Dreading marriage because of sexual intercourse

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You sound just like I was up until about 2 years ago. When I was 18 was very similar…I did not find sex gross, but I had no desire to have it and the idea was a bit scary to me. I’m 24 now and feel perfectly fine about it, no more fear. Honestly, I think you should just give it time. I think our culture gives us the idea that starting in the young teen years, we are supposed to crave after sex 24/7, and if we don’t, we are abnormal. In fact, I think that view is abnormal - it’s perfectly fine not to want to have sex just for the sake of it. If you are called to marriage, you will find yourself desiring your future husband sexually, because of your love for him, not because of the unbridled lust that the world expects from us.

I think your age is a big factor here. When I was 18 I was discerning religious life, and was not pining after the idea of a family though it was appealing. As several friends got married and starting having babies around the end of college, though, I started to very much desire a husband and family. Just take things slow, and you do not have to date anyone right now if you don’t want to. Focus on school and doing what you love.

I think I actually posted something similar on a different forum when I was in my late teens like you are, got similar responses, but I didn’t really believe that I would ever feel differently than I did. But six years later (actually about 4, as I started to greatly desire marriage around age 22) I don’t feel that way anymore. Please just give it time - don’t dwell on it. Go ahead and discern religious life, but be open to dating if God calls you to someone. And as for your friend pressuring you to marry him…that’s weird. If you aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend, he really doesn’t have the right to be saying those things. I would tell him firmly to stop, and if he did not, I would distance myself from him over time.
 
I would pray about it and ask GOD to show you which direction he wants you to go into. I think at 18 you area far too young to be worrying over marriage. It your friend is really your friend he would accept what you told him and not pressure you. If he really loves you he will let you go be who you need to be. True love is selfless. At least that’s what I’ve always believed. Just because you love someone also doesn’t mean they are the best person for you. I would finish school and work and live in the world a bit before you make any life altering decisions at 18 you have the world on a platter and plenty of time to choose when and where you want to go. Prayers and best of luck.
 
jmcrae said:
You are still very young. You will find that things settle out once you reach your 20s.

The Internet is the whole world, and our messages remain here permanently - your family and friends, employers, and future in-laws or religious superiors can read them at any time.

A counsellor would make sure that your conversations were kept private, as well as being someone who has answers that work in real life.
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Good advice.

I think 18’s still young when it comes to these matters. With more age on you, a few more years, comes more self-assurance about interpersonal relations (of all kinds, not just physical), and you might well find your views change in response to this change.

There is a normal timidity between the genders during the teen years.

I think you should talk widely to people. . . perhaps not just a professional counselor. I think the variety of views would be a very educational experience. Talk to religious, etc.

But don’t go thinking that now, at age 18, you’re setting your life in solid concrete.
 
It is possible and permissible to enter into marriage where no intercourse will occur; such a marriage is “ratam et non consummatam” that is, entered into, but not consummated. It would be a valid marriage.

Such marriages are commonly referred to as “Josephite” marriages, recalling St. Josephs chaste marriage to Our Lady, which was a true marriage but never consummated.
 
tominrichmond said:
It is possible and permissible to enter into marriage where no intercourse will occur; such a marriage is “ratam et non consummatam” that is, entered into, but not consummated. It would be a valid marriage.

Such marriages are commonly referred to as “Josephite” marriages, recalling St. Josephs chaste marriage to Our Lady, which was a true marriage but never consummated.
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a) the OP hasn’t posted on CA in months.
b) the OP’s boyfriend wants children. He is *not *interested in a Josephite marriage.
 
EasterJoy said:
a) the OP hasn’t posted on CA in months.
b) the OP’s boyfriend wants children. He is *not *interested in a Josephite marriage.
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Also, even if he agreed to a josephite marriage, if he ever changed his mind the OP would still have to go along with him and have relations. In marriage you give your spouse the right to have relations with you. This is true even in a josephite marriage and from what the OP has said I doubt she would be happy with such a situation.
 
"So my point in posting this thread, is that I would like some help changing my point of view.
Say a couple decide not to have sex and adopt children, would that be wrong? Because the book also states: “When human sexuality is not regarded as a great value given by the Creator, the renunciation of it for the sake of heaven loses its meaning” (Quoted by Amphigoree)

I’ve been married for 25 years and sex has been painful (Which means, that I don’t like intercourse). My husband has been incredible and God has graced him with peace about our frequent abstinence. Technically, as far as church doctrine, he could easily get an annulment of our marriage, but we love each other and are best friends and don’t want to separate.

We did not have children, but we did become legal guardians to a 14 year old. He is now married, with a son and a girl on the way. He calls us more regularly than we call our own parents!

I really enjoy children and I work with them frequently, but I never wanted my own.

Recently, not having intercourse has disturbed me to the point of doing more research and seeking counseling. I have become aware of a few books. Being Sexual…and Celibate by Keith Clark, Capuchin. Copyright 1986, Ave Maria Press. I have found much help in terms of my own sexuality, even though this is written from a male perspective. Very insightful, honest and based in Catholic teaching. It is more about his personal experiences than a “how to” manual.

Two days ago, I discovered the following book: Wanting Sex Again: How to rediscover your desire and heal a sexless marriage by Laurie J. Watson. Copyright 2012.
I haven’t read it yet, but here are a few quips from the back of the book.

“If you feel like sex just isn’t worth the effort, you’re not alone. Forty million American women are frustrated by their lack of sexual passion.” Laurie Watson “offers a glimpse into the reality of other people’s bedrooms; addresses the sexual problems that can develop with life changes-from marriage to motherhood to menopause; Uncover the hidden factors that impact desire–stress, cultural messages, emotional connection, chemical and hormonal challenges, physical appearance issues, and more; show how joyful, meaningful, satisfying sex can be yours again.”

I know that she will offer ideas that are outside of Catholic teaching, but I’m looking forward to gleaning some insight, and staying within the joy of my Catholic boundaries.

Maybe one of these books will help you discern your vocation.🙂 One day at a time, there is no rush.
If someone tries to rush you, then they really aren’t loving you in patience.😦
 
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