During the sign of peace, why do my fellow catholics seem so cold?

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123Strontium

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During the sign of peace, I force myself to beam a smile even when my fellow catholics give me a limp handshake and no smile. It’s like this every week with different people.

Why are they so unfriendly?

I went to an anglican church and I get smiles from the canons and people seem nice and warm?

My personal theory is that the catholic church emphasizes penitence above love whilst the anglicans emphasize love above penitence. Different emphasis leads to different christian character profiles.

I don’t want to be anglican, because I’m doctrinally catholic. I think moral duty is important.

ps/ I think like some others that the sign of peace should be placed elsewhere in the order of Mass, I do find it hard to concentrate on the Lamb of God after the sign of Peace.
 
Some people may be cold, but the sign of peace is not supposed to be a public display of affection anyway. It is a symbolic liturgical act which, like every other liturgical act, should be in keeping with the solemnity of the Sacrifice. I doubt Jesus smiled as he hung from the cross. Does that mean he was unloving toward those present? When we unite before His Sacrifice, it is fitting that we do so with a certain decorum and sobriety; and it is not very loving if we distract one another from this profound reality.
 
Ad_Orientem said:
Some people may be cold, but the sign of peace is not supposed to be a public display of affection anyway. It is a symbolic liturgical act which, like every other liturgical act, should be in keeping with the solemnity of the Sacrifice. I doubt Jesus smiled as he hung from the cross. Does that mean he was unloving toward those present? When we unite before His Sacrifice, it is fitting that we do so with a certain decorum and sobriety; and it is not very loving if we distract one another from this profound reality.
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Very well put…

I would add that the madcap glad handing that goes on in most parishes detracts from the meaning of the gesture. We are to make ammends internally to those we have hurt and forgive those who have hurt us before recieving the body of christ. The ‘handshake of peace’ is just that…a peace offering to those people we need to make peace with, done in a symbolic way to those around us.

I usually offer the 3 finger trinity sign and a nod to those around me and a handshake to my family.

We’re not cold! It just maybe seems that way to the protestantized, be they catholic or protestant.
 
beg to differ, in that, should not a church be a place of fellowship… no exception…

if we are united in Christ, then should not we anticipate fellowship, that concern for others, our denial of ourselves but to be humble servant towards others…

is the shaking of hands or extending the sin of peace a big lie?

Penance is to be done with a smile, radiant apearance in time of fasting is a must.

It would be a great sin to not shake hands or extend the sin of the peace, because your in turmoil or pitted against your neighbor, yet shortly go forth to receive God in the Eucacarist…

Jesus hanging on the Cross isnt the point, but the joy in the reserection, and the being to come to receive God directly in the Eucarist, to strengthen us that we might be able be worthy to be with God someday…

this deal in Catholics defiant to fellowship to others is not good, and defiant to acceptance to others in the exchange of peace between others is not good either…

Its a great mortal sin to reject God, and to reject others humans, though its came to be accepted to shun others and reject them based often on mere fault finding of others…

Its either all in for God, and the Covenant that Jesus gave us, or accept the alternative on being on the path to hell.
 
Armor_of_Light said:
Very well put…

I would add that the madcap glad handing that goes on in most parishes detracts from the meaning of the gesture. We are to make ammends internally to those we have hurt and forgive those who have hurt us before recieving the body of christ. The ‘handshake of peace’ is just that…a peace offering to those people we need to make peace with, done in a symbolic way to those around us.

I usually offer the 3 finger trinity sign and a nod to those around me and a handshake to my family.

We’re not cold! It just maybe seems that way to the protestantized, be they catholic or protestant.
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There is nothing wrong with basic human friendliness during the kiss of peace such as a smile even if someone doesn’t want to shake hands. This obsession with “protestantism” is ridiculous. We do go to Mass as a community, it is not just Jesus and me. That is protestantism and a bad attitude towards your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. My suggestion to Op is to try another Mass, maybe one that might have less older people or even try another parish that is just plain friendlier. The attitude that I’m at Mass for Jesus and me is protestantism. Acknowledging your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ during kiss of peace which IS part of the Mass is not.
 
Personally I am glad when this is omitted at mass as happens here often, as it seems so artifical and strained and yes, is a distraction

So I bow my head in prayer at other times. Sending peace in my soul to all there

A handshake after all is a greeting.

Fellowship is after mass, outside, when we greet and meet and chat and sometimes adjourn for coffee. People happy and at ease.
 
wanabesaint said:
beg to differ, in that, should not a church be a place of fellowship… no exception…

if we are united in Christ, then should not we anticipate fellowship, that concern for others, our denial of ourselves but to be humble servant towards others…

is the shaking of hands or extending the sin of peace a big lie?

