Drinking in front of kids

[bluerose]

I work in a winery. Occasionally, when the vintner releases a new wine, I get to bring home “homework”.

My husband loves it. My son (18) makes a face and says “Better you than me!”

I think we’re good!

 

[Sillara]

We drink occasionally in front of our children, but that is because we drink only occasionally. My husband will sometimes go down to the pub with the boys, and we have a couple of beers in the refrigerator, along with some cassis liqueur, which is served with either Perrier or non-alcoholic cider. The bigger girls have tasted beer and wine, hating the beer and enjoying the diluted wine. They know it’s a drink for grown-ups. Sometimes they will have a touch of cassis liqueur in their cider, just enough to add some color.

Drinking isn’t an issue for us. Alcohol is a fine thing to have in moderation, and our children know that. They know, too, that like soda, it’s not good to have too much of it, and that it isn’t good for children. I have been pregnant often enough that the girls know, too, that pregnant women shouldn’t drink because it’s bad for the baby.

Alcohol is just one thing among many in our house, a thing to be had in moderation, but not a mysterious or secret thing. The girls think of it like candy in that it’s a nice thing to have once in a while, but you mustn’t have too much as that is bad for you. They have never, of course, seen either of us drunk.

 

[EasterJoy]

We drink occasionally in front of our children, but that is because we drink only occasionally. My husband will sometimes go down to the pub with the boys, and we have a couple of beers in the refrigerator, along with some cassis liqueur, which is served with either Perrier or non-alcoholic cider. The bigger girls have tasted beer and wine, hating the beer and enjoying the diluted wine. They know it’s a drink for grown-ups. Sometimes they will have a touch of cassis liqueur in their cider, just enough to add some color.

Drinking isn’t an issue for us. Alcohol is a fine thing to have in moderation, and our children know that. They know, too, that like soda, it’s not good to have too much of it, and that it isn’t good for children. I have been pregnant often enough that the girls know, too, that pregnant women shouldn’t drink because it’s bad for the baby.

Alcohol is just one thing among many in our house, a thing to be had in moderation, but not a mysterious or secret thing. The girls think of it like candy in that it’s a nice thing to have once in a while, but you mustn’t have too much as that is bad for you. They have never, of course, seen either of us drunk.

I think the main thing is that kids learn that alcohol should never be used a) as a medication for stress or difficult feelings or b) when it becomes a necessity for anything from having fun to marking a special occasion, or whatever. Alcohol is always to be used in moderation and there must always be the option of avoiding it altogether, when there is a reason to do so. It’s best as you presented it: something you can take or leave.

The other thing that kids should know is that when they are tempted to lie about anything they are doing, that is a red flag. Privacy is a good thing, but any time you can’t stand the though that your actions (or words) might come into full sunlight, that deserves examination.

 

[Jessup]

I personally don’t agree with it. I hated my parents drinking growing up and smoking dope. I’m a person that has always preferred a more calm environment. Whats funny now is that I’m older, I really resent my family for drinking around me and thinking its cool.
Its made me very anti-social and around people drinking and hateful. But that’s just my experience, so I’m going to vote no on this one, as I’m a little more focused then most.

cheers!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

When I was growing up my parents took the approach that a healthy exposure to alcohol would lead to healthy attitudes about alcohol among us kids. We were never denied sips when we asked, and it was never demonized. We weren’t told that we’d automatically become alcoholics if we took a sip, and once we got to be in our teens, we were allowed the occasional beer, wine or light mixed drink on special occasions. My parents had the reasoning that if they didn’t set it up as a taboo, we wouldn’t be as eager as other young people to abuse it once we had the chance. It honestly didn’t do a thing to lessen our tendency to abuse it as soon as possible. I had a long stretch where a case of beer a day was about average, and if I drank that little on the weekend it was only because I was sick. I always had a bottle or two of hard liquor in my room and at least a 12-pack of beer in my car. I’d drink at home, at work, at school, and en route to each location. There were mornings I’d wake up and not remember the drive home, and a night out with my friends usually ended with the lot of us being hardly able to stand (not that that ever got in the way of driving). There were very few Saturdays and Sundays that I didn’t wake up still drunk from the night before, and quite a few weekdays where that was also the case. I could go on and on, but you get the picture. The biggest miracle out of all that is that I didn’t kill myself or someone else.

Again, this all came about after being raised by parents who fostered healthy, non-abusive attitudes toward alcohol. In spite of that, my siblings and I were all either regular drinkers or problematic binge drinkers by the age of 19, then kicked it into overdrive when we hit 21. This was just the outcome my parents had worked to avoid, and the exact same course taken by my friends and family whose parents had excessively strict, alcohol-is-the-devil attitudes toward drinking. There was a good deal of peer pressure involved, but I think the biggest factor in that was the fact that alcohol was a constant presence at every family party, celebration and gathering. While the older generation didn’t abuse it to the point that mine does, we saw it as a necessary part of family life. All our uncles and nearly all our aunts drank. It’s how they relaxed and had fun. It was how they celebrated holidays and mourned a deceased loved one. We saw our parents and older relatives have a beer or wine with their meals, drinking at home and when going out to dinner. While it usually wasn’t huge amounts, it was a constant presence. And even if they were drinking 12-18 beers at a sitting, we were always told that they were drinking in moderation. Until my one uncle nearly died, nobody ever spoke of it as something that was being abused. By that time, though, all us kids were already heavy drinkers so it didn’t have much effect.

