Don't understand marriage

[cephas161619]

…if you don’t understand the benefits of marriage, then you shouldn’t be considering entering any state until you do.

No one should enter marriage or religious life without understanding the nature of what you’re entering and what you’re giving up.

I don’t think anyone completely understand marriage, but yes, we need to understand the nature of it: permanent, faithful, unitive, open to new life, etc. Did I miss something?

How does the Catholic church recommend a couple bond spiritually or bond emotionally?

A very high percentage of couples who get married in the Catholic church today are already having sex.

One reason for abstaining from sex before marriage is precisely to be able to bond spiritually and emotionally. When a couple has marital relations without the marital, they feel more united spiritually and emotionally without that union really being there. The chemicals released in the brain are designed to give married couples greater security, but if they haven’t spent time building a solid emotional/spiritual foundation, it becomes more of a psychosis than a reality. At the heart of this foundation, men and women need the security of knowing their husband or wife won’t leave them, and the wedding vows are indispensable for this mature growth.

What you said about people who can’t seem to find a match is interesting. Well, sometimes It seems to me that I am one of them. Does it mean that they are not ready? perhaps. That’s what I tell myself. I think if I was ready, God would present her to me…
Anyway, I always discover new things about marriage, and tell myself that it is great to know them before I am married. I am now 29. Sometimes I feel old, but when I think to what the Lord thought me through the past years, I think that perhaps I should be glad I did not rush into things - sometimes I think I am too cautious -

I have wondered the same for years. Years ago I was convinced I was ready for marriage, but the older I get, the more I see God preparing me and blessing my life, helping me to grow and mature and to bring Christ to others in ways that I don’t think would have been possible if I had been married. If you’re old at 29, I wonder what I am at 31! Does that make me ancient??

 

[nablaise]

Turtle,

There is no obligation whatsoever to get married. None. I personally have known a lot of happy never-married women all of their lives, and in terms of sociology, more than one study has shown that the never-married women are second only to married men in happiness. Third is married women, interestingly, and, yes, at the bottom, never-married men. This latter also goes along with my personal observations. Indeed, one can argue that there are many advantages to not being married. You are independent, no one can boss you around, you can do what you want to do and go wherever you want whenever you want. It does help to have a good job and medical benefits, which we hope will soon be available to all, one way or the other. You can even adopt. It does help to have a strong social/family network, but that is true for everyone, married or not.

I think the fact that we are male and female from the moment we are born is already a sign that we are made to live in fruitful communion with others. This is a sort of obligation.
Only in the Church we can choose whether we leave this nuptial vocation through matrimony or holy orders. But I think there is an obligation to belong in one or the other.

About holy matrimony, actually st. Augustine seems to preach that after Christ, marriage is not necessary. I like he explanations because they clarifies what St. Paul meant when he said that he would prefer those who are not married yet to remain as they are.

I think as new creation, the Church family nature is more expressed through holy orders than through regular mariages. St. Paul seems to think that we should marry only if we can’t help keep up with temptation. Which means that marriage is a kind of default. It is well acceptable and necessary in the Church for our salvation. But just like Christ told the young man to give all to the poor if he want to be perfect. It seems that if we want to be perfect, we can go straight to holy orders.

I recommend reading Augustine he would give more insight and things to think about.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I like what Fr. John Corapi says about the goal of marriage being to help each other get to Heaven. That seems to sum it up well and encompass things like praying together, bearing with one another’s faults, and so on. I am 47 and have never been married, and at this stage of my life I fear I may be too set in my ways.

I am more comfortable with my singleness than ever before, but still now and then get a few tugs about the possibility of marriage. To me the best thing would be creating a new family – even if it was just a family of husband and wife. (I’ve had a hysterectomy, for sure can’t have kids now.) Adoption might be possible, don’t know. I like animals – they provide something to nurture and learn about love and sacrifice from too, in their own way. Especially when it’s litter box cleaning time!

So…I just pray to the Lord for His will to be made known to me, and for the spiritual growth needed to be a good wife if my path does lead me to finding a husband, or else a good Catholic Christian woman in any case.