Penance is to be done with a smile, radiant apearance in time of fasting is a must.

It would be a great sin to not shake hands or extend the sin of the peace, because your in turmoil or pitted against your neighbor, yet shortly go forth to receive God in the Eucacarist…

Jesus hanging on the Cross isnt the point, but the joy in the reserection, and the being to come to receive God directly in the Eucarist, to strengthen us that we might be able be worthy to be with God someday…

this deal in Catholics defiant to fellowship to others is not good, and defiant to acceptance to others in the exchange of peace between others is not good either…

Its a great mortal sin to reject God, and to reject others humans, though its came to be accepted to shun others and reject them based often on mere fault finding of others…

Its either all in for God, and the Covenant that Jesus gave us, or accept the alternative on being on the path to hell.
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you hit the nail on the head and this false piety that I am not going to do just the basics of acknowledging fellow brothers and sisters in Christ during the part of the Mass set aside for such acknowledging by the Church itself in Mass show this. It is rude and communicates such. To the OP, find another Mass or even parish. Mass is more than me and Jesus, it is the community of believers coming together to hear God’s word and receive the body and blood, soul and divinity of Christ. Not being able to even give someone else a basic smile (even if you don’t shake hands) is false piety and smugness in that piety and should have not place in any Mass no matter what kind.
 
Failure to extend Fellowship to others, that they dont feel welcome, accepted, or even rejected from Church has to be in the class of a huge mortal sin, a sin that one could never truely go to a Priest and say, God forgive me.

that would be a true case of alienation, aleination cannot be reasoned away, it must be healed.
to not show fellowship towards others in Church, to drive even one soul from the house of God would look tobe a huge fault, and also call one to recognize their war on religion that the fight for evils way…

The human nature to be gifted with the gift of a Kingpin, (that which Jesus was the ultimate of)that gift that gives the natural ability to lead others.
Yet the greatest act of failure is to be that as a kingpiin would be the star of Church and all would want you to shake their hand and associate. but if you set a precident that you as a king pin did NOT extend hospitality, fellowship and welcome to all…as the leader, then you would be the greatest example of failure in humanity…

To be giftted with the ability to lead others as a kingpin, but to set a precident of rejection, bigotry, shunning, and defiance to others, is the greatest of failure, but yet a common sense in many Catholic churchs is the issue.
 
robwar said:
There is nothing wrong with basic human friendliness during the kiss of such as a smile even if someone doesn’t want to shake hands. This obsession with “protestantism” is ridiculous. We do go to Mass as a community, it is not just Jesus and me. That is protestantism and a bad attitude towards your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. My suggestion to Op is to try another Mass, maybe one that might have less older people or even try another parish that is just plain friendlier. The attitude that I’m at Mass for Jesus and me is protestantism. Acknowledging your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ during kiss of peace which IS part of the Mass is not.
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You seem to have a misunderstanding of the tradition behind the ‘sign of peace’ and its theological significance for catholics.
Research what the ‘sign of peace’ really is, and its placement during the liturgy.

The chaos that usually ensues in the pews in the spirit of brotherhood is the average catholics take on what the sign of peace actually is. Your posts prove this point.
 
I don’t know why they are colder, but they are and I find it sad as a recent convert.

Very first time at Mass I went home and told my husband that I enjoyed it, but boy do the Catholics look grumpy.

I’ve gotten used to it. I guess it just is what it is.
 
I tend to think that the issue has nothing to do with theology and is simply a case of some people are not comfortable around people they don’t know. They don’t want to be touched or spoken to because they feel awkward and shy. Other people are trying to concentrate on the Mass and maybe can’t muster up a pom-pom girl disposition that is unnatural to them. If a person is emotionally shattered because someone else doesn’t want to hug them, I think they need to examine their own insecurity and not try and pin meanness on other people.
 
jenwha said:
I don’t know why they are colder, but they are and I find it sad as a recent convert.

Very first time at Mass I went home and told my husband that I enjoyed it, but boy do the Catholics look grumpy.

I’ve gotten used to it. I guess it just is what it is.
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It’s a different perception. We’re a very liturgical people. Our action at Mass is primarily vertical, with the horizontal as a secondary component.