Like I said, that background and upbringing didn’t do a thing to curb the drinking habits of me, my siblings or any of my cousins. I don’t want to give my kids the same impression we had growing up. I don’t demonize it to them, but I also don’t give them a negative example to follow. While my kids seldom saw me drink before I quit, I made sure to never let them see me drunk. I talk to them about it honestly about it now and let them see that we can go out and have a good time without any social lubricants. I also avoid the family gatherings I know are going to be all about drinking. They’re seldom enjoyable for me and they don’t set a good example for the kids. My approach may not keep my kids from abusing alcohol at some point, but at least they won’t be able to look back and say they were learning from my example.

Your story reminds me of parents who give their kids condoms and let them have sex in the kid’s bedroom “so they act responsibly and learn how to handle it.”

My mother’s family includes alcoholism. I am nervous about drinking because of that. And I don’t like it that my husband has a shot of vodka when he comes home (straight) and a beer with dinner, pretty much every night. I think, like Gordon’s family, it just becomes a part of life, and from there, it’s terribly easy to binge drink these days. The young adult culture includes getting drunk to blackout.

 

[Kouyate42]

I’ve been on both sides of this as a child.

On one hand my grandparents did drink in front of me, but were quite strict in their moderation of their drinking. For them it’s usually a couple of glasses tops, and never anything really strong such as spirits. I was allowed to have small amounts from 12 or so, but this was always with a meal or special occasion.

On the flip side my mother has often drunk to excess in my presence, even when I was decently young. There’s been times when she’s actively encouraged me to do the same, even when I was too young to begin drinking.

I don’t drink now, so hopefully any children I do have will never see me drink even a drop of alcohol, much less get drunk.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I think, like Gordon’s family, it just becomes a part of life, and from there, it’s terribly easy to binge drink these days. The young adult culture includes getting drunk to blackout.

One of the things that scares me for my kids is that the extreme binge drinking has become such a standard behavior with a lot of the younger generation. The amount my friends and I drank was a bit of an exception at the time but would seem mild in some crowds now. What’s worse is that the girls are expected to keep up with the guys now. I’ve talked to young people who view passing out as either a regular goal or a commonplace thing. I also know at least three parents whose kids were involved with or a victim of alcohol-induced rapes (girl passed out and one to several guys saw it as an opportunity to have their way with her). Budweiser now has a punch-top can so you can shotgun beers more easily, and after years of decreasing automobile death rates, they’re now rapidly on the rise again.

A good number of my family disagree with my approach to alcohol with my kids, call me a hypocrite because of how much I used to drink and question my manhood because I don’t drink anymore. However, I don’t want to be one of those 30, 40 or 50-somethings struggling to keep up with people half my age, playing drinking games with my neighbors’ high school age children and showing my children how I look while suffering from alcohol poisoning. I also don’t want my grown children to end up with a drinking problem then defend their behavior by saying they learned it from me.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

A good number of my family disagree with my approach to alcohol with my kids, call me a hypocrite because of how much I used to drink and question my manhood because I don’t drink anymore. However, I don’t want to be one of those 30, 40 or 50-somethings struggling to keep up with people half my age, playing drinking games with my neighbors’ high school age children and showing my children how I look while suffering from alcohol poisoning. I also don’t want my grown children to end up with a drinking problem then defend their behavior by saying they learned it from me.

The label “hypocrite” is very misused. It means that you advise someone else to stop doing or never do THAT WHICH YOU ARE STILL DOING, not that which you have learned was not wise to do. That is called, WISDOM. If you were drinking to excess, yet told your children not to drink, that would be hypocrisy. I know you know the difference, but sometimes people have problems with that label and need to know that there is a HUGE difference. We learn from our mistakes and hope to pass along the wisdom we have gained, which is not hypocrisy at all.

 

[spellinggirl]

My parents always drank whatever when my brothers and I were around at home, but it was usually only beer or wine and never more than one bottle or glass. It was when we were on summer vacation with neighbors that they went a little overboard and scared us. Our neighbors get a little wild when they have more than one beer and my parents went right along with it. They never got full-on drunk, but when they’re tipsy they get irritable and kind of mean. My little brothers were especially bothered because we were often on a boat and they were worried about my parents driving it while impaired by the alcohol.

So from my observations, if you drink responsibly both alone at home AND with others when the children are with you, there shouldn’t be a problem. For me, watching my parents change at get-togethers pretty much solidified in my mind that drinking socially isn’t my cup of tea. I really do think it matters who you’re with when you drink. The effect on kids is something to be considered.

EDIT: I should mention that my parents have NEVER allowed us to try alcohol, not even a sip of wine.