Don't know what to do

[SouthCatholic]

First let me say that I am qualify to teach her in Biology and Algebra. I get those subjects. The only subject I am not so great at is English. My dd is great in English though because she wants to be an author some day. So putting that to rest. I know it is not working. The religion things she says and saying she will commit suicide are just her way to control me and make me feel for her. After she calmed down, she told me she did not mean anything, but just knows it hurts her father to say them. She knows what she is doing.

She is seeing a psychologist, we all are, so that is being taken care of. This summer she will be helping out in VBS at our church despite her being so far behind. I think if she applied herself, she could finish ninth grade. She just wants to hurt us as parents. She does everything the opposite of her father. He then gets depressed. I am in the middle. Yes, I have bought her clothes that fit her and the ones that don’t, she doesn’t want me to get rid of them. She is the first to say, “my boobs are popping out” and I agree.

Some of you are making me to be a bad parent. I don’t need this now in my life. I failed my daughter, not in the school area, but in the moral area. Thanks for everything, but I guess it was a mistake to come on here. As some of you said, there is a lot going on and there is. Just pray for us. Thanks.

@nana3

No one is making you out to be a bad parent. All we are saying is that the current situation is not working for your daughter. So, perhaps it would be best if you give up on the homeschooling and allow her to attend school.

I remember when you got into conflict with the school over genuflecting and receiving communion in the hand. I remember when your daughter and your husband were in conflict over they way she practices her faith. In short, you are entirely too involved in directing ALL aspects of her life and she wants out. You are not allowing her to grow–and part of growing is making some mistakes.

 

[nana3]

@nana3

No one is making you out to be a bad parent. All we are saying is that the current situation is not working for your daughter. So, perhaps it would be best if you give up on the homeschooling and allow her to attend school.

I remember when you got into conflict with the school over genuflecting and receiving communion in the hand. I remember when your daughter and your husband were in conflict over they way she practices her faith. In short, you are entirely too involved in directing ALL aspects of her life and she wants out. You are not allowing her to grow–and part of growing is making some mistakes.

I am glad you remember us. Like a person posted, " the church thing" she is hitting us where it hurts. She knows that and uses it. I know our current situation doesn’t work. I have for two years now. I begged my daughter to go to school in ninth grade at our local public HS, but she did not want to go and wanted to stay homeschooled. Yes, there are some here who feel I am not qualified to teach my dd. I have a bachelors degree in nursing. I have one year of master degrees in theology. My chronic pains prevented that change in career. She can’t go to public school now due to only four more weeks left. I even checked half the year with the school and they would not take her because I had no transcripts because I did not have another grades. I tried!

As far as not letting my dd make her own mistakes, I think I have. If I was entirely too involved in her life, she would not have done porn on the internet. If I was too involved, how did she steal from her friends? If I was too involved how did she write those dirty sexual stories online? I was not too involved. We taught her what the Catholic Church teaches and that is what she rebelled against. She hates the Ten Commandments but a priest told me for her age they rebel at what the Church and Bible teaches because it goes against the secular world. I have allowed her to grow up too fast. She knows more about sex than I do. I couldn’t believe her stories. Now I do watch her like a hawk. There are passwords on every device. She needs to earn our trust again. Even after promising us that she would not write any more of those dirty stories, I found out she has yet another social network that I didn’t know about and she was writing those stories again. She is great in English and loves writing stories which is great but why do they need to be sexual in nature and have profanities? Again she is going against Church teachings. So yes I have allowed her to make her mistakes. She doesn’t see them as mistakes though.

 

[rinnie]

