have assumed it didn’t matter to you. Try being more explicit next time. If they don’t give you information that is important to you, ask for it. If you didn’t have everything you assumed you would be provided, ask for it.

Now, ask yourself: Did you act annoyed but fail to articulate what was bothering you? That, like their failure to say “thank you,” was not OK. If you’re annoyed, do not play games. Say that you are annoyed, apologize for being less than gracious (if you were), and explain why. Really, truly: If you have anything to apologize for here, do it. It is always better to apologize before complaining if you know you may not be the model of great behavior yourself.

Make it a real apology, too. That means the apology goes last, reasons first, not the other way around:
NOT: I’m sorry I wasn’t very nice when you came by to pick up Buddy, but I was really annoyed with you. (That isn’t an apology. That is making excuses for your bad behavior. It is guaranteed to make the person hearing your complaint defensive.)

BUT RATHER: I need to apologize. I was annoyed about the time you came to pick up Buddy, because I thought you’d call ahead and that you’d be there earlier, but I was really not nice to you when you came by. I’m sorry. I should not have handled it that way.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. It is a good habit.
 
I was asked to dogsit for three weeks when an ex-roommate went out of the country to get married. I ended up having the dog for eight years. (That’s OK, I liked the dog, and so did the stray I found three years later).
 
Hi ymartinez,

Does your friend live close enough to you where her dog could just stay at her house when she isn’t home, and you could go over there to take care of him?

To me, that would be the better way to do it. You wouldn’t have to have him in your home then, or wonder about when your friend would be coming by to pick him up.
 
smile and be friendly. Ask about their trip first.
Tell them you were happy to do this favor for them this time, and then tell them that sorry this didn’t work out as expected–it cut into a lot of daily things that needed to be done…the dog was fine, but you are a planner and can’t do it next week–I hope you understand, and no hard feelings–

I would lso mention a close by pet boarding place, if they are stuck–have they ever tried it?
 
Why didn’t you try and call her to see when she was coming in?

I don’t know why your house would smell of dog. Didn’t she wash the pooch before she brought him over? I’ve had dogs and I’ve sat dogs and none ever smelled.
 
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