The Mass is tripartite. Think of it like a pyramid. The communal meal aspect is there, but it’s the bottom component. We aren’t “Me and Jesus” as stated, but the loving our neighbor as ourselves always flows from loving God with our whole heart, mind, body, and soul, and is subservient to latria. The Mass’s least important aspect is communitarian fellowship. It’s there, but that’s not its primary raison d^etre. Mass is also a sacramental worship of the Triune Godhead (which, arguably, is the pinnacle of the pyramid especially in the Eastern Divine Liturgies) and the remembrance of the Sacrifice on Calvary. These are more central to our faith. It’s not we’re cold. It’s just a paradigm where the pyramid is flipped is antithetical to the core of our faith.
 
Armor_of_Light said:
You seem to have a misunderstanding of the tradition behind the ‘sign of peace’ and its theological significance for catholics.
Research what the ‘sign of peace’ really is, and its placement during the liturgy.

The chaos that usually ensues in the pews in the spirit of brotherhood is the average catholics take on what the sign of peace actually is. Your posts prove this point.
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I don’t see chaos at all and this is a rather condensing attitude and false piety on the “average Catholic”. A simple smile even if you don’t shake hands and nod of the head to those around you in acknowledgement during kiss of peace at Mass. One doesn’t need to be an expert in theology to do this and even understand basic human friendliness. I don’t go around and think of my fellow Catholics that I attend Mass with as theological nincompoops. Coldness in the name of piety is false.
 
Allegra said:
I tend to think that the issue has nothing to do with theology and is simply a case of some people are not comfortable around people they don’t know. They don’t want to be touched or spoken to because they feel awkward and shy. Other people are trying to concentrate on the Mass and maybe can’t muster up a pom-pom girl disposition that is unnatural to them. If a person is emotionally shattered because someone else doesn’t want to hug them, I think they need to examine their own insecurity and not try and pin meanness on other people.
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Whether or not you “know” someone is not what is important. When you attend Mass, you are doing so as a community where you “know” on a personal level people there are not, you are doing so as a family of faith. That doesn’t mean pom-pom hellos but one can do a simple smile to those around them even if they are not comfortable to shake hands. There is nothing wrong with this, it is part of Mass to acknowledge those around you whether you ‘know’ them or not and it might do yourself some good and get you out of a box of “me and Jesus”.
 
jenwha said:
I don’t know why they are colder, but they are and I find it sad as a recent convert.

Very first time at Mass I went home and told my husband that I enjoyed it, but boy do the Catholics look grumpy.

I’ve gotten used to it. I guess it just is what it is.
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I like what St. Therese of Avila said, “Lord save me from grumpy saints”.
 
People are not supposed to be cold during the handshake. They may not mean to be but everyone should give a smile and a handshake. Everyone as Catholic is together in Christ and all are about to receive the Communion together which is a wonderful thing, people need to show acceptance to everyone else before taking Communion.

I think the problem is not that Catholics are cold and grumpy, its just where you live. In my Church people are not cold during the sign of peace. Everyone at least smiles or at least wants to shake your hand, nobody avoids anyone. You don’t have to be overly nice, but a smile is always good.
 
Don’t care for the sign of peace, it seems a bit false, same people wouldn’t speak to me in public, we are united by the Eucharist, not by nods and winks and hand-shakes…I detest false smiles & false hand-shakes !
 
robwar said:
I don’t see chaos at all and this is a rather condensing attitude and false piety on the “average Catholic”. A simple smile even if you don’t shake hands and nod of the head to those around you in acknowledgement during kiss of peace at Mass. One doesn’t need to be an expert in theology to do this and even understand basic human friendliness. I don’t go around and think of my fellow Catholics that I attend Mass with as theological nincompoops. Coldness in the name of piety is false.
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Then lets take this thread and reinforce the catholic understanding and theology of the sign of peace. It will all be less ‘cold’ to the OP with the proper understanding.

I didn’t mean to inject a ‘condensing’ attitude…I’ll ‘expand’ my charity. 😃
 
Slaney said:
Don’t care for the sign of peace, it seems a bit false, same people wouldn’t speak to me in public, we are united by the Eucharist, not by nods and winks and hand-shakes…I detest false smiles & false hand-shakes !
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well it may be true that people might give false smiles, but then if they are faking kindness are they really sincere in their heart? Do they have love? Its easy to only show love to those that love you, but Jesus showed love to those that hated Him. Your right, no one should fake the sign of peace, people should be able to do it if they have love for each other inside. People should uplift each other. If everyone followed your attitude, how much strength would we have in Christ? But if everyone had real love for each other in their heart, how much more strength would we have as one in Christ?

You don’t have to smile at anyone, but at least be respectful of others, its really not so much to ask. If you don’t come to church with love in your heart, than you aren’t ready to go, you must love others as you love yourself, this is the second greatest commandment given to us by Jesus.
 
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