I hope I can get some words of wisdom for my dd who is 14 years old and in 9th grade. I have homeschooled her since third grade and still am homeschooling her. She takes two online classes with Florida Virtual School and passed one with an A. She takes one public school class which is culinary and gets A’s and B’s for her final quarter grade, but usually gets a low C or D on her exams. I guess the teacher counts these recipes that they have to write down in a journal and their cooking time as well. With me, she is taking Algebra I and is still not done with second quarter, English which she is also not done with second quarter and Biology same thing, Religion and Reading. She is struggling in all her classes with me. Her focus is terrible and doesn’t remember what she just read. I did test her for ADHD and she doesn’t have it. I got her tested at a place called LearningRx, you can google it if you want and she scored low in many areas like short and long term memory. I do have her registered with the county and with an umbrella school. I have not turned in her second quarter grades in the three subjects I mentioned above. She tells me that she doesn’t understand Algebra or Biology. English she is just lazy. I have gone over the Algebra with her and she says she still doesn’t get it. The same with Biology. I tell her she actually has to study Biology due to the many new terms she is learning, but she says she is trying. I asked her to take notes, but she doesn’t. She just says she wants to go to public school. I am afraid first that she won’t be done with 9th grade before the next school year starts and next that she will get bad grades in HS is she goes to public school. She is training her brain with LearningRx and I hope that helps for it is expensive. When I see her on the TV, I tell her to turn it off and catch up on her school work and she yells and says she is in prison and wants out. I think she is depressed as well. She is very angry at God. On Good Friday, my husband was listening to some prayers he has on a CD and it bothered her. She said we were going to church and if we had to listen to more “****” on the way there. She put her own music on and my husband wanted to talk to her about her comment. Then she yells and says she wished that Jesus was never born and never came into our lives. She said she was not going to receive Holy Communion and she didn’t. I was sick and so was my husband on Easter, so we did not go to Mass. My husband went to daily Mass on Monday and brought us Communion for I was still sick and she refused to receive. I don’t know if this “I hate religion and Jesus,” is typical or not for this age group. I can only compare her to my niece who is now 17 and went through this too, but it was more because her parents were getting divorce and still have custody issues. The 17 year old now goes to Mass if she wants and if she doesn’t it doesn’t bother her. She knows it is wrong because she goes to a Catholic HS. She just doesn’t care. Her dad doesn’t go to Mass, so she doesn’t care. Her brother who is 14 doesn’t go to Mass either. We force our daughter to go and she obeys, my sister lost control of her kids long time ago so they won’t listen to her. I talked to a priest and he said that she has to go to Mass, but not force her with family prayers. That is a bid issue too. Then when I looked through her ITunes account, I find songs by Ninki Minaj and others that I did not like and read the lyrics to the music with tons of profanity. I told her she is to have all music approved by me and why did she purchase those. I told her I was going to delete them and she just said, “I have them memorized.” I feel that I have failed her in some way. I don’t know what to do except pray for her, but her school work that is all together another issue, she has to care about her grades and she doesn’t seem to be.

We have all been there one way or another.

The Blessed Mother worked wonders for me. Keep living your life the right way, be a good example, and she will eventually follow.

But it will seem like am eternity.

Its just the age, hormones, friends, the world etc.

She is raised right!

I used to tell my daughter when she was that age, that sometimes I thought that head was going to do a full turn

Its seems every parent gets their turn!

 

[rinnie]

I am glad you remember us. Like a person posted, " the church thing" she is hitting us where it hurts. She knows that and uses it. I know our current situation doesn’t work. I have for two years now. I begged my daughter to go to school in ninth grade at our local public HS, but she did not want to go and wanted to stay homeschooled. Yes, there are some here who feel I am not qualified to teach my dd. I have a bachelors degree in nursing. I have one year of master degrees in theology. My chronic pains prevented that change in career. She can’t go to public school now due to only four more weeks left. I even checked half the year with the school and they would not take her because I had no transcripts because I did not have another grades. I tried!

As far as not letting my dd make her own mistakes, I think I have. If I was entirely too involved in her life, she would not have done porn on the internet. If I was too involved, how did she steal from her friends? If I was too involved how did she write those dirty sexual stories online? I was not too involved. We taught her what the Catholic Church teaches and that is what she rebelled against. She hates the Ten Commandments but a priest told me for her age they rebel at what the Church and Bible teaches because it goes against the secular world. I have allowed her to grow up too fast. She knows more about sex than I do. I couldn’t believe her stories. Now I do watch her like a hawk. There are passwords on every device. She needs to earn our trust again. Even after promising us that she would not write any more of those dirty stories, I found out she has yet another social network that I didn’t know about and she was writing those stories again. She is great in English and loves writing stories which is great but why do they need to be sexual in nature and have profanities? Again she is going against Church teachings. So yes I have allowed her to make her mistakes. She doesn’t see them as mistakes though.

She will! Its amazing how much thing’s have changed since my kids, and that was only ten years or so.

Its just so hard when society teaches one thing, and we try to teach the other. But remember God always wins!

 

[PhiloMed]

I’m not trying to be rude, but is there a chance that English is not your first language? Did you move to the US from another country?

I ask this because there might be some cultural conflict here if you are from a different culture and your children are growing up American. They may have certain expectations of what their life should be like from seeing how their friends live and what they have at home is vastly different. If your husband is very strict as you imply then this could be extra stressful for them.

So many of the things you mentioned that your children are getting into that you disapprove of are things that all teenagers will be exposed to (music, clothing). It is possible that you tried to shelter and protect them so much that they are now unprepared for the world in which they live.

 

[Patavium]

nana,

My wife E_7 and I are also considering homeschooling. Your thread does worry me, because of what the future may bring. I thank you for sharing it as it does bring perspective for our planning in terms of house rules, and perhaps other outlets for our children (i.e. participating in activities outside of home).

I pray that your daughter behaves better, according to the lord. I think may you need to sit down with her and give her the talk of responsibility, and consequences of her actions in the real world, and in her salvation. She wants her voice to be heard, and make her decisions. Every decision is attached with a consequence with some effect toward her salvation.

 

[nana3]

We have all been there one way or another.

The Blessed Mother worked wonders for me. Keep living your life the right way, be a good example, and she will eventually follow.

But it will seem like am eternity.

Its just the age, hormones, friends, the world etc.

She is raised right!

I used to tell my daughter when she was that age, that sometimes I thought that head was going to do a full turn

Its seems every parent gets their turn!

Thank you rinnie. I do pray to Our Blessed Mother and know she is praying for us. That is why it saddens me when our dd doesn’t want to pray the Rosary with us. We don’t force her anymore. Thanks for your experience too it helps me. God bless you

 

[nana3]

I’m not trying to be rude, but is there a chance that English is not your first language? Did you move to the US from another country?

I ask this because there might be some cultural conflict here if you are from a different culture and your children are growing up American. They may have certain expectations of what their life should be like from seeing how their friends live and what they have at home is vastly different. If your husband is very strict as you imply then this could be extra stressful for them.

So many of the things you mentioned that your children are getting into that you disapprove of are things that all teenagers will be exposed to (music, clothing). It is possible that you tried to shelter and protect them so much that they are now unprepared for the world in which they live.

Yes, I know two languages but English is my primary language. When I speak Spanish with some of my relatives, it is so hard for me to find the right word. They correct me a lot. I speak Spanisenglish to my mother and English to my sisters and dad. My husband is not Hispanic. As far as my Spanish culture it doesn’t exist in my family. I have given it up especially the food. My husband doesn’t like it. So my dd grew up all America an just as her cousins.

I don’t thinks asking her to dress modestly is a cultural thing in the Hispanic world. Actually, I see the Hispanic girls dress more Immodest then most typical American teen.

 

[nana3]

nana,

My wife E_7 and I are also considering homeschooling. Your thread does worry me, because of what the future may bring. I thank you for sharing it as it does bring perspective for our planning in terms of house rules, and perhaps other outlets for our children (i.e. participating in activities outside of home).

I pray that your daughter behaves better, according to the lord. I think may you need to sit down with her and give her the talk of responsibility, and consequences of her actions in the real world, and in her salvation. She wants her voice to be heard, and make her decisions. Every decision is attached with a consequence with some effect toward her salvation.

Thank you,sir! I know of many homeschoolers who don’t have this problem. If I had to do it again, I would still homeschool but would have had protection in all devices. I trusted her so much that I didn’t think she would visit those sites. Don’t be afraid to homeschool just be careful. Dr. Ray Gurandi is great to listen to about homeschooling and parenting.

I have had a good conversation with my dd about her choices and the consequences. For right now she says whatever she wants and knows it hurts me because it is usually about God’s law. She is just defiant now. I talked to her Florida Virtual teacher who is a parent and been a teacher for more then twenty years. She told me that in her experience more than 95% of the time teens will not commit suicide but do want to be heard. She says it is good my dd is talking her feelings even if it is yelling it at us. I do know she wouldn’t do it but uses it against us.

 

[shelby_sun]

OK Nana I have three teenagers and they all go to Catholic College prep schools and I couldn’t even tell you what those teachers would say. When do you plan her to live in the “real world”. You have not failed your daughter in anyway because you did what you did out of love, and a little bit if of fear. Be truthful about what is out in the world and teach her how to avoid it.

My husband has worked in a big city crime lab for over twenty years, and we have been very open about what goes on in the world and what temptations they will face. We teach them how to avoid falling into bad things. If you have made a error, it is sheltering her from the world she will someday have to live in. Trust in God, His will and plan is all that matters even if it is not what we would want. Give her the true tools she need for her future.

 

[nana3]

OK Nana I have three teenagers and they all go to Catholic College prep schools and I couldn’t even tell you what those teachers would say. When do you plan her to live in the “real world”. You have not failed your daughter in anyway because you did what you did out of love, and a little bit if of fear. Be truthful about what is out in the world and teach her how to avoid it.

My husband has worked in a big city crime lab for over twenty years, and we have been very open about what goes on in the world and what temptations they will face. We teach them how to avoid falling into bad things. If you have made a error, it is sheltering her from the world she will someday have to live in. Trust in God, His will and plan is all that matters even if it is not what we would want. Give her the true tools she need for her future.

Thank you but again I say we did not shelter her. She was involved in co-op with other kids and took classes with them especially dance class from third grade until the group came apart about a year ago. She is very shy and knew the girls but only talked with one girl and they became best friends until she saw the other girl is not shy and had many friends. She did her first sleep over with this girl and some of her friends. She wanted me to pick her up the first two hours she was there. I told her to talk to the girls and she would have fun. She was texting me all that night until about 2 am when she told me she was talking and having fun. She had other sleep overs after that. She is not as sheltered as you all think. She watches the show Snapped with me which is about how women have murdered a spouse or partner and they talk how they were caught. She watches many murder and mystery shows with me. We discuss things. She is now allowed to walk the dog around the block alone whereas before the age of thirteen, my hubby would not let her. And of course as I mentioned before the internet opened her eyes and impure things. I have friends who shelter their kids and that I would say is over killed. They would not allow the kids to see shows on TV and if they did they muted the commercials. I know of another family who won’t tell their girls not to go to strangers or warn them to be careful because they don’t want them to live in fear. I don’t agree with them but that is their way of raising their kids. So we do not shelter here.

 

[mwgp053]

Well, my case is even worse I guess. My 7 year old boy has got issue with his science teacher. I am a doctor myself and as my profession shows, I want my son to have the knowledge in the biology. In other words, I want a suitable homeschooling biology for my dear son but have no clue about it. The google has so many options and that is really complex way. Anyway I was recommended I found this one thejubileeacademy.org/courselistings/course.php?courseid=1597 and I am not sure about the quality or the origin of their offering. Anyone has knowledge about this ?

 

[Et_Cetera]

@nana3

No one is making you out to be a bad parent. All we are saying is that the current situation is not working for your daughter. So, perhaps it would be best if you give up on the homeschooling and allow her to attend school.

I remember when you got into conflict with the school over genuflecting and receiving communion in the hand. I remember when your daughter and your husband were in conflict over they way she practices her faith. In short, you are entirely too involved in directing ALL aspects of her life and she wants out. You are not allowing her to grow–and part of growing is making some mistakes.

Well said. Let your daughter go to school. I can understand why she feels trapped. It sounds like religion controls her whole life. Do you seriously think that she’s going to want to stay in a faith that has been used to control her so much? Please don’t let her get behind in her subjects any longer. It’s really unfair to her.

I don’t doubt that you started out with the best intentions for your daughter, but clearly her home life is not making her happy, and a more traditional track probably would have suited her better. But you can’t go back and change the past. All you can do at this point is try to work on the future.

I would sit her down and sincerely apologize. Tell her that you want to make things up to her and allow her to become her own person. Let her buy some clothes, get a new haircut, etc. this summer before ninth grade. I think that starting her in ninth would be a good move, even if she does finish up your curriculum. It sounds like it would be beneficial to have her learn these subjects better, as many of them are foundations for higher level math and science. Help to build her confidence.